X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

[Etienne]

Woop!

So close to glory we can taste it.

[pebblethefish]

Oops, just reading that again in the cold light of day, I meant "No, pedantry is always welcome", not that I welcome no pedantry!

I was going to point that out, but then realised that that would have been being pedantic.

[Various Artist]

That's why I got in first with my own self-pedantry, as it were


C'mon Etienne, this is getting incredible now. If only those damn Pandas hadn't rescued a draw in stoppage time against Glorious Bastards with their only shot, having fallen behind in the 89th minute too, you'd be almost home and hosed at 6 pts and 10 goals clear with two to go. As it is, next week's Dragons/Pandas clash is a proper title decider. Amazing.

Meanwhile, we squeaked past Jdsx's Square Hammer, but while The Outcasts beating Highlanders Athletic knocked the latter out of the title race instead of jumping into 2nd behind you and making your life harder, it made ours harder as it lifts Outcasts from 6th to 4th in the relegation battle. So we're 4 points adrift instead of 3, meaning we could really do with Square Hammer denying the Bastards points next week as we're now that much more likely to drop whatever we do in our last two games.

[Etienne]

In fact, it would have been 12 goals difference and we'd have been beginning our celebrations. Quite likely we'll lose to the Pandas, but surely we'll be able to get a home point against the Highlanders if they have nothing to play for.

[Various Artist]

That's the million-dollar question, isn't it? The Pandas, for all Jesus' protestations, must go for it knowing that they're still mathematically in with a shout, but both of you already know that the Highlanders now have nothing left to play for. I suppose if all else fails, as long as you get any other result than losing by say 4 or 5 goals against the Pandas, all you'd have to then do would be put 11 men behind the ball against Highlanders and shut up shop for the point you'd need to get home on GD. But let's not worry about that until a week or more's time eh? After all, if you pull out that result against the Pandas next Monday then it really is all over.

[Etienne]

Yes, and not listen to the voices in my head that are murmuring "perhaps we could try and get some improvements in DV"

[Etienne]

Plus, Highlanders don't actually have any young players (they have one 21 year old and one 25 year old, everyone else is 28 or older) so even with nothing to play for they will have to field a strong team.

[Various Artist]

That's a very good point. These bloody teams are so strong from top to bottom they can't 'play for DV' with a 'development side' in a dead rubber the way we mortals can.

Yes, and not listen to the voices in my head that are murmuring "perhaps we could try and get some improvements in DV"

Hah! Yes, try to wait until the final day and see if you still have that opportunity, eh? Mind, it's exactly what my internal monologue/demon on my shoulder would be whispering in my ear too were I in the same position.

[Various Artist]

I'm not even being facetious there, either. Part of my general lack of tangible success in X11, I can't help but feel, is thanks to being forever in a state of building towards the team of tomorrow instead of betting the house on today.

This struck me on Sunday when writing my Vita Mortis PR about the on-his-way-out Wilbur Greenwood: the best player we've ever produced and the best player in the whole OTF at his peak – and yet he last played every game of the season 12 whole terms ago when he was only 27/15 and barely starting to hit that peak, because I 'had' to try to start bringing his successor Howard Stant along after the latter arrived as a promising 18/5 academy youth with a clutch of SQs.

I gave Greenwood enough games to ensure he kept improving: he was a better player for the next ten seasons than he had been when he was unchallenged (peaking at 18 skill for four of those), yet in that time there were 69 games where I dropped him to give young (and later not-so-young) Howard developmental experience. How much better use could I have had out of Greenwood at his best? Considering we reliably finished 2nd-5th in every season along the way until last time, it's not unreasonable to think we could've contended more closely for an extra title or three had I played Wilbur the full 18 or 20 games a season.

This season Stant is finally our number 1, but at 29 has barely staggered to 15 skill whereas Greenwood at the same age was on the verge of reaching 17. So the results suggest I didn't do the best by either of them, ultimately.

[Wouter D]

Once, and only once, have I jeopardized a title run with the aim of gaining DV. This was with the Kneebiters, in Season 30. The result was a second-place finish, and a 25-season extension to the wait for our maiden title.

That is the sort of thing that leads a person to choose the damn-the-torpedoes approach that sees the Kneebiters in division 3 this season.

[Etienne]

Yeah, if I'd have been in charge of Vita Mortis I'm sure I'd have sold Stant and spent the money on a new recruit or a win bonus. I like to keep developing young players too, I can't just keep playing a team of veterans until they stop winning and then quit or rebuild. But I think I find the balance a bit more towards immediate response than Various Artist

[Etienne]

Oh, and to carry on bragging, we are now guaranteed promotion from the Xpert Zone, unless there's some kind of league reshuffle, so my goal of only playing top flight football has been achieved.

[Hot Orange]

I'm not even being facetious there, either. Part of my general lack of tangible success in X11, I can't help but feel, is thanks to being forever in a state of building towards the team of tomorrow instead of betting the house on today.

I don't think it's been a significant contributor to my lack of success, given that I've generally been way off across all my teams, but I can certainly empathise with this. I don't know if others have the same approach, but I literally never start with my strongest eleven, unless injuries and/or suspensions make it unavoidable. I will always ensure that I have one, preferably two, youngsters in the starting eleven who can be withdrawn after half-time if we're struggling. Having a bench full of youngsters just doesn't look right - who can come on to improve things then?

Despite this, my DVs are always pitiful and none of my teams has become the powerhouse I expect. And, as you suggest, VA, if I had that powerhouse team, I'd still be voluntarily weakening them every game by being unable to resist "building towards the team of tomorrow".

[Janik]

Coxy Ladies Wulpen had a quiet little game today. I should be able to cover the report on that one in a handful of sentences, I reckon...

[Etienne]

Yeah, see what you mean. No injuries, no red (or even yellow) cards. Nothing to see at all.

[Various Artist]

Hah, I saw your result earlier Janik and thought much the same thing!

[Various Artist]

Oh, and to carry on bragging, we are now guaranteed promotion from the Xpert Zone, unless there's some kind of league reshuffle, so my goal of only playing top flight football has been achieved.

And we've got a properly thrilling (at least, I think so) showdown between the two of us in the penultimate round this weekend to lay at least one hand on the title. I noticed you at least are now guaranteed promotion, but it didn't occur to me this clinched your completion of the set – so congratulations!

I don't suppose you'd consider taking the rest of the week off in celebration...?

[Various Artist]

I don't think it's been a significant contributor to my lack of success, given that I've generally been way off across all my teams, but I can certainly empathise with this. I don't know if others have the same approach, but I literally never start with my strongest eleven, unless injuries and/or suspensions make it unavoidable. I will always ensure that I have one, preferably two, youngsters in the starting eleven who can be withdrawn after half-time if we're struggling. Having a bench full of youngsters just doesn't look right - who can come on to improve things then?

Despite this, my DVs are always pitiful and none of my teams has become the powerhouse I expect. And, as you suggest, VA, if I had that powerhouse team, I'd still be voluntarily weakening them every game by being unable to resist "building towards the team of tomorrow".

Ahh, well actually it's your example I chose to follow in that respect, some years ago, so I guess I know who to blame! That'll be why you find it strangely familiar, at any rate.

And that's despite having Wouter's shining example all that time of what can happen if one thinks "Ah well, I'm sure I'll have another shot next season" too boldly – i.e. one might find it in fact takes another 25 seasons for all the planets to realign. I'm luckier than that, at least, in that I've managed to actually pinch a couple of titles with Mortis and one with Atlantis, not to mention three in total with R?dfearne Island across the old Brythonnic League and present Brythonnic Premiership. Having stumbled across the winning line once, I've had the luxury of not having to choose in later seasons whether to go for broke with a title challenge or break a team up in the same way, so I shouldn't complain too much.

By a terrible irony, mind, I've got all my current R?dfearne youngsters finally up to speed with their DVs with two or three games to go, and so yesterday for once in a blue, blue moon I actually fielded my strongest side (nearly – it was my younger keeper, but he's a 22/10 and the senior one was way out of form) in a crucial late-season relegation battle against Sits' Sulawesi Babirusas. We got simply humped, 5-1. Maybe the other way is better after all...

[Various Artist]

Yeah, if I'd have been in charge of Vita Mortis I'm sure I'd have sold Stant and spent the money on a new recruit or a win bonus. I like to keep developing young players too, I can't just keep playing a team of veterans until they stop winning and then quit or rebuild. But I think I find the balance a bit more towards immediate response than Various Artist

Also by way of irony, of a sort, the current iteration of United Underground are the nearest I've ever had anywhere to that 'keep playing until they stop winning' scenario. Because of the unique format of MLX I've been able to build a better team there than anywhere else – but of course three games a week is ruinous for club finances and so my academy investment in recent times has been stop-start at best while I've been competing for silverware in the last couple of seasons. That's meant a significant slowing in the arrival of future stars... which has compromised my ability to compromise myself, weirdly enough. My blend of veterans with a bunch of maturing players still in the 'up and coming' bracket worked so well up to this last season I was able to win the MLX Championship (just) with two strikers aged 37 36, who've played together since they were 17. I don't think I've owned more than two other X11 forwards of that age altogether – Ali Khan and Manucas Fudida are the only two who lasted that long who I can think of. That UU setup will finally become unsustainable this season, but golly we milked it longer than I ever thought we would. Now, why can't I learn to do that just a bit in other leagues?

[Etienne]

And we've got a properly thrilling (at least, I think so) showdown between the two of us in the penultimate round this weekend to lay at least one hand on the title. I noticed you at least are now guaranteed promotion, but it didn't occur to me this clinched your completion of the set – so congratulations!

I don't suppose you'd consider taking the rest of the week off in celebration...?

I don't think you need worry too much about the title decider. I've picked my team and the average age of the attacking half has just scraped over 21.

[ad hoc]

Yet another way that X11 mirrors actual football- fans of big clubs that win tons of stuff bemoaning minor things that have led them to possibly win very slightly fewer trophies.

[Etienne]

Ha.

[Various Artist]

Well, indeed when I looked back on the above it did feel a bit churlish to moan. I mean, I'm grateful to have won anything anywhere, so even ignoring Underground I can't feel too hard done by. And with them... well, they're a club like no other, for me at least. I'm going to be very interested to see how they do against Jdsx's lot in the season opener in MLX in a minute, as it'll be a pretty decent litmus test as to UU's prospects of keeping the snowball rolling onward for another season I suspect. In stark contrast to Etienne's comment above, it was a bit of a juggle to get the average age (in the attacking half, anyway) under 30.

And on that note, I was quite startled to notice how very young a team you fielded against Noirs, Etienne. And still got a draw. That's going to be a heck of a Sans Culotte side in the top flight in the coming seasons if you can take such a young squad to the top of the Pro Zone like this.

I'm not really thinking of it as the 'title decider', anyway – I can't fail to have noticed that Tiree are going back up against the two sides who thumped us in opening week and left us at the foot of the table on 0-0-2, 3-8. And Str?mmen, who beat us 5-2 on the first day but haven't done that much since, just randomly crushed the division's in-form side Cetatea 5-1 yesterday to make me fear they could do it again on the last day. That result did at least give the pair of us a bit of breathing room in terms of sewing up the top two between us, on the other hand!

[Various Artist]

Oops. First roundup back and I only just squeak it in under the wire before the next fixtures. Apologies all. Further apologies in advance to those who actually read the damn thing.

OTF League roundup for 6th July: Season 59 round 2

Division 3

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On Monday featuring four 2-0 wins in the basement division, the top three remain in perfect synch from opening day. Brian Munchingflapjack thus continue to lead the way thanks to two late goals finally getting them past hosts The Blomstrands, who had the only shot of a niggly first half but – after having three men booked – got midfielder Allan Holmstrup sent off not long before the break. The Flapjacks picked up five yellow cards of their own, but the turning point proved to be when the man who’d gone first into the referee’s book (after only 3 minutes), their captain Ryan Marr, was cut down in the 73rd minute and had to be carried off. This would have marred another game, but on this occasion Ivan stuck away the freekick before firing a clincher minutes later. Blomstrands won their first match but are now down to 5th.

A Tommy McConville freekick on the hour was enough to clinch Great Northern Railway’s matching result at home to Nieuwegein Kneebiters and keep them 2nd. 3rd-placed new boys FC Gloryhammer continue to make a glorious start to their OTF career, with the pleasingly-named Fergus Fortune appropriately putting them in front at Llandudno Jet Set. The equally alliterative Richie Rowson (what is this, MLX?) added the 88th-minute second, which will doubtless have made his Vita Mortis legend uncle Jarvis proud.

The top three are already three points clear, with New Dresden’s 2-0 win at Veni Vici Vigata bringing the pair dead level in mid table with The Blomstrands, though Dresden take 4th on their away record while VVV slip to 6th on alphabetical order. The latter’s new manager Buck50 will be particularly disappointed to have debuted 1.4m 17-year-old Garren Tone in goals and seen him not only concede twice but get stretchered off merely 76 minutes into his Vigata career with an 8-day injury, which lowered the tone somewhat.

Two teams are on 1 point apiece, which they picked up by drawing 1-1 with a quick exchange of first-half goals at Pullman Park. Richmond Pride & Purpose are still steaming along without a driver in the cab, but remain ahead of Wharfedale Generals on goal difference in 7th and 8th.

I think what we’ve all been waiting for, however, is coming in this division this Thursday. The Kindergarten Derby is upon us – for the Kneebiters are hosting the Generals in the long-awaited playdate for the two youthful rebuilding outfits who have finally both sunk to the bottom tier. The average age across both teams is set to be around 22, in what will be the pair’s first league meeting since the Generals last came to Parkhout in early February 2016, 20 seasons ago. The shots stats that day read 7-1 to Nieuwegein, the result read 0-1 to (10-man!) Wharfedale – though the ‘Biters had already secured the title and promotion to the top flight, finishing 6 points clear of Greenguard FC with only 7 goals conceded all term, while the Generals ended 8th.
Smallcaps’ side last won a competitive fixture last December 5th, away at Croesoswallt Dragons lest we forget. DRC’s picked up two wins last season over then-rudderless VVV and Llandudno, but their previous victory was last October – and even that came at the expense of a then-unmanaged GNR, meaning their most recent ‘proper’ one appears to be the 1-0 at home to Kernow Kensa three days earlier on October 7th. It’s fair to say both teams will be looking at this encounter as their best chance for a (real) win in a long time.


Division 2

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Relegated Saltney Drawers are making a good start to their bounce-back campaign, as the only side to win two from two in the first week back in action. Their 2-1 at Cods of War was more comfortable than it looked from the scoreline, and moves them to the top of the table — though the narrowness of the margin also lifts the Cods off the bottom to 9th.

Steaua Bridge, top on opening day, slip to 2nd after dropping points rather earlier this term than last. It was last season’s foes Eintracht Midwest who snatched a 2-2 draw in dramatic fashion at the Isaac Bradley Memorial Stadium, Liam Romano smacking home a 90th-minute freekick to nick a point with only their second shot – their first came after an earlier Romano deadball too. Midwest are still down to 8th (on away record… because they haven’t got one yet) after two draws.

Moving ahead of them to 7th, thanks to having drawn 0-0 on the road last Thursday, are fellow promoted outfit The Gang Play Football who gave a taste of living up to their new name in a 2-2 home draw with OWC Albion. Newly-signed 3-million man In-Hwan Du scored twice in seven first-half minutes for Albion but Yegor Shalimov rescued a point for the Gang. The latter still drop to 7th however while OWC are up to 3rd.

That curious dichotomy is thanks to two sides who lost on opening day picking up wins at the second attempt, to leapfrog the sides who have drawn both and also one of their vanquished opponents, while still remaining behind an OWC who have gained 4pts so far. Hampshire Deers leap gracefully to 4th by thrashing Pinewood Passers 4-0 at Tice Meadow, shunting the Passers to the foot of the table. Heffron Hendecagon also got off the mark with an impressive 3-1 takedown of Wednesday de la Zouch, Marchant Wonder-Bike doing the bulk of the damage with their last two goals either side of a Ruben Guapo freekick reply for Weds. Wonder-Bike’s second was enough for Heffron to leapfrog their visitors to 5th.

[Various Artist]

Division 1

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As in D2, there is already just one side on a perfect record after two games. Zeugmaspor, relegated last season, are making a fine start in their bid to immediately return to the top flight after edging out Athletico Deva 1-0 at the Enormodome. Winless Deva are down to 8th,

Charging to 2nd come Hideous Towns, who went down last season winless in 14 and also drew on opening day, so their 2-1 home win over die Ambosse was their first victory since the last day of April, at… Zeugmaspor. It is also their first at the Waveney Bowl since April 2nd’s 2-0 over Banik Roystonov toward the end of the season before last. Even this joyful occasion was spoiled slightly by an injury to striker Eivind Junge, but he should be back within a week. The Anvils meanwhile are the only team to lose their first two matches so sit bottom after week 1.

Aside from Zeugma and Hideous, just two other sides are unbeaten at this early stage: Eriskay Expression and Rejects Redux, who drew 1-1 at the Glen. Rejects were the luckier to escape with a point but remain 3rd, while Eriskay were the better side but plunge to 7th. There’s no justice.

Climbing past the Scots go Banik Roystonov, up to 4th thanks to a fine 3-0 home win over Whoft Fluffopolis, who slump to second-bottom. Also breaking their duck are Locomotiv Noj, who held off Wensleydale Blues 1-0 at home to go 6th but drag the Day 1 leaders all the way down to 5th to meet them, Blues still holding the ranking edge only on away record.


OTF

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After sixteen seasons spent scuffing around the lower tiers as Red Star Belle Vue after joining in Season 29 (right after the fabled Class of ’28 featuring the likes of Hideous Towns and Berkshire Swine), then a brief and unfortunate interlude as Sinners Never Sleep, the arrival of former Arctic Insects supremo Delicatemoth in September 2017 to take over the team renamed Clerkenwell Excelsior finally gave the venerable club the impetus it needed to break out of a ten-season spell in Division 3 and start climbing the OTF ladder at long last. Promotion came in S47, then a D2 championship two terms later returned them to D1 for the first time in 17 campaigns – now as Rock City Ferrets. A further divisional title followed in S55 to lift them to the top flight for the first time in their history, and despite a relegation after two seasons up there they rebounded last season after a further name change to St Pancras Starmers with another D1 championship. Two games into their second crack at the top tier, and two wins later, the former RSBV are, 31 seasons into their existence, sitting this midweek at the very summit of the OTF League.
The Starmers are, indeed, the only club to have won both their opening fixtures (a quirk common to the top three tiers, with just six clubs across the whole league managing the feat this season), and they did so in style by snapping a remarkable 0-0-14 losing record against Berkshire Swine that had stretched from their first meeting in D2 in October 2013 to their most recent OTF encounter in March. It was all square this time until the 55th minute, for that matter, but they a stunning triple blast in 13 minutes from strike pairing Duke Bateman and Bankai Tensa Zangetsu and young midfield sub Gino Diana (his maiden career goal) swept the Swine aside and catapulted DM’s side to the head of the league.

Pleasingly, the side who followed them up in 2nd place in D1 last season are also in 2nd behind them right now: Turd Division, for whom Glaucio Casqueira scored twice in a 3-1 win at an unexpectedly resistance-devoid Great Ouse Town. GOT drop to 5th.

Climbing past to 3rd however go champions Four Candles, who may have sold a bunch of veteran stars and looked second-best in drawing at Croesoswallt Dragons on the first day back but threw down the gauntlet to the rest of the top flight once again on Monday with a 2-0 victory at Dandy Town even after losing key midfielder Apolo Arjona to a career-worst injury halfway through the opening period. Two goals from Alexander McCardy in 9 minutes soon after the interval matched his total from all of last season and propelled the title-holders up to 3rd.

Close on their heels – indeed, 2nd to 4th are separated only by their away records – are the side they held off for that championship, Croesoswallt Dragons. Idris Mawr grabbed the late clincher in a fairly comfortable 2-0 home win over Kernow Kensa, who slide to 8th.

And there are just two sides in the top division who have drawn their first two games, a record Csiki Monkeys and Vita Mortis kept up by holding each other to a 1-1 at Bankfalva Kert uninteresting enough to keep it from the final slot on MOTD. 20-year-old Mortis midfielder Nathan Helleday broke his career duck last Thursday at the 36th attempt but took just four more days to repeat the trick, finishing a freekick routine after 17 minutes here, but that was the visitors’ sole attempt on goal and Konrad Biliczki squared things up again early in the second half for the Monkeys and that, in all senses, is that.