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X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

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    With an accent like mine, I could make it work.

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      Or Elmer (Fudd, another mighty hunter)

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        Ooh, good line of thought. How about Herne? Or Orion?

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          Orion is a maritime reconnaissance plane, like the Nimrod. Best tip so far.

          Edit: it’s done. As the other teenage member if the squad, and one not already renamed to Maori, Bert Asmundsson will shortly be reborn as Orion.
          Last edited by Sits; 02-07-2020, 22:00.

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            Fantastic! I hope they'll have happy hunting for you Sits.

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              Sadly if I hear the name Nimrod, hunters and aeroplanes don't feature, just Calvin telling Susie that eating the ingredients of her sandwiches separately "certifies you as a Grade A nimrod"

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                Though it is in theory a Hungarian first name, i can confirm that i have never met a Nimrod.

                (Any number of Attilas and Laszlos, but no Nimrods)

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                  And so season 59 of the Ladies League gets underway. With an OTF team in the top flight and everything…

                  Code:
                  Xpert Ladies
                  
                  Roy Rovers              2 - 0   Drakaina
                  Txirri 19'
                  Qvarnstr?m 25'
                  
                  
                  Division 2b
                  
                  Mauchline Belles        1 - 1   Van Helsings GLS
                  Drouer 81'                      De Leonardis 72'
                  
                  
                  Division 3e
                  
                  Coxy Ladies Wulpen      3 - 0   Green Street Hooligans
                  Kerckhoeven 21'
                  Beyen 27', 51'
                  
                  
                  Division 4h
                  
                  Viking South Utsira     4 - 1   Michael Michael Micky doo
                  L.Hovland 19'                   Geddes 3'
                  B.Austrheim 39'
                  T.Klovning 44'
                  N.Austrheim 93'
                  
                  
                  Division 4j
                  
                  Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC  1 - 1   Red Dead Heads
                  Sangaji 28'                     Sz?p 14'
                  
                  
                  Division 4k
                  
                  Mirandela Snakes        2 - 1   Bombay Green Rockets
                  Anjo (pen) 10'                  Azanha 63'
                  Bezerra 32'                     Cois (sent off) 57'
                  
                  
                  Division 4p
                  
                  Csiki Girls             0 - 1   Noble
                                                  Fausing 34'
                  
                  
                  Division 5:16
                  
                  Rising Stars            0 - 0   Invincible Shaolin
                  
                  
                  Division 5:17
                  
                  Malvern Maidens         0 - 1   LNWR Locomotive
                                                  Reisinho 72'
                  
                  
                  Division 5:19
                  
                  1492er                  1 - 2   Ullapool Northern Star
                  Caranta 56'                     Menashi 9'
                                                  Mamouni 45'
                  
                  
                  Division 5:26
                  
                  Zeugma Dostluk Spor     0 - 1   Amazonas FC
                                                  P?voa 2'
                                                  Pra?a (sent off) 80'
                  
                  
                  Division 5:28
                  
                  Menywod Maeshafn        1 - 1   Homers Damer
                  Beck 28'                        Maris 91'
                                                  S?crates (sent off) 66'
                  
                  
                  Division 6:41
                  
                  Hazeldean Inchmistress  2 - 3   Villa Lionesses
                  Pedersen 35', 82'               Karlson 25'
                                                  Saunders 47', 64'
                  
                  
                  Division 6:42
                  
                  Power Girls             3 - 0   Invisible Ladies
                  Bessonova 39'
                  Santos 57'
                  Cafu 68'
                  
                  
                  Division 6:56
                  
                  Country Girls           0 - 2   Dublin City Womens FC
                                                  Maaranen 4', 49'
                  Drakaina first ever top flight match in the Ladies official league (and a first ever for any OTFer in fact) sent them to Roy Rovers, third last season and runners-up in the season prior to that. If you want a benchmark of what lies ahead for The Dragons, well you couldn’t do a lot worse this game.
                  The early indication is that Etienne may have his work cut out to keep his side at this level as the Rovers netted twice midway through the first half to take a 2-0 lead that they then held to the final whistle. Drakaina did adapt to the game as it wore on, going chance for chance after the break, but the damage was already done. However a quick cast of the mind back to last season will recall it took the Greek side a handful of games to adapt to Division 1 before powering their way up the table to promotion. Fingers crossed for a similar development for this campaign.
                  Missing from the next week of that will be veteran midfielder Laria Sietaridis after she picked up a 13-day injury deep into stoppage time.

                  Mauchline Belles boss Jdsx is on record as definitely not wanting the same again after his side executed dramatic late escape from seemingly certain relegation from Division 2b in each of the last two campaigns. The manager is even openly talking about a clean and straightforward drop being preferable… surely a push for promotion would be more fun? The games that will determine which way the Belles break started with hosting Van Helsings GLS at Tarbolton Road.
                  The visitors arrived as relatively recent Cup winners and members of the top flight, but seemingly on their way down after two successive relegations as their squad all aged together. However they still have a lot of class in the ranks and gave Mauchline a pretty tough time through the match, to the point where when Van Helsings took the lead on 72 minutes no Belles fan could realistically claim it was unjust.
                  The hosts rearguard action in keeping it to just one gave them a chance of something from the match, and it was one they gladly took. Or rather one snapped up by young forward Fran Drouer (one of their own), who levelled on 81 minutes.
                  So a point snatched from the jaws of defeat. Maybe a better season is in the offing for The Belles this time out?

                  Coxy Ladies Wulpen were also making a debut at a new level as Janik’s side ran out for the first time in Division 3e to face Green Street Hooligans.
                  The Waders chances of a successful bow where massively improved by the discovery that Green Street’s manager had left in a fit of high dudgeon following their relegation last season and no new human boss has yet taken charge. Green Street played with a suitable lack of urgency, Coxy Ladies taking advantage with first half strikes from No?mie Kerckhoeven (21 minutes) and Charlotte Beyen (27). Beyen fired in a third from distance soon after the interval to wrap up victory, with the only blot on Wulpen’s day being a late injury to star midfielder Eva van Sttenberghe that will keep her out for a lengthy 18 days.

                  Last season’s promotion near miss was hopefully more of a case of the first evidence of the resurgence of former Division 1 side Viking South Utsira than anything else. As such The Blood Eagles ought to be contending for promotion from Division 4h again, which would mean winning matches like their home opener against newly promoted Michael Michael Micky doo.
                  The visitors taking the lead after 3 minutes was therefore rather a shock to the Utsiran system. However Lina Hovland, part of the Hovland, Hovland and Hovland backline (sounds like a firm of solicitors) levelled with a 19th minute direct free-kick and by half-time VSU led 3-1 after headers from Birgit Austrheim (39) and Tyra Klovning (44). That was how the score stayed until seconds prior to the final whistle when Nina Austrheim burst clear to add a fourth and give the scoreline a somewhat unfair gloss on the visitors. Not that Viking were complaining.

                  Last season was a rather tight on in Division 4j, with sides switching between pushing for promotion and flirting with relegation with single results. Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC eventually ended up in the middle of the pack, but not mid-table as this was a section that simply didn’t have one of those. SeanoftheShed will be hoping for something less fraught this time around, starting with his side’s hosting of Red Dead Heads.
                  Did this gave give evidence that there would be great gaps between the 4j competitors this campaign? Did it hell! An even-steven tussle ensued that ended as a draw after Red Dead Heads 17th minute opener was cancelled out by Utami Sangaji’s direct free-kick strike on 28. Possession was 51-49 in the visitors favour, chances were 3-2 tipped towards The Sea Spirits. The scores elsewhere in the section were 1-1, 2-1 and 2-0, both the wins going to home sides. It’s going to be the same again, isn’t it??

                  By contrast all was fresh and new for Bombay Green Rockets following their promotion. Sadly their Division 4k debut was at Mirandela Snakes and their sexist kit.
                  Donielle Cois registered her objection to this in the 57th minute in a very practical fashion, by booting the Mirandela up in the air and leaving her in a crumpled low cut heap. A clever move given the prick in charge of the Snakes (is he talking about himself?) is one of the one ‘keeper squad types. Unfortunately by this stage HKS3’s side were already 2-0 down. And Cois was punished for her assault with a straight red card!
                  Despite being a player light The Rockets did get within shooting distance of the Mirandela goal, now guarded by a nervously looking forward, on 63 minutes. Musa Azanha duly scored. But a second wasn’t forthcoming as Bombay kicked off in their new higher orbit with a defeat.

                  It’s not a first for Csiki Girls to be in the fifth tier, adhoc had his side up here back in season 52, but it almost feels like it’s a debut after spending so long knocking on the door for a return (six season in total, pretty well all of them prior to last term’s success being near misses). Given how tough it’s proved to get here, the Csiki’s will be determined not to slide straight back down. Easier said than done though as their opening match against Noble (relegated from Div.3 to be here) demonstrated.
                  There were certainly positives for Csiki Girls from the match, mostly the 60% possession the side held. The main negatives were this only produced one shot, which wasn’t converted whilst Noble’s 40% of the ball generated two efforts and one of those found the back of the hosts net. Being competitive is fine, but an even game that ends as a loss is a slightly concerning start.

                  Continuing our run of newly promoted sides we come to Rising Stars, who had lifted themselves up to Division 5:16. First up for Blamb’s side were an opponent who had arrived at the game from the other direction, freshly relegated Invincible Shaolin (not so last term).
                  Despite the relative momentum of the two sides, it was Shaolin who had the better of the general play. They held a small but noticeable edge in possession and also made five chances to The Stars two, both of which had the Ascension Arena crowd’s nerves on edge. However home goalie Alba Quevedo had an absolute stormer, a career best grade-20 showing, as she repelled all comers to earn Rising an opening point.
                  Last edited by Janik; 07-07-2020, 10:37.

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                    And one more as we drop in on LNWR Locomotive following their return to the sixth tier after a one season ‘holiday’ below. Winding back two campaigns The Steamers were challenging for promotion from Division 5:17 and that will be Viktor Boskovic’s aim again on his side’s return to the sector. They began the attempt with an away trip to the Midlands as they visited Malvern Maidens. I’m sure the LNWR advertised away days to Malvern back in the day. Probably some great art deco railway posters out there somewhere…
                    The Steamers day at the spa was ultimately to prove an invigorating one, though initially they found the conditions at Severnside Park a little challenging as they struggled to convert superior possession into chances. However eventually Locomotive worked it out, Fl?via Reisinho powering home a 72nd minute winner from distance. And got some nice postcards to take home with them as well.

                    A sideways shift for Ullapool Northern Star has Polaris in Division 5:19 for this season. Their first opponents have a nasty sexist name that tries to sneak itself under the radar by being a German nasty, sexist name. But we see the manager of 1492er (not the full moniker) for the scumbag he is for retaining it seeing as, if he didn’t know what the name means he must have put it through a translator by now.
                    OK, so extra motivation for Delicatemoth and co to win the game. Which is precisely what Northern Star did, on the back of a good first half that ended with Ullapool 2-0 up thanks to a Sonia Menashi header after 9 minutes and a strike from In?s Mamouni on the stroke of half-time. This match was Mamouni’s league debut following her joining the Minchview outfit in the closed season.
                    The hosts pulled one back fairly early in the second half but then never really threatened an equaliser. In fact it was Northern Star who looked more likely to add to their total, only for Avril Weatherhead’s strike midway through the second half to be disallowed. But those two first half efforts proved enough in the end, anyway.

                    Also shifting sideways were Zeugma Dostluk Spor, Antepli Ejderha’s side now finding themselves in Division 5:26 where they opened at home to Amazonas FC.
                    The hangover of missing out at the last last season was there in the early play for ZDS, and this resulted in a goal conceded just 2 minutes in. That shouldn’t have mattered as thereafter the Anatolians rained shots on the Amazonas goal, racking up 7 in total across the 90 minutes. The law of averages said at least one and quite probably two ought to have gone in. But very frustratingly none did as the visitors collected a true smash-and-grab win. Not even playing against 10, as Zeugma did for the last 10 minutes or so following Elsa Pra?a’s second yellow card of the day, could help.

                    Same old, same old for Menywod Maeshafn who remain in Division 5:28 where they were joined by Homers Damer, who had shifted across from 5:29.
                    Both teams had finished mid-table in their respective campaigns last season but in this encounter Maeshafn looked significantly stronger and it was no surprise when they took the lead on 28 minutes, Morgan Beck heading home. However from here it all went a bit wrong for IsThatcherDeadYet’s side. First (and just two minutes after Beck’s strike) key midfielder Simone Kjellberg picked up a nasty 14-day injury. And then, in stoppage time at the end of the 90 minutes Homers stole an out-of-the-blue equaliser. And that despite the visitors playing with 10 ever since Teresa S?crates saw handed a straight red card on 66 minutes. It definitely left like the Welsh side had left two points that ought to have been theirs out there.

                    Last season was a write off for Hazeldean Inchmistress from quite an early stage. Indeed an opening day defeat set the tone for a dispiriting campaign. Foxy265’s side went into their game with Villa Lionesses hoping that this term Division 6:41 would be more agreeable.
                    The signs were not promising for much of a first half where the Lionesses had the appropriate share of possession. When the visitors went ahead on 25 minutes, it was inkeeping with the run of play. Line Pedersen was not going to stand for this though, equalising on 35 minutes.
                    Unfortunately Pedersen’s teammates didn’t really back her up as they shipped another couple of times in the first half of the second half. Pedersen tried to take things in hand personally again with her second of the day on 82 minutes, but one woman doesn’t make a team and despite her efforts The Imperials were beaten 3-2. Obviously they need to bounce straight back from this to avoid another wasted season.

                    Last season was also a bad one for Invisible Ladies as Pebblethefish’s side regressed from one pushing to be involved in promotion races to struggling along in lower mid-table. Promising signs were hoped for as The See-Throughs opened in their new surroundings of Division 6:42 at Power Girls.
                    And, well, would things have been different if Jacqueline Prestonfield hadn’t picked up a 12-day knock 26 minutes in with the score still at 0-0? That will have to stay an imponderable as Prestonfield did get hurt, and in the aftermath of it Power Girls racked up three goals, one before the break and two after it. Invisible did make enough chances to have netted a consolation or two, but it wasn’t forthcoming as they kicked off with a disappointing rather than uplifting day.

                    Once again this season our last port of call will be the Irish capital as we keep tabs on the fortunes of Dublin City Womens FC. The Dubs opened their latest Division 6:56 programme on the road at Country Girls.
                    Dublin boss Mortal Joe wasn’t present at the game, but that just evened the playing field as the hosts don’t have a human manager either. But things were still in Dublin’s favour as player-for-player they were the better side. Two Dubs players in particularly stood out, player-of-the-match Eila ?hr?n laying on two assists for double goalscorer Jutta Maaranen. The first assist came over on 4 minutes and the other on 49 (i.e. 4 minutes into the second half). That brace was enough to secure the victory for the visitors.

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                      The new season is up and running...

                      OTF Season 59 Round 1 Round-Up

                      OTF
                      The new season kicked off with a repeat of last season's last-day title decider at Hurlingham Park, with champions Four Candles taking on Croesoswallt Dragons. The Dragons had the better of the opening-day encounter and ended the Candles' nine-game winning streak as Vasili Gulko's second-half equaliser gave them the point that was the least they deserved. Last season's runners-up Berkshire Swine looked set to kick off with a victory at Great Ouse Town, but two goals in the last 15 minutes - the second a 90th-minute free kick from Jeffrey Redman - gave Ouse a 2-1 win. Newly promoted St Pancras Starmers enjoyed a notable 1-0 home win over Dandy Town, Denis Redondo's very early goal earning them the three points. The other two promoted sides, Turd Division and AFC Csiki Monkeys, fought out a turgid goalless draw at The Snoop. The most eventful game of the day was the clash between Vita Mortis and Kernow Kensa at The Hollows. You wouldn't have thought that would be the case after a first half in which absolutely nothing happened, nor even by the 80th minute, when Mortis led 1-0, but the last ten minutes were full of action. Two goals in two minutes saw Kernow overturn the deficit and put themselves on course for the win, but a 92nd-minute header from sub Nathan Helleday - his first senior goal - salvaged a point for Mortis.

                      Division 1

                      Out of the top flight for the first time in six seasons, Zeugmaspor began positively, winning 2-0 at Banik Roystonov, where Yunus Gurkan was quickly back amongst the goals with the clinching second. Rejects Redux also put the disappointment of relegation behind them with a win, as Drew Chambers' header gave them the points at home to promoted Locomotiv Noj. The Raymond Illingworth also hosted a contest between promoted and relegated sides, as Whoft Fluffopolis and Hideous Towns renewed acquaintance and shared the points from a 2-2 draw, Eivind Junge hitting a late equaliser for Towns. The third newly promoted side, die Ambosse, found things tough against visitors Wensleydale Blues and were beaten by Julian Bellerby's second-half header. Athletico Deva and Eriskay Expression, 6th and 5th respectively last season, perhaps warmed up for more mid-table fun as they drew 2-2 at The Enormodome, Billy McHampton firing in a spectacular equaliser for the visitors inside the final ten minutes.

                      Division 2

                      After their dominant campaign in Division 3 last season, it was no surprise to see Steaua Bridge kick off with a confident 3-1 success at Cods of War, although the Cods were heading for victory until Steaua struck three times in the last 20 minutes to give them a well-deserved win. The two other promoted sides met at the Isaac Bradley Memorial Stadium, with Eintracht Midwest hosting The Gang Play Football. The latter, with a new manager and a new name after HelloThere and their boss said GoodbyeThen, created plenty of chances from little possession, but on this evidence The Gang Can't Finish, and the game ended 0-0. Turning to the teams relegated from Division 1, Wednesday de la Zouch came out on top in a tight game at Pinewood Passers. Aythami Gayoso thought he had grabbed a point for the Passers when he thundered in an 84th-minute equaliser past stand-in keeper David Hewson, but Wednesday went straight up the other end to clinch a 2-1 win through sub Joacim Bobeck's header. Fellow relegatees Saltney Drawers were also 2-1 winners, Acker Herron completing their comeback from a half-time deficit at home to Hampshire Deers. It was not such a positive start for Heffron Hendecagon, however, who were beaten by Noah Tremble's penalty at OWC Albion.

                      Division 3

                      The two teams who lost out in Division 2's frantic last-day relegation battle, Brian Munchingflapjack and Great Northern Railway, both made confident starts. The Llandudno Jet Set squad are still patiently awaiting the return of their manager, but are becoming increasingly hopeless in the meantime, and they were no match for the Flapjacks, going down 5-0 at The Green, where Sture Damberg claimed a hat-trick of headers. Just the two headers for GNR's Chin Ae as his side grabbed a 3-0 win at home to Wharfedale Generals, who remain a youthful work in progress. As do Nieuwegein Kneebiters, of course, and the Season 55 OTF champions began Season 59 with a home defeat in the basement division. Veni Vici Vigata, under new management, were 2-0 victors at Parkhout, Elmer Robertson securing the points with a free kick and a penalty. New boys FC Gloryhammer put in an impressive and dominant debut performance at New Dresden and claimed a deserved three points thanks to two late goals from Marc Pollock, who really ought to be playing for Cods of War. Neither Richmond P&P nor The Blomstrands have seen their manager for a while, but they still managed to get a game on at Pullman Park, the visiting Blomstrands emerging 2-0 victors after Perry Bleeker missed a first-half penalty for P&P.
                      Last edited by Hot Orange; 05-07-2020, 15:00.

                      Comment


                        Ooh, roundup city. Better get reading, thanks gents.


                        Edit: Great work both. Janik seems more confident about VSU's prospects than I am, though – a 4-1 first-day win will prove a false dawn I fear, as we were lucky to face Michael Michael Micky doo who are the only team as young or younger than ours in our section; I knew from previous meetings I probably had their number tactically too, so (their opening goal aside) I was fairly sure we could produce a convincing result. Things could get a lot tougher from here on. Not least because Hovland, Hovland & Hovland have some tricky conveyancing work to distract them.

                        Originally posted by Janik View Post
                        But we see the manager of 1492er (not the full moniker) for the scumbag he is for retaining it seeing as, if he didn’t know what the name means he must have put it through a translator by now.
                        This comment about the (German) name of Ullapool Northern Star's opponents ties in with something I was pondering re my own opponents. I looked at MMMd's club history the other day as they've had the same manager since we last met 16 seasons ago, and indeed since 2012. Before that, it turns out, they had another long-running manager for the previous 20 seasons, which takes us right back to the middle of 2006. Their founding manager formed them at the start of that year but was there for only their first 6 months – yet it was he or she was the one who gave them their peculiar name, complete with annoyingly lowercase 'd' on 'doo', and neither of the subsequent managers have seen fit to change it in 14 years.

                        Me, I couldn't see the point in taking over a club and not stamping my own identity on it, unless the existing name had some history to it like belonging to a notable title-winning side. Yet again and again you come across teams like that which, on digging, turn out to have gained an often long-lasting yet wholly unremarkable identity from managers who otherwise were there for barely a speck of their existence – but whose following bosses have for whatever reason never opted to alter it. So I do wonder whether there's a whole breed of manager who simply don't consider their teams' names (particularly if in a foreign language), meaning the current person running '1492er' might in fact not ever have paid it any heed.
                        Last edited by Various Artist; 05-07-2020, 14:34.

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                          Thanks again for the round ups, much appreciated in Zeugma.

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by Hot Orange View Post
                            a 92nd-minute header from sub Nathan Helleday - his first senior goal - salvaged a point for Mortis.
                            This is something I hadn't picked up on until reading your report HO, although I'd like to think I'd have done so later today when I write my own PR. Helleday, as I think I observed at the time, became an instant cult hero with the Mortis faithful as a 17-year-old rookie when he supplied assists in each of his first two senior games for us. That was three seasons and 34 appearances ago, and he hadn't done anything else since, so this was frankly overdue and rather welcome.

                            Comment


                              I got caught up with MLX stuff last weekend and never tried assembling my own teams' stats to go with these like several other people did at the time:
                              Originally posted by Granthamian View Post
                              Every now and again when I have some time to kill I have a trawl through some of my teams’ historical records. One of my teams (Notts County in The Football League) had a player once whose career stats read:
                              Games played: 566
                              Goals scored: 218
                              Assists: 144 (so 362 points in all!)
                              He was a midfielder with a stack of sq’s (Free kicker, hard trainer, header, goal instinct, diva), and I have to say - what a career! And I can take credit for none of it. I was not in charge of the club while he was around, but I am a bit jealous of whoever had the pleasure of being his manager.
                              Anyway, I just wondered whether any of you have ever had, or know of, a player who scored more than 362 points.
                              ...so I've just done so now:

                              Record points total (goals + assists):
                              Viking North Utsire (Ultimate League): Ilie Coliba (MF) – 241 (102 + 139)
                              Viking South Utsira (Xpert Ladies): Lurdes Quental (MF) – 237 (157 + 80)
                              Mars Rovers (J4GL): Faas Umbriel (F) – 127* (102 + 25)
                              Royal Atlantis (Heineken League): Ali Khan (F) – 300 (183 + 117)
                              R?dfearne Island (Brythonic Premiership): Dromond Arcancester (F) – 164 (101 + 63)
                              Sandringham Park (Human League): Alexandra Mitchell-Webb (F) – 96 (76 + 20)
                              Tiree Automatic (Xpert Zone): Eric Ouessant (MF) – 157 (83 + 74)
                              United Underground (MLX): Floyd Fairlop (F) – 167* (128 + 39)
                              Vita Mortis (OTF): Jarvis Rowson (MF) – 123 (64 + 59)

                              Record appearances:
                              Viking North Utsire (Ultimate League): Toralf Austrheim (MF) – 350
                              Viking South Utsira (Xpert Ladies): Lurdes Quental (MF) – 392
                              Mars Rovers (J4GL): Ruud Oberon (F) – 408
                              Royal Atlantis (Heineken League): Magnus Barefoot (MF) – 413*
                              R?dfearne Island (Brythonic Premiership): Ergary Newton Battery (D) – 317
                              Sandringham Park (Human League): Cecilia Yubrechen-Myhart – 313*
                              Tiree Automatic (Xpert Zone): Roland Finisterre (MF) – 394*
                              United Underground (MLX): Thierry Theydon Bois – 400
                              Vita Mortis (OTF): Gregor Crompton (MF) – 374

                              * = not out


                              Can't get near Granthamian's player's numbers, but (to ape Etienne's comment from his teams' stats) the 'Bradmanesque' feats of Atlantis legend Ali Khan of 400 games and 300 points are the ones I didn't even have to look up – it's the highest combined points tally for any player I've ever had anywhere by a country mile, though I'd forgotten his appearances have been overhauled by Barefoot this current season. Ali was in the club's founding squad; I inherited him when he was about 21 and had already made a good scoring start in the lower reaches of the Heineken, but he later added a huge second string to his bow when he benefited, more than any other, from the introduction of the Long Pass SQ when he was in the middle of his career. He became our FK taker and set up shedloads for others as well as being lead striker. He amassed 29 individual medals at every level between HLC10 and HLC1, including 20 golds, and reached (and scored in) the Heineken Premiership in his retirement season having begun in HLC14.

                              Of the points record-holders, I inherited the first four, in fact, though all were in their early 20s as I recall so they each did the greater bulk of it under my charge. The other five I've had for their whole careers.
                              I’m quite struck to realise that I’ve only got two of these active. Fairlop’s hold on his record is the most tenuous of them all: he’s just 1 point ahead of Ulysses Upminster, who’s also still going. And the UU top five looks like this, days ahead of Season 26 commencing:
                              Fairlop 167*
                              Upminster 166*
                              Theydon Bois 159
                              Waterloo 158*
                              Highgate 152*
                              (Rest 133 bar)
                              While both the top two are about to start their retirement campaigns, Upminster is still at the top of his game and going to be more vital to the team this season so has a much better chance of finishing it on top of these rankings. And both Waterloo and Highgate have announced their intentions to play on, so each has a theoretical chance of overhauling them both!


                              Of the appearances record-holders, I inherited Quental at VSU and Oberon at Mars, the latter of whom was pretty well established already though again he played quite a lot of his career under me; all the other 7 played for me throughout their whole careers. Now Oberon's goals record has been overhauled by Umbriel, and Khan's appearances one by Barefoot, I'm quite surprised to find Lurdes's twin records for VSU make her the only player across my roster to currently hold both achievements at the same club.


                              Mortis' records are perhaps the best indicator of how players can benefit from starting off in lowly tiers of their respective leagues. Rowson was in our starter squad and Crompton was first man out of the academy two days into our existence. Both ended up setting marks likely to remain unchallenged for some time to come, as there's simply so much more competition at the level we now play at. Goals are much harder to come by, and teenagers don't get a berth in the side every single game! Even though I give young players like Helleday a very decent crack of the whip each season these days, in our first six seasons Crompton aged 18-23 played in 127 of 130 games, one injury absence aside – such numbers would be unheard of today.
                              Last edited by Various Artist; 05-07-2020, 17:52.

                              Comment


                                Impressive numbers VA, proof if it were needed that you are the undisputed king of the stats! Hats off in particular to Ali Khan - what a great track record. You know in all my time in the game (nudging towards 6 years) I’ve never yet had a player reach 100 goals. I am getting close mind - my twin strikers at Grantham Town in the Heineken League are both on 97 so I will finally get past that hurdle soon. My biggest regret looking back is that I have lost interest with certain teams and walked away. I did not realise the history I was losing. I would have had a much more fulfilling bank of stats to look back on if I had just counted to 10 and thought again!

                                Comment


                                  Yes, top statting VA, though I should pedantically point out that I used Bradmanesque to describe Ashley Wynne just missing out on a nice round 200 points by one - just like the Don averaging 99.94. By finishing with a nice round 300 points Ali Khan is really the anti-Bradman!

                                  Comment


                                    The official Ladies League Cup, Season 59, Round 1 kicks things off once again (though the first round of league games will be reports on first).

                                    Code:
                                    American Pie            0 - 5   Csiki Girls
                                                                    Granheim 6'
                                                                    Neaves 37', 60', 67'
                                                                    Smet 50'
                                                                    Ackram (sent off) 86'
                                    
                                    Csiki Girls             3 - 0   American Pie
                                    Smet 33', 60'
                                    Woozley 56'
                                    Strouts (sent off) 85'
                                    
                                    Csiki Girls win 8-0 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    FC.Bayern M?dchen       0 - 5   Bombay Green Rockets
                                                                    P?hlmann 1', 25'
                                                                    Baumann 56'
                                                                    Lock 80'
                                                                    Gr?newald (pen) 91'
                                    
                                    Bombay Green Rockets    6 - 0   FC.Bayern M?dchen
                                    Wemerson 9', 29'
                                    Baumann 14'
                                    P?hlmann 18'
                                    Ferrante 22'
                                    Lock 46'
                                    
                                    Bombay win 11-0 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Cuju                    0 - 6   Drakaina
                                                                    Sietaridis 3'
                                    Gedz (sent off) 80'             Barry 9', 31'
                                                                    Hentovic 35'
                                                                    K?llgren 54', 93'
                                    
                                    Drakaina                6 - 0   Cuju
                                    Nylund 3'
                                    Heggarty 12', 14', 49', 72'
                                    Gudlandur (pen) 19'
                                    
                                    Drakaina win 12-0 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Dublin City Womens FC   0 - 4   Bo? da Fixe
                                                                    Somers 7', 79'
                                    Boxall (sent off) 42'           M?lgaard 26'
                                                                    Vesa 57'
                                    
                                    Bo? da Fixe             4 - 2   Dublin City Womens FC
                                    Horsvaast 50'                   Sakataj (pen) 35'
                                    Somers 54', 81'                 ?hr?n 64'
                                    Guimar?es 59'
                                    
                                    Bo? win 8-2 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Hazeldean Inchmistress  0 - 1   Green Street Hooligans
                                                                    Mata 92'
                                    
                                    Green Street Hooligans  0 - 1   Hazeldean Inchmistress
                                                            A.E.T.  Barnes (pen) 45'
                                    
                                    1-1 on aggregate. Green Street win 5-3 on penalties
                                    
                                    
                                    Invisible Ladies        3 - 3   Top Notch Society
                                    Longsworth 59', 73'             Jorquera 32'
                                    Parsons 65'                     Amavisca 57'
                                                                    Ei.Zorro 76'
                                    
                                    Top Notch Society       5 - 0   Invisible Ladies
                                    Ei.Zorro 3', 6'
                                    Carreon 48'
                                    Amavisca 76', 90'
                                    
                                    Top Notch win 8-3 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Los Kings BK            0 - 1   Zeugma Dostluk Spor
                                                                    Nandorf 68'
                                    
                                    Zeugma Dostluk Spor     0 - 0   Los Kings BK
                                    
                                    Zeugma win 1-0 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    S.C. Krabbelgruppe E.V. 1 - 6   Viking South Utsira
                                    Paschke 87'                     L.Hovland 4'
                                                                    A.Hovland 51', 63'
                                                                    B.Austrheim 58', (pen) 74', 91'
                                    
                                    Viking South Utsira     6 - 0   S.C. Krabbelgruppe E.V.
                                    B.Austrheim 1', 18', (pen) 30'
                                    Schl?mer (O.G.) 10'
                                    L.Hovland 14', 95'
                                    
                                    Viking win 12-1 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Llanos                  0 - 4   Coxy Ladies Wulpen
                                                                    Beyen 8', 27'
                                                                    Wostijn (pen) 44', 87'
                                    
                                    Coxy Ladies Wulpen      4 - 0   Llanos
                                    Leclercq 57'
                                    Beyen 61', 84'                  Medjugorac (sent off) 75'
                                    de Waters 63'
                                    
                                    Wulpen win 8-0 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    LNWR Locomotive         0 - 2   Crazy Lady
                                                                    Puscariu 42'
                                                                    Wansland 72'
                                    
                                    Crazy Lady              1 - 2   LNWR Locomotive
                                    Puscariu 34'                    Teigland 18'
                                                                    Nixon 57'
                                    
                                    Crazy Lady win 3-2 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Menywod Maeshafn        1 - 2   Real Wisconsin Girls
                                    Beck 39'                        Peersman 81'
                                                                    Cappellacci 84'
                                    
                                    Real Wisconsin Girls    1 - 0   Menywod Maeshafn
                                    Abildskov 82'
                                    
                                    Wisconsin win 3-1 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    KIF ?rebro DFF          1 - 5   Mauchline Belles
                                    Ohman 51'                       Billing 35'
                                                                    Diarra 47', 69'
                                                                    Luengo 57', 86'
                                    
                                    Mauchline Belles        5 - 0   KIF ?rebro DFF
                                    Diarra 1'
                                    Perdao 7'
                                    Belova (pen) 11'
                                    
                                    Mauchline win 10-1 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Rising Stars            2 - 3   F.C Poli
                                    Sinclair (pen) 52'              Zapater 17'
                                    Wa 58'                          Cou?ago 22'
                                                                    Feeney (pen) 75'
                                    
                                    F.C Poli                1 - 1   Rising Stars
                                    Hursthouse 65'                  Andorinha (pen) 4'
                                    
                                    Poli win 4-3 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    Taba.ro                 0 - 2   Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC
                                                                    Borot 20'
                                                                    Dalmiya 47'
                                    
                                    Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC  2 - 0   Taba.ro
                                    Sangaji 16'
                                    Sumanti 63'
                                    
                                    Kanjeng win 4-0 on aggregate
                                    
                                    
                                    La Teja CFF             0 - 3   Ullapool Northern Star
                                                                    Mair 17', 21'
                                                                    Bastock 63'
                                    
                                    Ullapool Northern Star  1 - 0   La Teja CFF
                                    Tokarz 31'
                                    
                                    Ullapool win 4-0 on aggregate
                                    Newly promoted Csiki Girls could looked down haughtily from two steps above Division 6 opponents American Pie. If Adhoc’s team was so minded to do that, of course…
                                    Actually, the Csiki’s took their actively managed opponents reasonably seriously and were rewarded with a thumping first leg win that killed the tie stone dead. Elly Granheim got things underway with a breakaway goal in the 6th minute, but she wasn’t the prime contributor – that was forward Robin Neaves who netted a hattrick with strikes on 37, 60 and 69 minutes.
                                    Floriane Smet also got involved with a strike between Neaves’ first and second (Smet’s effort arriving in the 50th minute). The only fly in the Csiki ointment was previously mild-mannered Eunice Ackram, one yellow card in 22 previous games for the club, booting two American Pie players up in the air on 26 and 86 minutes. Later reports were that Ackram was wound up by her opponents “wittering on about chevys”. Not a car lover, then.
                                    For 82 minutes the second leg followed the mundane tying up process that would have been expected. Csiki Girls dominated, American Pie barely had a shot, and the aggregate score was extended to 8-0 through a brace from Smet on 33 and 60 minutes, taking her tally in the tie to three, and a direct free-kick from Trudy Woozley on 56.
                                    However the final ten minutes of the game, whilst never endangering the destination of victory, were bad ones for the Transylvanians. The initial blow landed on 83 minutes when first choice ‘keeper Trudi Wilding picked up a 14-day injury. That was followed just two minutes later by a second yellow card for Hillary Strouts as the Csiki’s once again finished with 10 players after a previously calm individual had picked up a wholly unnecessary red card. Strouts was a more likely candidate for a dismissal than Ackram with a yellow every five games, but this was still the first red of her career.
                                    On the goalie front, this gives a chance for veteran Emma Laude to play some games in the final season of her career. Baring a new goalie being signed, that will likely include at least the first leg of the Csiki’s Round 2 clash with The Effing Blinders of Division 5:18, with A kertem to be the venue for the denouement.

                                    The same two Division gap greeted fellow elevatees Bombay Green Rockets as they took on a FC.Bayern M?dchen side who must fly under the radar of the club hierarchy as their current manager has led them to consistent finishes in the bottom half of Division 6 for around 10 seasons.
                                    The Green Rockets made even swifter work of getting themselves far ahead than Csiki Girls, Eileen P?hlmann receiving the kick-off from Isabel Lock and whacking it straight past the not concentrating Bayern ‘keeper from just inside the halfway line. Boss HKS3 hadn’t even taken his seat when the ball rippled the net, leaving him to enquire of his assistant coaches “Who scored??”
                                    P?hlmann beat the stopper from outside the box again on 25 minutes, though this was a more conventional 30 yard strike than (I imagine) the opener (to be), and with the boss nicely settled in his seat for it and looking pretty relaxed afterwards. Barbara Baumann burst away to net a third on 56 minutes, Lock took a break from setting other people up to score herself on 80, heading home a corner and Mathilda Gr?newald made sure this one would also end up 5-0 after the first match by converting a stoppage time penalty.
                                    The second leg was a simple wrapping up exercise, started by M?rcia Wemerson in the 9th minute (she would strike again on 29 with a direct free-kick). Baumann added a second on the night on 14 and then injury and the lack of subs made The Green Rockets task even easier as it forced Bayern down to ten.
                                    Against 11 shambling players Bombay would surely have reached double figures anyway, a target they hit 29 minutes in after further strikes from P?hlmann (18), Amalea Ferrante (22) and then Wemerson completing her brace. Lock added a sixth on the night and 11th of the tie straight after the restart, just because she could. And with that The Rockets cut the engines and used established momentum to complete their parabola to Round 2. The gravity to overcome in that one will be provided by Smarriga Tomtars BK of Division 5:13. First leg away from home.

                                    Comment


                                      Our third tie brings with it our third newly promoted OTF side, this one freshly minted top flight outfit Drakaina heading to Cuju. That would be the apex of the pyramid taking on one of the blocks right at the base.
                                      Intriguingly the match pitted Dragons boss Etienne against a former manager of Drakaina’s most recent opponents as Cuju’s brand new manager Unexpect3D (only in the job for a week or so) had previously been in charge of Rotn?set BK, albeit many seasons ago. It proved to be a baptism of fire, but, well, Dragons…
                                      Laria Sietaridis opened the account on 3 minutes, Susanna Barry doubled it on 9 and then treble it on 31. Barry’s second followed hard on the heels of young defender Annette Dalbj?rn departing the game injured; Dalbj?rn was signed late on last season as a 16/4 player, for an unusually low fee for such a promising talent. However she didn’t jump in the change report, presumably through lack of playing opportunities in Drakaina’s do-or-die run-in and may struggle to get much pitch time again this campaign in the league, so losing over an hour of a cup tie hurts. Fortunately it’s only a 6-day knock, so she should be good for the full 90 in the return.
                                      Securing progress to Round 2 won’t be a worry for the Greek side as they will go into it 6-0 up on aggregate after Juan Hentovic (35) and Matilda K?llgren (54, 93) added to the earlier strikes. Cuju had Veronika Gedz sent off on 80 minutes, something that barely moved the needle on the already maxed out meter.
                                      The second leg was fill-your-boots time for the Drakaina forwards, something Gael Heggarty took full advantage of. She wasn’t the first Dragon to strike though as it was Dagny Nylund who opened the scoring on 3 minutes. Thereafter it was almost entirely the Heggarty, her four goal haul (12, 14, 49, 72) interrupted only by Maria Gudlandur’s 19th minute penalty.
                                      Next up for the Greek side will be another bottom tier side, Evil daughters of Division 6:55. The tie should again be over as a contest before it reaches Delphi.

                                      Out first more balanced looking tie pitted Dublin City Womens FC against a Division 5 side, Bo? da Fixe.
                                      Or potentially more balanced looking. I’m wondering if Dublin boss JoeMortal was present at The Heart Stadium for the game? Only two subs named suggests maybe not, as does the final score of 4-0 to Bo?. That was a bit harsh on the balance of play of the game, though Dublin were already in deep trouble (2-0 down) when Ruthie Boxall got herself sent off with a straight red card on 42 minutes. Maybe it could have been worse, but 4-0 down and heading away from home for the second leg sounds like game over already anyway.
                                      The boss was back for the return game, and the difference it made was immediately obvious as Dublin had the better of the first half, reaching the interval deservedly 1-0 ahead on the day thanks to Anita Sakataj’s 35th minute penalty. And hopes of an unlikely comeback were snuffed out in the early going of the second half though as the hosts netted three in quick succession.
                                      Eila ?hr?n cut arrears on the night back to one on 64 minutes with a long range shot, only for Bo? da Fixe to fully re-establish their already plump cushion on with 81 on the watch. That was how it finished as Dublin’s Cup campaign this season ended at the first obstacle.

                                      The non-random nature of X11 Cup draws can be tough on sides who exited the competition early the season prior as Hazeldean Inchmistress found out when they landed Division 3 opponents in Round 1 in the form of Green Street Hooligans.
                                      The first encounter took place on the Framleyshire sword, Green Street finding Ken Higgs Avenue a challenging place to perform. The Imperials gave moreorless as good as they got in a highly competitive encounter where the Hooligans had more of the ball but chances were shared equally. As were goals, or rather there was nothing to split. Up until the 92nd minute that is. That was when, guttingly for the Hazeldean faithfull, Green Street stole a winner on the night.
                                      All was not lost for Inchmistress though as managerless Green Street were in some senses there for the taking. A victory on the night in the return would guarantee at worst a penalty shoot out. And it was from the spot that The Imperials levelled matters up, Kelli Barnes firing home from 12 yards on the stroke of half-time.
                                      The rest of the match was Hazeldean battering at the Green Street goal as they sought the a second that would have killed the tie stone dead as it would have given Foxy265’s girls not just an aggregate lead but also the first tie-break, away goals, as well. But try as they might, Inchmistress just couldn’t find the killer touch again. And that despite having a vast 10 shots combined in normal and extra time.
                                      So penalties it was, where The Imperials failure to put the ball away was something of a worry. It went wrong immediately for the Framleyshire outfit, first choice taker Musa Saraiva missing their first effort. Good job she wasn’t on the field at the start to deal with the one in normal time… Barnes, Marina Ronaldinho and Elvia Mej?a all converted on their turn up following this, but Green Street were perfect, 5/5, and so Inchmistress were eliminated from a tie where they had been much the better side overall.

                                      That same structured draw thing also hit Invisible Ladies as The See-Throughs were paired with Top Notch Society, who (*gulp*) were running with Drakaina for promotion from Division 1 last season.
                                      The San Seethrough played host to the opening leg, the home crowd turning up more in hope than expectation of their side pulling off an enormous shock. Things looked like they were heading in exactly the expected direction as TNS had the better of the first half to lead 1-0 at the break. When they made it two on 57 minutes voices around the ground were heard praising Invisible’s performance in giving a second tier side a decent game.
                                      Such types should have more faith in Pebblethefish and the girls, as the next quarter hour brought an utterly remarkable turnaround. It all started with Linda Longsworth reducing arrears just two minutes after her side had fallen two down. That suddenly sparked belief and on 65 minutes the match was all square following a Catlyn Parsons header. The See-Throughs were not done though and went ahead on 73 minutes when Longsworth fired in her second of the day from range.
                                      The goals were not even against the run of play as Invisible created other chances they didn’t convert through the second-half. However it was an open game and Top Notch were also getting sights on goal. One of which they converted on 76 minutes to deny The See-Throughs a famous win. Still 3-3 against a Div.1 side is highly encouraging stuff for the season to come!
                                      Great though that first leg showing was, it did leave The See-Throughs needing an away leg win. And it had also poked the dozing beast – Top Notch Society had rested their strongest defender and midfielder from the away leg; both were in the starting XI for the return. And six minutes in Invisible’s task had become near-impossible after a brace of strikes from one of the six Zorro sisters in the TNS side had increased the aggregate to 5-3 which, with away goals, left The See-Throughs needing three to avoid elimination. There were three more goals in the match, as it happens. But all of them were for the hosts. And so ends a typical potential upset story as the lower side get close to pulling it off in the first game as the higher outfit are complacent, and then get smooshed in the return when their ‘betters’ have figured out that they have to take this lot seriously.

                                      Notable perseverance in the face of all evidence had been shown by the boss of Zeugma Dostluk Spor’s Round 1 opponents Los Kings BK, who has been in charge of his side since season 10 but in that time has rarely had them outside the bottom Division they currently occupy.
                                      Zeugma were the favourites for the tie therefore, but were likely to face at least an energetic challenge rather than a zombiefied on. And one Antepli Ejderha’s charges were taking on without strongest striker Latife Kurt after she picked up a 10-day injury in the 34th minute. Without Kurt another was needed to give ZDS the win their possessional and chance edge merited. Step forward Sally Nandorf, all the way up from the back in fact to fire home from a 68th minute corner and claim the 1-0 win.
                                      There is a tradition in the city of Zeugma for rearguard actions leading to nil-nil draws. They like their football grinding in these parts. As such ZDS were as aware of the requirements for shutting the second leg of the tie down completely as the Insan Haklari Stadyumu were appreciative of it. Los Kings had to score to win. But they can’t do that if they don’t have a single chance in the match. Which they didn’t.
                                      The hosts could have spoilt things if they had converted one of their two opportunities in the game. But they didn’t do that either as the game finished goalless. The local press the next morning declared the game ‘excellent’ and ‘a masterpiece’ and also noted its proven curative properties on insomnia. The next side to try and break down the ZDS wall of steel will be Division 4m outfit SLB Powerpuff Girls. the first leg of this will be in Anatolia.

                                      Comment


                                        Zombies were the fare for Viking South Utsira though as they took on bottom tier side S.C. Krabbelgruppe E.V..
                                        The Blood Eagles took just four minutes to open the scoring, Lina Hovland striking with a direct free-kick. The second was a long time in coming, into the second-half in fact before Anneke Hovland followed her aunt’s example by heading home a corner. That goal finally sprung Velvet Android’s side into action, back-from-injury Birgit Austrheim making it three on 58 minutes before Anneke Hovland got her second of the day on 63.
                                        Austrheim also made it a brace by converting from the spot on 74 minutes and then went one further by completing her hattrick in stoppage time. That goal was in part a reaction to Krabbelgruppe lumbering their way through and nicking one back a few minutes prior to the anger of Viking ‘keeper Cordelia Austrheim.
                                        The second leg was notable less for the goals that VSU racked up, the six netted being par-for-the-course against such opponents, as for the violence this engendered in Krabbelgruppe who had an astonishing seven players booked but somehow got none sent-off. Jose Mourinho was spotted taking notes on their carousel fouling techniques.
                                        All these ‘reckless’/dirty challenges obviously put Blood Eagles at risk, and it didn’t take long for the inevitable to happen. The victim was young midfielder Elza Klovning, her second ever game senior ending after just 16 minutes with a 10-day injury for which her assailant wasn’t even booked! Lina Hovland did score from the resulting free-kick, but in the circumstances that was only minor revenge.
                                        It was already 2-0 on the night prior to Hovland’s strike, Birgit Austrheim finding the target in the very first minute and Helga Schl?mer putting through her own net on 10. Austrheim would go on to complete a hattrick with additional strikes on 18 and 30 minutes, the one on the half-hour from the penalty spot. Hovland also got her name on the scoresheet again with a second direct free-kick of the day deep into second-half stoppage time. But more importantly, no further Viking players were nobbled following Klovning.
                                        Next up for The Blood Eagles will be Mean Girls of Division 5:21. A shock early elimination last season makes VSU the lower seeds for this one, so playing hosts for the opening leg.

                                        Coxy Ladies Wulpen’s season opened with an easy one as they were pitted against managerless Division 6 side Llanos.
                                        Coxy Ladies were one up with 8 minutes, Charlotte Beyen heading home and two up before the half-hour through an extremely similar goal, Beyen again rising high to nod home. Both crosses also came from the same player, Jessica Kabasele. Aurelie Wostijn made it three just before half-time from the penalty spot, which The Waders clearly felt was enough as they ignored boss Janik’s urgings from the sidelines and dropped to second gear. Wulpen were finally shaken from their slumber by a disallowed Llanos goal and, back alert, added a fourth late on as Wostijn completed her brace.
                                        The lassitude was back for the first half of the return at the Curlew’s Nest as the game reached half-time scoreless. And only that thanks to Seymour Red disallowing a Llanos strike. Coxy Ladies were finally shaken from their torpor by Alicia Leclercq’s 57th minute opener which was rapidly followed by strikes from Beyen (61) and Zoe de Waters (63).
                                        Llanos’ Dijana Medjugorac got herself sent off on 75 minutes after picking up two yellow cards within 180 seconds. Playing against 10 Coxy Ladies said “Ah, go on then” and added a fourth on the night when Beyen picked her spot from distance on 84 minutes. That sent Wulpen through to a Round 2 meeting with Division 6:58 outfit The Leet Jens14 Team. If the name sounds familiar, the two also met at the same stage last season, a campaign that ended with Wulpen champions of Division 4i and Leet Jens dead last in Division 5:30. Which makes The Waders aggregate loss in their Cup meeting last term even more inexplicably. A consequence of that is Coxy Ladies are the lower seeds for the reprise so will be at home in the opening leg.

                                        Round 1 put LNWR Locomotive, who are back up into Division 5, against another side from that tier as The Steamers took on Crazy Lady.
                                        Mollington Street played host to the opening leg and there were soon whispers of concern going around the stands as LNWR were allowing their opponents have chances. On 42 minutes these whispers turned into full-blown muttering when Crazy Lady converted one such opportjnity. The visitors added a second on 72 minutes as the season got off to a rather flat start for Locomotive. Boss Viktor Boskovic has a big job on his hands in the second leg if he is to dredge up the sort of spectacular performance that was now required to get his side through to Round 2.
                                        An opening goal by Maja Teigland, steered home from close range on 18 minutes, was a strong hint such a showing might be possible. Not even Crazy Lady levelling on the day could dampen The Steamers spirits. They also eschewed worrying about chances and possession being tipped in favour of their hosts. Instead they got on with scoring again, Charlotte Nixon firing home a direct free-kick on 57 minutes.
                                        That gave LNWR over half-an-hour to score the goal that would put them level on aggregate but ahead on away goals. They were that close… but also nowhere near as Teigland and Nixon’s scoring efforts would prove to be the only shots The Steamers would muster all match! Which means another season watching the Cup zoom by from a siding for Locomotive.

                                        Another all-Division 5 tie pitted Menywod Maeshafn up against Real Wisconsin Girls, with the OTF side once again playing hosts for the first leg.
                                        The situation was looking promising for the Welsh side at half-time as they held a deserved 1-0 lead, Morgan Beck capping a good team first half performance with a long ranger blaster on 39 minutes. Things still looked decent with ten minutes plus stoppages to play, but were then turned on their head as first Wisconsin equalised and then three minutes later went ahead. That left IsThatcherDeadYet’s charges also having to score at least twice in their away second leg.
                                        Maeshafn suffered an early set-back in the return when defender Cho-Hee Eum picked up a horror 26-day injury just 8 minutes in. We will blame the sight of their teammate in agony for the Welsh side’s failure to get going for basically the rest of the match. Needing two goals, they only created two chances in the whole 90 minutes.
                                        To cap it all, once again Maeshafn lost concentration at the back as the second half progressed, Real scoring the only goal of the second leg with 82 on the clock. File under: Forget.

                                        There was a good separation in tiers between Mauchline Belles and their first Cup foes this season, bottom tier outfit KIF ?rebro DFF.
                                        ?rebro seem to struggle to get anywhere higher than that, despite having had an active boss for many, many season. She took over in Season 22 in fact, but has rarely had her side outside the lowest rung and never beyond Round 2 of the Cup. ?rebro’s chances of surpassing that look very slim after Mauchline shook off the early loss of midfielder Gunilla Melkersson to a nasty 17-day injury to take complete command of the tie.
                                        The first strike towards achieving that was delivered in the 35th minute by Melkersson’s replacement, Vicki Billing. Odette Diarra added a second just after the interval and though ?rebro reduced arrears soon afterwards, JDSX’s side were not to be denied with Veta Luengo netting a brace on 57 and 86 minutes, either side of a second of the day for Diarra (69).
                                        With the tie already done and dusted there was no need for a fast start from The Belles for the second leg. But they gave one anyone, just for the hell of it. Fast to the tune of being 3-0 up just 11 minutes in, Diarra indicating her team’s attitude by opening the scoring inside the opening minute, Fernanda Perdao firing home directly from a free-kick on 7 and ‘keeper Roza Belova striding up field to convert the third from the spot.
                                        The whirlwind eased rather after that, but even so two more strikes were added in the rest of the match. They were both second of the day efforts, Diarra heading home on 39 minutes and Perdao slotting in another free-kick on 72. Gotta keep in practice, it might be needed in Round 2 as Mauchline take on S.L. Balelas. Though hopefully given Balelas Division 5:1 status, it won’t be that close.

                                        Comment


                                          Newly promoted Rising Stars encountered a side that had moved in the other direction as Division 6 side F.C Poli were the first visitors of the new campaign to the Ascension Arena.
                                          It would prove to be a tricky afternoon though as The Stars found themselves two down to a brace of goals around the mid-point of the first half. The hosts were not to be dimmed all match though and managed their own quick-fire double strike after the break, Sarah Sinclair halving the deficit from the spot on 52 minutes and then Hua Wa eliminating it completely (well, apart from away goals) on 58.
                                          However this proved to be something of a false dawn for Rising as Poli were also awarded a penalty on 75 minutes which they stuck away to claim a 3-2 first leg win. A result that leaves Rising Stars needing to win 2-0 in the return leg to avoid an early elimination from this season’s competition.
                                          Given that, boss Blamb’s decision to go for it with a 3-4-3 formation made perfect sense. This willingness to attack was swiftly rewarded with a 4th minute penalty that Pen?lope Andorinha confidently fired into the bottom corner to draw her side level on aggregate. But still behind on away goals, so needing one more.
                                          That became two required midway through the second-half as Poli levelled on the night. And was followed very soon after by the loss to injury of Stars captain Anna Colin after she picked up a 14-day knock. That seemed to blunt The Ascenders attacking threat, which meant they were not able to take advantage when a sub for minor injury left a midfielder between the sticks for Poli for the last few minutes plus stoppage time.

                                          A number of OTF sides have found Round 1 difficult this year. But there were no expectations that would be the case for Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC whose Division 6 opponents Taba.ro may be actively managed, but are not well managed and are a distinctly average side at best.
                                          The Sea Spirits matched expectations by dominating the game in statistical terms, holding 60% possession and not allowing Taba a shot all game. About the only thing missing was a glut of goals for SeanoftheShed’s side but they did nab two, Tyan Borot slamming in from range on 20 minutes and Diksha Dalmiya steering in the second from rather closer after 47.
                                          That gave a fair cushion ahead of the return leg at Merapi-Kraton-South Sea which followed much the same pattern as The Sea Goddesses’ were under little threat to their overall position in the tie, but found Taba irritatingly hard to break down. However once again KRK did managed to do so twice, Utami Sangaji’s pinpoint free-kick on 16 minutes putting them ahead, the same player then crossing for near namesake Utami Sumanti to head home the second on the day on 63 minutes.
                                          What’s next for The Spirits of the Sea? A home match against visitors from Sweden, that’s what – IFK Str?msund of Division 5:10 being the side to visit, and then play host for the second encounter.

                                          Our last match is a very familiar one as Ullapool Northern Star clashed with Division 6 side La Teja CFF in the Ladies Cup 1st Round for the second season in a row.
                                          The Season 58 meeting ran thus – Ullapool win the away leg 3-0 and then shut the home one down to a goalless stalemate to secure the aggregate victory. This time around… well, so far, so similar as Delicatemoth’s side once again picked up a tie-killing 3-0 win in the away leg! The goals this time around came from a first half brace from Mary-Leslie Mair (17 and 21 minutes) and a strike after the break from Suzy Bastock (a header from a 63rd minute corner). La Teja ended the game with 10 players due to an injury late on, but The Sea Goddesses were enjoying the fact that the matches were following almost exactly the same pattern and were loathe to break that.
                                          So a goalless draw in prospect for the return, then? Except apparently Slawomira Tokarz hadn’t got the memo as she put her side 1-0 up on the night on 31 minutes. No-one other Star was minded to score though and with La Teja lacked the cohesion to even get close to doing so the final score of 1-0 and aggregate of 4-0 was now set.
                                          Next up for Polaris will be Zombie Queens of Division 3a who, despite their name, aren’t. The first will be in NW Scotland.


                                          Round 2 draw - first listed teams home in opening leg
                                          Code:
                                          S.L. Balelas (5:1)             vs   Mauchline Belles
                                          Coxy Ladies Wulpen             vs   The Leet Jens14 Team (6:58)
                                          The Effing Blinders (5:18)     vs   Csiki Girls
                                          Evil daughters (6:55)          vs   Drakaina
                                          Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC         vs   IFK Str?msund (5:10)
                                          Smarriga Tomtars BK (5:13)     vs   Bombay Green Rockets
                                          Ullapool Northern Star         vs   Zombie Queens (3a)
                                          Viking South Utsira            vs   Mean Girls (5:21)
                                          Zeugma Dostluk Spor            vs   SLB Powerpuff Girls (4m)

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                                            Haha, I love the term "carousel fouling" Janik. Great work again here (should it have been Framleyshire sward, however?) and I wish I'd seen that phrase before writing VSU's PR tonight as I'd have yoinked it for my own use quite possibly! Seven bookings (and no sendings-off) for our opponents was indeed quite remarkable viewing.

                                            As I've noted in said PR, it was a memorable week on Utsira elsewise, though, thanks to Birgit Austrheim's twin hat-tricks in the cup, having previously hit only one ever in her entire long career:
                                            On the bright side, 37-year-old midfield veteran Birgit has scored no fewer than 7 goals in the first three games back in action, at the start of what is going to be her final season. This amazingly means, just one week in, she'll go out having scored more goals in her retirement season than in any of her previous 20 campaigns -- even if she hung up her boots right now. Having never scored more than 4 in any one term during her first 18 seasons, she hit a personal-best 6 the season before last, but has topped that within the span of only around two and a half hours of play this past week. Last Saturday she moved ahead of her now-retired elder sister Asta into outright 8th on the club's all-time combined points scorers, and this weekend's latest heroics saw her move further out of big sis's shadow by also overtaking her goals total of 57 -- Birgit is now on 59 -- and knock her out of the all-time Top 10 goalscorers.
                                            Last edited by Various Artist; 05-07-2020, 22:43.

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                                              Originally posted by Granthamian View Post
                                              Impressive numbers VA, proof if it were needed that you are the undisputed king of the stats! Hats off in particular to Ali Khan - what a great track record. You know in all my time in the game (nudging towards 6 years) I’ve never yet had a player reach 100 goals. I am getting close mind - my twin strikers at Grantham Town in the Heineken League are both on 97 so I will finally get past that hurdle soon. My biggest regret looking back is that I have lost interest with certain teams and walked away. I did not realise the history I was losing. I would have had a much more fulfilling bank of stats to look back on if I had just counted to 10 and thought again!
                                              Ahh this is it you see – I've only ever managed 10 teams in Xpert Eleven in six and a half years in the game... and I've still got 9 of them now. In other words I've only ever actually left one club and league, so the others I've been involved with have all built up a substantial chunk of their history under my charge, if not all of it. Even VSU, who were formed in 2005 I think and who therefore had about a decade of existence prior to my involvement!

                                              I'm lucky in that I got into the game via these boards: this very thread has been the solid foundation of most of what I've done in X11. I started of course with our own league, and then followed the OTF massive's lead in branching out into the popular likes of the Heineken and Xpert Zone – the latter is light on OTFers now, but at one point it used to get its own roundups herein, which caught my imagination and made me want to join for quite a while before I did. It's also Janik who inspired me to join the Xpert Ladies as he was pretty much the only one at first – his roundups like the one immediately above sprang from me then a whole shedload of others deciding to join him at once.
                                              Major League X11 and The Human League were furthermore direct spinoffs of OTF boards discussion (did you see my link the other day back to the remarkable one that created MLX out of nothing into an operational CL-format league of 20 teams in about 48 hours flat?) and so I was always going to end up in those... although I did resist expanding my quota to join THL until Season 3, which I've always slightly regretted as I'd love to know if I could've made MLX-style lightning strike twice, so to speak, had I joined the others on the level playing field at the very beginning.

                                              So that's six leagues that I owe my joining primarily to OTF. Having an official-leagues side was pretty much a given, naturally, and there I did do my own thing rather than go with the majority here, who I didn't really twig were largely in the Golden League until after I'd plumped for the Ultimate League. Of my long-running clubs it's only really the Brythonnic League/Premiership in which I went off in my own direction, having been headhunted for the old Brythonnic League by its original admin after he liked the inventiveness of an early Royal Atlantis PR in the Heineken.
                                              The J4GL is a bit of an odd one out: there's always been at least a handful of OTFers there too, but it was something I just had an eye on for a long time as one of the top leagues in the game, well before I ever took the plunge and joined in late 2016. The single place I've ever left, the little-known Serie Goon league, was one in contrast that I just plucked at random when searching for something else to join, and was a dwindling league even then – but even so I stuck it out much longer for strictly necessary with my Trumpton Ironsides team until finally jumping ship when the whole thing was really circling the drain. That roster spot went to the J4GL and Mars Rovers instead, since when I've had a static roster for the last 3 1/2 years.

                                              It does make for a satisfying "bank of stats" to reflect on, you're quite right. Every time I think about switching (or just dropping) any league, I end up looking at the teams I've got and the players I've got developing and how they're becoming part of the same bigger picture, and I realise how weirdly committed I am to 'seeing it through' to whatever end...!

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                                                Originally posted by Etienne View Post
                                                Yes, top statting VA, though I should pedantically point out that I used Bradmanesque to describe Ashley Wynne just missing out on a nice round 200 points by one - just like the Don averaging 99.94. By finishing with a nice round 300 points Ali Khan is really the anti-Bradman!
                                                Ahh, no pedantry is always welcome: I missed out on the subtlety of that allusion Etienne, apologies. I thought you were just invoking Bradman in the sense of a player finishing with stats simply head, shoulders and torso out in front of everyone else.

                                                Yes, the 'roundness' of Khan's final figures are definitely part of their unique appeal; he should really have ended with slightly better averages, as it were, of 300 points from c. 394 games, but his retirement season was our first in the Heineken Premiership and so it allowed for a bit of soppiness/OCD on my part, strangely, given that we weren't going to compete at the upper end despite all our successive promotions. It looked like he'd petered out fairly early in that final season, but once I knew we were secure from relegation I could afford to give him cameos for the last half-dozen games so as to make it to that landmark of 400 appearances at the very last.

                                                He's probably still my favourite ever X11 player, so he deserved that though, frankly.


                                                Weirdly, Magnus Barefoot went right off the boil early this current season and so I left him out for a week (starting with a game against Sits' Old Spots, as it happens), and at 37, already on the decline and with no form at all I thought about dropping him permanently then and there – even though he hadn't even announced his retirement. I didn't even notice to start with, but subsequently spotted he was on exactly 400 at the time as well, which almost made me go through it as I liked the neatness of leaving them as joint record-holders. As it turned out, though, we were so shit he ended up making a comeback (against Sean's Methley) a week later and he's been playing again ever since.

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                                                  Oops, just reading that again in the cold light of day, I meant "No, pedantry is always welcome", not that I welcome no pedantry!

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                                                    I've also only just consciously realised that Magnus Barefoot has not only surpassed Ali Khan's club record of 400 appearances since I decided not to permanently drop him earlier this season, he's also outdone Ruud Oberon (formerly Gullit)'s total for Mars Rovers and thus has now played more games (413 and counting for Royal Atlantis) than any other player for any of my teams, ever. And I've handed him every one of those appearances myself.

                                                    Of the players cited by other people a couple of pages back, He's also overtaken Sits' various record-holders Eric Debord, Gaston Purperhart and Quincy Sefton in the same period, and is just four behind Etienne's overall leader Graccheus Babeuf (your comment about misspelling his name makes me think, did you alway spell it 'Gracchus'? Though I notice I just misspelt his surname 'Baboeuf' myself...) on 417. There's 3 games left this Heineken season, and Barefoot will surely announce his retirement after the coming CR, but if he plays them all and gets a couple more appearances in his final campaign that mark is up for grabs too.


                                                    Magnus is still only 4th among active Heineken League players, mind. The current record-holder is the genuinely remarkable Iacob Carigiale, goalkeeper for HLC11's Porter FC, who was bought by their (only) boss Dinihe ahead of their debut campaign five years ago and plunged straight in as number 1 aged 18. Unsurprisingly perhaps they were relegated during their first two seasons, but after bottoming out in HLC18 they've been gradually making their way through the lower divisions ever since and are presently at an all-time high. A 4-day injury ruled 38-year-old Carigiale out for one match a couple of weeks ago, but that was only the 8th he's missed in their entire history. After 20 seasons at the club, he's played in 451 of the 459 games they've ever had.
                                                    At 13 skill he's some way down from his peak of 15 three seasons ago, but he's still got a 70% save ratio this term and 12 clean sheets from 18, and has given no indication of retiring yet so will presumably carry on until at least his 40th birthday.

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