Brand names that don't work

[Lang Spoon]

Joder.

[Lang Spoon]

Your loss Sam, with the lapdance antics. Was never beneath McIlvanney to put on a tutu to liven up a lugubrious monologue.

[Benjm]

Lang, I've got a DVD transfer of a Mailer/Plimpton sportswriter-on-sportswriter tape that'll make your eyes water.

Some of the Richard Baerlein horse stuff is a bit too much though.

[Gerontophile]

I don't actually remember that being the name.

[Lang Spoon]

That’s a Fab, no?

[Gerontophile]

No.

*The Fab has the red bit running all through. But still a nice mix of ice, ice-cream, and serious amounts of E-numbers.

**Might be misremembering the ice-cream part.

[ad hoc]

Jack and Jones

What kind of stupid name is that? It's just annoying on every level

[ad hoc]

There was also one where the choc was on the inside and a Golden rather than yellow banana coating on the out. That’s the Ür Lolly, unfindable with google.

Wiz?

[ad hoc]

[3 Colours Red]

Lang, I've got a DVD transfer of a Mailer/Plimpton sportswriter-on-sportswriter tape that'll make your eyes water.

Some of the Richard Baerlein horse stuff is a bit too much though.

Never play Teddy Bear's Picnic when Keir Radnedge is around is all I'm saying.

As for the Wiz - I can imagine Leslie Crowther being Alex Turner's muse... the over-enunciating, the old skool dress sense, it all fits perfectly into place.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Jack and Jones

What kind of stupid name is that? It's just annoying on every level

I thought for a long time the brand was called Jack Jones. Gave me worrying flashbacks to …



(Or Dad's Army.)

[Jah Womble]

('They don't like it up...oh, never mind...')

I’d have been all night pacing up and down and never got screwball. Fuck I can’t even remember the name of the chocolate and banana ice lolly that was all that and then some in my gaff in the early/mid eighties. I’m sure whatever it’s called would be illegal now, but I’m hungry for shit. Banana flavored shit.

Thinking that this featured a monkey on the wrapper, I looked it up and Google kept returning 'Monkey Bar', of which I have no recollection whatsoever. The only other banana/primate-based ice lolly I can recall was a Jungle Jim - was it that?

The Lolly Gobble Choc Bomb - now that was a short-lived goodie, eh?

Who remembers Spangles, etc..?

[Various Artist]

The Lolly Gobble Choc Bomb - now that was a short-lived goodie, eh?

I didn't realise you were a sportswriter too, Jah. Even McIlvanney would baulk at that kind of activity.

[Sits]

No one has mentioned my favourite boyhood ice lolly:

[ad hoc]

Anyone remember Goal ice lollies? Rather than a joke on the stick they had a little footballer at the top (plastic stick) who you could paint in your team's colours once you'd sucked him clean of frozen sugar. Kevin Keegan took on the role of what we'd now call "brand ambassador" (when he was a player so we must be talking mid seventies)

[Lang Spoon]

Think there’s enough material on this thread to keep Maconie in fresh schtick for a few weeks.

[Lang Spoon]

I believe my elusive Madeleine lolly was a Bananaman branded Lyons maid thing. Banana ice cream on the outside, toffee flavour for the centre.

[Lang Spoon]

I don't actually remember that being the name.

Rock Around the Choc seems to look very similar, don’t remember it though

[ursus arctos]

It is likely down to my twisted New York childhood, but the Lyons Maid logo always struck me as nefarious

[tee rex]

Lyons Maid was ITV, Wall's was BBC, but ice cream depravity was everywhere ...

[Abertwisted]

This is still popular over here in Aus...

[Me Old Flower]

Marks and Spencer's Per Una clothing brand is available here in Finland, which is very close to the word peruna, meaning potato.

I think Jack and Jones is a Danish brand (I think they used to sponsor a professional cycling team too).

[Benjm]

Jack and Jones could both be surnames, which would make it slightly less odd. There's a kitchenware shop in Islington called Gill Wing and I was never sure whether the name referred to one person with a soft 'g', or two with a hard 'g'. I think it was eventually established to be the former.

[ad hoc]

Gill Wing sounds like it ought to have been a purveyor of random animal parts

[Benjm]

They did open a restaurant for a while, during an expansionist phase. Maybe it was one of those nose-to-tail places.

It'd be a good name for a superhero's underwater sled with integral breathing apparatus.

"Oxygen almost gone! Must...reach...Gill Wing!"