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[beak]

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American Pi: teen sex comedy wherein four high school seniors lose their marbles in attempting to complete their life's work in unveiling the mathematical secrets of the universe, whilst being chased by shady agents of Jewish radicalism and big business.

[beak]

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American Pi II: tawdry and completely pointless sequel of the above.

[beak]

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2 Hour Party People: sequel to 24 Hour Party People, following the fortunes of the Factory scene as they realise they're getting on a bit.

[beak]

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Fever Itch: chronicling Nick Hornby's passage from youth to adulthood, as viewed through the prism of his struggle with shingles.

[Toby Gymshorts]

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Grosse Point Lank: John Cusack stars as a freelance hitman struggling with a developing conscience, fear of mortality and greasy, lifeless hair.

[treibeis]

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O Brother, Where Fart Thou?
A suspense-laden game of hide & seek has a blindfolded George Clooney attempting to establish the whereabouts of his male sibling, with only the latter’s pungent flatulence serving as a clue.

[beak]

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Fuck Soup: previously unseen Marx Brothers piece, mothballed for eighty years on account of its displaying attitudes and behaviour towards waiting staff not becoming of the era, but now considered wholly suitable for fans of grossout comedy.

[beak]

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Horse Fathers: previously unseen Marx Brothers piece, mothballed for eighty years on account of its displaying attitudes and behaviour from animals not becoming of the era, but now considered wholly suitable for fans of grossout comedy.

[beak]

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A Woman of 'Aris: previously unseen Chaplin piece, mothballed for ninety years on account of its displaying attitudes and behaviour towards cockney rhyming anal sex not becoming of the era, but now considered wholly suitable for fans of grossout comedy.

[ad hoc]

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Lot in translation - avant-garde film in which a series of talking heads say (in sequence) sok, molto, beaucoup, mucho, mult, mnoštvo, çok,... and so on

[Etienne]

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Heaters. Winona Ryder stars as a new pupil at Cheltenham Ladies struggling to fit in with bitter one-upmanship over whose family has the nicest Aga.

[ad hoc]

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Return of the Jed - The story of the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest

[treibeis]

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Stella Does Ricks
A feature-length three-in-a-bed romp sees Sir Paul McCartney's daughter performing "lewd and despicable acts of depravity" with Messrs. Astley and Wakeman.

[beak]

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Sex, Les, and Videotape: chap has a habit of filming women discussing their sexual fantasies about Les Ferdinand. A deeply disturbing cinematic experience.

[beak]

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Sex, Lies, and Video Ape: chap has a habit of filming women discussing their sexual fantasies about members of superfamily Hominoidea. Even more disturbing than the previous: avoid.

[beak]

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The Wold Is Not Enough: spy thriller in which Pierce Brosnan kicks back against his superiors, frustrated by the limited scope of their ambitions.

[Crystal Staples]

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The Ringo: After a spate of deaths in a small Washington town, detectives' attentions are drawn to a video of seemingly random images, the viewing of which is always followed by the telephone ringing and the viewer being told that they will die in seven days by the cheerful voice of Thomas the Tank Engine. Their investigations bring them to the bottom of a disused well, where the body of a Liverpudlian drummer is found decomposing in the octopus's garden in the shade.

[ad hoc]

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Danes with Wolves (original title Ååæåæåæåæåæåæåæåærrrggghhh)- the film that ended the Dogme movement. Director Carl Lurpack wanted to film a jungle book style story of a boy growing up with wolves, but the dogme ethos involved them tracking down a pack of wild wolves and filming with them with no other stuff brought in. Predictably the boy was savaged, and in trying to save him Lurpack himself was torn limb from limb. His fellow dogme directors decided that Lurpack would have wanted the film released in its entirety but public reaction was so appalled that the movement never really surfaced again

[Toby Gymshorts]

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Ååæåæåæåæåæåæåæåærrrggghhh

How are you pronouncing that?

[beak]

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Controll: Hungarian black comedy starring Sandor Csanyi as Ian Curtis, a terminally depressed ticket inspector on the Budapest metro.

[hobbes]

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The Unbearable Lightness of Bing
Documentary looking at the allegations that the singer and actor Bing Crosby fought a life-long battle with eating disorders.

[hobbes]

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Solent Green

A mysterious plague of Algae invade the Southampton Area.

[nmrfox]

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Les Miserable - biopic of how famed gardener and QPR centre forward Les Ferdinand's glittering career ended in solitude and unhappiness in the East Midlands with only a small unfenced garden to tend.

Blades Runner - Uplifting Sean Bean film in how our hero overcomes his lack of footballing ability by being able to sprint 100 metres in 10.3 seconds and getting to wear the famous red and white stripes as a right winger in Sheffield Uniteds halycon days in Division 4.

[Slightly Brown]

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The Three Stodges: a mince pie, a round of bread and a bag of chips nyuk-nyuk, finger-poke and pratfall their way into an early grave. A big hit with the hungover set.

[beak]

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Pooper: in the future, the mob take care of their enemies by disappearing them up their own arseholes.