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The Former Brother-in-Law

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    The Former Brother-in-Law

    I remember the first time I met him when my future wife took me to a rough pub in Gorton. Until then I'd never in my life been in a place quite like that, containing people like that, and so it was a relief to escape home to the foothills of the Pennines at the end of the day.

    He and I were never remotely close. He carried with him throughout his adult life the burden of having to move out of the family home before he was ready because his mother was remarrying and due to past misdemeanours he was excluded from the package and had to go live on his own. He was sixteen then.

    Uneducated, lost, he began to drift. Some bad experiences with drugs eventually drove him to devout religion. He could (and usually did) drone on endlessly about The Lord. When bro-in-law's phone number popped up on our caller display I'd make myself scarce in order to avoid his latest sermon.

    One day he arrived at our house to collect an old car we no longer wanted. Tying an extremely long tow rope to the front of the car, he jumped into the driver's seat and gave his mate in the towing car the thumbs up. This was a really long tow rope. His mate's car disappeared out of our street while a sizeable length of rope remained coiled in front of our old car. Eventually the slack was taken up, our car jerked forward and slipped silently out of sight. You can probably guess what happened at the first junction they came to. He just shrugged it off; one more failure added to a long list.

    His health wasn't great. He'd take time off work. As a result of his "unreliability" jobs came and went. Eventually he qualified as a cabbie, working the city centre taxi ranks because they were busiest. They were also the roughest. He saw killings. He had a gun held to his head. And of course he had the occasional drunk shitting on his car seat.

    Coping mechanisms, we all need them. Bro-in-law would go back to his bedsit at the end of his shift and drink super strength lager.

    We can feel like an orphan at any age. When his mother died, having never managed to heal the wounds of his abandonment, bro-in-law quit his taxiing and simply retreated further into himself. Eventually his sister coaxed him out of his despair and he attempted to return to taxiing. But there was a problem with his licence application. Apparently alcoholic taxi drivers aren't in high demand in Manchester.

    And that seemed to be that. He continued living a modest, withdrawn life. But it appears that around this time even his Faith began to show signs of strain.

    A couple of months ago he tried to kill himself. As macabre as it sounds this felt almost inevitable. Upon release from hospital he tried a second time and was sectioned. He should be released to an uncertain future later this week.

    It's so hard to see a happy ending for the bloke. His life, at least for the thirty years I've known (of) him, seems shrouded in doom. He's tried and so far failed to find purpose. We wait with consternation to see whether a month in a psychiatric ward has given him back his appetite for life.




    #2
    Poor bloke. Rejection and super strength lager are a deadly mix. I should know. Life long depression is just even more tragic if it happens to somebody who is quite stoical and fundamentally decent. At least if your not like that you don't have to keep trying and accept yourself for what you are, without the feeling of guilt.

    ​​​​​Throw in religion and its worse. For every person religion helps it will damage someone else.

    I presume you say former brother in law because of your own circumstances, Horn?

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      #3
      Damn, what a sad story. It seems life has dealt him a rough hand which he couldn't play. I hope he manages to take the corner.

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        #4
        A tragic tale but beautifully written, HORN.

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          #5
          Originally posted by Nocturnal Submission View Post
          A tragic tale but beautifully written, HORN.
          Seconded

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            #6
            A deeply sad story. 16 is no age to turn a child out into the world. Imagine thinking about that your whole life.

            Aside from that bit and the religion, that's my brother in law to the letter. We'll get the phone call one day.

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              #7
              So sad to hear, he reminds me of one of my childhood friends. He was always the wild one, up for a dare and usually coming out the worst of it. As he moved into his twenties it became less funny, a half arsed attempted bank robbery brought him to police attention, he moved to the UK and finally saw jail time when he tried to sell the house he was renting to a young couple. I met a mutual friend last year, and heard that he had been sectioned in a secure mental health facility, suffering from schizophrenia. In his case, self medicating with strong cannabis was the problem.

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                #8
                It's shocking how closely linked addiction and mental health are. I don't know whether it's causal or correlative, but they both seem to factor into every story like this.

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                  #9
                  That's a sad portrait, HORN. i feel for him and also for your one-time future wife.

                  There are still so few resources for dealing with complex illnesses, like depression, but they are needed urgently. Most people have to rely on sympathetic but unqualified friends and family. Those relationships are bound to become strained. Supporting a person prone to complex mental illness is an immense task. Nobody should have to do it without substantial professional backing or training. But that is almost impossible to access, and there's hardly anything being done 'upstream' in monitoring and prevention.
                  Last edited by laverte; 16-06-2020, 14:13.

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                    #10
                    That’s a sad story in the OP, Horn. And it’s made me remember a good friend who couldn’t cope - despite the outward trappings of a comfortable life and quite privileged background - who basically lost her family and eventually drank herself to death at the age of 54 last year.

                    And best wishes to Laverte too: I’ve a couple of acquaintances that live with advanced MS and I know it can be both a huge physical and mental challenge at times for them too.

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Logan Mountstuart View Post
                      I presume you say former brother in law because of your own circumstances, Horn?
                      Divorce, yes.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by HORN Reborn View Post
                        We wait with consternation to see whether a month in a psychiatric ward has given him back his appetite for life.
                        Given my experience of (visiting, having family in) such places, I've really no idea why it would. Poor sod. What a shitty life, and what a shitty world (with a fucking rotten and useless "mental health system") to leave him to that.

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                          #13
                          Such a sad tale, thank you for sharing. I wonder how many more people are going to suffer because of Covid-19 and this fucking government.

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                            #14
                            Horn, it's really admirable that you're thinking so much about someone else even though you've been through divorce.

                            I'll be honest enough to say that it's taken me a decade to even lift my head and think how other people might feel.

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                              #15
                              That story didn’t end quite as tragically as I was expecting, which is good, I suppose.

                              As a species, we need to be investing way more resources into mental health research and treatment. It would pay for itself in the long run and make life so much better for everyone.

                              As it is, even people who have access to mental health care may struggle a lot and face a lot of conflicting opinions and uncertain diagnoses.

                              Access to care isn’t very good in the UK and Canada, I’m told, but it’s not very good here either. So many counselors don’t take insurance at all because it doesn’t pay much and they can find enough clients who are desperate and/or rich enough to pay out of pocket.

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