X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

[Sits]

The Spots have made it to the top flight, just managing to edge out Starchaser in what was effectively a play-off for third place.

The DVs are a mess, there's no money, and two Red Cross injuries in midfield will last through much of silly season. Next season could be ugly.

[Kevin S]

Is that your first time in the Heineken Premiership Sits?

[nmrfox]

Is that your first time in the Heineken Premiership Sits?

Log into X11 and take a look yourself Kev (insert smiley winky hopeful face)

[delicatemoth]

In 'stuff that wouldn't happen in real football', today's Brythonnic game saw a player from each side booked for handball in the first two minutes.

[Steve GNR]

I have a strong suspicion that there is cheating going on in a private league I'm a member of. I was chatting to VA on the xpert eleven site itself and he suggested to bring it to the table here. A little bit of context. This league was my introduction to the game and I know 5 members personally, including the lad I suspect of foul play. It's always a great conversation piece whenever we meet up and as you can imagine, winning the league is a great buzz. Last season I lost the league on goal difference to the lad I think is up to no good. VA recommended sending an email to one of the moderators detailing the problem, which I have done. Here it is, sorry on phone can't find quoting.

"

Hi Gordon, would really appreciate you having a look at this when you get the time.

League name: Eoin Hand Memorial..ID 65817

I strongly suspect that a manager of a team (Arsebiscuits) in this league has two logins or is in cahoots with another manager. The other team is Dynamo Gyporium. My team is Rayo Dundalk.

I became suspicious after the last round of games in the league. Gyporium had been having a decent season and they took two points of my side in the first round of games. Arsebiscuits however beat them 0-5. When I looked at their line-up Gyporium had fielded a 2 skill 22 year old goalkeeper, David Brennan. This keeper had made only two appearances previously. One was when replacing an injured keeper (his best performance by the way "3"..2017-03-13), the other against Arsebiscuits last season. (2017-09-04). Gyporium also dropped their star midfielder, Byron van Engalanar (14 skill). They also changed to 3-5-2 after a long run of 4-5-1. Arsebiscuits correctly guessed the change, as well as a change to wing plays by Gyporium. Of Gyporium's front 2, one is a 20 year old 7 skill midfielder, while a goal sq striker doesn't even make the bench.

After looking at the matches leading up to last Friday's round I looked at the first meeting of the sides this season, 2017-11-10. Arsebiscuits win 1-0 at home. However, there is a change of formation by Gyporium again after a long run of 4-5-1. They change to 4-4-2 and once again it is guessed by Arsebiscuits. I tend to play 3-5-2 a lot and rarely change. The Arsebiscuits manager always prepares for me. What I'm saying is he's the type of manager that will look at your most likely formation and prepare for that.

Cheers,

Steve.

Obviously there's a lot of circumstantial evidence there, but the 2 skill goalie thing is a pisstake. Has anything ever had any experience of this kind of thing?

[Wouter D]

Obviously there's a lot of circumstantial evidence there, but the 2 skill goalie thing is a pisstake. Has anything ever had any experience of this kind of thing?

Nope. How annoying.

[Sits]

The cheating we’ve generally seen to date is financial doping through multiple logins, and misuse of Boosts.

This looks well dodgy though Steve.

[Various Artist]

Yeah, I look forward to seeing how this one comes out in the wash Steve. Learning that the bloke involved is someone you actually know puts a really unwelcome extra twist on the whole thing, though, which I didn't anticipate when I proffered my advice! Was going to say I hope it doesn't ruin a real-life friendship – but then if he's the kind to a.) do this kind of thing at all, and b.) do it to someone he ostensibly likes, then frankly it's his own damn fault.

[Various Artist]

In 'stuff that wouldn't happen in real football', today's Brythonnic game saw a player from each side booked for handball in the first two minutes.

Heheh, love it DM.


If you ever figure out the necessary reading of chicken entrails or whatever dark art's required to divine the reasons some players respond badly to being left out of the team (or being left in the team, or playing poorly, or playing well, or...) then do please let us all know, by the way!

[Various Artist]

The Spots have made it to the top flight, just managing to edge out Starchaser in what was effectively a play-off for third place.

The DVs are a mess, there's no money, and two Red Cross injuries in midfield will last through much of silly season. Next season could be ugly.

Only just been catching up with Friday's results, and was delighted to see you'd done it Sits. Even a trademark stoppage-time Starchaser goal (as I said the other day, "Starchaser are Royal Atlantis' greatest nemeses, getting the better of us more often that not in our numerous clashes over the seasons – with a particular predilection for crucial late goals.") couldn't derail the Spots' charge into the top flight.

It'll be great to have you there next season, not least because it means we still get a derby after Methley's unfortunate relegation. To think, Zeugmademirspor, Meteor Street Creatives, Gremlic United, Great Bustards and Hambledon Legacy as well as the Percies all preceded us into the top tier – all that time we were creeping up toward the Premiership, I always figured it would be fantastically stuffed with OTFers if and when we ever caught up.

We finished our debut crack at it with a creditable 1-1 draw at JahJahs Disco Pants, helping ensure they wouldn't snatch a ninth title and that Athletico Barceloneta would instead claim a fifth. Our talisman and the club's last founding player Ali Khan came on as planned in the last minute of his last ever game, to finish with an amazing round 400 appearances and 300 points. My favourite ever X11 player, of all those I've managed at any of my teams, and surely the greatest achiever: 183 career goals, 117 assists, top points, goals and assists in the Heineken, 126 Xpert XIs, 14 promotions, 7 divisional titles, 29 individual medals including 20 gold. I'm going to bloody miss him.

[pebblethefish]

You mean you didn't start him, and then sub him in the minute of his shirt number? No wonder people are complaining the game is unrealistic!

[Sits]

Thanks VA. And Sulawesi Babirusas have just secured promotion to the Brythonnic top flight so that's nice.

All I need now is Berkshire Swine to actually score a goal.

[Etienne]

Are you saying you didn't mark the whistle of our last game with a contented smile and "job done" on your lips?

[Sits]

Well the draw was satisfactory obviously, but being boring gets boring.

[ad hoc]

All I need now is Berkshire Swine to actually score a goal.

I imagine that's an issue which will be solved in the very near future.

[Sits]

Don't bet on it.

[Steve GNR]

Yeah, I look forward to seeing how this one comes out in the wash Steve. Learning that the bloke involved is someone you actually know puts a really unwelcome extra twist on the whole thing, though, which I didn't anticipate when I proffered my advice! Was going to say I hope it doesn't ruin a real-life friendship – but then if he's the kind to a.) do this kind of thing at all, and b.) do it to someone he ostensibly likes, then frankly it's his own damn fault.

Will keep you posted. The thing is the league is ruined now, it will never be the same. I still haven't got a reply from my email to support. And I'm at a loss to how I'll bring it up. Maybe a question on the offending match about the 2 skill goalie?

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

Xpert help needed. I'm locked out oif VIP and can't renew online. Has anyone else had this problem? It's happening on work and home PC, both Internet Explorer and Chome.

[wiblflibl]

I read in one of the Scribbles that the monthly pay option no longer works but the buy 3/6/9/whatever months is still okay.

[Vicarious Thrillseeker]

They have a payment problem and gave me a month's subscription while they sort it out.

[Wouter D]

The Human League top flight Battle Royale has somehow intensified even further since our last update on this thread. With three games to go, the top-seven can conceivably still win the title. There is only one point between the top-three, and enough matches between this top-three to let the rest overtake them. The situation:

Rank	Team	Pts	GD	GF
1.	Suffragette City	29	11	22
2.	Monstrous Regiment	28	10	28
3.	Märkische Mädels	28	10	23
4.	Braceby Ladies	25	4	21
5.	Just Plain Random	24	5	25
6.	Holkham Forest	23	9	23
7.	Great Ouse Town	23	-1	17

Remaining fixtures for the top-three:

Round 16:
Märkische Mädels - Monstrous Regiment
Holkham Forest - Suffragette City

Round 17:
Monstrous Regiment - Braceby Ladies
Just Plain Random - Suffragette City
Holkham Forest - Märkische Mädels

Round 18:
Märkische Mädels - Suffragette City
Monstrous Regiment - Chapelizod Hornets

Special mention for Les Sangliers who find themselves in the relegation spots with a positive goal difference.

[Etienne]

We were fucking terrible today, having been brilliant in our last match. No idea what is going on.

[Hot Orange]

Five wins and a draw from six games had taken Holkham Forest to within three points of the top but apparently was also enough to trigger a form collapse, particularly across the defence (this is the thing I most don't understand about this game - a run of good results should mean form is good, shouldn't it?). We have lost the two subsequent games, with our opponents justifiably fancying their chances whenever they get near our goal.

So now it's relegation that concerns us. We're five points clear of Les Sangliers, but they will beat Chapelizod on Saturday. Our remaining opponents are currently 1st, 3rd and 4th.

Edit: And our DVs are absolutely shocking.

[Wouter D]

On the other hand, it is far from unlikely that after the next round Holkham Forest are still in sixth place, but trailing the league leaders by only three points. I mean,

Märkische Mädels 0-0 Monstrous Regiment
Holkham Forest 1-0 Suffragette City
Braceby Ladies 1-0 Great Ouse Town
Just Plain Random 1-0 GirlsLikeUs FC

would do the trick.

[ad hoc]

Woohoo! Team of the Month in the Human League, literally hours after a disappointing home draw drops us out of the promotion zone. And also very happy to see a similar award for Locomotiv Noj in OTF.