X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

[pebblethefish]

Apologies all. Further apologies in advance to those who actually read the damn thing.

Hush, stop fishing for compliments! You know we all read it, it's the highlight of our week.

[Wouter D]

The shots stats that day read 7-1 to Nieuwegein, the result read 0-1 to (10-man!) Wharfedale

This sort of result is hard to accept, so it's good that that one was a dead rubber.

[lambers]

I see lambers has an official-leagues side as of last month – Town City Rovers in the League of Champs. A solid-looking squad, the previous manager having been in charge for eight and a half years and only recently led them to Div 3 for the first time ever. They're currently involved in what is shaping up to be a cracking battle in Division 4f for the playoff slot, though in the last five games they could potentially land anything between the title and relegation...!

To update anyone interested – at the start of today we were third, level with second on points, five points behind first but sitting just three points above relegation with three games remaining.

Now, after an unexpectedly dominant display this afternoon (despite me choosing to play a couple of youngsters, including the keeper), TCR now sit in second. We are one point ahead of third and now six points ahead of relegation – which actually makes us safe as fifth and sixth will need to win both their remaining games to overhaul us, and they both play the team in fourth, who need at least three points to get to second.

If we win the next game and the team in first don't, then we play them on the final day in a 'winner takes all' match, which could conversely see us slip out of the play-offs even with a draw.

If that's not enough permutations for the league, the teams in seventh and eight are both just three points from safety – but they both play each other on the final day, so they won't be able to finagle a result where they both stay up.

In conclusion, it's incredibly tight and poised for an incredible final day in two week's time.

[Etienne]

Thanks very much Sits . I owe you a pint of Heineken.

[delicatemoth]

I appreciated that bit about my team. I don't think I personally have topped the league since season 28 or thereabouts, when Kate Bush/Arctic Insects were at their peak. I think we finished 2nd after I 'did a Keegan' and got a player we didn't really need with bad compatibility. No idea if the stats people can dig out my old team's records as they were liquidated.

[Sits]

Thanks very much Sits . I owe you a pint of Heineken.

I’ll hold you to that. Nobody was as surprised as me. Except maybe RichardSP.

[Etienne]

I appreciated that bit about my team. I don't think I personally have topped the league since season 28 or thereabouts, when Kate Bush/Arctic Insects were at their peak. I think we finished 2nd after I 'did a Keegan' and got a player we didn't really need with bad compatibility. No idea if the stats people can dig out my old team's records as they were liquidated.

Not really. Once a team disappears, that's it. And the season overview only goes back as far as season 32.

[Sits]

I’ve realised something about the way I partake of Xpert 11:

I like having a new team to work with. I like buying and selling players. I like attempting to nuance my perfect conveyor belt. I like choosing nice kits and badges. I like theming my player names.

I don’t like setting tactics.

The upshot of this is that I have an assortment of pretty teams which are pleasing numerically (to an accountant) and wear lovely VA Soorts kits, but don’t quite achieve what they should. Realistically that probably won’t change much.

Anyway that’s just an aside. The more important thing is that I’ve joined the waiting list for the XPert Ladies. If you can all be there, I can be there.

[Various Artist]

Maybe we should merge our operations Sits. I've already established that I'm a better tactician than I am a team-builder, so if I could concentrate on the matchday coaching efforts while you perform your typical fine role as general manager then we ought to be unstoppable.


And it would be great to see you back in the Xpert Ladies. Though your habit of writing XPert (with a capital P, as if to emphasise the Pert) probably ought to be addressed before they allow you back in...

[Various Artist]

I appreciated that bit about my team. I don't think I personally have topped the league since season 28 or thereabouts, when Kate Bush/Arctic Insects were at their peak. I think we finished 2nd after I 'did a Keegan' and got a player we didn't really need with bad compatibility. No idea if the stats people can dig out my old team's records as they were liquidated.

You're very welcome, I thought it was well worth flagging up... so I'm delighted you didn't immediately plunge from the top minutes after I'd written up your achievement like that, and indeed consolidated your lead at the top by maintaining your flying start. If it hadn't been for a last-ditch Dragons goal, the Starmers would've been an improbable 4 points clear after only 3 games!

Not really. Once a team disappears, that's it. And the season overview only goes back as far as season 32.

Well, you could dig back in/Google search the previous discussion thread here for any discussion pertaining thereto, DM.

And with manual adjustment of the URL, the earlier Season Overviews are visible, though you seem to have come a fairly distant 3rd in that particular season:

(Note it still says '32' on the right, but that's because it defaults to the earliest saved one whenever an earlier Overview has been manually brought up like this.)

Looking back through some earlier ones again, the nearest the Insects came seems to have been a very close three-way battle with Steaua and Zeugma in S22 – could this have been the one you were thinking of DM?

Albeit, note that three teams who played that season evidently never made it to the officially-recorded era of S32 onwards, as there were clearly 10 in the top flight judging by the 18 games played – only the 7 who lasted at least as far as S32 are still kept in the database. So it's possible there might've been still more teams involved in the title picture, though given the closeness between the top 3 there I doubt the three of you actually finished in any positions bar the podium ones.

(Edit: In fact, judging by the goal differences, it's far more likely to have been teams from nearer to or at the bottom end of the table that season who are missing. The 7 extant GDs here add up to +66, so some or all those three teams must have had pretty lousy ones to cancel that imbalance out.)

[delicatemoth]

It might have been that one, yes. It was before McPencers, when Kenny McDonald was the senior midfielder and Glasscow, Howison and Johnstone were all entering their prime. The player I bought was a goalie who I thought would be the finishing touch, but he was terrible and I have to assume he had bad compatibility. That last bit suggests I hadn't been playing that long, and I started in s14 or thereabouts, so s22 sounds reasonable from that p-o-v too.

[Janik]

Xpert XI official Ladies League Season 59, Matchday 2 report.

Xpert Ladies

Drakaina                0 - 0   Year Zero


Division 2b

Mauchline Belles        1 - 1   ShamLam Doobily Dodgers
McRenton 4'                     Nestor 66'


Division 3e

Misconduct United       4 - 5   Coxy Ladies Wulpen
Marquez 35', 86'                Wostijn 23', 27'
Smallwood 53', 80'              Kabasele 56', 83'
                                Beyen 75'


Division 4h

PVFC Ladies             0 - 1   Viking South Utsira
                                Y.Klovning 74'


Division 4j

San Francisco Wet Cats  0 - 2   Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC
                                Luangpruksachat 20'
                                Wibawa 76'


Division 4k

Bombay Green Rockets    1 - 1   Tarrentas
N?rnberger 58'                  Umezu 91'
Ferrante (sent off) 79'


Division 4p

Csiki Girls             0 - 2   Gaia Superior
                                Gefvert 54'
                                Dande 78'


Division 5:16

AC Huulipuna            2 - 0   Rising Stars
Chaves 33'
Coppell 83'


Division 5:17

LNWR Locomotive         2 - 0   SLB Femenino
Reisinho 18'
Nixon 75'


Division 5:19

Ullapool Northern Star  1 - 3   Wheelies Wobblers
Mair 44'                        Vidakovic 27', 72'
                                Lucker 82'


Division 5:26

S and P                 2 - 0   Zeugma Dostluk Spor
Freitas 10', 92'


Division 5:28

Iron empress            2 - 0   Menywod Maeshafn
Joy 25'
Wildmann 79'


Division 6:41

Hazeldean Inchmistress  7 - 0   Parg Fur
Pedersen 1'
Mej?a 7', 12', 14', 38', 38'
Barnes (pen) 23'
Ronaldinho 31'


Division 6:42

Invisible Ladies        6 - 0   Rossi FC Ladies
Shuttlewood 5', 20'
Parsons 27', 83'
Clark 11'
Salci (O.G.) 46'


Division 6:56

Dublin City Womens FC   0 - 4   PunkGirls
                                Kennedy 32', 87'
                                Ulfb?ge 35'
                                Brit 83'

The first ever top flight game at Delphi really conveyed the company that Drakaina are now in as Season 53, 55, 56 and 57 champions Year Zero were the opponents. That said visitors may be past their peak after they only finished fifth last season. Their squad is ageing. But these were still big names that The Dragons’ players would have been pinching themselves slightly to be sharing a pitch with.
Once the opening whistle blew though Etienne’s side were all business. Drakaina could argue they had the better of the game as they created more chances than their visitors, albeit from slightly below 50% of the ball. And they did so despite losing a key midfielder, Elena Gitsis, to a 12-day injury just 26 minutes in.
What was missing from this game though was goals – it finished scoreless. A point gained for The Dragons? Well, yes, seeing as it’s their first ever in The Xpert Ladies’ marquee division. That sole point from their opening two matches has the Greeks seventh in the table.

An opening draw for Mauchline Belles was a bit half full/half empty for manager Jdsx and raised the awful spectre of the third-straight hair-raising fight against the drop. Would the Scots tip the needle towards one end of the dial with a decisive result, any sort of decisive result, from their match against ShamLam Doobily Dodgers.
The Belles start was good, Lisa McRenton putting them ahead in just the 4th minute when she fired home from close range. Then it was ref Dick Tator to the rescue after he disallowed a ShamLam equaliser in the 9th minute. However the rest of the match saw the Doobily Dodgers pushing for that leveller, which they eventually got in the 66th minute. And no more.
So another draw for The Belles. Their two points from two games leaves them… fifth in Division 2b, a point outside the drop zone. Nurse! Nurse! It’s happening again!!

[deep breath]
Nothing particularly out of the ordinary was going to happen when Coxy Ladies Wulpen visited Misconduct United. Was it?
The first 30 minutes had straightforward away win written all over it as The Waders made almost all the running, creating a string of chances. These opportunities piled up until Aurelie Wostijn struck twice in four minutes (23 and 27) to put Wulpen 2-0 up.
The Waders players clearly felt this was job done, as they promptly went totally to sleep allowing Misconduct a run of four chances in five minutes. This spell culminated in a goal back for the hosts on 35 minutes… at which point they also eased off the gas. At least their forwards did. The Misconduct defenders approach to the game was unchanged from the outset and was now being followed by their Coxy Ladies counterparts. Instructed by their manager to play carefully (on account of hardcore ref Dick Tator), they took the message generally and implemented impeccably observed two metre social distancing, combined with loud tutting at any forwards who disregarded this and tried to attack and then moaning about the lack of manners of the same on internet message boards. This method has a proven rate of success in altering others behaviour (0% is a rate just as much as 100% is).
Chances continued to rain in at both ends therefore, the first half having 12 sights of goal in total combined across the two teams, Wulpen with the majority share of 7. And also a 2-1 lead. Breathless, right? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
The second period got underway with more opportunities and swiftly brought the fourth goal of the afternoon. It came in the 53rd minute and went to Misconduct, bringing the score back to 2-2. But as Wulpen boss Janik was bemoaning his side wasting their good start by not scoring enough to kill the game off, and thereby letting their opponents off the hook, Jessica Kabasele struck with a header from a corner to make the score 3-2. The teams were level for only three minutes.
Another goal from the corner in the 75th minute, this one finished by the left foot of Charlotte Beyen, put Coxy Ladies back two goals ahead. Time to relax for Waders fans and coaching staff? Oh no, as just five minutes later Misconduct closed to 4-3. Kabasele’s second header of the day edged Wulpen out to 5-3 ahead on 83 minutes, but still the goals came as the hosts clawed their way back to 4-5 on 86. However this time, finally, the scoring (and the chances) had dried up as the match concluded with just the nine goals.
But not all the issues of the day as, despite the epic win, Coxy Ladies actually dropped a place in the nascent Division 3e table slipping from top, as they had been after the opening game, to second on goal difference. If only the first tie-breaker was goals scored, hey children?

Viking South Utsira were looking to back up their opening day win when they travelled to Glasgow to take on PVFC Ladies, who continue to have nothing to do with Port Vale as far as I can tell.
The Blood Eagles played the game on the counter-attack. Or at least that is what I assume from the statistics, which show PVFC with a substantial chunk more possession but chances evenly split. There was to be only one goal in the game, which arrived in the 74th minute, Yasmine Klovning ghosting off the shoulder of her marker and being set clear by a threaded ball by Bergljot Kvalvik. Klovning finished unfussily.
That was the only really notable moment of the game as Velvet Android’s side didn’t play to their absolute best, but did do enough to remain one of the two 100% sides in Division 4h after two rounds of matches. The Blood Eagles are the one with the weaker goal difference, so sit second in the standings currently.

With an opening day home draw in their back pockets, Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC made their way to the Clam Valley Arena as they sought their first win of the Division 4j campaign at San Francisco Wet Cats.
The Sea Spirits were the first side to register a significant blow, Thao-Ap Luangpruksachat firing SeanoftheShed’s charges ahead from all of 35 yards in the 20th minute. The sides then exchanged disallowed goals, Rahma Ikmal the Kanjeng player denied, as the half ended 1-0 to the visitors. This was a fair reflection of the balance of play in the period.
The second half also saw The Sea Goddesses looking the stronger outfit, and they added to their lead on 76 minutes with another scorcher from distance, Aulia Wibawa the player to let fly on this occasion. That was the last notable happening of the game as the Indonesians closed out their 2-0 win comfortably enough.
Kanjeng stand fourth in the early 4j running.

After a bit of a miss-fire on the first launch attempt, Bombay Green Rockets had a second go at putting their season into ascent when they welcomed Tarrentas to The Common.
The first half was a stalemate with no chances to either side, though visitors Tarrentas did have more of the ball. However it was HKS3’s Rockets who struck first, Tina N?rnberger heading home a 58th minute corner.
Tarrentas came on strong following Bombay’s opener though, particularly after the Green Rockets were reduced to 10 as Amalea Ferrante went off prematurely in the 79th minute (straight red card). As time ticked down it looked like The Rockets would survive the ensuing onslaught, only to finally capitulate in stoppage time. However, having held on to then meant they escaped with a draw from a match they could very easily have lost.
One point from two games currently has Bombay seventh in the Division 4k table.

[Janik]

Another side looking for their first points following promotion were Csiki Girls, who hosted Gaia Superior at A kertem.
Csiki’s boss Ad hoc’s team selection, a 5-4-1 formation, suggests he was looking for a point of any sort from the game. If that was the strategy it kind of worked and kind of didn’t. The balance of play was very even, and the number of chances for each side significantly limited. Unfortunately for the Csiki’s they failed to convert both of theirs whilst Gaia… didn’t do that, striking in the 54th and 78th minutes.
A somewhat sobering afternoon for the Transylvanians left them bottom of the nascent Division 4p standings, the only side in their section yet to register a point. They also haven’t scored a goal yet, either but are not the only 4p team that stat is true of.

Both Rising Stars and their matchday 2 hosts AC Huulipuna came into their game on the back of opening goalless draws.
Huulipuna were the first to break their duck, taking the lead on 33 minutes. And they probably deserved it, maybe not quite on the first half performance but overall on the match as Blamb’s Stars were off fairly low magnitude on this particular evening. Still visible though, and they arguably did enough to have broken their duck. Except they didn’t. Instead it was Huulipuna who scored again on 83 minutes to end Rising’s chances.
The Stars one point haul to date has them sixth in the early Division 5:16 running.

Week 2 of the Division 5:17 season brought familiar foes to Mollington Street as LNWR Locomotive faced last season’s Division 6:34 title rivals SLB Femenino after the pair were both promoted following The Steamers win in the play-offs.
Locomotive picked up one point from their two games against SLB last season after an away draw was followed up by a home defeat. Viktor Boskovic was determined his side wouldn’t go the same way this time, and was celebrating as soon as the 18th minute, which was when Fl?via Reisinho put LNWR ahead. It’s a good job Reisinho got the goal in then as unfortunately her day didn’t last much longer as she went off with a 12 day injury just five minutes after netting.
Following the goal The Steamers retreated and allowed SLB to shade possession and chances. However they were still looking for a serpent’s strike and got one with 15 minutes to play when Charlotte Nixon struck with a direct free-kick.
That was all she wrote, Locomotive making it two wins from two, both with clean sheets compared to 6:34 champions SLB’s one point from two games and no goals scored. Despite that perfect record, The Steamers are not top of 5:17 or even second, but instead find themselves currently third.

Two confident teams met at Minchview after both Ullapool Northern Star and Wheelies Wobblers won their opening games.
The Wobblers were the first to open their account in this one, going ahead on 27 minutes. Northern Star struck back though through Mary-Leslie Mair’s close range strike in the dying minutes of the first half.
Actually Mair’s strike was somewhat against the run of play when it arrived. And then, after the break, one side really stepped things up. Unfortunately it wasn’t Polaris but rather the Wobblers who made the running. Delicatemoth’s side fought the incoming tide up until the 72nd minute, but like King Cnut her feet eventually got wet. By full time it was shin deep as the Wobblers added a third on 82 minutes, by which point the seaside picnic was utterly ruined. And it was a bold choice in the first place as it’s usually a bit cold for such frivolities in Ullapool!
Defeat left Northern Star sitting on the fifth run of the Division 5:19 ladder.

Matchday 2 sent Zeugma Dostluk Spor to a side whose name I’m going to censor, not because it is sexist per se (though it is unnecessarily sexualised and other things posted by their manager tell you all you need to know about him) but because it would like set off all sorts of work-based content filters. Let’s call them S&P for short.
And let’s also not dwell too long on the fixture given that it didn’t go the way of Antepli Ejderha’s side. ZDS shipped an opener on 10 minutes, and then saw the game taken fully away from them when S&P added a second in second-half stoppage time.
That loss means its two defeats from two for Zeugma in Division 5:26 this season, both without scoring. It looks like the loss of form that cost them promotion at the death last season has been rolled over to this campaign. AE will need to reverse that and pronto if a painful campaign is to be avoided.

If LNWR Locomotive’s meeting with SLB Femenino upthread was the meeting of two familiar foes, then Menywod Maeshafn’s trip to Iron empress needs a term indicating a far greater level of intimacy after the sides played an additional five friendlies last season on top of their two league meetings.
The two teams with the fewest secrets from each other in the entire league still produced a decent game, though not a great one from a Maeshafn perspective. The high point of the day for isThatcherDeadYet’s side came as early as the second minute when Morgan Beck had the ball in the empress net, and was also rather hollow as Beck’s effort was disallowed by Seymour Red. After that Iron empress were the side on top with Red seeing nothing amiss with their two strikes on 25 and 79 minutes.
The loss saw Maeshafn drop to seventh in the Division 5:28 standings at this early point in proceedings.

There is a lot of pent up frustration at Ken Higgs Avenue over Hazeldean Inchmistress’ struggles over the last season or so. Someone was going to cope it, and that side turned out to be managerless zombies Parg Fur.
The massacre started just seconds into the game, Line Pedersen firing home. Following that Imperials nominated free-kick taker Elvia Mej?a discovered she had the beating of Parg goalkeeper Marina Kranjc and promptly put not one, not two but three set pieces past Kranjic in quick succession (7, 12 and 14 minutes).
After a brief aberration of a Parg Fur attack which ended in a disallowed goal, it was normal service with Kelli Barnes added a fifth from the spot on 23 minutes, Marina Ronaldinho heading a sixth on 31 and Mej?a getting her fourth of the day but first from open play on 38. At which point Inchmistress got bored and shut up shop for the rest of the game, ignoring the urgings of boss Foxy265 to go for the goal difference.
What Hazeldean had accrued was enough to lift them to fourth in the Division 6:41 table, ahead of two other sides with the same points on GD.

Invisible Ladies were looking for a similar bounceback to Hazeldean against a similarly weak (but not zombiefied) foe when they took on Rossi FC Ladies.
The See-Throughs ruthlessly crushed Rossi’s young side, racing into an obviously decisive four-goal lead within half-an-hour of the opening whistle. Aileen Shuttlewood got the first for PebbletheFish’s side from distance after 5 minutes, and also the third on 20. Shuttlewood also assisted Catlyn Parsons for the fourth of the day on 27, a favour return for Parson’s teeing up Shuttlewood’s opener. Parsons also laid on the second of the day for Phoebe Clark on 11 minutes.
An own goal from Rossi’s Sultan Salci increased the margin to five in the opening minute of the second half, and it was further extended to six with 83 on the clock when Parsons completed her brace for the day. The San Seethrough crowd went home happy. They did so with their team third in the Division 6:42 standings.

I believe that Dublin City Womens FC boss Joe Mortal was present for his side’s game against PunkGirls. So what follows is possibly an indication of the strength of the visitors to The Heart Stadium, or a comment about the consistency of young ‘keepers (Dublin’s only stopper being the promising but still rather green Camille Beck (20/7)).
That is because the match was not so uneven really. In fact Dublin had more possession and PunkGirls only shaded chances 5-2. However Beck was not stopping much at all on this day, and four of the five Punk chances ended up in the back of her net.
The heavy loss sees Dublin slide back to fifth in Division 6:56 and indicates there is work for the boss still to do to reinvigorate his side.

[Etienne]

I didn't know that about the season overview, Various Artist . Every day is a school day.

[Various Artist]

Yes, I discovered it by accident only a few months back! I'm sure I'd mentioned it here, but here's how it's done:

Go to the standard Season Overview link, and the URL looks like this:
http://www.xperteleven.com/seasonsta...r=1&Lid=108391
– 'Lnr=1' is the (top) tier, 'Lid=108391' is the league ID. So far so bland.

Go to a previous season, though, or a different division (or both), and the address suddenly looks like this:
http://www.xperteleven.com/seasonsta...391&lnr=2&s=57
– That's OTF Division 1 for last season. Now the League ID comes first, and the end part has the tier ('&lnr=2') and the season number ('&s=57').

Go to D2 for last season, i.e. the third tier, and the 'lnr' number changes to '3'. Go to any previous season and the 's=' changes to match.

Once I noticed it was as visible as that, I had to try seeing what happened if I manually changed the 's=' to a number lower than 32 – and lo and behold the (remains of) all earlier seasons' tables are indeed visible that way.

If you go back to 's=1' it's just the Dragons, Hornville and Heffron on a table for three, because nobody else from that era made it as far as Season 32. But anyone who did, even if they went extinct from S33 onwards, has their whole history preserved in aspic there today. So go to e.g. lnr=1, s=25 and AFC Purgatory, Fourth Lanark, Bournemouth Rejects and Arctic Insects all appear (and change the Lnr there to 3 and you'll still find Longtemps Derriere, say, in the D2 table), even though it's seven seasons before the official Overviews started being kept and none of those clubs exist today.


[The board is automatically shortening those URLs in the post, but you can see enough to get the idea.]

[Sits]

Various Artist that’s amazing work. Seeing a Season 28 table reminded me that was a debut for quite a few including the Oraanje pairing. But sadly only four teams remain of the original eight from Division 3 that season (all new teams):

[Sits]

Of the teams lost, the excellently named Hoolahan Paradox is the one which always springs to mind, and Slough Strollers.

[Sits]

Maybe we should merge our operations Sits. I've already established that I'm a better tactician than I am a team-builder, so if I could concentrate on the matchday coaching efforts while you perform your typical fine role as general manager then we ought to be unstoppable.


And it would be great to see you back in the Xpert Ladies. Though your habit of writing XPert (with a capital P, as if to emphasise the Pert) probably ought to be addressed before they allow you back in...

I’ll get my people to talk to your people VA. And a good point re. XPert. Just realised it’s my iPad’s default so I will have to fix that.

[Sean of the Shed]

Today is training day for the Heineken League and tomorrow for the Xpert Zone. Somehow the two leagues have managed to become aligned for the season break. I thought it might cause issues regarding recruitment but we currently have three new managers in reserve, so we should be fine.
Don't forget the bumper pools for the final game btw.

[Various Artist]

I was looking forward to Janik's report on his own team's escapades in last week's Xpert Ladies fixture. It didn't disappoint. Enjoyed the Cnut/picnic metaphor in the Ullapool Northern Star review too.


Thanks for the reminders above, Sean. I've actually managed to set some pre-Change Report training going, for once in a blue moon, and indeed in both leagues. Though it's naturally had to be rationed more at the eternally cash-strapped Atlantis compared with the relatively affluent – until I spunked it all on said training – Tiree.

The Brythonnic Premiership also finishes its season tomorrow, so (as is surprisingly often the way with these things) those of us in all three leagues will have a whole raft of almost simultaneous CRs and a bit of general downtime to look forward to.
Mercifully for my sanity, the Brythonnic at least seems to have decoupled its start/finish dates from those of MLX lately, after the two had spent a frustrating year or two operating in what seemed like an unbreakable lockstep. So I'm no longer having to run around trying to recruit for vacant spots, write previews, reports and reminders, fight for silverware/promotion/survival etc. in both leagues I run at the same time, as was the case previously... for which I can only be grateful.

Oh, and it strikes me, for anyone looking to buy and sell with their various private-leagues clubs right now – there could well be a bit of a surge in the market when all three leagues (Heineken, Xpert, Brythonnic: population 220, 348, 110 off the top of my head) reopen their transfer windows in a few days' time...

[Various Artist]

And in contrast to Etienne's clean sweep of top flights, my teams are battling with his for one second-tier title in Pro Zone B, battling for last-day survival with Sean's Methley and a couple of others in the Premiership, but already relegated from the Premier Division. R?dfearne Island, like Sandringham Park, seem to be a perennial yo-yo side between the top two tiers, though I do have both Brythonnic League and Brythonnic Premiership titles under my belt already with Island, whereas Park are still a long way short of contending for the Human League's.

As I write this, Viking North Utsire are also very likely to have been relegated from the Ultimate League top tier an hour ago, though Etienne was in with a chance of securing the title in what would be a truly historic achievement for the OTF community.

[Hot Orange]

OTF Season 59 Round 3 Round-Up (Part 1)

OTF

---

Newly promoted St Pancras Starmers maintained their 100% start to the season with a 2-1 home win over champions Four Candles, meaning they have already defeated three of last season's top four. The Starmers scored twice in four minutes midway through the second half - Gino Diana and Bankai Tensa Zangetsu finding the net - and that proved to be enough to claim the points. A last-minute but thoroughly deserved goal from Austin Kingston gave Croesoswallt Dragons a 1-0 win at AFC Csiki Monkeys and pushed them above the Candles up to second. The Monkeys' first defeat after opening with two draws sees them slip to 9th. Berkshire Swine picked up their first points of the season and moved off the bottom to 8th, Cristofao Edilson's free kick earning them victory at Turd Division, who drop to 4th. Like the Swine, Dandy Town got off the mark with an away win, their 2-1 success at Kernow Kensa coming courtesy of two headers from Simao Merino. The Cornishmen slip to the foot of the table, while the Dandies climb to 7th. Vita Mortis remain unbeaten, but also winless, following a 1-1 draw at home to Great Ouse Town, and the two teams stay adjacent to each other in mid-table.

Division 1

---

Zeugmaspor dropped their first points of the season in a goalless encounter at Whoft Fluffopolis, but they remain top of the table. The Fluffers are 9th, still awaiting a first win on their return to the second tier. One point behind Zeugma are Banik Roystonov and Lokomotiv Noj, who both enjoyed comprehensive away wins. Banik won 3-0 at die Ambosse, who are still waiting for their first point at this level, while Noj made light work of a Hideous Towns side that were two divisions above them last season, Rui Anjo netting twice as they also recorded a 3-0 victory. Hideous plummet from 2nd to 7th. A goal from Dobrivoje Boranovic gave Athletico Deva a 1-0 home win over Rejects Redux, the visitors' first defeat of the season , and takes them to 4th, just above their opponents. Entertainment was in short supply at The Sheep Dip, where Wensleydale Blues and Eriskay Expression drew 0-0. The Blues are in 6th, Expression have drawn all of their first three games and are 8th.

Part 2 isn't going to make it before Round 4 kicks off, to be frank with you.

[Hot Orange]

Although it wasn't far off in the end.

Division 2

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The top-of-the-table clash between Saltney Drawers and Steaua Bridge failed to live up to expectations, with chances very much at a premium in a scoreless draw. Saltney stay at the summit despite losing their 100% record, but Steaua drop to 4th, overtaken by both Hampshire Deers and Wednesday de la Zouch. The Deers were 2-0 winners at home to Heffron Hendecagon, while Wednesday saw off their visitors The Gang Play Football by the same scoreline. Heffron and TGPF drop into the bottom three as a result. Keeping them off the very bottom are Pinewood Passers, who suffered a third defeat out of three, beaten at home 2-0 by Cods of War, who were similarly pointless going into the game but climb to 7th after getting off the mark. Completing a quartet of 2-0s, Eintracht Midwest moved up into 5th place thanks to their home win over OWC Albion, who drop to 6th.

Division 3

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Three teams still have perfect records at the top of Division 3, with not a goal conceded between them. Brian Munchingflapjack stay top on goal difference following a 3-0 stroll in the Pullman Park against managerless hosts Richmond P&P. FC Gloryhammer are up to 2nd after putting four past the equally rudderless The Blomstrands, Ron McCulloch contributing two of the home side's goals. Gloryhammer take on the Flapjacks today, giving Great Northern Railway the chance to move up the table again after they dropped a place to 3rd as a result of only managing a 2-0 win at New Dresden. Veni Vici Vigata are up to 4th, displacing Dresden, as they cruised past abandoned bottom side Llandudno Jet Set 4-0, Johnny Kitchen netting twice. And finally, after 50 consecutive winless games, the Nieuwegein new generation at last celebrated a victory, as the Kneebiters defeated fellow youngsters Wharfedale Generals at Parkhout. Roderik Oorschot and Ronnie Hoogendrop were the goalscorers, prompting delirious scenes amongst the supporters who have stuck with them throughout this period of rebuilding. The Kneebiters climb to the heady heights of 6th while the Generals look on enviously in 8th.

[Various Artist]

Great work HO. I'd avoided seeing what happened either on Thursday or today, so it still came as news to me!

[Etienne]

My annus is officially mirabilis.