i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

[beak]

steve mcmahon telling the guardian he isn't interested in buying your club, but would love to be director of football (dubious ex-pro auxiliary division).

[Ray de Galles]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

What has happened to lovable ickle-wickle Dennis Wise since he went up there on £1.5 million a year to handle player development and recruitment? I thought we'd have heard a lot more of him this summer?

[beak]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

i'd say he was hooking us up with all these dubious french no-marks we're supposed to be signing but apparently our vice president (player recruitment) is a tony jimenez, a london-based property developer.

avid "ship-of-fools" spotters will be pleased to know our scouting staff includes one pablo longoria, who is all of 21 years-old - possibly an avid fm2008 player, but who knows.

as for dennis wise.. fuck knows. sits around checking his bank account?

[ian.64]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

steve mcmahon telling the guardian he isn't interested in buying your club, but would love to be director of football (dubious ex-pro auxiliary division).

Here's the link:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2....premierleague

What we want to do is turn Newcastle into Asia's favourite club and if we were going to target any club outside of the top four, it would be Newcastle because of the history, the fan base and, like I said, there is always something happening here."

There is a way of doing that. By being as successful as fuck. I'm about as much an analyst of world markets as Ronnie Corbett's a ninja assassin but I'd suggest Manchester United's continued success for the past two decades built a waiting and ready market for commercial exploitation even before some clever dick ever thought of marking out the territory for the first overseas Megastore.

It's a predictable and understandable move for some clubs to go overseas and try and accrue some sheckles that they would probably find difficulty doing in Blighty by courting any possible fanbase in other countries, but there's this desperation that goes with it, a need to tenuously stretch this belief that a club will automatically resound with potentially untapped popularity when 'promoted' in the Far East or wherever, that it will become this 'giant' in Asia simply because some suits will swan around and say as much.

[beak]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

what's chinese for "sack the board"?

[Ray de Galles]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

Giles Smith

Football phone-ins of the future.

Host - Let's hear from Mick on the B417 near Guangdong. Is that right, Mick?

Mick - Yeah, that's right, Alan. Just heading up into Hunan province, on our way across China.

Host - Good game today?

Mick - Not bad, mate. We were a bit lacklustre in the first half, but we picked up after the interval and in the end I think we just about deserved the point.

Host - You know, it's still pretty tight down there. Do you think there is any danger of Birmingham getting sucked in?

Mick - I'd like to think, with this squad now, we're too good to go down. But, as you know, anything can happen. Let's wait and see how Sunderland get on in Riyadh...

Host - Steve, you're breaking up a bit. Where are you calling from?

Steve - We're just heading back from the Jakarta game in a rickshaw.

Host - Do me a favour, would you, please, and ask the driver to turn the radio down?

Steve - Hang on a minute... Better?

Host - Much better. What is it you want to say?

Steve - Well, I just want to say really that I thought Middlesbrough were brilliant today. Absolutely brilliant. We got players forward, we attacked well, we defended well when we had to. Every time Blackburn got the ball, we closed them down. The players showed a lot of commitment, especially when you consider how hot it was and the injections they all had to have...

Host - Deggsy in Kampala - you're on.

Deggsy - I'm absolutely spitting with fury at the moment, Alan. I can't believe what I'm seeing, week after week. That's two more points we've dropped here today and, no disrespect, but we ought to be beating teams like Fulham.

Host - Is that gunfire?

Deggsy - Well, I don't blame them. People are fed up with it, Alan. When you look at the money he's had to spend and we're still not competing for titles. Seventh place just isn't good enough for Liverpool Football Club and the sooner Benítez goes, I'm telling you...

Host - Mark, what is it about Reading and Nairobi? You just can't get a result there.

Mark - I know, mate. It's incredible. What is that now, four times? And there's always something - a penalty, a last-minute goal, a handball, or the ref has a shocker. But what can you do? I'm not saying the heat was a factor because it's the same for everyone. Well, it's the same for the four teams who got sent to Nairobi, rather than the ones who got sent to Malmö. But you know what I mean...

Host - Let's hear from a Newcastle fan. Rob.

Rob - I tell you, Alan, I'm made up tonight. There aren't many sides who are going to come to Volgograd this season and come away with three points.

Host - Stand-out players?

Rob - Well, Joey Barton was on fire. James Milner had a good game, too. And Michael Owen looked back to his best. All of them, actually. I really think this could be a turning point.

Host - It's great for the fans.

Rob - Absolutely. There's no supporters anywhere in the world that deserve success as much as these.

Host - How did Derby look?

Rob - Shocking, to be honest. But you can only play what's put in front of you...

Cockney Jim - What I want to know, right, is why isn't London bidding to stage one of these big Premiership games? You've got all these other cities - your Sydneys, your Mumbais, your Pyongyangs - all jumping up and down and going: “I'll have some of that.” Yet London - nothing.

Host - It's money, probably.

Cockney Jim - Yeah, but Alan - we've already got the facilities. Look at the Emirates. World-class stadium, that is. Why not get a game on there? And it wouldn't just be for London. I think you'd see a feel-good factor that spread right the way across the country. We gave the world football, you know, and now we're getting left behind...

[Bored Of Education]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

I always thought that McMahon was a cunt as a player and now he is a cunt as an ex-player as well. Consistent, I suppose

[ursus arctos]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

You won't be getting any argument from BDG on that one.

[Furtho]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

...but there's this desperation that goes with it, a need to tenuously stretch this belief that a club will automatically resound with potentially untapped popularity when 'promoted' in the Far East or wherever, that it will become this 'giant' in Asia simply because some suits will swan around and say as much.

Anecdotal evidence and no more, of course, but I have never seen anyone in Japan wearing the replica shirt of any English (or indeed European) team. I do wonder how much this whole thing of Asia as cash cow is being overstated out of the kind of desperation that Ian mentions.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

They sell shitloads of bootleg kits in china. Again that's not exactly very useful.

[ursus arctos]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

I would posit that that is a result of you actually going to football matches, as opposed to perfume launches and luxury store openings.

At least in Japan, the phenomenon has much to do with fashion that it has to do with football, and its most (some would say only) notable example (that of "Beckham-mania") has much more to do with his (and Victoria's) physical characteristics and "lifestyle" than it does with anything he does on the pitch.

This basic reality appears to be lost on the hordes of marketing types who keep pushing the idea and the craven "football men" who believe and encourage them.

We all remember about how the US consortium that bought Derby County was going to "build the Derby County brand internationally", don't we?

[Furtho]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

All true enough (I would guess), UA. Thinking about it, I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone in Japan wearing a football shirt, apart from when actually at a match. Certainly a reasonably large minority of people will actually change into their replica shirt when they arrive at the ground.

[Peter Drury in microcosm]

i'd sooner have the bin laden family.

We all remember about how the US consortium that bought Derby County was going to "build the Derby County brand internationally", don't we?

If 'After you' Claude Davis or Andy Todd end up back in the team, we'll be bigger than Mr.Bean.