* Weather Dependent : Matchgoing May 21 - 27

[jameswba]

Zilina 5 Zlate Moravce 1

Lovely to be back, partly to see the familiar faces you only see at the football. The game lived up (down?) to its billing as an end of season affair with nothing much to play for. Zilina's main aim seemed to be get to get Polish striker Dawid Kurminowski to the top of the league scoring charts. He scored four, so they managed that. It wasn't a classic foursome ; the first was one of those goals where the 'keeper blasts an attempted clearance straight at the closing-down forward and the ball dribbles into the net, the second resulted from Kurminowski running free after a thumping header out of defence, and the last two were penalties. Moravce actually scored the best goal of the game.

The other curiosity was that Zilina didn't field a player over the age of 23, while five of Moravce's starters were 30+. The sides may meet again next week in the play-off final for Slovakia's last European place, if they can beat lower-placed opponents at home in the midweek semis. If this happens, I'd expect a closer contest and Moravce's extra experience to be more to the fore.

[Artificial Hipster]

Rochdale Sacred Heart 5-0 Heyside
Manchester League Gilgryst Cup

A waterlogged pitch at Denton meant I was back playing Gilgryst Cup dominoes - from Springhead v Heywood to Heywood v Heyside and now this. The boy having reminded me half way to his party that he was meant to be wearing fancy dress coupled with an extra half hour on my journey, most of it uphill meant I arrived, breathless, just as the game was kicking off.

I watched the opening stages with a well-earned pint on the balcony in an excellent clubhouse where I learned that the reason Heyside's cup form had given the lie to their league placing may have had a lot to do with the fact their star player, scorer on Tuesday, was claimed to be a ringer from the NPL. Rumours I've read subsequently suggest he may not have been the only one on the pitch either. Whatever the truth of the matter before I'd finished my pint the home side, playing some lovely expansive football had had the ball in the net three times, albeit two of which were chalked off for offside. Indeed such was their dominance the only likelihood of them relinquishing it seemed to come from the antics of their no.4 who followed up a nasty off-the-ball swipe at one opponents legs, with an attempt to recreate the famous scene featuring Vinnie Jones and Gazza with another while defending what was possibly Heyside's only corner of the game. "Fucking idiot, runs in the fucking family" was the observation from beside me.

Fortunately for Rochdale the ref saw neither incident. Heyside weren't so lucky. I was making my way downstairs when the incident occurred for which their afore-mentioned star striker presumably signed off his brief stay at the club. Opinions differed as to whether it was a slap or something more like a gentle caress of an opponent's cheek for which he saw red but whatever it was it was clear that the rest of the afternoon was simply going to be a question of how many Rochdale would score, the answer being an awful lot less than they should.

[Artificial Hipster]

Styal 1-2 Vulcan
Cheshire League Division One

The casual visitor to the leafy village of Styal, on the main road from Manchester Airport to Wilmslow, could be forgiven for failing to register that they have arrived at a place whose past and present are inextricably linked to the oppression of working class women. At one end of the village is the approach to Styal Women's Prison, at the other is Quarry Bank Mill, visitors to which are told, as was Engels when he visited almost two centuries ago, that here was one of the more enlightened examples of its type. It's probably true. In a room full of cunts there has to be one who's less of a cunt than the rest - he's still a cunt though.

Oppression of a lesser sort was present in abundance during this clash which probably saw an end to Styal's outside chance of grabbing the one promotion slot available in a league which still has several games to play. My mate Lee, who I used to sit with at Spotland could be guaranteed, within 10 minutes of any game starting, to have begun yelling, "How many fucking times ref?" in exasperation at the official's failure to award us a free-kick for any of a string of incidents only he had seen. Vulcan had eleven Lees on the pitch tonight and an especially vocal one on the touchline and it was no surprise that the game went on to end in a mass brawl which saw 3 red cards issued including one to Vulcan's immensely dislikeable boss. In my view the ref could have been forgiven had he thrown cation to the wind at this point and taken the opportunity to throw a couple of well-deserved punches at a selection of blue shirts himself.

It didn't have to be that way. The football on display was of a decent quality and bad tackles were few and far between. Styal took the lead after 5 minutes, the goalscorer latching on to an angled through ball to slot home. As has been the case with most teams I've seen recently, Vulcan liked to play out from the back and a high-pressing Styal seemed set to profit from the mistake that was surely coming but slowly Vulcan grew in confidence, gaining more and more of a foothold in a game they went on to dominate, eventually getting the equaliser they deserved with a penalty right on half time.

The second half saw the former works team for a foundry in Newton le Willows wholly in the ascendancy, the decisive goal being a classic of its type - well struck cross from deep, powerful downward header across goal met with a bullet shot into the corner. Styal had a single chance to level it near the end but a point blank save from a keeper who'd had little to do all half but chunter incessantly whenever the ref was in earshot kept his side in front. I didn't see what the home side's no.17 did to precipitate the chaos that ensued soon afterwards. I not only saw but heard like a thunderclap the slap he received from an opponent who'd run half the length of the pitch to deliver it, on receipt of which he flung himself to the deck, holding his head in his hands as though expecting a kicking.

Wisely the ref blew for full time immediately after distributing his cards. I hung around for a few minutes wanting to commend him for doing such a sterling job under the circumstances but gave up waiting before he'd even managed to make it off the pitch.

[RobW]

I've put the first and second pics in wrong order but never mind. Lovely to go back to Coles Park and watch the Borough v Hanwell Town in the London Senior Cup Quarter Final. The visitors scored with their first corner (2nd pic), crowding the 6 yard box, hitting the ball deep to back post where it was headed back and tucked away. Well worked. Borough equalised about half way through the first half with a good break and run before a disputable penalty was awarded to Hanwell and tucked away. They led 2-1 at half time. Much better from Haringey after the break, echoing how well Lincoln did at the SoL on Saturday after a bollocking. Most of the chances came from set pieces and a keeper error granted a poacher like finish to make it 2-2. Was pretty tight for remainder of the game, with both sides having one or two chances but neither side deserving of the win within 90, so straight to penalties it went. Hanwell duly scored all five, with Borough missing one to go through to the semi at home to Tooting & Mitcham on Friday. Their big No. 16, brought on late scoring the decisive penalty (bottom pic).

[Nesta]

Look at that lovely shiny 3g, eat your dinner off it

[Ray de Galles]

So the weather did indeed cost me one of my two days of cricket and all three speedway meetings I had planned. This did mean that I got to two more football matches than expected though. Starting with this one which was convenient to squeeze in prior to going to Twickenham for the European Champions Cup Final I picked up a ticket for at the last minute ;

Old Carthusians 3 Winchmore Hill 0
Southern Amateur League Senior Challenge Cup Final
Richmond & Kew FC, Ham Playing Fields

Old Carthusians are the old boys team for Charterhouse and won the FA Cup in 1881. They play in the Arthurian League along with Old Etonians, Old Harrovians et al. The SAL regularly invite guest clubs in to their cups and have done so with Carthusians for a few seasons as they're proving far too strong for the Arthurian and wanted a better test. By contrast, Winchmore Hill are an offshoot of the local cricket club and have just celebrated their centenary, most of it in the SAL.

The game was hosted by Richmond & Kew FC, whose ground is actually in Ham. This was the deepest I've been in to that peculiar suburb on the outskirts of London since I dated my first girlfriend who lived there in the mid-eighties returning elicited some very mixed memories. The home club also had a side playing their final game of the season on an adjacent pitch and they appeared to clinch the Surrey South Eastern Intermediate D3 title and promotion. This made things a bit chaotic all afternoon, as did the shooting range that must occupy part of the site as I heard sporadic shots been fired throughout. At least I assumed it was a shooting range, Ham has it's rough parts but I don't think it's that bad.

Carthusians were sadly not in their traditional first kit of pink, maroon & blue which disappointed me but they were clearly the better side playing plenty of neat football but letting themselves down with poor finishing

It was still goalless at half time but the strikes which decided the tie both came shortly after the break. The first was an effective breakaway move and great shot with the second the result of two unchallenged headers from a corner. Both came as I was waiting at the tea bar behind the other goal for a half time drink and snack but they were clear enough to view

That was pretty much game over but a red card for Carthusians around the 80th minute for a studs up sliding challenge on Winchmore Hill's keeper gave them some hope and they came forward with renewed vigour but no real threat on goal. I had to leave during injury time to get my cab to the rugby so missed the third from OC, apparently it was another breakaway with the scorer rounding the keeper and tapping in to the empty net.

A lovely unexpected bonus match.

[Ray de Galles]

Sutton United 3 Hartlepool United 0
The Conference
Gander Green Lane

As you've probably seen elsewhere on here and in the wider media this was the match which sealed the title and the Chocolate & Ambers' promotion to the Football League for the first time in their 123 year history. It's all the more impressive an achievement when you factor in the sheer number of former FL clubs they finished ahead of and that they they were in the Isthmian League through the nineties and early part of this century. They actually only got back to the Conference proper in 2016.

A limited crowd of 1100 or so were allowed in to the game and there was a strange mixture of tension and disbelief through the crowd for much of the opening stages, the latter especially unsurprising given how much of this historic season for the club has been played out behind closed doors. I'm just glad that their hardcore supporters finally got back in to enjoy the day and that promotion happened in the setting of GGL's charmingly ramshackle surroundings.

Hartlepool were still pushing for as high a play-off position as possible so were a difficult opponent and Sutton needed a fortuitous goal just to put them on the way when the visiting keeper limply palmed a long range free kick in to the net, Joe Hart-style. The game was still very open until the 75th minute when a period of home pressure finally paid off with a deflected second goal from a corner in front of the traditionally most vocal end of the ground which began the wild celebrations that carried on for the rest of the game. The coup de grace was a fantastic individual goal on the 80th minute which only pushed the excitement levels higher.

There were stern warnings in advance of and during the game that the traditional pitch invasion would put the club in hug trouble over Covid restrictions so the post-match celebrations were slightly more contained but the crowd got to see the squad and coaching staff presented with the trophy & medals on the pitch and there were quite a few tears shed on both sides of the touchline.

I felt very, very privileged to have experienced both this game and traditional rivals Wimbledon's first public match at Plough Lane in the same week. Both will be somewhere near the top of my favourite sporting events of this strange and interrupted year.

[Ray de Galles]

Colney Heath 1 Maccabi London Lions 2
Spartan South Midlands League Spring Gladwin Cup
Leverstock Green FC, Pancake Lane

This was the climax of the SSML's post-lockdown supplementary competition and it was a little strange that it was both clubs' farewell to the league with them having been moved in the recent restructuring. Colney Heath being elevated to the Southern League D1 Central and the Lions moving sideways to the Combined Counties League D1. This will still leave the Lions as England's highest placed Jewish club, as least that I'm aware of. Colney Heath's warm up and bench gear was all rebadged surplus Arsenal kit so I presume there is some link with the Gunners' training base near them but I know next to nothing else about them.

A healthy crowd of 220 were enticed to the outskirts of Hemel Hempstead for what was one of the best cup finals I've seen in years. I was just disappointed that the family of white horses that were grazing in the field right behind one goal were moved as soon as the match started or the match could have been synonymous with the 1923 FA Cup final.

The game was more eventful in the opening ten minutes than the two hours of the next night's Europa League Final. Colney's right back went down with a hamstring injury after three minutes and was subbed off with the left back moving over to replace him. While they were still reorganising the defence a Lions winger went through on goal only to be pulled back outside the box by the newly out of position player. This led to a justified straight red and the punishment was doubled when the Lions number 10 fired home an excellent free kick in to the top far corner of the goal from 25 yards.

Even before the sending off the Lions had belied their lower tier status by playing lovely football and Colney just couldn't cope with it. After 33 mins it was 0-2 from a great move with passes up and across the pitch finished by beautiful cross and thumping centre forward's header. That should have been that but Colney were comfortably the better side for the final hour of the game despite the man disadvantage.

Their pressure paid off after 53 minutes when they pulled a goal back via a penalty when a forward was pulled back chasing long ball. Colney's players and bench had predictably screamed for everything following losing a man and this intensified with calls for another red but the differing angle of the player's run and lesser proximity to the ball meant only a booking was justified.

The numbers were finally evened up on 67 minutes when a Lions player went over the ball in a tackle right in front of Colney' bench who this time got the red card they'd been looking for and which seemed deserved. Colney absolutely dominated from there and the Lions nervously overplayed in defence giving up two or three chances in injury time alone. This included a bizarre incident when a defender shanked the ball almost out of his own keeper's hands and over the bar for what was very nearly an own goal.

The Lions did manage to hold on though and the final whistle saw proper devastation from the Colney players as they to a man collapsed to the turf while their opponents exploded with relief. There was clearly some aggro too as "Leave it, you're better than that" echoed out across the pitch from one bench

The presentations were a drawn out raucous affair with a man of the match award, both teams getting a trophy and each of the captains and managers getting their own commemorative shield. I can only presume the tournament sponsor Victor Gladwin runs a sporting trophy business. I was also intrigued to see a medal collected by some herbert in a knock-off CP Company goggles beanie hat who had stood next to me at the bar during the game while I grabbed a quick drink and had clearly come nowhere near playing.

[cantagalo]

Ollerton Town 0 Selston 4
Staton Mortgages Invitational Cup
I managed to sandwich my second game if the calendar year between two rather more stressful matches in London.

The Invitational Cup is a way for four local teams - Ollerton, Selston, Sherwood Colliery and Pinxton- to fill the end of an abandoned season fixture void in a reasonably competitive manner. Step 5 Selston beat their Step 6 opposition quite comfortably with all four goals scored by Jordan Turner. I was pleased for them as they really struggled this season and they failed to win any of their 10 league games.

This was one of two grounds I needed to complete the EMCL but it doesn't look like I'll get to Barrow Town before league reorganisation.

[Gangster Octopus]

My brother-in-law used to play for Winchmore Hill. Admittedly it was the sevenths. Incidentally it's his sixtieth birthday today. These facts aren't related...

[Uros Predic]

FC Elmstead 5-2 AFC Cubo
London Senior Trophy Semi-Final

I made the walk over to Meridian Sports Ground to meet a mate and watch this game on Tuesday night. AFC Cubo, beaten finalists last year, were formed by a group of Newcastle Uni old boys in 1999. As a Newcastle graduate himself my mate felt he should naturally support Cubo, and so we applauded their excellent opening goal (a long range lob) warmly. But then he read the club history in the programme; "Cubo is founded on the principle of bringing together top, top lads...", whilst their name comes from "The Cubo Group, a marketing company specialising in 'pleasure' brands". Having realised this was the football club equivalent of a Blue WKD, we'd swung our allegiance to FC Elmstead by the time Cubo went 2-0 up.

Despite being two down Elmstead were clearly a decent side and began to dominate; the only worry was they'd run out of time to come back, a fact not helped when they missed a penalty 10 mins into the second half. But they pulled one back on the hour mark, and then levelled it up to send it into extra-time. Before the extra-time began there was a weird moment where the two women who'd been working behind the club bar marched onto the field to talk to the referee, apparently to tell him the floodlights were on a timer and might go off in 5 minutes. Thankfully that didn't happen.

Elmstead scored early in extra time with a low effort from the edge of the box that somehow went through the Cubo keeper, and were in control from then on. Their fourth was a really neatly worked passing breakaway down the length of the field, before their forward beat the 'keeper to a ball down field to make it five.

A good game between two sides who looked to play football on the floor; the final is at Barking tomorrow, against another SCEFL side, Forest Hill Park.

[Ray de Galles]

Don't knock Blue WKD, while I'm sure it's appalling stuff on it's own when mixed with port it forms the legendary Cheeky Vimto of Charlotte Church fame. I once spent most of a trip to Norn Iron for a Wales game sampling it.

I've spotted Cubo listed in the Surrey Elite Intermediate League fixtures and wondered what on earth they were about. I've made a mental note to avoid them.

[cantagalo]

If we're talking about teams' favourite drinks, it's quite clear what Ollerton Town's is.

In the absence of a clubhouse, I sought my refreshments at a hole in the wall tea bar where I had a very passable sausage and chips and yes, a can of Carling.