Michael Flatley Is Monkfish^H Blackbird

[Discordant Resonance]

When you have so much money, you can make your own spy thriller and cast yourself in the title role:

https://twitter.com/WildCardDistrib/status/1547610158896795648

The idea for the thread title was to have a line going through Monkfish, but evidently that's impossible, so if Snake can take it out, that might be easiest.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

You have no idea how excited I am about this. It's basically a steven segal movie, where the protagonist can still walk across a room without oxygen.

[Various Artist]

Eric Roberts is a brilliant giveaway too – a man who'll costar in literally any action thriller under the sun (usually as an evil businessman), no questions asked and seemingly no scripts read.

[Stumpy Pepys]

I'm struggling with the trailer. He's been away, but what is he exactly? A spy? A hitman? A psychopathic wine waiter?

[3 Colours Red]

Eric Roberts is a brilliant giveaway too – a man who'll costar in literally anything

Fixed that for you. Just when I thought A Talking Cat!?! was the nadir...

[Various Artist]

Oh lordy, I hadn't watched the trailer when I wrote that. It's... so much more like I imagined it to be than I even imagined it'd be. Holy macaroni.

DANCELORD Productions. I mean.

[Discordant Resonance]

I'm struggling with the trailer. He's been away, but what is he exactly? A spy? A hitman? A psychopathic wine waiter?

He's been sitting on this for 4 years, judging by the Grauniad.

[Various Artist]

Fixed that for you. Just when I thought A Talking Cat!?! was the nadir...

Good point, well made. I was trying to be kind, mostly because I have a soft spot for Mr Roberts as a result of him playing the Master in the 1996 Doctor Who movie.

[Hot Pepsi]

[Ray de Galles]

I'm sure the makers of this, which started last week, are thrilled by the prospect of them being confused :

https://twitter.com/appletv/status/1545467879708979200?s=21&t=2mbPsZdZ_0COpx85ZCzFZw

[Hot Pepsi]

I watched some of that. It’s grim and takes a bit too long to get to the point, but it has promise if you like stuff about serial killers (which I generally don’t).

[Come along, Min]

There's a podcast called the Esoteric Eric Roberts podcast which focuses on a film per show and deconstructs it.


I haven't bothered in a while but when I did I found it enjoyable, informative and stupid enough in the right way.

[Stumpy Pepys]

"Yer, put yisser drawers on an' make me a cup av tay."

[Sits]

Oh boy, that trailer. Excuse the self-promotion but you could fill a page on Movie/TV Clichés without even waiting for the film itself.

[Various Artist]

I think it's worth watching the whole film with that thread open and ready, Sits. It really does promise to comprise virtually nothing but solid gold clichés.

[Various Artist]

I just had to watch the trailer again, it genuinely is so bad it's almost brilliant. It just gets worse and worse as it goes along, too. And I'm properly intrigued by that "No-one can do what he does" stuff, as it raises a real spectre (no pun intended) of Michael Flatley cracking international espionage rings through the medium of interpretative dance.

[Nocturnal Submission]

I just had to watch the trailer again, it genuinely is so bad it's almost brilliant. It just gets worse and worse as it goes along, too. And I'm properly intrigued by that "No-one can do what he does" stuff, as it raises a real spectre (no pun intended) of Michael Flatley cracking international espionage rings through the medium of interpretative dance.

I kind of just assumed that when he physically confronts one of the bad guys, or breaks into a secure facility to steal the secret papers, it features a lot of fancy footwork and billowing blouses to a furious bodhran soundtrack.

I'm not watching it if it doesn't.

[Various Artist]

You're damn right there NS, we can only hope.

He's been sitting on this for 4 years, judging by the Grauniad.

Meanwhile I only read this today. Hadn't twigged it was not only starring Michael Flatley and financed by Michael Flatley, but also written by Michael Flatley and directed by Michael Flatley. Incredible.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Meanwhile I only read this today. Hadn't twigged it was not only starring Michael Flatley and financed by Michael Flatley, but also written by Michael Flatley and directed by Michael Flatley. Incredible.

Like I said, A steven Segal movie where he can still walk up stairs.

[Various Artist]

Steven Seagal could walk up stairs once? Good golly.

[3 Colours Red]

Steven Seagal could walk up stairs once? Good golly.

Well... CGI was still pretty crude at that time so they rigged something up using a system of levers and pulleys. Trick photography and a bit of Vaseline on the camera lens made it almost imperceptible.

[Gert from the Well]

Imagine if this becomes a blockbuster, then we could see Lionel Blair as the new Bond.

[Nocturnal Submission]

Imagine if this becomes a blockbuster, then we could see Lionel Blair as the new Bond.

Sadly, given that his "resting" status is very much permanent, the film's producers would have to try to cleverly stitch together Lionel's performances on Give Us A Clue and then insert them seemlessly into the film, which might be just beyond them.

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

I'll have nothing said against Steven Segal. No man has done more to subtly and deftly highlight the nonsensical fairytale bullshit of "Special forces" films than he. How better to highlight the absurd claims to invisibility and superhuman powers of these elite screen warriors, than have a elite commando, who trundles around with the grace and litheness and stealth of an arthritic rhino, while wheezing like an outboard motor on a silent lake, while every step of the way, everyone keeps saying that he's the best of the best.

[Stumpy Pepys]

I forgive Steven Seagal, just because I love Under Siege.