The Only Way Is Essex

[diggedy derek]

Has anyone else caught this?

It's extraordinary TV. 'Real people' apparently doing semi-improvised soap opera, it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. And actually rather endearing.

Seriously, check it out.

[EIM]

The Only Way Is Essex

It makes me want to move in to a shack in the wilderness and send bombs to people.

[Sean of the Shed]

The Only Way Is Essex

Fucking hell. Even lobotomised people would find this shit beneath them. How can you poison your mind with this tripe?

Seriously, don't check it out.

[steveeeeeeeee]

The Only Way Is Essex

I checked out a clip on youtube, it's just a direct copy of MTV's "The Hills" / "The City", once I worked that out, I stopped watching.

I find both The Hills and The City absolutely fascinating, they contain what are, without a doubt the most hollow plot-lines of any TV program, ever. Really, one series of either show has the equivalent storyline of one scene of any conventional soap-opera. There are countless scenes of mono-syllabic self reflection with scripts which amount to nothing more than,

"So if I go for dinner with Brody, I'll probably like really enjoy myself." "Yeah, totally" "But like, if Brody enjoys himself too then that'll be way too much" "Yeah, totally" "So, maybe I should just go for dinner with Brody" "Yeah, totally"

That's A SCENE, it'll last for about 4 minutes whilst you get clips of the protagonists sipping a coffee, playing with a dog, trying clothes on in a shop - that kind of "we don't have to work" sh1t. The whole series will be about nothing more than the dinner with Brody and as shallow as it is, you're captivated by the whole thing. Is it real? Could it possibly be real? Do people like this exist? How can it be real if there are so many camera angles and the sound's so great? But then you get fight scenes (1 per season - always) where it really looks like they're fighting. And when they film in a club, they do this clever thing where you can't hear them but they use subtitles so you can follow the plot, which amounts to nothing more than "Look, Brody's sittng over there."

"The Hills" was okay, but once "The City" started I was totally hooked. The difference with "The City" was that there were real people in it which you could check were real on Wikipedia. There's a designer called Diane von Furstenberg who Whitney works/ed for, I'd never heard of her, but the other half tells me she exists and she's all over the internet. Then there's the guy who is the creative director of Elle magazine, Joe Zee - again, he's real, you can check him on the internet.

But the biggest headfuck is Olivia Palermo, who plays the bitch of "The City", Olivia Palermo. Before the series, she was famous for writing a blubbing letter to the New York social-set asking for them to accept her to their circle. The letter was leaked and is hilarious. Check it here. She's portrayed horribly in The City, and I wonder how can that play out in her real life, she can't be like that in real life, surely? There was a chance last year my other-half could interview her, and I was begging her to come along as a translator or bag-carrier because I find the woman, or rather the media constructed image of her, so fascinating, but it fell through at the last minute.

I love these programs because I hate them (Although I wouldn't watch The only way is... if you paid me). Their message is basically, "Life is great if you're rich. You don't have to work, but if you want to work you get great jobs in the media and fashion. Even then, you don't have to work, you just turn up, chat, then go to a bar." Absolute soma for the masses, but f*ck me, ground breaking concept and direction that if you do have a mind with the ability to think beyond the screen, it'll be f*cked up within an episode.

[Freestyling buck wilding Stijn Stijnen]

The Only Way Is Essex

Programs like this?

And the like, Kardashian's, who are like, totally, like, not a drain on your IQ, or a celebration of spending your parents hard earned,
In their self-important journey toward being a perpetual fuck-up, gleefully without consequences of any kind, as the money is there to be spunked up against the wall on a shoe shop/coffee shop/whatever keeps the kids happy, a little more of what's gone before, whatever looks good on the facking portfolio.

Ground breaking? Fuck no! Why use that money in positive ways? That's like, so borrrrrrrring.
They might break ground if they dropped something heavy and expensive out of the window.

And we wonder why the American/Western economy is fucked? Decadent bourgeuois sheeeeite like that won't help will it, oh what's the point in wasting my breath we're all on the fucking omnibus trying to remain distracted before something really bad happens, sorry to go on I'll move on now, yes that's it dearie have a nice cup of tea and slice of cake, it's lovely cake, it's got almonds in it.
Everything will be okay, Paris Hilton has bought a dog that shats diamonds, to go with the ones mined by some African wage slaves who are delighted to see their hard work go to such a deserving soul, apparently she pays a butler ten grand a day to smash crystals into the sea with a tennis racquet made of platinum and rubies, the strings are tightly woven strands of god damned graphene, woven by prince Albert of Monaco, it's dead grand.

Nothing, absolutely nothing provides them with an ounce of humility or grounding, leaving them as disconnected from the virtues that make us human as anyone who has gone before.

And we wonder why Al-qaeda wanna blow us up?
Gimme a break.