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Hollerbach's Currywurst - Bundesliga 2017/18

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    Would anybody notice? People in Cologne never seem to do anything except organise fancy-dress parties anyway.

    "Karl-Heinz, your twin brother up north is dying. He probably won't make it to next weekend."

    "Nächstes Wochenende? Dat jeht nich! Da hamm wir dat janze Wochenende Karnevalsvorstandserstsitzungsvorbesprechungsvorbe sprechung für dat Jahr 2022! Dat jeht vor!"

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      The constant partying's to cover up for the fact that it's impossible to get high on Kölsch.

      Speaking of which, another lame performance last night - with a nod to G-Man's injury list. Good to see the fans staying behind them, and the club staying behind Stöger.

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        I am very proud of the way the club is standing by Stöger, who led the club through a couple of years of overachievement. There's no one really to replace him. Though it looks like Lucien Favre might be looking for a job very soon.

        As for treibeis' attempt at Kölsch, it's sounds more like a Berliner living in the Ruhrpott.

        Häst do nie BAP jehööt, Jung, oder es et nor ze verdamp lang her? Janz lansam ens: "Nächstes Wochenende? Dat jeiht nich! Do han mer dat janze Wochenende Karnevalsvorstandserstsitzungsvorbesprechungsvorbe sprechung för dat Johr 2022! Dat jeiht vör!"

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          Originally posted by G-Man View Post
          As for treibeis' attempt at Kölsch, it's sounds more like a Berliner living in the Ruhrpott.
          Berlin, Ruhrpott, Cologne - it's all the bloody same to me.

          Sometimes, at the golf hut, little kids speak to each other in deliberately high-pitched squeaky voices, probably because a cartoon character talks like that. It's enough to make me want to kick the shit out of their bicycles, break their buckets and spades and then give their parents a clip round the earhole.

          The same feelings bubble over when I hear my mate from Düsseldorf talk to my mate from Hagen - using whatever dialect it is that they think they share. It's completely fucking gobbledygook (or, as they would say, "jöbbledyjok").

          As for Stöger, I'm not as big a fan as some other people on here. He obviously goes down well with the fans, what with his red training shoes and his love of Karneval and his one-liners (which I don't find particularly good, but I don't come from Cologne), but he's still only got two points, it's nearly December and he doesn't have Schmadtke to deflect the bullets anymore.

          Apart from anything else, Stöger reminds me of the dreadfully unfunny comedian "Maddin" Schneider, which is never a good thing:

          Last edited by treibeis; 28-11-2017, 15:22.

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            Finally got round to watching the weekend's highlights this morning, the highlight being of course the 4-4 game in Dortmund. And still everyone looks to blame Bosz and no one seems to ask, "Why is Dortmund's defence so shit?" Look, lads, there's Sokratis - see him? The shit one at centre back. SOKRATIS. S.O.K.R.A.T.I.S. No, still can't see him? It's because he's out of the picture, 10 yards behind his opponent.

            I don't know why I find Dortmund failing so funny all of a sudden, but why question the sheer pleasure of it? It can't just be because the Dortmund-supporting friend of a friend withdrew in a huff from a WhatsApp group after I made a mild joke about Gelsenkirchen, can it? (Yes, it can.)

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              Sokratis is indeed shit, but it's Toprak who's really shit.

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                How can you say that? He's Toprak, the unmistakable leader of the gang.

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                  Well, Sokratis wasn't bad last year. The problem is that they have returned to what wasn't working with Klopp: the defenders are playing a suicidal high line and getting burned constantly. Klopp had success with this for a bit but then in the end the system wasn't working. Tuchel pressed but with much less intensity. I don't think Sokratis is the main problem, although he is too slow for this system. Toprak is poor but Zagadou is the worst. None of this is going to get better until Bosz is sacked. I don't watch Dutch league play but Ajax's road form in the Europa Leauge was pretty poor last season once the knockout round started. They blew a 3-0 lead against Schalke and barely escaped that round. Then they were overwhelmed by Man United in the final. It's too bad Tuchel couldn't make things work with the players and the management.

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                    Dieter Hecking's lookalike has been bugging me for a while. Ray Liotta is a contender, but let's go with Lotso from Toy Story 3:

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                      Alderman Barnes of this parish once wrote that Dieter Hecking resembled Gary Glitter. Not a bad comparison at all, I thought.

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                          Walter Kelsch, former German international and member of the Stuttgart team that won the Bundesliga title in 1984, was sent down for three years this week. He's been convicted of aiding and abetting, helping his son to run an online network called 'Chemical Love' for the sale of various illegal substances...

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                            Stumpy wins the Hecking image contest.

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                              Watching Freiburg-Hamburg, with Abstiegskampf smeared all over it. 0-0 after 86 minutes, Freiburg had a legit goal cancelled out for offside. No video intervention. I have to start admitting that the VAR is a bit of a fiasco. If the Germans can‘t make it work...

                              In better news, Bielefeld thumped St. Pauli 5-0 earlier this evening. 0-9 against for the hipsters‘ favourite over the past week.

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                                You can't dislike a nil-nil when my boy Papadopolous is on the ramparts. Paul Lambert was purring on the English language commentary (that's what he's doing now, if anyone was wondering).

                                Wolfsburg are the only relegation contenders I don't much like, and they won't go down. Genuinely sorry about Cologne, but let's not waste our hope rations on them, they're gone.

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                                  And Stöger is gone. He did ask for clarity, and has now been given clarity. The timing is still mad. Thursday is the deciding group game in Belgrade. A win will see them through. Next weekend is the game against Freiburg who are in 16th place; a victory will cut the deficit to them to six points. After the performance against Schalke, surely there was something to build on (even if the wins against Hertha, BATE and Arsenal were all false dawns).

                                  And who exactly is there to replace Stöger?

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                                    Well, there‘s a crack 52-year-old Scottish coach in the middle of getting his C Licence just over an hour away in Frankfurt - thanks for thinking of me, G-Man. Can‘t make next weekend, though - important reunion in Bielefeld. It‘ll have to be after the winter break, I‘m afraid.

                                    Eintracht‘s sixth victory of the season, and for the sixth time by a single goal. We are level on points with Dortmund. Not going to re-print G-Man‘s pre-season table prediction just yet, though.

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                                      Cracker of a winner from Boateng, too.

                                      Bit of a shame that they didn’t break out the orange ball given the snow, though.

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                                        Oh, Hertha.

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                                          Originally posted by ursus arctos View Post
                                          Cracker of a winner from Boateng, too.

                                          Bit of a shame that they didn’t break out the orange ball given the snow, though.
                                          I reffed today in snow with an orange ball - or at least I would have done if the home team hadn‘t changed it to green as we were about to kick-off. „Why did you do that?“ I asked. Because the green one’s adidas, they replied. It‘s nice they genuinely think it makes any difference to their play.

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                                            Originally posted by imp View Post
                                            Well, there‘s a crack 52-year-old Scottish coach in the middle of getting his C Licence just over an hour away in Frankfurt - thanks for thinking of me, G-Man.
                                            After some of the things you've said about the club?

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                                              It'd be like Clough going to Leeds. Der verdammte EffZeh.

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                                                We'd get Sebastian Koch to play you. The scene when the FC coach travels to Hamburg for a round of mini-golf will require the casting of Martin Semmelrogge of course.

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                                                  Christoph Daum & Jurgen Klinsmann have both expressed interest in the vacant Socceroos job. Would either of them be a good appointment? Appointing Klinsmann would blow the budget but what about Daum? Having just read Harry Pearson's latest column on double-acts, maybe the disfunctional FFA should appoint both as joint-managers.

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                                                    Based on his recent position managing Romania, I'd suggest in the strongest possible terms, that all national sides (especially those wearing yellow shirts) steer well clear of Daum.

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