I went to a Smiths/Morrissey-based club night in Brighton on Friday called November Spawned A Mozzer. It was brilliant fun, and a whole load of care and effort and heart and love and imagination went into it (including 'Morrissey' gingerbread faces which were actually crescent moons with quiffs on top, sold with profits going to PETA).
Anyway, one thing it brought home to me was how many Smiths songs I think are rubbish, so I intend to write a complete directory of Shit Smiths Songs right here right now, and I'd like to hear yours.
(I'm restricting it to The Smiths, because if we included Morrissey's solo stuff we'd be here all day.)
I'm NOT interested in people going "all of them, hur hur hur", and I'm NOT interested in people going "all of them except 'How Soon Is Now' and that one Mark Ronson did", or whatever. I just wanna hear from people who, even if you don't quite agree with my view that The Smiths are the greatest rock'n'roll band who ever lived, at least accept that they are one of The Greats. Everyone else, please move along.
OK, these are the Smiths songs which, in my view, are for one reason or another, either a bit rubbish or completely shit. I haven’t included the songs which are a bit flimsy and negligible, like “Death At One’s Elbow” or “Girl Afraid” or “Wonderful Woman”. Only the ones which actively make me flinch or cringe or gag.
I think it's pretty definitive, but I'd be interested to hear which songs deserve a reprieve and why, and which songs deserve inclusion and why.
“Frankly Mr Shankly”
“Girlfriend In A Coma”
“Half A Person”
“Hand That Rocks The Cradle”
“Is It Really So Strange?”*
“Meat Is Murder”**
“Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”***
“Unhappy Birthday”
“Unloveable”
“Vicar In A Tutu”
“What’s The World?” (James cover)
“Work Is A Four Letter Word” (Cilla Black cover)****
*An odd one, this, because I completely loved it when it came out. I found it really uplifting and refreshing. But it’s the forced humour that grates. Especially that line about ‘Newport Pagnell’.
**One of their most-derided songs, and I can completely see why, although I’d still say it’s a hugely ‘important’ record, and that if you can tune out the heavy-handed lyrics, it’s pretty amazing. Try to imagine it as an instrumental (even with the mooing noises). Wow.
***Famously, Marr brought in what he thought was perhaps the greatest piece of music he’d written so far, and Morrissey sang that crap over the top of it. And people wonder why he left.
****According to Wikipedia, Marr was so exasperated at Morrissey’s insistence on releasing this that it hastened his departure. Dunno about that, but still, Morrissey’s eventually fatal addiction to Brit kitsch was coming to the fore.
Anyway, one thing it brought home to me was how many Smiths songs I think are rubbish, so I intend to write a complete directory of Shit Smiths Songs right here right now, and I'd like to hear yours.
(I'm restricting it to The Smiths, because if we included Morrissey's solo stuff we'd be here all day.)
I'm NOT interested in people going "all of them, hur hur hur", and I'm NOT interested in people going "all of them except 'How Soon Is Now' and that one Mark Ronson did", or whatever. I just wanna hear from people who, even if you don't quite agree with my view that The Smiths are the greatest rock'n'roll band who ever lived, at least accept that they are one of The Greats. Everyone else, please move along.
OK, these are the Smiths songs which, in my view, are for one reason or another, either a bit rubbish or completely shit. I haven’t included the songs which are a bit flimsy and negligible, like “Death At One’s Elbow” or “Girl Afraid” or “Wonderful Woman”. Only the ones which actively make me flinch or cringe or gag.
I think it's pretty definitive, but I'd be interested to hear which songs deserve a reprieve and why, and which songs deserve inclusion and why.
“Frankly Mr Shankly”
“Girlfriend In A Coma”
“Half A Person”
“Hand That Rocks The Cradle”
“Is It Really So Strange?”*
“Meat Is Murder”**
“Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”***
“Unhappy Birthday”
“Unloveable”
“Vicar In A Tutu”
“What’s The World?” (James cover)
“Work Is A Four Letter Word” (Cilla Black cover)****
*An odd one, this, because I completely loved it when it came out. I found it really uplifting and refreshing. But it’s the forced humour that grates. Especially that line about ‘Newport Pagnell’.
**One of their most-derided songs, and I can completely see why, although I’d still say it’s a hugely ‘important’ record, and that if you can tune out the heavy-handed lyrics, it’s pretty amazing. Try to imagine it as an instrumental (even with the mooing noises). Wow.
***Famously, Marr brought in what he thought was perhaps the greatest piece of music he’d written so far, and Morrissey sang that crap over the top of it. And people wonder why he left.
****According to Wikipedia, Marr was so exasperated at Morrissey’s insistence on releasing this that it hastened his departure. Dunno about that, but still, Morrissey’s eventually fatal addiction to Brit kitsch was coming to the fore.
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