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You're not fit to read the shirt

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    You're not fit to read the shirt

    When it takes me a while to drop off at night (as is happening more frequently at the moment) I have discovered, as with trying to subdue an unwanted erection, that football can be my friend. Trying to mentally rattle off the last 10 League Cup winners, compose an inter-SPL team to take on the Old Firm, recollect Aston Villa's managers from the last 15 years etc usually does the trick.

    Last night, for some bizzare reason, it was shirt sponsors. Starting with the Premiership. The big four were depressingly easy. What about the rest? Villa are that kids charity. Bolton, Wigan & Stoke are straightforward due to their stadium tie-ups. Newcastle is straightforward since rarely can a sponsor's fortunes appeared to have mirrored their club so aptly. But the others?

    Tossing and turning, I found myself more awake as I mulled over questions that really should not task the mind of a mature adult. Are Everton still that Chinese beer thing?(yes.) When did Sunderland stop being Reg Vardy? Did West Ham get another sponsor? Think they did. Who was the old one? Blackburn? Nope. Portsmouth? Nein. Spurs? Nada.

    Man City? Come on. Robinho on the WSC cover a few months back. He's holding the fucking shirt! Nope it's gone. Fulham? Bizarrely I can remember four previous sponsors but not the present one.

    Let's try closer to home then. Killie obviously. The Old Firm have had the same sponsors for years. St. Mirren stick in the mind for having a shopping centre. But no more?

    Inverness were Flybe at one point - are they still? Aberdeen? Falkirk? Hamilton? Hearts? Hibs? Motherwell? Dundee United for fucks sake. You were watching them a couple of hours ago! Nope, no idea.

    Is this a common experience, or does it just denote my own pathetic observational skills. I've watched just about every Match of the Day this season. I read the Scottish sports pages each day. I'm never off the BBC football website. I suppose it should probably seen as a good thing that this corporate advertising passes me by, but it unnerves me somewhat that I can probably remember more of the Dancing on Ice contestants after catching (accidentally) one 15 minute preview show on the radio a few weeks back.

    Possibly it's down to shorter sponsor deals (historical kits seems to largely verify this) but I wonder if shirt advertising has now blended so much into the football backdrop that fans hardly notice it now. With West Brom notably failing to find a sponsor this year, is this a sign that advertisers have realised it's no longer a profitable exercise?

    #2
    You're not fit to read the shirt

    Hibs are Whyte & Mackay. They were Carlsberg for years, and before that Calor, the gas company.

    Hearts are sponsored by Romanov's dodgy bank.

    Aberdeen are Apex, though I don't know what that is.

    Struggling with the rest of the SPL.

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      #3
      You're not fit to read the shirt

      Chang are Thai.

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        #4
        You're not fit to read the shirt

        It's what's known as subliminal advertising, you don't realise your brain has processed it, stored it and will use it later. One day you'll be having to choose tubular products and be faced with the Acme Tubular Product Co and Apex and you'll choose Apex and you'll have no idea why, they'll just seem familiar somehow. After you've placed your rather large order you'll have flashbacks and see Zander Diamonds face, Jimmy Calderwoods tan and Lee Millers haircut and scream out loud in your bed and try and cancel your order. By that time it'll be too late, they've got your money and they've got your soul and their is nothing you can do about it.

        Interestingly (maybe it isn't to be fair) I was asked my view by the owners of McLelland Cheese prior to them sticking Seriously Strong across your jerseys a few years back. I told them it was a stupid idea and not to put their money anywhere near a football club. They of course ignored me, sponsored Kilmarnock for several seasons and sold out for many millions.
        They've not asked my advice on anything else for while come to think of it.

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          #5
          You're not fit to read the shirt

          Man City? Come on. Robinho on the WSC cover a few months back. He's holding the fucking shirt! Nope it's gone.

          Don't be too harsh on yourself, you could only see the back:



          Is it still Thomas Cook?

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            #6
            You're not fit to read the shirt

            Yes, it is, hot orange.

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              #7
              You're not fit to read the shirt

              Yes, though next season they are going to have Gerry Cook on thier shirts in tune with his enlightened low profile leadership.

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                #8
                You're not fit to read the shirt

                Thomas Cook feels a little prosaic for a club of City's stature now. They should be sponsored by, I don't know, NASA or something.

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                  #9
                  You're not fit to read the shirt

                  as with trying to subdue an unwanted erection
                  What's an unwanted erection? Is that like when someone builds an extension without planning permission?

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                    #10
                    You're not fit to read the shirt

                    Pretty much any erection between the ages of say 13 and 17, I reckon.

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                      #11
                      You're not fit to read the shirt

                      They tend to be inconvenient rather than unwanted.

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                        #12
                        You're not fit to read the shirt

                        Not when the teacher calls you to the blackboard or the bell rings for break.

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                          #13
                          You're not fit to read the shirt

                          That's what I meant.

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