I don't remember, but that's not an excuse

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

It's getting worse, this dementia.

To begin with, I'm posting this a tad drunk but not deranged wasted. Maybe Tourettes at times I have been.
I'm not posting this in that sense I will wake up tomorrow and forgotten the shit out of it all.

Now, I'm struggling what I wanted to do with this.

....

Yeah, this was probably it:
I know you've heard it a million times before. I know it's worth fuck all.
When I snap.
And over the years I’ve snapped.
But my apologies for that last shite snap during summer.
I don't remember what it was exactly, I don't remember what I wrote exactly, I haven't looked it up, but I kind of slightly remember that I was a fucking dick before I went out the door here.

It's been bugging me since.

And I know it’s no excuse to lean on, and I know it’s kind of a psychopath treat, but if you have something bugging you when you know you’ve done wrong, it means you care about the people you’ve done wrong against.

Or maybe I’m simply a moron.

At times slightly, never on a daily basis, I thought about posting this, but I guess now was the time when I mustered the courage to fucking fess up.

I don't feel like being here. Never felt. I don't feel home at here, never belonged. And it’s 100% to do with I being a dickhead.
(the first person who says otherwise, I will regard as a moron)

Why am I doing this?
I dunno. A lot of shit is happening and perhaps I’m looking for a degree of closure.
If I go out eventually , I want it to be on a good note. Not that shitty, stubborn, bastard, evil, poisonous… fuckhead I have often been.
Anyway, you’re fucking ace. All of you.

[sw2borshch]

You know, PPV, I'm never entirely sure how to take you.

But - as someone who had 'words' with you over the summer, I'm going to say that sometimes I definitely feel that you act the dickhead (and who doesn't), but that a dickhead is not all you are - i've read too much from you that means you're better than that.

Anyway, once an OTFer, always an OTFer.

Look after yourself.

[Hot Pepsi]

Be well.

[adams house cat]

You need to talk PPV PM me. As said above, once an OTFer...

[G-Man]

PPV, you sound like you need more than the support of Internet friends, helpful though that is. In conjunction with that, though, have you tried to get some kind of professional counselling or therapy to get to the root of what's troubling you? And if you did, might another such professional do a better job?

[adams house cat]

Perfectly said G-Man.

[Sits]

Thanks for your post PPV. I for one will always appreciate your Abba is Perfection thread.

Look after yourself.

[Gerontophile]

PPV: Try not to worry about the past. Just think ahead, and like me, try not to be too much of a dick. x

[tee rex]

What everyone else said, especially Sw2's first reply.

PPV, I hope you have support, in whatever form, and please take care of yourself.

[adams house cat]

Please don't hide PPV. Spray some posts around. We are all here to listen, or, well, read. It can be of help. Trust me.

[anton pulisov]

Hey, if Ireland got to the World Cup final playing wonderful football and then got their pockets picked by some shitty counter attacking team with the ref on their side... I'd be ffing and blaring for weeks.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Welcome back.

[blameless]

I know you've got some shit to fight through PPV, and that you occasionally go off at people harsher than they would like (and from the sounds of it, harsher than you would like too).

But it's always good to hear from you.

[Del Usory]

Yeah.

Take care of yourself youth

From one "snapper" to another

[Lang Spoon]

Take care of yourself PPV. If you can’t talk shite or snap here where can you? I may have snapped back at you this summer but you never seem a bad person.