"Crampons"

[EIM]

Never worn them. Never had cause to. I've no business being on ice or glaciers or mountains or any of that shite these days. However given my propensity to wear Scandi technical gear to football, maybe I'll strap a pair on to my indoor supers for added winter safety when climbing to tier 2, as well as providing a sharp sartorial look for AW18. Course, if I did that, someone would later claim that Scousers had been doing it since 1977 when they played FC Jungfraujoch in the European Cup.

I went up Junfraujoch and experienced something so humiliating it haunted me for years. Looking back it was nothing, but in my youth the very thought of it was enough to make my cheeks burn like a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 and tears fill my eyes. What a little soft cunt. The great thing about getting old, though possibly not enough to offset the constant needing a piss and the inability to move my legs for three weeks after mild exercise, is having made a twat of myself so much I very rarely suffer embarrassment. Quite lidderally no shame, pop-pickers.

At the top of the Jungfrau funicular ride we walked through a bit of - what I assume was - the aletsch glacier. I didn't wear crampons though as they had put cardboard on the floor for us so we wouldn't fall over. Good of them.

Crampons, like croutons, also add crunch to salads, bit do not go soggy in soup. Enjoy responsibly.

[DCI Harry Batt]

What was the humiliating experience?

[EIM]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Benjm]

Go on. It could give you the closure and peace of mind that you so desperately crave. And us a giggle.

[Moonlight Shadow]

I do rarely use crampons, most of my winter activitities can be done with just the backup of "mini-crampons" or rather "micro-spikes". There is however an increasing urging by the outdoors expert to use crampons the moment a bit of snow is on the ground on the hills. You see people kitted out for Everest on modest hills because they feel they have to carry all that stuff otherwise a terrible death might befall them...

It's a bit silly at times but you best not criticise this or admit you really don't care that much about having a 30l bag full of mostly needless stuff

[Paul S]

I have two sets of crampons, a cheap pair which were my first and they were all I could afford. You had to tie them on and to be fair, they work a treat on ice. Then I have a really good pair of Grivel snap on crampons which I will take with me when I go out in serious winter conditions. To be honest, a lot of the time you don't need crampons but when you need them, you need them and you can never predict when that will be. The other problem with crampons is they are actually quite dangerous pieces of kit and every year people have a fall and do serious damage from their crampons tearing either themselves or other people. Like I say, when you need them you need them, but a lot of the time you don't. Also snow tends to ball if it is to soft and that can actually be more dangerous that not wearing them.

I had a fantastic ascent of High Raise from Dungeon Ghyll a few years ago where I needed my crampons for the ascent up, but once I got to Sergeant Man and headed across the moor to High Raise the snow was softer and I didn't need them.

[San Bernardhinault]

I've never worn crampons. You can prance about on a glacier without them. Anyone who uses them for anything other than proper extreme ice conditions is basically a gear head showing off the fact that they bought lots of gear.

[ursus arctos]

You’ve never blown out a knee, have you?

[treibeis]

What was the humiliating experience?

I reckon he shat himself in public.

[Moonlight Shadow]

SB, sure you can but it's a bit like saying it's perfectly ok to wash yourself in cold water rather have a hot shower. When i hike in winter, i carry my micro-spikes, any hard snow or ice surface i have to negotiate becomes instantly less problematic. Seen enough people hurting themselves on such surfaces...

[Benjm]

I've belatedly realised that I've got a set of ice spikes in a cupboard somewhere.

I had mentally placed them alongside the elastic waisted trousers and 1001 Uses For Vinegar books advertised at the back of the Sunday Express, rather than as a piece of exciting outdoor survival kit. Context is everything.