Holy Kohli: India in England Summer 2018

[Duncan Gardner]

Cook's crook
Keaton beaten
Joe must go
Bairstow no-show
Pope a dope
Stokes a joke
Jos dross
Woakes hoax
Rashid no need
Broad flawed
Anderson shelter

[ursus arctos]

https://twitter.com/awsstats/status/1031205231332339712?s=21

https://twitter.com/awsstats/status/...332339712?s=21

[Satchmo Distel]

It's their weakest batting side for many years and has been vulnerable to collapses of late.

[Jon]

Awful and embarrassing performance but also sadly becoming much more frequent. There will be obviously changes for the next test but it'll be like rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic.

[Gangster Octopus]

Buttler's keeping now...

[Gangster Octopus]

India don't seem to be in any particular hurry. Can't say as I blames 'em...

[SouthdownRebel]

Buttler's keeping now...

I wonder if Bairstow's injury might end up being a happy accident if it means Buttler takes the gloves for a while. England's top order is a disaster and they could really benefit from YJB playing as a specialist batsman regardless of his personal preference to do both jobs

[SouthdownRebel]

India don't seem to be in any particular hurry. Can't say as I blames 'em...

Wearing down England's pace attack with the next test in mind?

[Tubby Isaacs]

https://twitter.com/awsstats/status/1031205231332339712?s=21

https://twitter.com/awsstats/status/...332339712?s=21

England also did this in 1938.

[Tubby Isaacs]

Still not declaring. Shami out.

Looks like proper "English conditions" for bowling, so this is a bit odd, unless they reckon England will be able to go off with bad light. I don't even know whether the rule works like that any more.

[Tubby Isaacs]

In they come. I think they just stayed out to finish the over which would have been lost. Fair enough, nice attention to detail if so.

[Gangster Octopus]

Only two days and nine overs to bat...

[Etienne]

I'm child free and have a day off work tomorrow. How many wickets would England have to lose tonight before I was tempted to go.

[Tubby Isaacs]

England could do with Pujara in this situation.

[Etienne]

England could do with Boycott, Hutton, Sutcliffe and Barrington in this situation. Plus the 2011 versions of Cook and Trott.

[Tubby Isaacs]

The 2015 version of Cook would do. He batted for 863 minutes v Pakistan, albeit in the first innings.

[Etienne]

In the last five years, England have bowled first and conceded 200 or more (not even 300) in 23 Tests. Their record in those games is sadly abysmal: W2 D3 L18.

From the Guardian OBO.

That is astonishingly bad.

[SouthdownRebel]

That's an amazing stat

[Gangster Octopus]

Couldn't even see the first over out...

[longeared]

Bairstow is allowed to bat at 7 and keep wicket even though it clearly affects his run scoring capability because it makes him feel better.
Stokes is a fine catcher but is allowed to field in the outfield rather than the slips because it makes him feel more comfortable.
They still try and hit every fucking ball for runs in Tests regardless of the match situation and the repeated collapses.
They drop endless catches in the slips by not having their best fielders there and only have a cursory session at the start of the day because the players complained when Bayliss stopped them warming up by playing football.

They're an absolute bunch of children, they really are.

[Etienne]

Stokes is a better outfielder than slip fielder (he only catches about 75% in the slips, which is substandard). Otherwise I agree. Very glad I didn't bother going today.

Not sure who they are going to pick if Bairstow is out injured, and if Cook is absent for the birth of his child. I mean, you surely want to drop Jennings, but can you really change three of your top five in one match? So he might survive for one more game, with Burns coming in for Cook. Then who replaces Bairstow? Malan coming back? Moeen? You surely can't bring in someone like Clarke and have him and Pope batting next to each other.

Or just bring in the one dayers? Have Roy open and bring Morgan back as captain?

Glad I'm not in Ed Smith's shoes.

[Duncan Gardner]

Jennings to see out the series. Then take a couple of new guys to Lanka. They'd lose whoever goes realistically. Party to include whoever the two best spinners are.

Buttler keeps for the last two.

Moeen back.

You can't turn to Cap'n Morgan, every game would finish on the third day.

Bayliss should resign.

[longeared]

"Hales doesn't have a red ball contract, so they'll probably pick him for the next Test" said Vaughan on TMS earlier.

[Etienne]

I don't think they can keep Root as captain, he's not very good at it, and his batting is deteriorating. So, if not Morgan then who? The only players who are certain to be picked (if fit) are Anderson and Bairstow. I'm not convinced either of them would be a good choice.

[Duncan Gardner]

Isn't Broady a shoe-in? Not that he particularly impressed as T20 captain.

Some mentions for recalling Bell short term, although that only postpones the problem to next summer

In a way, it's a bit like the Corbyn/ Johnson/ Whoever-can't-be-prime-ministerial debate. You don't know until they do it.