Hollerbach's Knackwurst - Bundesliga 2018/19

[Stumpy Pepys]

Nürnberg started the season looking vaguely competent; it's just recently they've collapsed. They were hopeless against Leipzig though.

Eintracht are doing much better without Kovac than him without them. What's Wenger up to at the moment?

[imp]

Hamburg 0 St Pauli 0. 57,000 there to see it. Which got me thinking (thread drift alert): what's the highest ever season average attendance for a club in the second division?

I recall a 75,000-odd crowd for Hertha v Kaiserslautern (I think) a few years back now - it was probably first place v second.

Three wins in a week for Eintracht, including a crushing of Nazio - lovely. I‘ll be back in town in time for the home bankers with Düsseldorf and Appollon Limassol, which being Eintracht they will promptly go and lose.

[ursus arctos]

Someone forgot to tell Fortuna Düsseldorf that the international break is over and this match counts

Eintracht Frankfurt 7 (SEVEN) Fortuna Düsseldorf 1 (after 75 minutes)

[Janik]

Five for one player, Jovic. The finish for his first was absolutely spectacular. As was some of Dusseldorf's defending, in the spectacularly awful sense.

I'm assuming that seeing a team he follows have a day as good as this has left imp confused and disorientated. He predicted Frankfurt to lose the game on here and on the matchgoing thread...

[G-Man]

Jovic is on the 14th and the youngest player to have scored five in a game in Bundesliga history, and only the second since 1991. Gerd Müller did that four times in the 1970s (once in a space of something like five games). And one of the 13 even scored six in a game; Dieter Müller for Köln against Werder in 1977.

[G-Man]

Anyway, slightly overshadowing Jovic's accomplishment was a remarkable press conference held by Bayern's bosses. It was bizarre stuff: Hoeneß, Rummenigge and Salihamidzic came out to show the press that they will not be pushed around any longer. "We are Germany's most important club," they said, and as such cannot be treated they way they are in the media, what with all the criticism of their poor form and the squad planning.

Rummenigge channelled Atticus Finch when he insisted that, according to Germany's constitution, everybody has the right to dignity. How dare the media question the age of Robben and Ribery? Or the performance of Neuer?

And how does the media dare to praise the performances of Juan Bernat at PSG? "He almost cost us the Champions' League against Seville. We knew at that moment that he must go," said Uli. As Gene Kelly said in Singin' In The Rain: "Dignity. Always dignity."

Of course, I won't pretend to be outraged by Uli and Kalle's "Kasperl Theater". It's great that after years of calm stability and invulnerability, Bayern is suddenly revealing weakness and insecurity. It needs a bit of FC Hollywood.

And, of course, it is good fun to see these two despicable men being laughed at by the nation.

[Janik]

Jovic is on the 14th and the youngest player to have scored five in a game in Bundesliga history, and only the second since 1991. Gerd Müller did that four times in the 1970s (once in a space of something like five games). And one of the 13 even scored six in a game; Dieter Müller for Köln against Werder in 1977.

The BT Sport commentators were trying to come up with those off the top of their head. I was slightly surprised they didn't remember what I assume was the last time before this - Lewandowski's five in 9 minutes against Wolfsburg.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Anyway, slightly overshadowing Jovic's accomplishment was a remarkable press conference held by Bayern's bosses.

Yes, I read that too. It was Trump-esque. The poor flowers.

[sw2borshch]

My favourite kicker update since I installed the app on my phone.

[ursus arctos]

Dortmund three up at Stuttgart within the first half hour

[imp]

Ah, so this is where you‘re all talking about the mighty Eintracht. Seven goals, and that with Rebic suspended. The four-square attack of Kostic, Jovic, Gacinovic and Haller was on fire all night.

[G-Man]

Does Haller get teased for being the only Eintracht player, other than loanee Trapp, whose names doesn't end with an -ic?

[treibeis]

Kostic despite the last two letters in his surname, is fucking rubbish. I'm 51 years old, yet I'm better than him.

[imp]

Kostic despite the last two letters in his surname, is fucking rubbish. I'm 51 years old, yet I'm better than him.

I know he has no great reputation in Hamburg, but Hamburg manages to make the best players look utter shit. Kostic was in the Kicker Elf der Woche with Note 1 („Weltklasse“). He‘s been really good all season, much to the disappointment of all the Hamburg fans on twitter who gloated about Eintracht signing him in the summer.

[sw2borshch]

Titz aus, according to kicker.

[sw2borshch]

Hannes Wolf in.

[ursus arctos]

5th place, 2 points off the top, 1 point off automatic promotion

[treibeis]

So, in addition to the payments they're still making to the coaches who took them down (Hollerbach (who gets a bonus if they go straight back up) and Gisdol), HSV now have to continue paying Titz. And all the rest of Gisdol's, Hollerbach's and Titz' coaching staff as well. As well as nigh-on 3.5 million a year for Lasogga, who's either on the bench, in the treatment room or in the kitchen scoffing sticky buns.

If I ran my business like HSV is run, I'd be bankrupt within a fortnight.

[treibeis]

They had a lad in the reserves, Törles Knöll. He didn't only have a great name, he also averaged more than a goal a game. Most of us, I reckon, would have given him a few games in the first team, just to see what would happen. HSV let him go to Nürnberg, for nothing.

[ursus arctos]

It's almost as if you don't want them to be a laughing stock.

[treibeis]

It's almost as if you don't want them to be a laughing stock.

Of course I do, and I love it. But they ought to start spacing out their gags a bit. Not even the Zucker brothers could keep pace with the HSV management.

[ursus arctos]

So you are looking for a competent, professional laughing stock.

Tough crowd.

[treibeis]

So you are looking for a competent, professional laughing stock.

Tough crowd.

No, but it's all too much at the same time.

At the beginning of the season, one of the HSV media men was in the paper defending the club's financial policies. "Of course we're saving money", he squeaked, "we now only have paper serviettes in the executive boxes rather than proper cotton ones."

Fair enough. But if you're then going to leak details about Papadopoulos, one of the most injury-prone people in the history of the world, having a clause in his contract that states that HSV will be taking care of sick pay which, by law, is the responsibility of the Berufsgenossenschaft, then they ought to wait a week until people have stopped laughing about the serviettes.

They didn't wait, though. The Papadopoulous story wasn't only revealed on the same day; it was on the same page as Serviettegate in the paper.

[ursus arctos]

11 Freunde reminded me that today's Landespokal Rheinland match between Kaiserslautern and FK Pirmasens is the first time the two clubs have met in a competitive fixture since they contested the 1962-63 Oberliga Südwest, which FCK won, thereby obtaining its golden ticket to the initial Bundesliga.

Though Lautern now find themselves in the third tier of German football, they have of course won two Bundesliga titles and two DFB Pokal in that time, as well as featuring in European competitions. Pirmasens, who had been a major force in the region's football after the war (winning three Oberliga titles and attracting crowds of up to 65,000 for big games that they played in Ludwigshafen (as Pirmasens only has 40,000 people and their ground only holds a quarter of that), played one season in the early 2. Bundesliga, but fell as far the sixth tier Bezirksliga before recovering to their current place in the Regionaliga (one tier below FCK).

I always that Pirmasens sounded as if it should be in Schleswig-Holstein.

[G-Man]

Oh no, it doesn't sound northern at all. Don't let the -sen mislead you.

They spent more than one season in the old 2. Bundesliga. In the first season of the 2. Bundesliga Süd, 1974/75, Pirmasens finished runner-up, and lost the promotion play-off to Bayer Uerdingen. They were relegated in 1977.