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    #26
    Originally posted by WOM View Post
    That said, I got my Happy Birthday letter from the Ministry of Health last month to tell me about Canada's new method of doing this, which is non invasive. You basically take a poop sample on three different dates and drop the 'sticks' at your GP.
    That method's been introduced here. My doctor reckons it's not as reliable as the "cameramen, fluffy microphones and catering trucks up your back passage" variant, though.

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      #27
      We have something similar here. But because I get a full blood test every two months my nephrologist says she will spot anything untoward as soon as it starts. Lucky I trust her.

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        #28
        This thread reminds me of a favourite Roger Ebert quote:

        "I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny."

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          #29
          I think it might become a requirement for getting health insurance over here for men over 50. We already are under pressure to get flu shots or face not having subscriptions paid for.

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            #30
            Originally posted by treibeis View Post
            Do I have to eat rotten meat or something to make sure my arsehole's empty?


            Hope it all goes off uneventfully. You could pretend that Raquel Welch and Donald Pleasance are driving the probe. Or maybe not Donald Pleasance, if I remember the plot of that film correctly.

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              #31
              Originally posted by Benjm View Post
              You could pretend that Raquel Welch and Donald Pleasance are driving the probe. Or maybe not Donald Pleasance, if I remember the plot of that film correctly.
              You don't mean that film where Donald Pleasence had to be escorted up the tunnel by James Garner because he could hardly see anything?

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                #32
                The one that Gordon Jacksie and Richard Attenbowel are in as well?

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                  #33
                  firstly 18 months? You big eejit.

                  secondly don't worry about the procedure itself. The biggest hassle is the prep, and that's because you are told to drink so much fucking fluid. I always found that while it was the easiest thing in the world to polish off 10 pints of beer, having to consume two pints of fluid is an unbearable imposition.

                  thirdly, they'll just give you a dose of propofol, and you'll have a nice snooze. The only potential downside is that you may wake up feeling like someone has cut you open, put a fighting cockerel inside you and sewn you back up again, but that's just trapped wind, and it is easily resolved by bouncing up and down a bit, and it will take care of itself. Though the other people in the recovery ward might have something to say about that, you really won't care. Apparently this is what some babies are like all the time.

                  I woke up mid procedure once, had a bit of a look around, and went straight back to sleep again, so evidently it's not painful while it's going on. Best of luck with the scan, and don't be an eejit. There is no point worrying that the bottom might fall out of your world, when the world is falling out of your bottom on a regular basis.

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                    #34
                    Does everybody get to sleep through it apart from me? I've actually had a couple of sections cut out of my large bowel and then had the rest reconnected. Because of this I don't think my angles are particularly rounded enough inside, so they have me changing position mid procedure. Laying on my back is the worst. I hope everything goes ok and take a spare pair of pants in your bag - just in case.

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                      #35
                      Shite. That's grim. oh yeah treibeis, if they don't find anything wrong, tell them to check your upper intestines. I went in for a scan a year before my crohns really fucking kicked off, but they didn't find it because they stopped at the valve between the two intestines, and it was six inches the other side.

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                        #36
                        The only time I've been actively encouraged to fart was after my first colonoscopy. The recovery area was mixed and I was lying opposite a little old lady.

                        It was like a frogs chorus.

                        The biggest problem I have had with the prep is the dehydration, awful. The procedure itself is fascinating, healthy gut, healthy gut, bad gut ulcers and all, good gut.

                        The last time I had a colonoscopy I was asked if I minded if a group of student nurses observed the procedure. Seeing as my dignity was already compromised I didn't see why not.

                        I hope they took notes or diagrams. Especially when I farted blue dye.

                        Anyway, good luck Triebeis.

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                          #37
                          In my recovery area, everyone expected Colonel Hathi and the Dawn patrol to go marching past.

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                            #38
                            Recovery area? They told me I'd be getting knocked out, having the film crew do their shit for 15 minutes, being given ten minutes to wake up properly and then getting sent home.

                            Nobody said anything about farting my arse off in front of a roomful of old ladies.

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                              #39
                              Haha. Brusque and efficient. Where are you living again?

                              A recovery room is just a bunch of beds for people to sleep off their anaesthetic, or while you're waiting for a lift home. It affects different people differently. You're only in there for an hour or two, and that's where they give you the tea and toast.

                              I must point out that I only had the trapped wind the first time, so presumably after that it wasn't trapped by the time I'd left the film set.

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                                #40
                                Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                Btw, I thought this thread was going to be about a film crew staked out behind your khazi for the Stones gig. I really did.
                                You're not the only one who thought this, WOM.

                                Hope it goes okay, treibeis.

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                                  #41
                                  Thanks all for the words of encouragement.

                                  Piece of piss, that was. I was in and out in 45 minutes. Didn't wake up, didn't blow off, didn't have to drink tea, everything's all right.

                                  I'm now off for a big plate of chitterlings.

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                                    #42
                                    Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                                    Nobody said anything about farting my arse off in front of a roomful of old ladies.
                                    There's a sentence you don't read everyday...

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                                      #43
                                      Glad it went well, tb. I've had three of them, the most recent was last year, where I didn't have any extra medication. The first two times they removed a couple of polyps, which weren't cancerous, but they didn't want them to remain. It's fun watching someone try to lasso a red blob with a bit of wire somewhere in your insides...

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                                        #44
                                        I'm feeling a bit left out here - I'm 52 and no one has even slipped in an exploratory finger to check my prostate, never mind send in Gordon Buchanan.

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                                          #45
                                          You don't know what you're missing. Just make sure you get a 9am appointment. That way you get first use of the barium.

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                                            #46
                                            hahaha.

                                            If you're drinking it, The moment they give you the little plastic cup contaning the barium is weird because it's about five times as heavy as you think it's going to be.

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                                              #47
                                              Oh it'll happen soon enough. I have had a couple over the years. Not at all painful but the prep is like smoking your first joint. Nothing happens until you realise it is happening.

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                                                #48
                                                And so now its my turn. I did the national "drie pricken in je poep" test at 55 and came up positive for blood in my poep.

                                                It's happening on Monday morning, and like everyone on this thread, it's the prep that worries me the most. No alcohol for 60 hours. When was the last time I did that?

                                                According to their lovely leaflets I only have a 12.5% chance of bowel cancer, but then again, doesn't everybody have similar odds for cancer in general?

                                                I just hope they find something, or at least conclude something about my diet. Downstairs hasn't been my strongest department for years.

                                                The worst thing so far though is that it's bringing home just how sad my life has become over here. I'm not allowed to drive home or even get a taxi and both my daughters are unable to help. Ones away and the other has an important test in Amsterdam and can only bring me to the clinic. My lovely neighbour is working and I really can't think of anyone else I'm close enough to to ask. Pretty pathetic really.

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                                                  #49
                                                  My sympathies, Logan. Try to imagine how good your first drink will be after all is done and dusted.

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                                                    #50
                                                    I had one in from the other end recently.
                                                    It sounds like it shouldn't be as bad, but I wasn't convinced of that when I was gagging on a 4 foot long camera down me neck. I shoulda taken the sedative, but I wanted to drive home.
                                                    I learnt three things from the experience.
                                                    1. I don't have aesophageal cancer.
                                                    2. I have a hiatus hernia
                                                    3. I'll never have a career as a sword swallower.

                                                    And it was still oddly less intrusive than the angiogram I had last week.

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