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Hollerbach's Currywurst - Bundesliga 2017/18

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    Originally posted by G-Man View Post
    We'd get Sebastian Koch to play you. The scene when the FC coach travels to Hamburg for a round of mini-golf will require the casting of Martin Semmelrogge of course.
    There are worse things than being compared to Martin Semmelrogge, as I painfully found out about a year ago: Somebody in a pub accused me of actually BEING Scorsch Kamerun from Die Goldenen Zitronen.

    Quite apart from the fact that Schorsch Kamerun looks like Martin Schulz with a wig on and his beard shaved off, he's about a foot shorter than I am.

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      Originally posted by ad hoc View Post
      Based on his recent position managing Romania, I'd suggest in the strongest possible terms, that all national sides (especially those wearing yellow shirts) steer well clear of Daum.
      Look at managerial records and then avoid both. Don't be fooled by Klinsmann's sunny smile and 2006 World Cup third place finish - that was all Löw.

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        Union Berlin have sacked Jens Keller:
        "Our style of play and results in recent weeks do not match requirements that have been clearly formulated, and which were backed up by our transfer policy in the summer."

        They are currently in 4th place in the 2. Bundesliga.

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          I am struggling to see how it was Keller's fault that Union has dropped an inordinate number of points in the last five minutes of matches.

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            OK, Keller to Köln then, I suppose. A safe gig for two years.

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              Originally posted by treibeis View Post
              There are worse things than being compared to Martin Semmelrogge, as I painfully found out about a year ago: Somebody in a pub accused me of actually BEING Scorsch Kamerun from Die Goldenen Zitronen.
              I was accused by a Bayern fan of being a dead ringer for Roy Makaay.

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                Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                There are worse things than being compared to Martin Semmelrogge, as I painfully found out about a year ago: Somebody in a pub accused me of actually BEING Scorsch Kamerun from Die Goldenen Zitronen.

                Quite apart from the fact that Schorsch Kamerun looks like Martin Schulz with a wig on and his beard shaved off, he's about a foot shorter than I am.
                It's an uncharitable allegation, but not entirely unfair in a world where some very mean people have compared me to Phil Collins.

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                  St. Pauli (conceded nine in their last two matches, no win since October 1st) have got into the festive spirit too by binning Olaf Janßen. Markus Kauczinski has jumped off of the managerial merry-go-round to take the reins in Hamburg. Apparently, he doesn't need to say what a special club Pauli is, everyone knows that already . Of course.

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                    Apparently, the straw that broke the camel's back was Janßen getting the players in for "punishment training" at eight o'clock last Sunday morning. It was pissing down. Now, call me old-fashioned, but I can think of worse things than playing football on a Sunday morning.

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                      Insipid performance by Union today leads to their first home loss of the season (to Dresden) and demonstrates that Keller was not the problem.

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                        Dortmund fire Bosz after the home defeat against Werder. Not really surprising; I think they were ready to fire him after the 4-4 against Schalke. Watzke looks a bit stupid now for sacking a perfectly good Tuchel. He wanted Stöger in the summer; he can get him now.

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                          Stöger it is.

                          That's one for Guardian 'Knowledge', or even the OTF omniscientists - how many managers (coaches) have been sacked because their team are bottom and doomed, and then immediately get a job up the other end? (OK, they're not title contenders, but still ...).

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                            Cologne V Freiberg has just kicked off after a 30min delay due to the pitch being covered in snow. The ground staff have eched out the lines for the penalty areas etc whilst leaving other parts of the pitch untouched, including the centre circle. Did they run out of time or just lose enthusiasm? Anyway, it's always nice to see the orange ball being given an outing.

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                              Has anybody seen G-Man? Curled up in the foetal position, cursing god, fate and the cruel universe?

                              Somehow the snow and the silly spot measuring makes it all worse. Tragedy intruding on a jolly farce.

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                                Yeah, that result has put me in a very dark mood. Manchester United fucking it up I can cheerfully handle. But that run of rotten luck that Köln has had is just brutal. They truly are the Charliest of Charlie Browns in the Bundesliga.

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                                  Originally posted by G-Man View Post
                                  But that run of rotten luck that Köln has had is just brutal.
                                  They're also not very good. That's something lots of commentators seem to forget.

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                                    Originally posted by treibeis View Post
                                    They're also not very good. That's something lots of commentators seem to forget.
                                    My old man used to play cricket for Market Rasen Third XI. Good fielder, pretty average batsman. There was always a 'reason' for him getting out that had nothing to do with his batting skills. One birthday I did a mock-up of a newspaper front page about his life, including the headline SPORT: Rasen cricketer curses run of bad luck stretching back 29 years. Everyone in the family got it except for my Dad, who either didn't get it, or didn't want to get it.

                                    So indeed, FC Köln.

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                                      They're not 3 points from 15 games poor. I expected a relegation fight this season, with Modeste gone. But they really had some rotten luck with referee decisions and an incredible series of injuries, with virtually a full first team out lately, and Stöger never been able to field as settled side. In the midst of that they somehow beat Arsenal (and Arsenal's B-team is better than Köln's).

                                      Obviously the malaise isn't attributable solely to injuries and the roll of the dice. The team that fluked into 5th last season was not strengthened in key positions, Modeste's replacement was a striker who has never scored goals, and the psyche of the team was so brittle, they haven't bounced back from losing to Hamburg on the second day of the season.

                                      I expect that Timo Horn, Hector and Heintz will leave. I hope Sorensen, Rausch and Cordoba will be sent packing.

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                                        Stöger gets as many points in his first match with Dortmund as he did all season at Köln, as BvB win 2-0 in Mainz against an abject home side.

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                                          My heart went out to Euch Dennis. Scores his first-ever Bundesliga goal, only for it to be ruled out because his left kneecap was offside.

                                          Fair ruined my joy at HSV's home defeat, that did.

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                                            I like him now very much for the fact that he smiled broadly once the linesman's flag was (correctly) raised. Always good to see that psychotic wanker Papadopoulos on the losing team. And his thuggish friend Kostic miss a free header from six yards out four minutes from time. Ha!

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                                              Originally posted by imp View Post
                                              Always good to see that psychotic wanker Papadopoulos on the losing team.
                                              I thought Mario Gomez and I were the only two people in Germany who didn't love "Papa" to bits. Good to see there are three of us.

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                                                I might not be in Germany, but can I join your trio?

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                                                  Originally posted by G-Man View Post
                                                  I might not be in Germany, but can I join your trio?
                                                  Please do. There can't be enough "Papa" Hate.

                                                  One of the lads I play football with is a proper HSV fan (born in Schleswig-Holstein, nice enough bloke, no idea about football, completely unable to see that HSV are rubbish) will be turning 40 in January. He absolutely adores "Papa".

                                                  One of our team-mates works in a print shop. The 40th birthday present - a T-shirt with "Papa" doing his Il Duce face, with the caption "Mein Papa ist ein Wichser" has already been ordered.

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                                                    Ha! But you know that in Schleswig-Holstein*, Wichser is is an honourable profession.

                                                    * Excluding, obviously, annexed cities.

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