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    To save you the trouble, I've compiled a list of arguably the ten worst UK #1s of the 1980s. You can argue amongst yourselves.

    Joe Dolce, Shaddap You Face
    Aneka, Japanese Boy
    Goombay Dance Band, Seven Tears
    Charlene, I've Never Been to Me
    Renée and Renato, Save Your Love
    Stevie Wonder, I Just Called to Say I Love You
    Jennifer Rush, The Power of Love
    Spitting Image, The Chicken Song
    Chris de Burgh, The Lady in Red
    Nick Berry, Every Loser Wins

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      I'm adding Move Closer by Phyllis Nelson to that list and taking off Stevie Wonder.

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        Nelson and Wonder are also-rans in this race.

        IJCTSILY would be a good song if you upped the tempo and brought in the Funk Brothers.

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          There are far worse records than Move Closer. My 'worst' for 1985 would be the ghastly back-slapping affair that was Easy Lover. (With Jennifer Rush, at least you got the impression that 'she' believed in it, even if wildly misguided.)

          Stevie can stay put, AFAIC.

          Other execrable 1980s number ones that deserve a shout:
          Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
          Take My Breath Away - Berlin
          Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship
          First Time - Robin Beck
          Do They Know, etc? - Band Aid II
          That Glenn Medeiros horror

          ...and the worst of all...

          China in Your Hand - T'Pau

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            It is striking how many of those were big hits over here as compared to Stumpy’s list

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              I had a dancefloor snog to that Jennifer Rush song once, so it's exempt from my point of view. In fact I was telling my nephew recently that round this time there were three hits singles called The Power of Love, and the odd one out in the dancefloor snog potential stakes was the Huey Lewis one. Well, in my experience at least, others may have their own stories to tell.

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                Yes, that is a useful addendum to Stumpy's list, Jah.

                I still hate Move Closer though.

                I equate 'I just called .....' to 'Mull of Kintyre'. Both records were number 1 for ages and were written and performed by artists who had probably peaked artistically a decade or so earlier. Rubbish compared to their best output and very much 'phoned in' (in Stevie's case, literally) but still not worthy of putting on any worse number 1s, in my opinion.

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                  Frankie by Sister Sledge - absolutely the worst.

                  Had to check when Cher did the Shoop Shoop Song, only for that to be November 1990. So that's the 90s one sorted too.

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                    Originally posted by Jon View Post
                    Yes, that is a useful addendum to Stumpy's list, Jah.

                    I still hate Move Closer though.

                    I equate 'I just called .....' to 'Mull of Kintyre'. Both records were number 1 for ages and were written and performed by artists who had probably peaked artistically a decade or so earlier. Rubbish compared to their best output and very much 'phoned in' (in Stevie's case, literally) but still not worthy of putting on any worse number 1s, in my opinion.
                    Fair point - but I wonder whether that invokes a separate clause, given that both should 'know better'?

                    Having added Band Aid II (I have little issue with the original, but let's not open that can of worms again, eh?), I should of course have mentioned USA For Africa, which was just horrible.

                    Hmmm...come to think of it, perhaps charity records should be exempt here?

                    Originally posted by Kryvbas Gripper Rih View Post
                    Had to check when Cher did the Shoop Shoop Song, only for that to be November 1990. So that's the 90s one sorted too.
                    It actually didn't reach the top of the UK charts until April 1991.
                    Last edited by Jah Womble; 04-05-2018, 12:34.

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                      Originally posted by Jah Womble View Post
                      (I have little issue with the original, but let's not open that can of worms again, eh?)
                      Seconded.

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                        Move Closer is brilliant, Jon you madman.

                        As are Eye of the Tiger, China In Your Hand and Take My Breath Away.
                        Honestly Jah mate. First Spurs, now this. Are you trying to take my title away?

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                          Originally posted by hobbes View Post
                          Move Closer is brilliant, Jon you madman.
                          Based on this, I was inspired to give it a listen.

                          It is a big, fat nothing. It registers roughly 3/10 for emotion, idea and energy. Pap.

                          You retain your title, sir.

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                            Just tried China in Your Hand. It has charm, and at least there's an idea there. Distinct undertones of Orinoco Flow, too, which isn't bad.

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                              CIYH predates Orinoco Flow by a year or so. And is horrible.

                              Originally posted by hobbes View Post
                              Move Closer is brilliant, Jon you madman.

                              As are Eye of the Tiger, China In Your Hand and Take My Breath Away.
                              Honestly Jah mate. First Spurs, now this. Are you trying to take my title away?
                              If you hadn't spilled the beans over non-hirsuteness on that other thread, I'd be picturing you with a blow-wave and enormous shoulder pads by now...

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by Jah Womble View Post
                                CIYH predates Orinoco Flow by a year or so. And is horrible.
                                You're right. I wouldn't have put Orinoco Flow as late as '88, but there it is.

                                I suspect you don't rate Orinoco Flow that highly either...

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                                  To paraphrase hobbes, The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss) is brilliant, KGR you madman.

                                  And WOM, please don't spoil Orinoco Flow for me like that.

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                                    I suspect there's some T'Pau hatred coloring your(s) impression of that song. It's pretty benign compared to a lot of dreck that was around during that time.

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                                      Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                      Based on this, I was inspired to give it a listen.

                                      It is a big, fat nothing. It registers roughly 3/10 for emotion, idea and energy. Pap.

                                      You retain your title, sir.
                                      OK. Brilliant was perhaps over selling it. But I got tons of slow dances and songs to that song at school discos.
                                      It's certainly not one of the worst songs of the era.

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                                        If you hadn't spilled the beans over non-hirsuteness on that other thread, I'd be picturing you with a blow-wave and enormous shoulder pads by now...
                                        You wanna see my guitar on the Gibson thread.

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                                          Originally posted by hobbes View Post
                                          It's certainly not one of the worst songs of the era.
                                          No, but I'd be shocked to learn it hit #1. I mean, it's a 'troubled the lower reaches' type of chart-filler.

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                                            If we're still talking Move Closer, it was a slow-burner - took something like three months to reach number one. (Not at the scale of Relax or You Spin Me Round, but nonetheless a hell of a long time in UK-chart terms.)

                                            Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                            I suspect you don't rate Orinoco Flow that highly either...
                                            As the owner of one - just 'one', mind - Clannad album, I didn't mind it that much at the time. These days, all I can associate with it are candle shops called things like 'Serendipity'.

                                            Originally posted by hobbes View Post
                                            You wanna see my guitar on the Gibson thread.
                                            That's some geetar, hobbes. It looks like the only kind one would have been allowed to be seen with onstage if one were a member of Tubeway Army.

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                                              Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
                                              To paraphrase hobbes, The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss) is brilliant, KGR you madman.
                                              Most Hobbesian sentence ever on OTF not made by Hobbes

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                                                Originally posted by Various Artist View Post
                                                ...is brilliant...

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                                                  It's a glorious song, señor.

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                                                    Originally posted by WOM View Post
                                                    I suspect there's some T'Pau hatred coloring your(s) impression of that song. It's pretty benign compared to a lot of dreck that was around during that time.
                                                    OK, I'll 'fess up to this charge though. I used to like it when I heard it on the radio in the mid-'90s, but then a few years later I fell in love with a girl who was obsessed about them. Then not that long afterward she atomised my heart, and so too went any appreciation I ever could have had for what I shall darkly refer to as that band.

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