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X11 season 45 - de rigueur Mortis

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    Wa-hey, a training/bonus kitty for Berkshire Swine!

    Rogério Costa was taking his dog, Pickles for a walk in the woods when the dog unearths a trophy stolen from the FA headquarters. The Player receives a reward of 1 500 000 econ from the governing body to show their gratitude which he donates to the club.

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      I'm very frustrated with Drakaina ballsing up promotion, it was almost entirely due to trying to get up DV for 2 17/4 midfielders who turned up late in the season and couldn't be sold. Fair enough if I'd managed to get them up in exchange, but one of them finished on 11 DV. Bollocks.

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        If it makes you feel any better I managed to go on this weekend and sack a waste of space 19/4. Except somehow (and I still don't know how, but I must have done it) sack my star forward who'd just gone up to (I think) a 23/10.

        I felt like packing the whole game in, honestly

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          Ouch, that is worthy of Sits.

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            Originally posted by Etienne View Post
            I'm very frustrated with Drakaina ballsing up promotion, it was almost entirely due to trying to get up DV for 2 17/4 midfielders who turned up late in the season and couldn't be sold. Fair enough if I'd managed to get them up in exchange, but one of them finished on 11 DV. Bollocks.
            One of the awkward things about the Xpert Ladies of course, that – there's no-one to sell to at that stage of the season so it's the "use them or lose them" quandary, isn't it? Fortunately VSU got a 17/4, Tyra Klovning, through on May 26th with just enough of the season left provided I gave her max game time, and with my other midfielders on good enough DVs to allow that to happen. She is a potentially fascinating FK-ing, Injury-Prone, Moody Diva who got full five games in (mercifully I'd put her straight into my default side so she even played in the infamous playoff on Thursday) and was successfully hothoused to 16 DV and jumped to 18/5.

            Otherwise my roster of teams has been largely untroubled by the arrival of promising youths lately, or indeed even competent ones. Viking North Utsire's barfed out a 20/5 Mouthy defender last night after a full month's wait, with us badly in need of someone sellable and only a few weeks left in the Ultimate League season. I've had it set on defenders almost all this year, which has produced about 11 useless 'prospects' and precisely 0 useful ones. We had one good midfielder in February, Reidar Hovland, but frustratingly had to sell him a month ago in his second season for emergency funds.


            Edit: Christ, I've just seen ad hoc's post. That does put things in perspective, hard going mate. Sitsworthy indeed. Which team was that, AH?

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              Yeah bad luck ad hoc, the sun can shine after the rain though. And when I sacked Julian Silwerberg at Kakanui, he'd spent a total of 18 minutes at the club. Or is that not so bad?

              What with that and Training-Gate, what will I do for the big three? Probably accidentally quit my favourite team, which is then nabbed by someone else before I get back in.

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                Had a messed-up weekend without meds, and I'd just like to say that reading Janik's kind words about my football management really helped me feel better so thank you very much, Janik. The interregnum hadn't messed up the team too badly except in GK, but I was very pleased with how everything fell into place. Despite the sexism I do like the Official Ladies League, and one reason why is the limited transfer market, which makes bargains like Vanja Wendel (MF 29/12, moody fast header, Ec0.75m, probably POTY) very satisfying.

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                  Look after yourself DM.

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                    Hope things have got sorted out now DM.

                    In the Heineken I got another youth academy striker come through and decided to sell my second striker and have one experienced one to help develop my two youngsters. In the following match my experienced striker got a month long injury near enough. Ho hum.

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                      Thirded, DM, and congratulations on being the only OTFer to win a playoff this season I believe – though Janik did sell you slightly short in his report as he suggested it was for elevation merely to Division 6, which is of course impossible since that's now the bottom tier. Best of luck in D5 next season, and you've just gained another supporter as I've only just twigged I hadn't 're-fanned' you since you returned to the Goddesses.


                      AE, I feel your pain there. Royal Atlantis have just lost senior striker Christian King to a career-worst injury, meaning Olaf Hunger has only the aptly-named Ĉthelred Unready, 20, to back him up for the coming few weeks. Our academy had of course only just presented me with the latest in a production line of grimly inept youths my various clubs have been harvesting recently, after a long wait, so there's little prospect of a great junior getting loads of game time in King's stead soon either, unfortunately.

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                        I believe I have managed to talk my family round to resuming life with their now very neglected teams

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                          Originally posted by ad hoc View Post
                          I believe I have managed to talk my family round to resuming life with their now very neglected teams
                          That's good news. I hope they are on the mend.

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                            Originally posted by Antepli Ejderha View Post
                            That's good news. I hope they are on the mend.
                            Seconded. Nice work Uncle hoc.

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                              That's great news, ad hoc. I just wish the game allowed me to repair the damage done to their squads by their absence.

                              I've started a new season. No reshuffle, but a bye week in division 3 as Thorntree Star sadly disappear.

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                                JA, DIE GROßE FLUCHT IST ABGESCHLOSSEN! KEIN ABSTIEG! GEH DA REIN, MEIN SOHN!!

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                                  Nice one SDR. KK also finished occupying a Middling Spot.

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                                    I was a little excited. Fifth place is the same as a trophy, right?

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                                      Absolutely. Top qualifying position for the... <checks> MLX Trophy.

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                                        I thought SdR had malfunctioned for a minute there, until twigging he was channelling Alemannia Altstadt-Süd's top-flight survival, not Hornville's.


                                        Apropos of nothing particular, bar the previous discussion, I was compiling the record non-goalscorers among outfield players across my roster the other day. The names in grey are the 'clubhouse leaders', so to speak – that is, the highest number of games without ever scoring by an outfield player now departed from the club, whose goallessness can thus never be compromised. It's interesting to discover that for all my teams bar Tiree and Mortis an active player leads the way in the all-time 'rankings', though they're mostly quite young and hence their records may plausibly revert to the names in grey or to a current teammate as they have plenty of time to ruin their immaculate non-scoring streaks:

                                        Viking North Utsire
                                        Knut Hovland 73
                                        Nikolas Karagounis (MF) 53

                                        Viking South Utsira
                                        Lina Hovland 67
                                        Albertina Fahler 65

                                        Mars Rovers
                                        Jaap Leda 234
                                        Giovanni van Brockhorst 145

                                        Royal Atlantis
                                        Harold Harefoot 117
                                        Octavian Augustus (F) 29

                                        Rĉdfearne Island FC
                                        Efran Knighton 68
                                        Graham Walls 30

                                        Sandringham Park
                                        Grace Darling-Budd 88
                                        Hon. Mary Thyquor-Thynne 44

                                        Tiree Automatic
                                        Drew Galloway 34
                                        Israel Simantov 67

                                        United Underground
                                        Kevin Kilburn 48
                                        Matt Morden 31

                                        Vita Mortis
                                        Nigel Paard (MF) 55
                                        Glyn Stockwell 145


                                        Mars defender Jaap Leda is the only truly committed refusenik there, arguably. He had plenty of matches before I took over, and I've never changed from a 4-4-2 oriented setup at the club since so they're still more defensively-minded than my other teams overall. His colleague Ronald Deimos had 9 seasons and 163 games under his belt without a goal before this season, but is a free-kicker (and hard-shooter) who was promoted to dead-ball duties for the first time this campaign – and has scored five already, albeit curiously that includes two from open play. Got crocked for a fortnight the other day, though, which puts a dampener on things. Grace Darling-Budd also got crocked in her 89th appearance on Tuesday, continuing Sandringham's miserable recent run of major injuries to key players.

                                        Galloway is unusual in only ranking 6th on the all-time Tiree non-scorers. Again they have a significant hinterland before I took over, and since I did we've spent a lot of time punching upwards at each level of the Xpert Zone pyramid so haven't necessarily been that free-scoring overall. In contrast, Kilburn and Morden are currently the only two outfield Underground players ever to have played more than 11 total games for us without scoring!
                                        Last edited by Various Artist; 21-06-2018, 23:12.

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                                          Nyth Wobbegong beat 9 man SDS Page 2-1 with a 94th minute winner, having been outchanced 7-5 and out-possessioned 60%-40%. Any sympathy for the losers was tempered by the fact they had 4 men booked, 1 sent off and lost 1 injured at 1-1 while playing bruise and cheating against an H9 ref.

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                                            X11 Ladies League Season 52 – League and Cup status of OTF teams

                                            Coxy Ladies Wulpen will play in Division 5:18 following relegation last term and are targeting bouncing straight back after a decent change report and what was an somewhat unexpected drop last term. Janik’s sides opponents in R1 of the Cup are Pretty ladies of Division 6:36, who look like a fairly weak side (hostage to fortune there!).

                                            Ad Hoc’s Csiki Girls will make their fifth tier debut following back-to-back promotions. They will compete in Division 4p alongside two virtually identical opponents both called Vasas Femina (both named after a real life Women’s side) with a third straight title the dream, but survival a more realistic aim. Before that they get cracking on the league, Csiki Girls have a Cup 1st Round, 1st leg tie at BeverlyHills Barbies of Division 6:6 to contemplate. The dubious name is left standing here as their manager self-identifies as female, and mansplaining etc...

                                            Drakaina’s fifth straight season in the fifth tier will also be their second-in-a-row in Division 4i, somewhat to the frustration of manager Etienne. The Dragons will be one of the favourites for the title after the near-miss last term. First up will be dealing with Thunderkatz of Division 6:60, whose manager is probably unaware of how apt his moniker is (he calls himself a reptile; his team wear the low cut tank-top kit and also play in pink or pink).

                                            The reward for Mortal Joe’s Dublin City WFC side after promotion is a place in Division 5:29. Given how the Phoenix Park side are developing, that one looks tractable so fingers crossed for a good season. Prior to that they open up at home in the Cup 1st Round, opening leg against F.C Dinamo Ladies who may be the higher seeds but actually play a tier lower in Division 6:60.

                                            No change for Erbil, who remain in Division 5:16 having come close last term. Like Drakaina that will hopefully prove a base for an even stronger tilt at promotion this term. Jdsx’s side’s Cup run begins with two matches against Scary Jointers FC of Division 6:20, the first leg on the road.

                                            A sideways shift for Invisible Ladies who transfer across to Division 6:41 from 6:39. Manager Pebblethefish will be aiming for something better than last term when The See-Throughs got mired in mid-table early on, rather than the previous campaigns where promotion was a realistic ambition until nearly the end of the season. The Cup likely plays second-fiddle to the league, with Invisible being unlucky as, despite being the seeded side they have landed a tough R1 draw against a team from a higher tier in Division 5:6 side Power Ladies. Who, to compound matters, wear a horrible sexist kit. Good luck to Pebble and the girls on this one.

                                            No change in Division for Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC as they continue in 5:21 for this season; this will actually be the first time since the Heys Brewery days that SeanoftheShed’s side have played in the same Division (and indeed at the same level) for two straight seasons! Since the side has been in Indonesia, their history runs promotion, promotion, relegation, promotion, relegation, lost in the play-offs. As for the Cup, that starts at Division 6:63 outfit Fetele.

                                            Momentum should still be on LNWR Locomotive’s side following promotion last term as they look to re-establish themselves in Division 5:17. The Steamers played in this section for a couple of season recently, and ought to know their way around it. Viktor Boskovic’s side Cup R1 opponents have a suspicious name that I’m abbreviating to just Pink. They play in Division 6:32.

                                            A sideways shift sees Menywod Maeshafn in Division 5:29 this term rather than 5:28. That puts them alongside fellow OTF side Dublin City, so a couple of derbies for the Welsh fans to look forward to as IsThatcherDeadYet looks to build towards another promotion following consolidation last term. Maeshafn’s cup campaign starts with a home tie against fellow sixth tier side, Division 5:9’s Banantjejerna.

                                            Newly rebranded Riverbankers WFC will compete in Division 6:42 this term after a sideways shift associated with their new geographic location. The influx of new players that boss SouthdownRebel is expected to bring in has only been a trickle so far, with just a strong youth team product (18/5 defender Amy Arum) and a mainstay midfielder (26/12 Begüm Tunc, who cost just over 5 million) arriving to date; the squad is still rather bare bones at the moment therefore, which will make the fresh start in the Cup against Division 4m side Chernabogs Valkyries rather challenging. The Valkyries lost eponymous manager Chernabogs a few seasons ago and sadly now have a boss who has clad them in one of the horror kits.

                                            John Spencer Street will be playing host to seventh tier football this term as Sockford Emollient take on Division 6:40. The Gatorsharks will be surely targeting the title after their narrow relegation last season. Like pretty well everyone else, Foxy265’s side have a Cup game to negotiate before they start on the league stuff, a visit technically up the Divisions as they travel to Division 5:12 side Heimdahl FC for the opening leg (Heimdahl’s nickname: The Green Machine, club clours: red, black and white. Go figure...).

                                            Having gone down last season, Solent Sirens find themselves alongside Riverbankers in Division 6:42 this term. This looks quite a competitive league for this level (MSV Duisburg Damen are a notable foe), so Andrew7610’s side will want to shake off the negative effects from last term quickly. The first chance to do that comes in a Cup tie against FC BRAVINHAS, who are the lower seeds despite being a Division 5:22 side, meaning the opening leg is in Portugal and the return on the English south coast.

                                            Ullapool Northern Star will compete in Division 5:19 this term after the remarkable turnaround engineered by boss Delicatemoth last season ended in promotion via the play-offs. Whether she can continue this upward trend and push for another promotion or whether simply survival and consolidation is the aim is to be confirmed, but if the Highlanders are in the mix at the top end again it would be even more impressive. Before getting going on that stuff, there is the Cup to deal with and a R1 meeting with Division 6:8 side AIK Lyckeby. The first leg of this is in Sweden.

                                            There may still be a slightly odd atmosphere hanging around at Ragnar Rock after Viking South Utsira came so close to promotion last term, only to miss out in rather odd circumstances (we won’t go over the details again!). Two of the three veteran Blood Eagles have indicated they will give it another go before hanging up their boots with both Moa Jönsson and Manuças Fudida (both 37) stating they still have two seasons left in them. For Lurdes Quental (38) though the chance has gone; she will play out this season and try and get Viking promoted from Division 1a, but if they do she will be in the stands for the top flight. VSU made the QFs of the Cup last term, so have a top 8 seeding and therefore a R1 bye this term. With only the other 7 top seeds without games, Utsiran fans will get to see a re-run of the play-off final against GOD-LESS, which won’t be in the least painful in terms of what-might-have-been...

                                            A transfer across from Division 6:40 has put Witches of Chiswick in with Solent Sirens and Riverbankers in 6:42 for this term, meaning a slew of OTF derbies. As noted up thread there are also some significant non-OTF teams in this section, making for a hard battle for The Bewitched if they want to climb back to Div.5 level and above, where manager Wiblflibl had them for a good while, after two terms in the seventh tier. The Cup starts with a game in West London as Chiswick take on Pitas FC of Division 4g.

                                            Having cruised to promotion last term, Zeugma Dostluk Spor find themselves in Division 5:27 this term as Antepli Ejderha looks to continue to build his side up and climb the pyramid. In fact it was two straight titles for the side since their relocation to Anatolia, with last season’s triumph in 6:53 being far more impressive as it came against humans and not zombies. Three in a row might be asking a bit much, but a top half finish looks plausible. As for the Cup, Zeugma open with a home tie in the opening leg against Tellusdam of Division 6:31.


                                            Round 1 draw - first listed teams home in opening leg
                                            Code:
                                            FC BRAVINHAS (5:22)		vs	Solent Sirens
                                            BeverlyHills Barbies (6:6)	vs	Csiki Girls
                                            Dublin City WFC			vs	F.C Dinamo Ladies (6:60)
                                            Fetele (6:63)			vs	Kanjeng Ratu Kidul WFC
                                            Heimdahl FC (5:12)		vs	Sockford Emollient
                                            AIK Lyckeby (6:8)		vs	Ullapool Northern Star
                                            Menywod Maeshafn		vs	Banantjejerna (5:9)
                                            Pink (6:32)			vs	LNWR Locomotive
                                            Power Ladies (5:6)		vs	Invisible Ladies
                                            Pretty ladies (6:36)		vs	Coxy Ladies Wulpen
                                            Riverbankers WFC		vs	Chernabogs Valkyries (4m)
                                            Scary Jointers FC (6:20)	vs	Erbil
                                            Thunderkatz (6:60)		vs	Drakaina
                                            Witches of Chiswick		vs	Pitas FC (4g)
                                            Zeugma Dostluk Spor		vs	Tellusdam (6:31)
                                            
                                            R1 Bye:
                                            Viking South Utsira
                                            Last edited by Janik; 24-06-2018, 21:50.

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                                              Beautiful work Janik.

                                              Meanwhile over in the Xpert Zone there's a chance of three OTFers in the top flight next season with Noirs de Bigorre confirming their return, plus both Sans Culottes and Tiree Automatic already there.

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                                                Congrats, Sits. Sans Culottes are basically safe, with a 6 point cushion and a +17 goal difference cushion over Laminorul Roman. Which means we are purely playing for development. Which may aid our next opponents (Tiree Automatic) in their fight for survival. However, it has to be said that it's mainly our older players who need DV, so we're not going to be too weak.

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                                                  Great preview Janik, thanks. Our first round match finished in a draw at home, I was hoping for a win and a chance for development but that's not going to happen. My first XI is almost complete bar a single striker but my reserves are weak and therefore it's going to be a battle against relegation that I'm not expecting to win. Development values it is.

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                                                    http://www.xperteleven.com/gameDetai...=14987711&dh=1

                                                    Never seen a result like this before.

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