There's so many fun bad films that it would be impossible so I'm going to go for films that I would stick pins in my legs all day rather than watch again
1/ Existenz
2/ Punch-drunk Love
3/ Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4/ I Heart Huckabees
5/ Northfork
6/ The Neon Bible
7/ Dans Paris
8/ Vacas
9/ Sex and Lucia
10/ Y Tu Mama Tambien
Well Ghost, obviously. It's got Whoopie fucking Goldberg, Patrick fucking Swayze AND Demi fucking Moore in it. Bile inducing cast, bile inducing script. Bilge of the lowest order.
Next up, Pearl Harbour. A film so bad I had to take it out of the DVD player and throw it out the window after an hour. I wouldn't have even used it as an coaster lest it made my drinks taste of ham.
Then it's the only film I've ever walked out of the cinema for. The Thin Red Line.
Pompous, abject and so mind-crushingly dull even the action scenes couldn't redeem it/wake me up. Makes Pearl Harbour look like an accomplished film.
A controversial one here. It's popular on OTF but I would scoop my eyes out rather than inflict it on myself again. Ghost Dog. Way of the Samurai. Oh dear god, it's impossible to express how pretensions this bilge is. Goes right past laughable bad into an area of appallingness that could have you chewing off your own hands in embarrasment just because you're the same species as the people who committed it to film.
Finally there is no possible way a worst five films ever could exist without at least one film staring Kevin Costner. The choice of Costner-led screen-crime is rich and varied. The Postman, Waterworld, Dances With fucking Wolves perhaps. But no film really personifies the gut-crunching horror of Costner more than Tin Cup. It's conclusive proof that aliens haven't visited the Earth because if they had seen Tin Cup in all it's awful glory, they'd have sterilised the planet with ninja space weapons just to teach us a lesson for allowing Costner to continue to exist.
Possibly this belongs in a different category, i.e. "worst book to film transition" but I saw "The Bone Collector" recently having read the book and was appalled. A fairly decent crime thriller given a huge budget and turned into shite. Film alchemy in reverse.
I would like to put forward a film called "What's Good For The Goose", in which Norman Wisdom has a mid-life crisis, gets psychedelic and backs himself an 18 year old mistress.
(The saving grace is a cameo appearance by The Pretty Things).
At least four of your choices are excellent films. Not even just "ok" but really very good.
And the Thin Red Line? Classic what? It's 5 hours of jim Caviezel gorping at the horizon meaningfully, interspersed with more filmstar mugging than at 20 oscar ceremonies.
And it's got a voice over too. A voice over!
There's no point in my doing this because I haven't seen (and have no intention of going to see) a lot of really really bad films.
But Lyra's list is just weird. Five of the films I really like, and another is better than average. And those represent the six of the ten I've actually seen!
Mind you, Bored is almost as bad what with disliking the Hawke/Delpy films, which I love.
Do agree with Lyra on The Thin Red Line though. And Hobbes knows my feelings on Ghost Dog (to which he did me the favour of introducing me).
As revenge on Lyra though, I'd have to rate Suspiria as one of the worst I've actually seen.
For completely taking a former franchise that was loved by fans, and you really had to work very hard to fuck up because all you had to do was stick with the premise of the orginal and run with it (even if you'd previously casted Winona Ryder), Aliens vs Predator (especially the Requiem sequel) really takes the biscuit.
For completely taking a former franchise that was loved by fans, and you really had to work very hard to fuck up because all you had to do was stick with the premise of the orginal and run with it (even if you'd previously casted Danny Glover), Aliens vs Predator (especially the Requiem sequel) really takes the biscuit.
1. In The Cut (Parkinson was right. It was shit. Likewise Body Of Evidence).
2. The Phantom Menace
3. Showgirls (but brilliant at the same time).
4. Swordfish ( despite the utterly necessary (to the plot Halle Berry's tits scene)).
5. Valentine ( if only for the DVD extra when David Boreanez talks about the director listening to the ideas of the cast as if they're remaking 'Citizen Kane')
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