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Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

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    Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

    hobbes wrote:
    I am not alone!
    See, I really wanted to like Event Horizon. There are so few decent Sci Fi films made. But it was jsut painful.

    It's like Lost in Space. The first 30-40 minutes were pretty good. And then it just turned into a steamy turd. It's terribly annoying.
    It does go downhill a bit after the first hour or so, but you have to remember that Paul Anderson (even though he is a crap director), was forced to cut 22 minutes out of the film. A lot of it contained extra footage of what actually happened to the original crew and some additional exposition.

    Its a solid film which could have been a bit better.

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      Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

      That I've seen:

      Predator (watched this for the first time a week ago because a mate lent it to me saying I had to see it to believe how bad it is. Largely so I could enjoy Carl Weathers in Arrested Development.)
      The Blair Witch Project
      Horror Of The Blood Monsters

      And without wanting read right through the thread and see where that argument on page 1 eventually went: Lyra, that list is a bit odd. Really.

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        Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

        Gangster Octopus wrote:
        delicatemoth wrote:
        As for "cretinous macho violence with cardboard cut-out characters" - yep, that'll be Goodfellas alright. The other film I think is ludicrously over-rated is The Godfather, a turgid crawl through a dull story with more-or-less interchangeable characters
        At last! Someone on this site (or the previous two) who understands...
        Yeah. I can't understand all the love for Goodfellas. One of only three films I've started to watch, and not managed to make it to the end.

        The other two deserve a mention here:

        Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Tedious, immature crap, in a bad way. Makes Wayne's World look like Citizen Kane.

        Dead Poet's Society: It's Robin Williams and a bunch of dyfunctionals! That he's going to teach in an unorthodox way! Win their respect! And make them better for it!

        In fact, every Robin Williams movie ever deserves to be here, except One Hour Photo.

        linus wrote:
        Stumpy Pepys wrote:
        Do better people. About a third of the films on this thread are mildy diverting and several of them I quite like.

        Surely the measure of 'worst film' should be one that nobody is able to defend. I defy anyone to put in a good word for Glitter, Rancid Aluminium, Cool As Ice or Girl On A Motorcycle (probably the worst film I've ever sat through).
        Girl On A Motorcycle is a horrible movie to sit through if you hate vintage bikes, late 60s music, good-looking women in tight leather outfits that zip down from the neck to the crotch. I kind of like all of the above, so I didn't really hate that one...
        No, it's a great movie because of how unintentionally funny it is. The psychedelic scene is probably the worst of it's genre. The body doubling is so obvious they might as well have cast a short, hairy, black man (not to mention pointless, given that Faithfull shows just as much in other scenes). It's got an actor called Roger Mutton. The half dozen or so lines are delivered badly. The CSO is so bad, you can tell that Faithfull's no more riding a motorcycle in the film, than I am as I type this. The chemistry between Faithfull and Delon is non-existant, and the ending is such a piss funny, WTF event - a non-endng with a real finality (Here) if you can handle "spoiling" the rest of the film - it's slightly NSFW).

        It's impossible to not love it.

        The Purple Cow wrote:
        Has anyone mentioned The Avengers yet?

        No plot, no soul, clumsy editing, witless direction, zero dramatic tension, an embarrassed looking Fiennes and Thurman sleep-walking through the whole thing.

        Didn't see the last thirty minutes but I can't believe it improved any.
        I doesn't, but the film serves a purpose. The series was of it's time, groundbreaking, and any attempt to bring it back never recaptures the show of the time. Even when Brian Clemens tried to bring it back after a six year hiatus, and he couldn't get to work, so Jeremiah Chechik never stood a chance. Sadly it was the only way Jerry Weintraub was going to be persuaded. It also doesn't help that it's an amalgamation of at least two different episodes, and the main plot comes from one of the more sci-fiey, and therefore less realistic epsidoes, which were always the ones that had the biggest 60s feel.

        And I am the Life wrote:
        Ace ventura pet detective II. This has gone right into my all-time top five super shit movies.

        Oh look he's got unripe bananas on his hand. it looks like fake fingers.
        And that is the third best joke in there. Robocop II has more intentional laugh out loud moments.

        Comment


          Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

          I won't defend Event Horizon again, or trot out my usual decapitated heads-of-my-suspects-on-a-pole again (Road to Perdition, Gummo, Suicide Club, Last Days of Disco, and new recruit Made of Honor,) but I'd love to discuss D-Kev's absolutely sublime list...

          Hoffa (What a spectacular pick. I mean, how could DeVito and Nicholson be bad, much less this bad ? I still laugh and scratch my head about Jimmy Hoffa riding off into the sunset - in his car that somehow ends up on an 18-wheeler - after getting whacked by a fucking Princeton University preppie - the same goofball preppie that got whacked by Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction. I mean the horrible-looking cheap-ass soundstage in that horrible hunting scene, then we get Nicholson laughing about it and describing something as unfunny and non-descript and who-cares as DeVito shooting a deer with a handgun, and DeVito having the stupidest looking face in his entire history in the very next scene. You know those pictures of kids who are stillborn with their intestines outside of their bodies ? Hoffa was the film version of that.)

          Popeye - (I remember seeing this as a kid, and you know the way they throw Saturday morning cartoons like Turbo Teen at you, in which a kid turns into a car when he jumps into a swimming pool ? And the way that shit makes sense ? Well I remember watching Popeye and wondering "what the fuck is this shit ? It makes no fuckin sense !" It was the film version of this IBM Christmas party my dad dragged me to, where they had these old assholes act out some Christmas play that fuckin sucked since it was these old assholes dressed in stupid costumes and the only good part was when this old bittie in a stupid princess costume started singing a song about marshmello pie and gave all the kids some marshmellows on a toothpick. Well, that was Popeye.

          Bio-Dome - (I'm a Freshman in high school. MTV is starting to suck pretty bad. Instead of the creativity and ingenuity of the early MTV years, we get stuck with these scumbag hair metal bands all day long. Then, to boot, there's this cuntface assholeface named Pauly Shore who says stupid shit and ends up banging every Playboy Bunny in Hef's Mansion. You see, you turd, you can sell your soul to Satan, but your movies will always suck. And when Mephostopheles collects on his bargain, you'll get to watch your shitstain-stained celluloids in hell forever. While I'm next door watching Last Days of Disco forever, of course.)

          Caddyshack II - (to any asshole who would say, "hey, it wasn't bad, I mean it didn't compare to the first, but it was still pretty good" I'll be contacting my local hitman and placing a hit on you and your family as soon as I get to Luigi's Clamhouse. The point is if it's not as good as the original, or half as good, or a quarter as good, or doesn't even have a funny joke in the commercial, don't make the movie. Simple as that. Thank you.)

          Toys - (I didn't see this, but it reminds me of The Toy, in which a spoiled rich brat buys Richard Pryor as his personal toy. People who say political correctness sucks never saw that shit.)

          The Pirate Movie - (The funny thing was I adored this film as a kid. Kristy McNicholl, that blonde afro dude from Blue Lagoon, and some really cool tunes. Okay, I was 7 at the time, and the only good songs out were I Can't Go For That and Upside Down, Before You Turn Me Inside Out. Over the years, I'd read film critic bookds, and I'd see it getting 1 star, zero stars, -4,454 stars, and wonder why it was hated so bad. Then I saw it without a brain that was yet 4 years away from telling my mother that my goal in life was to be in the Voltron Force, and WHOLLY JESUS, those critics were correct. I mean lipsynching that kung-fu lipsynchers laugh at. I mean songs that are so 70's disco strings-laden in addition to the sound quality getting washed away when the soundtrack fell into a diarrhea-infested toilet. I mean anyone who says the 70s didn't suck, just show them this shit.)

          King Ralph - Yes, a big fat buffoon of an American eating cheeseburgers on a silver platter with a crown on after he got named King of England and dancing around Bunkingham Palace to rock songs is a great idea for a movie. It's the only reason that I'm happy that John Goodman is in exile. And it's a pretty good reason.)

          Comment


            Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

            It does go downhill a bit after the first hour or so, but you have to remember that Paul Anderson (even though he is a crap director), was forced to cut 22 minutes out of the film. A lot of it contained extra footage of what actually happened to the original crew and some additional exposition.

            It may be one of those rare films where Paul W S Anderson pulls off a fairly enjoyable yarn, bollocks though it is. It is a rare thing and so must embraced as much, for we shall never see its like again.

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              Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

              I don't know if this has already been posted, but a friend just sent it to me.

              Thomas Kinkade's 16 Guidelines for Making Stuff Suck in VF. He even references the aforementioned Barry Lyndon-style lighting.

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                Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                Well, I suppose one consolation is that Kinkade is about to have all his passwords cracked:
                Hidden details whenever possible, References to my children (from youngest to oldest as follows): Evie, Winsor, Chandler and Merritt. References to my anniversary date, the number 52, the number 82, and the number 5282
                “Putting Thomas Kinkade in an art-historical context is like trying to put Jack Chick in the context of the illustrated comic strip,” says Peter Frank, associate editor of The Magazine Los Angeles and senior curator at the Riverside Art Museum. “In the age of Photoshop, anybody can do this kind of crap.”
                That's unfair on Chick, if you ask me, except in so far as in both cases the core of the enterprise is abhorrent. Chick's not pushing lowest common denominator commercial crap, he's pushing propaganda.

                Comment


                  Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                  And Chick is a better all-around artist.

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                    Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                    And most comic book artists I know love Chick.

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                      Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                      While I agree wholeheartedly about the sheerbloodyawfulness of the Altman Popeye, I must take issue over the animated shorts - with the exception of the made-for-TV ones they're brilliant. Especially the very early ones - the surrealism often surpasses mere cartoon physics in a spectacular way, and the way the voicing - especially the under-the-breath muttering - sounds so ad-libbed is wonderful.

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                        Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                        As usual, Andy is totally right. Are they being shown anywhere?

                        Comment


                          Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                          There are a few on Youtube.

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                            Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                            In addition to my usual nominations, some of which have been mentioned already, I wish to add the new winner:

                            Shark Swarm

                            A number of people are attacked by sharks which are a cross between the cartoon ones from Finding Nemo and that flickering one you used to shoot on a video game in seaside arcades.

                            Remarkably awful.

                            Comment


                              Worst films of all time....ever!!!!

                              Shark Swarm

                              A number of people are attacked by sharks which are a cross between the cartoon ones from Finding Nemo and that flickering one you used to shoot on a video game in seaside arcades.


                              That sounds very much like the kind of films you find on either The Scif-Fi Channel on a bad night, and the Horror Channel on a very bad night (which is every night). It goes as thus: a group selected from the cheapest end of the Central Casting spectrum are headed by an ex-soap actor (or one who used to be third from top of a mildly popular 80's American television series - failing that, Stephen Baldwin) and are placed into a 'pressure-cooker' situation where they're left in seclusion or an enclosed area (forest, sub, secret scientific complex) and are thus set upon by a range of terrible mutated or otherworldly beasts. Sadly, these always end up being shite, Kwik-Save-standard CGI piles of arse, which look as if they've been given to the trainee office junior at Lucasfilm to cook up on a second-hand laptop.

                              These films are staggering because when it comes to dealing with imaginative concepts and ideas, and the challenge of actually coming up with something worthwhile that belies a low budget, it's always: "we haven't got that much cash - tell you what, let's get a bunch of people, give 'em prop guns used in 100 other films, stick 'em in a nearby forest and make 'em pretend they're being chased by eight-foot scorpions."

                              There seems to be almost three or four of the buggers popping up on telly every week.

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