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    Babyloss Awareness Week

    http://babyloss-awareness.org

    Today is the start of national babyloss awareness week, I've thought a lot about posting this but decided it needs to be shared and talked about, especially in the light of the Sally Philips documentary that was so blatantly biased in favour of the pro-life movement.

    I spent yesterday at the ARC AGM and heard how their contribution to the programme was a two minute piece that had been cut out of sequence and was from an interview that lasted more than two hours.

    Yesterday was extremely tough but it was also a cathartic experience, I left even more pro-choice than ever before. Perhaps I'll share our story another time but I never thought it would be so hard to lose a baby that had never entered the world. I'm sure that there are others on OTF who've been through something similar and can understand some of the things we've been through.

    #2
    Babyloss Awareness Week

    We lost three, but all in early stages of pregnancy. It would have been unbearable if it would have been at a later stage. A couple of former OTFer have really heartbreaking stories.

    Still, even though the miscarriages were all within the first trimester, they hit my wife hard, so much harder than it hit me.

    She didn't go for counselling, which we later discovered was a great mistake. Instead she covered up the cumulative pain of three miscarriages -- as opposed to one, which is bad enough -- and the knowledge that she couldn't bear a child to term, so that pain is deeply ingrained in her.

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      #3
      Babyloss Awareness Week

      It is strange how miscarriage is such a taboo subject - something that, in my experience, those afflicted by it tell to only a handful of people. It's a very secret type of bereavement. And it doesn't need to be, though there are also sorts of reasons why people don't talk about it. It's a horrible thing though.

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        #4
        Babyloss Awareness Week

        Our loss from late in 2013. Would have been three years ago pretty much now that we found out we were expecting him.

        We now have a hilarious live-wire two year old daughter who came along afterwards, but we've lit the candle for Rory tonight.

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          #5
          Babyloss Awareness Week

          My wife suffered two miscarriages - the first in December 2013 when she was just one month gone, the second in July 2015 when we discovered at the routine three-month scan that there was no heartbeat.

          The greatest upset for me, personally, was not the loss, but seeing the trauma it caused my wife. I'm still not sure what that says about me.

          My wife gave birth to a boy five weeks ago. We couldn't be happier, yet already it feels that it doesn't heal the pain of the previous losses. We acknowledge that we tried again because we wanted a second child, and not as a remedy to the previous losses. But I guess I always believed that the arrival of a newborn would bring closure to that period. I guess nothing ever will.

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            #6
            Babyloss Awareness Week

            Congratulations, OA. I have no good advice, but don't see Outside Agent Jr in terms of past griefs. It's separate altogether, as you probably know anyway. And it says nothing bad about you that your primary concern was your wife's sense of loss. It makes you a great husband.

            E10 Rifle wrote: It is strange how miscarriage is such a taboo subject - something that, in my experience, those afflicted by it tell to only a handful of people. It's a very secret type of bereavement. And it doesn't need to be, though there are also sorts of reasons why people don't talk about it. It's a horrible thing though.
            Well, we don't whisper it, like there's a stigma attached to it. But the grief is a personal thing. You talk about it, you make yourself vulnerable -- at least to yourself. So when we're asked why we only have one child, I say something like: "We'd have liked to have more, but it turns out it wasn't possible."

            It's perhaps a bit like when I talk about my mother's suicide. I'm afraid that my voice might quiver when I talk about it, and that is a moment of vulnerability. So I'd rather not talk about it at length, unless I trust you enough to possibly quiver my voice in front of you or it is to help somebody in that kind of situation. I think having a miscarriage incorporates a similar kind of emotion.

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              #7
              Babyloss Awareness Week

              As E10 Rifle says it's a taboo subject despite the high numbers of babies that don't survive pregnancy. The genetic counsellor we saw told us 1 in 6 babies are miscarried before week 6. You only find out about this when it happens to you

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                #8
                Babyloss Awareness Week

                Channel 4 News again shows why they are so much better than any other channel by dealing with this issue head on and sensitively.

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                  #9
                  Babyloss Awareness Week

                  MP Vicky Foxcroft gives moving speech about losing her baby

                  http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/oct/13/mp-vicky-foxcroft-moving-speech-losing-baby-labour?

                  This is a very difficult watch.

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                    #10
                    Babyloss Awareness Week

                    So sorry for those of you that have suffered this. I know there was a brother or sister for me who was lost. My aunt lost several babies, the last several months after her husband was killed. That was very hard.

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                      #11
                      Babyloss Awareness Week

                      Outside Agent wrote: My wife suffered two miscarriages - the first in December 2013 when she was just one month gone, the second in July 2015 when we discovered at the routine three-month scan that there was no heartbeat.

                      The greatest upset for me, personally, was not the loss, but seeing the trauma it caused my wife. I'm still not sure what that says about me.

                      My wife gave birth to a boy five weeks ago. We couldn't be happier, yet already it feels that it doesn't heal the pain of the previous losses. We acknowledge that we tried again because we wanted a second child, and not as a remedy to the previous losses. But I guess I always believed that the arrival of a newborn would bring closure to that period. I guess nothing ever will.
                      Congrats OA. The new arrival I'm sure is a source of utter joy and while it might provide some consolation for a previous loss it'll never fully heal the pain of the previous loss- how could it? It's not like the new child is a replacement for another, like a new car.

                      Another thing with miscarriage, failed IVF etc that makes it so hard is that so many people just don't get it. The sense of loss, particularly for the mother, is very real.

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                        #12
                        Babyloss Awareness Week

                        As AE says, it is very common. One of my aunts is convinced that another was carrying twins and miscarried one when she was pregnant with my eldest cousin (and we're talking about a very medical family so it's not uninformed speculation), and my girlfriend's mum lost least one child before my girlfriend was born. I don't think my mum had a miscarriage but I did have a younger brother who only lived a few days. That affected my dad so much that my parents never told me or my brother about it until I was about 18 or 19.

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                          #13
                          Babyloss Awareness Week

                          Antepli Ejderha wrote: MP Vicky Foxcroft gives moving speech about losing her baby

                          http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/oct/13/mp-vicky-foxcroft-moving-speech-losing-baby-labour?

                          This is a very difficult watch.
                          I listened to that speech and others on Radio 4 and it almost had me on tears on the way to work.

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