Crap references

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

A friend of mine (well he was until now) just asked me if I could write him a work reference.

We did used to work in the same building, but I never managed him, so couldn't possibly write anything like a manager's reference. He didn't even work in the same department as me, never mind the same team, so I never even saw him in the actual office.

What I did offer him (which he can take or leave) was this;

"[X] was always extremely punctual, consistent and reliable. By noon every day, he would be eating scotch eggs in the social bar, bemoaning his lot and, after his third pint, threatening to murder certain of his workmates if they even talked to him that afternoon".

I'm not sure he'll use that.

Have you ever seen or written a worse one than that?

[David Agnew]

Crap references

I've written two. One was for a mate about to work for a charity, and I'd been his supervisor while he'd been doing some temporary work. It was straight, honest, and glowing.

The other one was for my mom's old cleaner from when she was a pub landlady. I did a straight one, which was honest and glowing, and a pisstake one, which was the same, but I added the line "you pay peanuts, you get monkeys, you pay less than peanuts, you get xxxxxx". Printed them both out. She sent the wrong one. And still got the job. Luckily...

[SouthdownRebel]

Crap references

I was asked to provide one this week for someone I line-managed. When I mentioned in passing to our HR Manager that I was going to write one and send it back, I got the frostiest look I've had since before my divorce. Apparently, providing references is her job "because otherwise we might get into legal difficulties".

What the hell did she think I was going to send back, I can't help but wonder...

[hobbes]

Crap references

Yeah, I'm not allowed to write references for people. It has to be referred to HR and all they'll only write is basically " worked at between these dates and was not subject to an disciplinary procedures."

[Paul S]

Crap references

I applied to work at London Gateway which is a new container port they've built in Essex. I didn't get past the application stage but if I had they wanted to see my last three pay statements from my current employer plus any P45 and how much I got in redundancy. Sometimes you can't win.

[ad hoc]

Crap references

I've written a few, but always for people I've taught/trained, rather than managed. I tend towards the very positive but am prepared to be honest if the person in question was lazy and disorganised and never got their assignments in on time

[Wouter D]

Crap references

I've written a few for some of my students. It's increasingly difficult to find yet another way to say "excellent".

[Guest]

Crap references

I've written a few over the years. Just tried to be terse, factual and positive, e.g. "Ziggy has completed all work tasks, and has demonstrated a proactive attitude with regard to X, Y and Z. I know of no reason why Ziggy would not perform similarly successfully with you."

[NickSTFU]

Crap references

A very good mate approached me the other month for a reference. I was delighted to do it for him as he's been out of work for a long time.

When I inquired about the job, he replied it was for a taxi licence.

"But you hate driving and you're crap at it"

"I know he replied, but I'm desperate"

So avoid taxi's in Shrewsbury for a while.

[Jah Womble]

Crap references

David Agnew wrote: The other one was for my mom's old cleaner from when she was a pub landlady. I did a straight one, which was honest and glowing, and a pisstake one, which was the same, but I added the line "you pay peanuts, you get monkeys, you pay less than peanuts, you get xxxxxx". Printed them both out. She sent the wrong one. And still got the job. Luckily...

I cannot for the life of me work out what word those Xs might conceal - but isn't that tale basically the plot of Atonement?

[Gerontophile]

Crap references

The person's name?