Peak stress

[Toby Gymshorts]

Peak stress

ad hoc wrote: I'm massively stressed at the moment (and coincidentally or not, quite severely depressed). However, looking at this thread I really have no reason to be that way, so it feels churlish to even say it. But I find myself grinding my teeth all day long without knowing it.

I'm about to do my usual thing of handing out advice I never follow myself, but: find someone to talk to. Anyone. It doesn't matter if you don't tell them you're depressed, or you don't talk about what's on your mind (directly, at least).

I've been forced to face up to the fact that - after last year's episode where I physically couldn't get out of bed to go to work in the mornings - I'm slipping back into my old frame of mind. I know what I should be doing to help myself, but it seems like such an effort. I'm 6 months into a new job where I'm trying my best to make the right impression, and it feels like all I do is work and then sit on the sofa in the dark, with the TV on mute as I absent-mindedly look at things on the internet.

I dread to think what it's doing to TLMG. Actually, I know what it's doing; I caught her looking incredibly sad last night and asked her what was wrong. Her answer of "you always seem to want to be alone" broadsided me a bit.

I'm going to take her out to dinner tomorrow night. Break the cycle a little.

EDIT: I know exactly what you mean about it feeling churlish, but take it from me that the act of beating yourself up for feeling bad when others have it worse is not the thing to do. Time to clear your own mind before helping others.

[ad hoc]

Peak stress

Thanks everyone. In fact this week is the one that I've finally come out of denial about it all, and also started talking about it to a couple of people. It's exacerbated by not being physically that well at the moment either, and by the fact that I'm thousands of miles from home. Anyway, heading back tomorrow, and will - when Im there - first of all seek to get some clarity on my physical health and then when I've taken care of that, go and see someone about my mental health.

I've also finally (today) taken some steps to reduce my workload a bit - cancelled 3 upcoming trips, and informed some people who are waiting on things from me that they will be late. The problem is that the more I sink into the depression the less work I get done and the more I beat myself up about that and the more stressed I get, and the cycle goes on.

[Erskine Bridges]

Peak stress

I'm under considerable stress right now.
And yes, compared to many, compared to most really, I'm very well off and know it but that doesn't stop the tossing & turning half the night, waking up exhausted and going into the source of all the stress.
I'm not going to share the detail but in response to Balderdasha's post I wrote out what is causing the problem and that actually helped quite a bit so thank you for the prompt! I know the answer but actually going through the process is going to be incredibly difficult (I think, I will try to be more positive).
I also had a meeting shortly after I'd written it out and had my answer confirmed in no uncertain terms.
It's not life or death, it's ending a business relationship that's draining me financially, physically and emotionally and now adversely affecting my family relationships.
We are all under stress to some degree and treat the symptoms as is our wont - exercise, sharing, drink, drugs, venting etc but I suppose we really need to try to treat the cause if we want to solve the problem. Easier said than done I know.
On the small child front, our first had colic for 6 months. It was hell. We tried everything including massage. Nothing worked until it just stopped. Pacing around with her screaming her head off hour after hour through the night made me realise why some people snap and harm their kids.
My second daughter was absolutely no problem at all through the baby stage but has been making up for it with a vengeance since about three whereas the first, 16 now, is an absolute joy.
And you'll have heard this before but try to enjoy each stage because they pass so quickly. It seems like only yesterday that I was pacing the hall with her singing 'The Braes of Pentland Skerry' over & over again until my next door neighbour eventually came round and started beating me with a frying pan and now she's 16. Where the f*ck did those years go?

[Uncle Ethan]

Peak stress

Can't help with all the new-born issues as it is far too long since we went through all that - other than the hackneyed old cliche that impossible as it seems it will one day get better.

I have had the weirdest year. Bought a new house and started a new job in the same week in January. Made a massive financial commitment just as I took a large pay cut to get out of horrible workplace. Then hospitalised unexpectedly and ended up on insulin as a result of the treatment for the original issue.

Weirdly this is a positive tale. Despite all of that the change of job has been wonderful and has balanced everything else out. I am no longer on insulin, we are still fine financially and I happier in myself than for years.

The moral of this dirge is that no matter how hard it gets, it can improve. Get professional advice if you need it and assess what is really important to you. Make whatever changes you can that you think will help. Then the hard times will seem worth it.

[E10 Rifle]

Peak stress

As someone who suffers bouts of insomnia (usually when I'm trying really hard to get to sleep), I've found the sleeplessness that comes with early parenthood at least can make me too knackered to do anything other than properly zonk out when given the opportunity.

Good luck with everything Balders anyway – I can empathise (second-hand at least) with some of what you're going through. And good luck to everyone else suffering too.

[ursus arctos]

Peak stress

ad hoc and Erskine, I've been where each of you are right now and know how black it can feel.

What I can assure you, though, is that it does get better

[Bored Of Education]

Peak stress

All I can say is that you will get through this. Indeed, your memory paints a rosy glow to the toddler stage as you and they get older. Not as much, I don't think as my Mum who maintains that every day with three children under 5 was a golden day. In Porthcawl. In the 70s. When she said this, my sister-in-law and I in charge of toddlers gave each other a knowing looks that intimated of the boring cold hours in a playground or having flu in a soft room full of kids. The aches, pains and bad backs, I am afraid, tend to stay with you.

As the parent of an adopted child, you don't have the sleeplessness because you aren't there when they are babies. Indeed, our son turned from the foster carers with not only a full instruction leaflet of what he liked to eat and do but also with a 7pm-7am sleeping through the night ritual with a two hour nap in the middle of the afternoon - right from the start of Home and Away to the end of Neighbours which may be co-incidental. Good thing to as going from 0-22month old toddler is quite the acceleration. Obviously, there are different issues with adopted children which come later but, at least, you have more sleep.

This summer we went through two of the most stressful events apparently. The death of my mother in law and the packing up and selling of her flat and co-incidentally us buying the house that we have been renting for 12 years. We didn't actually move as such so it was just the stress of the mortgage getting and all that malarkey which isn't bad.

For my wife, however, it was worse, obviously as it was her Mum and, while I did most of the boring admin of tidying up someone's affairs, she did the main sorting through of her Mum's flat. As it happens, when her Mum went into hospital, the doctor put her on Citalopram to help with the stress which means both of us are on it. However, I think she is on it temporarily whereas I am signed up for like, I think. Still it genuinely helped, I feel.

Well, I have been a lot of use. Citalopram and it will get better. Thank you, Claire Rayner.

[N est à?]

Peak stress

This thread makes me feel like I should check out how my babymamma's doing.

[Balderdasha]

Peak stress

So, we've finally passed referencing for the new flat, and in theory we've got a move-in date of this Saturday, but we're still waiting to look at the tenancy agreement.

We've blocked up all the rat holes again so they're unlikely to be bothering us before we move out.

I've appointed one of my friends as our accountant (he is an actual accountant), so he's helping us with what we need to do next.

I've filed 6 months of the 18 month invoice backlog.

My father-in-law goes in for another operation on Friday.

We're probably going to miss my niece's birthday party on Sunday, too much going on.

I'm very short of breath due to my uterus pushing up against my lungs and constantly tired, but surviving.

My dad is coming to stay on Wednesday and Thursday to help out while my husband's in Cardiff.

[hobbes]

Peak stress

Sounds like it's going in the right direction Balders. That's good. And it's great that your Dad is going to be around to help. One thing at a time, eh?
Good luck with the move.

[Balderdasha]

Peak stress

So, for a brief update, I think I may have just gone into premature labour. I'm not completely insane for posting on here, I've spoken to a midwife and I have to monitor the situation for an hour and then phone them back. This is certainly less than ideal though, and probably brought on by the stress of the last month. We're in the new house thankfully, but still moving the last things out of the old flat, final inventory due on Saturday. Everything we own is in boxes, I don't have a hospital bag packed, we don't have anything ready for the new baby.

But, ah well, that's just life isn't it?

[ad hoc]

Peak stress

Good luck.

[WOM]

Peak stress

Be well, Balders. You'll do fine. Let us know if we're aunts or uncles.

[E10 Rifle]

Peak stress

Good luck Balders.

[ursus arctos]

Peak stress

We are all thinking of you.

It will all be fine.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Peak stress

Fingers crossed for you.

[Balderdasha]

Peak stress

Thanks guys. It's looking like it might, fingers crossed, be a false alarm, but definitely a wake up call that I need to chill the f*** out and stop dashing about if I want the baby to stay in any longer. I travelled from Clapham to Hertfordshire on public transport by myself today with a toddler, a pushchair and a rucksack in tow. Something I am not going to repeat any time soon.

It's only about a week until baby is officially full-term, four weeks until due date, so I do need to get a few things ready, but I also need to rest lots.

[Amor de Cosmos]

Peak stress

Whereabouts in Herts are you? We know loads of people in the Stevenage/Letchworth/Baldock area who might be good resources for pick-ups/lifting etc.

[Balderdasha]

Peak stress

We're in Hitchin. Thanks for the offer AdeC, but we do actually have a lot of help, it's the main reason for coming here. My mum was over on Monday, a friend on Tuesday, my dad on Wednesday (he helped us go back into London because today was the end of tenancy clean at our old flat and I wanted to supervise it). My parents-in-law are popping over tomorrow. I've got people coming round to help most days at the moment, it's just that moving house while 8 months pregnant is bound to be stressful no matter how much help you get!

[Amor de Cosmos]

Peak stress

Ah another Canary (or two), excellent!

[Antepli Ejderha]

Peak stress

Good luck to you. Hopefully you can get everything sorted quickly.

[Bored Of Education]

Peak stress

Bloody hell. All the best.

[Crusoe]

Peak stress

Good luck, Balderdasha.

[Balderdasha]

Peak stress

So, no baby yet, but I spent three days in hospital from Thursday to Saturday. Woke up early Thursday morning with contractions, which ramped up over the next few hours until I thought I was going into labour and had started vomiting. Called in the in-laws for toddler duty and off to hospital. Slightly complicated as I hadn't been fully booked into the new hospital yet (they helpfully sent me a letter with a booking appointment for three days after my due date). The NHS hospitals will all obviously treat you if you're in labour but they don't trust results from other hospitals so you have to redo all your information and blood tests.

When I got in, baby's heart rate was too high so I got admitted and put on a saline drip. Fairly standard procedure except that I have tiny veins and low blood pressure so it took five attempts to get a canula in me. They were running out of veins to try in my arms and hands.

Long story short, everything calmed down gradually and I got sent home in Saturday. Probably was a case of mild food poisoning triggering contractions.

I was back in and out of hospital this morning to check baby as movements had slowed, but it then obviously started jumping around like crazy once I got there. By the time baby does decide to make an entrance I think I will be quite fed up of hospitals.

On the good side though, we had some furniture delivered today. We ate dinner round a table together as a family for the first time in years. Feels strangely functional.

[tee rex]

Peak stress

Good luck, and push ...

Not sure how you have the strength to keep posting all this but we're still tuning in for each episode. Hope it ends the best possible way.