Favourite biscuit name and shame

[Kevin S]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Incandenza wrote:

but kit kat is chocolate covered wafer and you only get one in a wrapper in the shape of a chocolate bar so on balance I'd put it in that category.

Wait, Kit Kats are only one per package there?

Two, four, or one 'chunky'.

[Toby Gymshorts]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

It was one from a multipack, which are usually found in the biscuit aisle. In any event, it was very sweet.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Balderdasha wrote: See I'd say that a kit kat is a chocolate bar.

I'd agree with that. I don't want to be unscientific about this, but it's stocked in supermarkets and newsagents' with the other chocolate bars, rather than being on the biscuits shelf. Doesn't this, rather than stuff like the wafer-to-chocolate ratio, make it a chocolate bar?

And if a Kit-Kat's a biscuit, then so is a Twix. About half of a Twix log is a biscuit.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Luke R wrote: I think if it was a traditional ye olde tramp I'd let the poor bugger keep it.

No. If somebody nicks stuff from me, they're going to get their arsecrack felt. Whoever they are. No exceptions.

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

treibeis wrote: (I may even have to pull a cantuccino out of a tramp's arsecrack, although that's less likely, as they're behind the coffee machine, which is beyond arm's length for anybody standing outside the hut.)

Can't you just move all your overpriced confections out of arm's reach and minimize the risk of tramp-asscrackery altogether?

[Toby Gymshorts]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

treibeis wrote:

See I'd say that a kit kat is a chocolate bar.

I'd agree with that. I don't want to be unscientific about this, but it's stocked in supermarkets and newsagents' with the other chocolate bars, rather than being on the biscuits shelf. Doesn't this, rather than stuff like the wafer-to-chocolate ratio, make it a chocolate bar?

And if a Kit-Kat's a biscuit, then so is a Twix. About half of a Twix log is a biscuit.

Sainsbury's disagree on the Kit Kat multipack issue.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

WOM wrote: Can't you just move all your overpriced confections out of arm's reach and minimize the risk of tramp-asscrackery altogether?

Yes, but then nobody can see it.

At the moment, the chocolate bars (or biscuits, or whatever they are) are in a hexagonal glass jar, the opening of which is facing away from the customers and towards me.

In other words, thieves have to reach over the top of the jar to get at their booty. There's little you can do to protect yourself against criminal energy like that - apart from making sure that word gets around: You steal from that mo' fo, he'll have no qualms about sticking his hand down the back of your trousers.

And I think it's working. We haven't had anything nicked for a good few months.

(If the truth be known, we've only had one stealing incident anyway, and that was when some fucker(s) broke into the hut in springtime.)

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Yes, I suppose a few broken kneecaps or fondled asscracks ensures word travels fast amongst that set. Or, a couple of lids on your hexagonal jars would sort out the less dedicated amongst them.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

WOM wrote: Or, a couple of lids on your hexagonal jars would sort out the less dedicated amongst them.

That would slow things down too much (for us, not for the thieves).

We're all about speed of service, you see. If some little kid's standing in front of the sweetie jars umming and aahing abut whether to have a jelly dummy or a jelly Smurf, I'll give them what for, make no mistake about that.

"Listen, cunt. Just because you've got a day off doesn't mean to say that I have. And I've got a business to run. And time is money. So either shit or get off the pot, you silly little bastard." It's not pretty, but it's pretty effective.

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Probably more frightening in German, too.

[Jah Womble]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

We're all about speed of service, you see. If some little kid's standing in front of the sweetie jars umming and aahing abut whether to have a jelly dummy or a jelly Smurf, I'll give them what for, make no mistake about that.

"Listen, cunt. Just because you've got a day off doesn't mean to say that I have. And I've got a business to run. And time is money. So either shit or get off the pot, you silly little bastard." It's not pretty, but it's pretty effective.

I trust that all this proposed arsecrackery (c WOM) wouldn't extend to said schoolkids. You might find yourself in some serious bother there, sir.

Other stuff 1: A wafer must certainly be deemed a biscuit, given the method of its manufacture. Some argue that the wafer only becomes such when sandwiched with a crème filling. These people are idiots.

Other stuff 2: Matchmakers are, and have only ever been, chocolates and can therefore f*** right off from this thread.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Jah Womble wrote: I trust that all this proposed arsecrackery (c WOM) wouldn't extend to said schoolkids. You might find yourself in some serious bother there, sir.

Arsecrackery doesn't extend to schoolchildren simply because schoolchildren's arms are too short to reach the sweets. They couldn't steal even if they wanted to.

Are those biscuit-finger things at the bottom of a trifle still biscuits even after they've gone soggy? Or are they then cake?

[Errorist Sympathiser]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Apropos of KitKats...

A friend witnessed a man on a train taking a bite out of a KitKat, oblivious to the individual fingers.

He said he'd never seen anything more wrong but on reflection I consider it the embodiment of not giving a fuck.

Thoughts?

[Jah Womble]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Are those biscuit-finger things at the bottom of a trifle still biscuits even after they've gone soggy? Or are they then cake?

No, no - those are sponge fingers. They are always cake, regardless of condition.

And that is merely the latest of a number of phrases I've typed today that I couldn't previously have imagined ever using.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Jah Womble wrote: No, no - those are sponge fingers. They are always cake, regardless of condition.

Fascinatingly, they're known as Biskuit in German. Whereas biscuits are Kekse.

So if you don't know any German and want a biscuit with your tea in Germany, probably the best thing to do is ask for a 'cookie'. Unless you want a sponge finger, of course. Which few people would and which the café wouldn't have anyway.

Or you could ask for a cantuccino, although it's never certain where they've been (and, if I've been following this thread correctly, whether they've been stolen or not).

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

indysleaze wrote: Apropos of KitKats...

A friend witnessed a man on a train taking a bite out of a KitKat, oblivious to the individual fingers.

He said he'd never seen anything more wrong but on reflection I consider it the embodiment of not giving a fuck.

Thoughts?

Sounds a bit like what a friend of mine did whom I'd given what some people call a 'good' bottle of wine for her 50th birthday.

She thanked me and then poured over half of it into a pint glass.

It's not 'wrong', it's just 'doing things too quickly'.

Or like some people prefer sexual intercourse in the form of a knee-trembler up against a rubbish skip. Or something.

[ursus arctos]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

The Kit Kat issue recently made the news over here.

Supremely talented Marlins outfielder Giancarlo Stanton can crush baseballs.He has no idea how to eat a Kit Kat bar.

Miami's star slugger was outed as a weirdo when it comes to consuming Kit Kats by teammate Dee Gordon on Twitter Monday.

Gordontweeted: "@Giancarlo818 you need to start respecting the rules sir."

[Jah Womble]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Exactly. This isn't just going about one's business 'too quickly' at all - it's just wrong.

(As for drinking decent wine from a pint glass, that's either a dare or just plain gauche.)

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Wine glasses are just one step short of completely stupid. Top-heavy nonsense with a spindly handle. Simply built for tipping over.

Completely stupid is martini glasses.

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

A large tulip-shaped glass is essential for getting the benefit of the quality of good wine, as the tulip shape concentrates the aroma just under the nose, and the smell contributes as much as the taste to the quality of the drinking experience. It's hideously wasteful drinking good wine out of a glass of any other shape. If you can't tell the difference, you're wasting your money going for the more expensive stuff.

The kit-kat thing was the fifth example at the beginning of Mil Millington's blog "Things I've argued with my girlfriend about". It must be 12 to 15 years ago that I read it - I think it's been dormant for that long - and it remains the funniest blog I have ever read.

http://mil-millington.com/

[ursus arctos]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

WOM's problem (well, this one) was solved some time ago

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

Evariste Euler Gauss wrote: A large tulip-shaped glass is essential for getting the benefit of the quality of good wine, as the tulip shape concentrates the aroma just under the nose, and the smell contributes as much as the taste to the quality of the drinking experience. It's hideously wasteful drinking good wine out of a glass of any other shape. If you can't tell the difference, you're wasting your money going for the more expensive stuff.

Bunk. Bunk. Bunk. Bunk. Bunk.

See also "the stem is so you don't warm the glass" and "the tinting is so you don't frighten the grape".

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

ursus arctos wrote: WOM's problem (well, this one) was solved some time ago

Which is exactly what we use. We keep them inside the cabinet with all the stupid stem glasses we're too stupid to throw out.

[WOM]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

I say we. I don't drink wine. But if I did, I'd just use a nice peasant glass instead of the Riedels.

[treibeis]

Favourite biscuit name and shame

ursus arctos wrote: WOM's problem (well, this one) was solved some time ago

That's the sort of wine glass I'm familiar with (I don't drink wine myself but, being one of those mainland-Europe sophisticated types, I know people who do).

Don't some mustard companies intentionally make jars that, when empty, can then be used as wine glasses? Or do I simply hang around with people who drink wine out of old mustard jars?