Did you all know I am psychic?

[Guy Profumo]

Your father is fishing on the banks of the Mersey.

[beak]

Did you all know I am psychic?

I'd be surprised, given he's been dead these last couple of years.

[Femme Folle]

Did you all know I am psychic?

I knew you were going to say that.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Did you all know I am psychic?

"I'm getting a message from your father. He's telling you to do that job your wife's been nagging you about."

[Jah Womble]

Did you all know I am psychic?

I'm getting an 'Arthur'.

Anybody?

[Stumpy Pepys]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Jah Womble wrote: I'm getting an 'Arthur'.

Anybody?

"Arthur? It's very faint. Maybe Martha? Margaret? Dave?"

[tee rex]

Did you all know I am psychic?

I'm getting a "guy". And a BBC link. Something important, with a nil thread.

It could happen any time soon.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Did you all know I am psychic?

"I'm getting the word … nonce."

[treibeis]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Jah Womble wrote: I'm getting an 'Arthur'.

Anybody?

Spookily enough, Uncle Arthur, my father's only surviving sibling, died last week.

It might have been him you got. If you get him again, ask him where he spent his summer holidays in 1969. If he says "Great Yarmouth", then it's my former Uncle Arthur.

[Jah Womble]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Gawd, please don't tell me I'm psychic.

I mean, the money would be nice, but I couldn't wear one of those sparkly suits.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Psychics are mostly old ladies called Doris.

[Guy Profumo]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Femme Folle wrote: I knew you were going to say that.

If you're going to heckle, at least come up with the right punchline…

[Jah Womble]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Psychics are mostly old ladies called Doris.

You'd need a pretty good one to book any of the Dorises these days.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Jah Womble wrote: You'd need a pretty good one to book any of the Dorises these days.

I'm surprised the likes of Doris Collins and Doris Stokes haven't been talking to us from the spirit world.

You'd think they'd turn up regularly at psychic shows and Ouija board sessions.

[Guy Profumo]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Stumpy Pepys wrote:

You'd need a pretty good one to book any of the Dorises these days.

I'm surprised the likes of Doris Collins and Doris Stokes haven't been talking to us from the spirit world.

You'd think they'd turn up regularly at psychic shows and Ouija board sessions.

That's because they're acting out of professional courtesy.

(And that they'd insist on a fee…)

[Fussbudget]

Did you all know I am psychic?

treibeis wrote: Spookily enough, Uncle Arthur, my father's only surviving sibling, died last week.

Far from me to nitpick, but I think that would put his status as your dad's only surviving sibling into question.

[treibeis]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Fussbudget wrote:

Spookily enough, Uncle Arthur, my father's only surviving sibling, died last week.

Far from me to nitpick, but I think that would put his status as your dad's only surviving sibling into question.

So, a bloke I was so close to that I last saw him but just 20-odd years ago has died and you've got nothing better to do than to lay into me for not using an adverb. No, no, absolutely no problem at all.

Arthur, if you're reading this from up there (or, if what went on upthread is anything to go by, having a chinwag with Jah Womble): Forgive them, mate, for they know not what they do.

[Fussbudget]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Hold on, you mean your uncle has actually died? I assumed it was a joke (I'm quite confused by this whole thread to be honest.)

My condolences and sorry for the flippancy, my manners need some work.

[3 Colours Red]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Stumpy Pepys wrote: "I'm getting the word … nonce."

Technically he was labelled a "piss-kick" that night.

[treibeis]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Fussbudget wrote: My condolences and sorry for the flippancy, my manners need some work.

No need to apologise, no need at all.

Yes, my uncle died last week. But I'd only seen him twice since childhood (once at my sister's wedding; once at my mother's funeral). I'm closer to, I don't know, my landlady than I was to him.

The only time my father ever saw him was at weddings and funerals, and they lived in the same city.

In fact, the last time they saw one another was at the funeral of the youngest of what were originally six brothers. My father said to Arthur, "This is probably the last time we'll ever see one another. Because everybody's now married off, and the next funeral we'll be attending will be either mine or yours."

All of my family are like that (myself included; for example, I've not seen my sister for four years, although she lives directly next to an airport that I could fly to in little over an hour). We never see each other not because we don't like each other, but because we don't feel the need.

If anybody was being flippant, it was me. And I'm definitely not going to apologise to myself.

[WOM]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Don't feel bad. I'm closer to your landlady and Billy Casper's in-laws than I am to some of my cousins.

[nmrfox]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Jah Womble wrote: I'm getting an 'Arthur'.

Anybody?

My Uncle Arthur died about 6 years ago. Ask him if he remembers that time when Cousin Neil spewed up all over him at our Lynne's wedding.

[treibeis]

Did you all know I am psychic?

nmrfox wrote: My Uncle Arthur died about 6 years ago. Ask him if he remembers that time when Cousin Neil spewed up all over him at our Lynne's wedding.

Fucking hell, are we related?

(Only joking. The only avuncular nuptials-related vomit I can offer came from Uncle Alan, who chundered at Cousin Karen's wedding in 1978. He's not dead, though.

My maternal grandfather, on the other hand, who is dead, came home from the pub on Christmas Day in 1971 and spewed up into a bowl of walnuts.

My mother, who's also dead, then went potty, not because of the walnuts, but because we'd all been waiting at least an hour for him to come home so that we could get tucked in to the turkey.)

[WOM]

Did you all know I am psychic?

My mother brought over my kindergarten class picture last week. I was going row by row, telling my wife the names I could remember.

Me: "And that's Nancy. She threw up on her desk right after lunch one day in Grade 3".
Lisa: "How the fuck do you remember that?"
Me: "A kid chucking all over their desk right after lunch? How could you not?"

I mean, it was like a Simpsons scene, with kids all going "Ahhhhhh" and running wide-eyed for the exits.

[Jah Womble]

Did you all know I am psychic?

Throw me a bone you lot - I've at least seven spewing Arthurs on the go here...