Spam Quotes

[tee rex]

Received today from a real estate agent, the usual sales pitch, and to clinch the deal, the agent's 'quote of the day':

Rich people believe, "I create my life". Poor people believe, "Life happens to me"

Yuk. Delete and no deal, or further contact, ever.

Perhaps it was written by a quote-bot, or perhaps he really thought it would appeal. So, have you been getting similar inbox inspiration - or (admit it here, we won't judge, honest*) do you send them out, even without knowing it?

*subject to change ...

[Guy Profumo]

Spam Quotes

No comment

[Patrick Thistle]

Spam Quotes

A colleague includes a quote apparently from Einstein in her email signature. A recent notification to the entire team prompted this response from an idiot who can't tell the difference between Reply and Reply All.

On a separate note, as it was the second time today that I had seen the [company name] strap line “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. - Albert Einstein “ It got me thinking did Einstein ever say this? In what context if he did? And whether it applied to [our industry]. I am not the only one to set out on this quest, see below, what is clear he never directly spoke these words and it seems he did not proclaim the useless nature of past thinking, or the need for disruptive innovation to make improvements. The world is a complex place and it is the tiny margins that make a difference, most complex networks being sensitive to initial conditions. An example of this would be the complex dance three objects (planets, stars and the like) make around each other, each pattern different depending on initial conditions, yet all controlled by the same underlying thinking, Newton and not Einstein’s theory of gravitation!!!

The over-use of exclamation marks in a circular put-down has become my new measure of nebbishness.

Also, it's not our strapline. One person stuck it on her email. Twonk.

[beak]

Spam Quotes

i used to get loads of mad markov chain generated spam sent to my work account, which provided me with the following:

"during pregnancy, infection can make your triple-decker sandwich dreams come true"

"If you just buy viagra in the street, wait to be neglected"

"Most of us would buy plain yogurt internally, simply dip a tampon into the bloodstream"

"Repetitive motion can damage a cell. Our sole protection against them is estrogen that is required of you who have the capability to make sure you have kids? Sometimes correcting that takes away that special feeling. So, try to avoid noisy vibrations and rid of this problem."

"Did you know that there are nasty soft that makes photos of you, while you are browsing (looking 4 pornography in yhe internet)?

Disturbing example:

[link removed]

In this photography you are eating sandwich in some job!

Confirm, that lucky face in the pic is yours!

William Ileiwat"

i love this kind of thing.

the latest trend is people offering membership of the illuminati (!) for a reasonable fee.

[Kevin S]

Spam Quotes

I got an email from comms last week to say we needed to update our email signatures with the revised strap line. I replied to point out that it is now rather long and, when you are looking for a forwarded message on a mobile, that means a fair bit of pointless scrolling. The reply basically said, "Yes, it is long, but we paid an agency for it and all the directors have signed it off."

Quite what the marketing and communications staff within our company had to do with it then is a bit of a puzzle.

I wouldn't care too much except we also end up with pages of pointless and often misleading spam in the product literature I produce.

[N est ŕ?]

Spam Quotes

Interesting post my friend! This thread helped me find information I was looking for.

My cousin earns over $12000 in one month by working from home for less than 4 hours a day!www.beURownher0.com

[Wouter D]

Spam Quotes

Recently, I got back on solid ground after being seriously off the grid for eleven days. The result was 116 new unread mails in my inbox. Three hours later, I had worked through them all, finding in the process that only three of the messages were important. I may need to draw a conclusion about my relationship with email as a communication form, but I'm not sure which. Meanwhile, I would like to share a particular form of, maybe not necessarily spam, but an undirected form of email I encounter regularly.

I get a couple of these every month:

Respected sir ,

Namaste !

I am a Final Year Undergraduate student, pursuing Bachelor's degree (B.Tech) in Information Technology at INDIAN INSTITUTE OF INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY ALLAHABAD. I am writing to inquire whether you have a position open for a research project for a period of 4-6 months during the months of [time period].

I have a good academic background. I have maintained a CGPA [typically 9.x; otherwise they list a few courses on which they have scored an A] on a scale of 10 till date and currently ranked 3 in my department. I am currently working on a research project entitled "[some project in data mining, typically barely related to my subfield]", which is very relevant in data mining.

My other completed projects are as follows :
[List of typically very applied and not uninteresting projects that are also typically totally irrelevant to my field, but hey, at least the person can program a bit]

Research interests - Data Mining [and a couple of other things].

I have a strong desire to pursue my higher studies in the same fields. I have read about your publications and will be glad to work under your guidance on projects related to these fields during period i wrote. Working under your guidance as a summer research intern will provide me a better insight into the topics and would help me pursue my interests better.

I am a fast learner and like to work in a challenging environment. On having a golden chance to work under you I will prove my worth contribution to the allotted task. Besides this doing a research work under you would doors for my future studies.

P.S. - For more details kindly find the attached curriculum vitae.

Thanking you for consideration.

Yours Sincerely
[name]

I have been told that students in India formally have to pursue a research internship abroad. The university administrations in India are very well aware that there are far too many students that have to seek such an internship, and not enough places that they can obtain at research institutes abroad. Hence the rules are such that you do not need to have actually _done_ the internship, but you have to be able to prove that you have _attempted to get_ an internship. Hence, these emails get sent around a lot to basically the entire staff list (and that's where a simple request turns into spam, if you ask me) in the departments I have been working in. To give you an idea how shotgun-style these messages are sent around: I received the first one when I had just started working as a PhD candidate (40 days in), which implies that I was nowhere near a situation where I could offer research internships.

The interesting thing is that when you have collected a few of these email messages, you notice a lot of peculiar similarities. The students clearly get instructed on how such a message should be structured, and some formulations keep recurring. For instance, I had quite a few people that wanted to work "under your able guidance", not just ordinary guidance. The "golden opportunity" from this particular example was rare, though, as is the additional second greeting.

When I'm in a bad mood, I occasionally daydream about writing a project proposal for a number of research interns, concerning the project of building me a garage out of floppy disks and duct tape (I'll call it something along the lines of "Empirical Assessment of the Structural Integrity of Adhesively Conjoined Archaic Storage Devices in Adverse Weather Conditions"), but I haven't had the heart. After all, these students are only doing what they have to do. But I could really do without the spam...

[Wouter D]

Spam Quotes

Smallcaps wrote: "Empirical Assessment of the Structural Integrity of Adhesively Conjoined Archaic Storage Devices in Adverse Weather Conditions"

If I ever manage to pull that off, by the way, I need to buy this car, or decorate mine similarly:

[ursus arctos]

Spam Quotes

The quote in the original post is from this charlatan.

[tee rex]

Spam Quotes

Yeah, I probably didn't make it clear, by using Spam in the title. I don't mean the stuff we don't need to read, easily dumped - rather, the annoying additions to things that you may have to read or even want to, from people you have some kind of genuine contact with.

I failed to plan my post, because I plan to fail.

[Vulgarian Visigoth]

Spam Quotes

ursus arctos wrote: The quote in the original post is from this charlatan.

Lovely chain and hair dye.

[Gangster Octopus]

slanderer               

  
  
  
roar       antiquate  
    
   

 
   unsuitable    
   
  

       
  
    
       
  
    
overhaul   
     mastodon  
  
 
  
highlighting    
   
   
flame       
  
prizer  
    
uninitialized 

   
     packers  
 
    
     fuzz          
   


pioneered    
    
resurrector     
    
    

confronted  
    
 

   kidnappers        transposing  
        combinatorially    
       
 
oedipus      

 
fascist      accompaniments      
 

  
   
     
    
    

    
astronomers    
 
  
miniaturized     
  
 

       desirably          

      
    
stopcocks  
abiding    
    
      
    
 
exclusion      
    
  
equally     
    

  travelers      
  
 
         
adversities     frankfurt

[beak]

slanderer roar 
antiquate     unsuitable overhaul   
mastodon  highlighting    flame       
prizer uninitialized 
packers fuzz          
pioneered    
resurrector confronted kidnappers
transposing combinatorially    
oedipus     fascist accompaniments      
astronomers miniaturized desirably          
stopcocks  
abiding exclusion equally     
travelers adversities
frankfurt   
              — rupi kaur

[ursus arctos]

That's quality.

It also isn't far off from the experience of living in Frankfurt

[pebblethefish]

Sorry, but, what???

[WOM]

World's done changed since you went in, pebble.

[Eggchaser]

Every so often I get an email inviting me to purchase a solicitor's practice (and it is almost always a sole practice as opposed to a partnership).

[Gangster Octopus]

Today's poem:

nimized bursting
telepathy grocers
persuader
collier
extensively zoom diffusible concurrence
stratum regards silencers
appenders
regards centenary
dictionaries
envelops
dhabi fornication buzzards
mimeograph corpus
belleville germantown
tickles
rests
lookout
storeyed
example sunny tale
adjudication lottie madden
conflict maxine
calve
four illustrating disruption

[Gangster Octopus]

They're back...

gourmet
haunches disowned boilerplate scots
elbows
bloodshot
splintery gazes drives exasperation
metallic martyrs centripetal
saturation
blunderbuss
romans
charlemagnes
supportingly preprocessors
incompatibilities eclectic
mirage
unless
senselessness
maloneylances harrowing
richey
requisite
scandaly
coalescing
expressly
resolvable
container
tablespoonfuls
chicana variableness
looked deallocating
pities