I have a hit record

[johnr]

So I was in a band 25 years ago. We weren't very good, and attracted no record company interest at all, and rightly so.

To bypass the man, we made up our own record company name, and made a single. It was, even by the standards of the time, terrible; the keyboard player played like he had boxing gloves on, and my bass drum foot took on a mind of its own. We printed a few hundred copies. I had a box of 50, and after shifting about 5 at the time, I found the box a couple of years ago and threw it away.

Apparently, one of the singles sold for £125 a few weeks ago on eBay, and another sold for £102 on some record-buying site. Both said something along the lines of 'very rare vinyl'.

The point is, vinyl in itself isn't rare, and the songs have no artistic merit whatsoever. So, when the recipient receives their 125 quids-worth, are they pleased? Do they listen to it? Or are they appreciating the fact that they just own something that is 'rare', regardless of any merit?

And, although the internet has been a boon to many, in so many ways, can we justify it if it leads to such tomfoolery?

And should I try and sell my remaining copy?

[WOM]

I have a hit record

That's cool. Digitize and upload it so we can have a listen, then sell the vinyl and get plastered.

Nah, keep it of course. Or, send it to one of those 'found music' radio shows and get a bit of airplay.

[Bored Of Education]

I have a hit record

That's pretty good. I have just checked mine and they are all going for about £9

[Amor de Cosmos]

I have a hit record

There are only two factors that make anything collectible: scarcity and desirability. Both are always present, though not necessarily in equal amounts. Your single is obviously scarce, and — though you believe the songs have no artistic merit — somebody must think they have something about them.

Alternatively it's always possible someone found the box you threw away and is talking/writing their reputation up, while dribbling them onto the market. There's a long history of that in most collecting fields.

[Bored Of Education]

I have a hit record

Hold on a minute, what's that?

[My Name Is Ian]

I have a hit record

No records were involved, but I found a recording that I made with a band in a studio about seventeen or eighteen years ago last week. It was on audio cassette. FUCK.

[sw2borshch]

I have a hit record

I have an audio tape of me and a mate tripping our nads off when we were eighteen or so. I've never dared listen to it.

I'm open to cash offers.

[My Name Is Ian]

I have a hit record

Fiver. But I want copyright over it.

[johnr]

I have a hit record

Amor de Cosmos wrote: There are only two factors that make anything collectible: scarcity and desirability. Both are always present, though not necessarily in equal amounts. Your single is obviously scarce, and — though you believe the songs have no artistic merit — somebody must think they have something about them.

Alternatively it's always possible someone found the box you threw away and is talking/writing their reputation up, while dribbling them onto the market. There's a long history of that in most collecting fields.

I threw the box in a big bin, so I don't think they'll have been in any condition to sell.

And I really don't think it can be that somebody thinks it might have artistic merit; I'm not being overly humble here, the songs were badly recorded and played - and they weren't much in the first place anyway - and have no wider cultural reference or merit. I'm inclined to go with the 'scarcity' angle; somebody had a copy or two, said they're very rare - which they are, but only because many of them were thrown away (mine and the bassists that I know of) - and some poor sap thinks that that means that what they have bought has 'value' - which of course now, as a result of their actions, it has. Does my head in.

And thanks for your readiness to listen WOM; the writer of the songs, who emailed me re the eBay sale, also pointed me to a youtube link (I think he must have digitised it, can't see that anybody else would), but I won't post the link, because a) it's not the done thing here, and b) I'm too fucking embarrassed, it really is shite.

[beak]

I have a hit record

sw2boro sw2boropetrovsk wrote: I have an audio tape of me and a mate tripping our nads off when we were eighteen or so. I've never dared listen to it.

I've got one of my oldest and dearest friend riding on the bus into town for our (shared birthday), full of pills and cider babbling on about how Andy and Dunny [two mutual friends] forced him to suck off Uncle Albert [from Only Fools and Horses]. There's also a video from later the same evening, of him absentmindedly trying to drink a spatula.

It is way, way better than anything our band put together, and would likely raise more cash on the open market.

[Bored Of Education]

I have a hit record

I won't post the link, because a) it's not the done thing here,

Oh, it is. Don't worry about that. Care and share.

[WOM]

I have a hit record

Indeed. We're a good audience. And we won't tell a soul.

[johnr]

I have a hit record

Ok, by popular demand, but don't say I didn't warn you.

I apologise. I was young.

[Gerontophile]

I have a hit record

I am thinking Haircut 100, shades of Swansway, a touch of Modern Romance, with a soupcon (sic) of Curiosity Killed the Cat.

Needs more brass, not trumpets, just BRASS. It needs to be beefed up. (Louder vocal).

I like it.

It is 2013. ANYTHING can be a hit. (Make sure you don't sell the publishing or the writer royalties.)

Oill give it 5.*

*I do not know why I said that... it was apparently a catchphrase on a show before even I was born... 'Ready, Steady, Go!', I think with someone called Cathy something. Sorry, massive digression.

I like it. It has promise. My real name is Simon Cowell. Would you like to come to work for me? My middle name is 'Hoover'...

[Sam]

I have a hit record

It's really not anywhere near as bad as you're making out, john.

I agree with Gero about the brass. That electronic keyboard effect in the bridge is a bit crap.

[Amor de Cosmos]

I have a hit record

I do not know why I said that... it was apparently a catchphrase on a show before even I was born... 'Ready, Steady, Go!', I think with someone called Cathy something. Sorry, massive digression.

Thank Your Lucky Stars.) and the young lady, with a really extreme Brum accent was called Janice Nicholls. And johnr's single is no where near as lame as hers.

[RobM]

I have a hit record

Something similar happened to a mate of mine recently. Pissing about on the net he found some German website that was hawking his old 7" vinyl for £125.

He had a box of around fifty of the bastards in the attic and flogged the lot, the price never dropping when he released them at the rate of two a week.

Him and the guy he played with have now released a CD.

https://www.facebook.com/christmarxwoodandwei

[Bored Of Education]

I have a hit record

Ah but have any of you had a Norwegian band release a cover of one of your songs, eh? Eh?

[johnr]

I have a hit record

Thank you for your kind words, much appreciated.

Maybe I don't like it cos I was getting into mbv at the time, and I didn't like any of the bands that Gero - can I call you Gero? - mentioned. One should face one's past I guess.

And thanks for the offer Gero - I think I can call you that now - but stardom is no longer in my sights, I've been playing with another band for 15 years now, happy to wallow in obscurity, and making stuff that no doubt in 25 years I'll decry.

Bored, I would consider it a great success to have a song covered by a Norwegian band, or in fact anybody. Seriously, I envy you. .

In the spirit of sharing, can we at least hear the cover?

[Bored Of Education]

I have a hit record

I wish. I have a vinyl single and that is it.

[beak]

I have a hit record

I have a flat disc of vinyl seven inches in diameter, with a small hole in the middle and a spiral scratch running across both surfaces. Is this a record? And do I win five pounds?

[Gerontophile]

I have a hit record

Bored of Education wrote: I wish. I have a vinyl single and that is it.

Bottle job. It MUST be out there, somewhere?

[Gerontophile]

I have a hit record

jw wrote: I have a flat disc of vinyl seven inches in diameter, with a small hole in the middle and a spiral scratch running across both surfaces. Is this a record? And do I win five pounds?

The old ones are usually the best. With exceptions...

[WOM]

I have a hit record

jw wrote: I have a flat disc of vinyl seven inches in diameter, with a small hole in the middle and a spiral scratch running across both surfaces. Is this a record?

If you think 7 inches is a record, good for you. But I've got a 12 inch single, here...

[Gerontophile]

I have a hit record

If it weighs 5 pounds, we have a winner.