Two cops investigate gruesome crimes based on the seven deadly sins, apparently caused by a slim, well-dressed gentleman with some experience in footballing matters.
Arg
Ben Affleck falls off a ladder again.
Wark of the Worlds
HG Wells's apocalyptic tale of a BBC newsreader leading an alien attack against the peoples of the earth still has the power to unnerve after all these years.
Planet Of The Ales
Charlton Heston finds himself trapped on a strange planet with beer gardens as large as cities, fat blokes singing karaoke, fully occupied toilets, fights in car parks and valleys completely composed of discarded packets of cashew nuts. Will forever be remembered for its final scene of Heston finding the remains of a Fitness First on a remote beach.
Marathon Ma - Dustin Hoffman anticipates his later role in Tootsie, in his academy award-winning turn as a busy mother of four who competes in endurance races at the weekend, whilst grappling a phobia of her sadistic dentist played by Laurence Olivier.
All the Presidents Me - Dustin Hoffman stars as a young journalist with a severe personality disorder who believes he is all the presidents of the USA. Robert Redford supports as his therapist.
The King's Peech - another irritating misspelling from director Quentin Tarantino as he directs Colin Firth in his portrayal of King George VI, focusing on his little-known addiction to stone fruits.
Keys - a hopelessly dull 60s drama about a young boy who adopts a set of keys, failing dismally to train them.
Doge Day Afternoon - Al Pacino and John Cazale bizarrely choose to disguise themselves as medieval Venetian nobles in a failed bank heist.
The Bi Lebowski - Jeff Bridges expands the role of The Dude, managing brief dalliances with the characters of both Julianne Moore and John Turturro in this Cohen Brothers romp.
Apocalypse? No! - Martin Sheen struggles through the Laotian jungle in search of the elusive renegade Colonel Kurtz, played by Marlon Brando. Sheen finally reaches Kurtz's remote hideaway just as the Colonel experiences an epiphany, starts smoking dope and renounces violence.
Enter The Drag one; Danny La Rue's lost kung fu classic; with Larry Grayson as his gimp-faced off-sider, coach and live-in lover. Directed by Benny Hill.
The Buns of Naverone; David Niven and a crack team of bakers sneak into Greece to destroy a bakery that is flooding the British hot-cross-bun market with cheap shoddy imports.
Who cares wins; Lewis Collins infiltrates a radical charity group accused of reducing poverty and giving hope to millions of African children. Be amazed at the climatic final scenes as Collins single-handedly wipes out several thousand Nigerian toddlers, armed only with an M16 and a flame-thrower.
Top Gurn - Tom Cruise joins the elite naval gurning academy in Whitehaven, where over the course of six weeks he and other elite trainees learn to pull grotesque faces with a view to competing for the "Top Gurn" prize at the crab fair in Egremont. Val Kilmer also stars as Cruise's rival, who in typical method acting style had all his lower teeth removed for the part so that he could stretch his lower lip over his nose.
It's the Civil War, and yet, in the midst of carnage, chaos, division and bloodshed, Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara draw up plans to perform the biggest raid on a chain of off-licences the world has ever seen.
The Purple Roe Of Cairo - a simple case of food poisoning or something far more serious? Taut Egyptian eco-thriller.
Teat With Mussolini - Bucolic account of young Benito's life as a carefree dairyman. When a cancelled train results in two churns of ruined milk, he must face up to a different destiny.
A computer programmer is transported inside the brain of the 40th President of the United States, where he has to find something to interact with in order to get back out.
Good Mourning, Vietnam - Robin Williams stars as an Armed Forces DJ sent to Vietnam who stirs up controversy by upsetting the staid, middle-of-the-road programming policy by filling his 3-hour show with tapes of funeral services and interviews with grieving widows and parents of recently-killed servicemen.
Diet Hard - Bruce Willis must lose 40 pounds to regain the affections of his estranged wife, but must fight against Alan Rickman's German baker who is attempting to force feed him Black Forest Gateaux.
Walterworld - Kevin Costner struggles to survive as an outsider in a world where environmental catastrophe has turned everyone into Walter the Softy of Beano fame.
Beverley Hills Cop - Fish out of water comedy in which Detroit police detective Eddie Murphy tries to foil a snuff smuggling operation in the East Riding town. The Axel F theme tune is provided by a brass band.
Peed - A urinal is hooked up to a bomb. Once you've started, you can't stop.
The Color of Monkey - Paul Newman mentors a monkey in the world of hustling pool.
American Pike: Teenage coming of age comedy; Jason Biggs plays a nervous virgin schoolboy whose classmates lead him to believe that the inside of a girl's nether regions is the same as the feel of a wet fish. Eugnene Levy's awkward attempts at father-son bonding see the pair go on an angling weekend, with hilarious consequences.
While inventing a machine that attempts to transport objects by molecular means from one place to another, Jeff Goldblum gets a runny nose and feels a bit tired.
Private eye Philip Marlowe has enough on his hands with guns, dames and wiseguys, now he's got more trouble in the shape of a 34ft sheep named Mr. Pimples.
Romeo and Julie – A tragedy; Leonardo DiCaprio plays the romantic lead in this spellbinding story of a precocious star-crossed teenager's forbidden love affair with a divorced credit controller from Halifax.
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