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    The La's Temptation of Christ
    Celebrated carpenter-cum-magician Jesus of Nazareth is late for another sermon after There She Goes comes on his ipod.

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      I'm laughing out loud at Jesus being described as "carpenter-cum-magician". I'm so nicking that.

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        Bulley - Steve McQueen in a Morris Marina chases a man and wife driving a Mini Metro around San Francisco who have stolen the car 'they could have won' from a British TV Studio.

        Planet of the Japes - Charlton Heston goes forward 10,000 years into the future and finds a society based around waiting for Charlton Heston to turn up from 10,000 years in their past, just so they can kick the fucking shit out of him for a cheap laugh.

        3 and a Half Weeks - Average statutory holiday time for most UK employees.

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          Goodbye Lenins- drama documentary based upon half the SWP membership's valedictory up yours to the Central Committee.

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            The Cunt For Red October

            Submarine thriller which finds the captain of a highly-sophisticated Russian submarine forced to step down and have Michael Gove replace him.

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              Basin Instinct

              Michael Douglas is a tough cop, trying to find the savage killer of several Wickes employees.

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                First Men In The Moob

                Affectionately-remembered science-fiction twist on Fantastic Voyage that sees Lionel Jefferies and Bernard Cribbins shrunk to microscopic size and journeying around a fat bloke's tit.

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                  The Cider House Rues
                  Filmed on location in a village inn near Bridgwater, this rural tragedy centres on a group of middle-aged men reflecting on how their noses would be less red, their livers less ravaged, their speech less slurred and their marriages less disintegrated if only they’d laid off the scrumpy when the doctor told them to.

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                    ian.64 wrote:

                    Basin Instinct

                    Michael Douglas is a tough cop, trying to find the savage killer of several Wickes employees.
                    I thought this was going to be about his fetish for pissing in the sink.

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                      That's the sequel.

                      Cockrail

                      Tom Cruise is a drifter with a unique business idea: a high-class train service manned by prodigiously-endowed male strippers. But what to call it....?

                      Day of the Jackals

                      It's 1963, and Nigel Day (Edward Fox) is an ex-footballer turned hitman en route to the continent to prepare for his assassination of De Gaulle. On the way he meets his old playing chum, Johnny 'Binkie' Binkerton, who now manages the Jeppington Jackals, a club threatened with extinction by its ruthless owner, who wants to sell the land. Binkie tries to persuade Nigel to put on his old playing boots and save the club by playing for the Jackals in final of the Bumley Pale Ale Home Brew Kit Cup. Will Nigel go ahead and assassinate Le Presidente, or save the day and win the trophy?

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                        Downing By Numbers - £20 million, 7 goals and 9 assists in 82 appearances

                        Beauty and the Best - Behind the scenes at Miss Altrincham 1971

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                          The Livers Of Others
                          Terrified that iron and Vitamin A levels may be spiralling out of control, Stasi agent Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe) implements an intricate system of cameras, bugs and two-way mirrors in works canteens to establish just how much offal his fellow East Germans are getting down their necks of a dinnertime.

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                            Korn on the Fourth of July
                            Nu metallers are blown to smithereens whilst touring Vietnam.

                            Itchfinder General
                            Vincent Price battles the scourge of eczema in 17th century England.

                            My Fair Lad
                            A Irishman's hymn of praise to his penis.

                            Field of Creams
                            A wistful portrayal of a man's journey into his past and dairy produce.

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                              Rio Lobon: John Wayne stars as a petulant dimwitted footballer suffering from priapism.

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                                Bod Heat: Derek Griffiths narrated sleazy crime thriller. Aunt Flo persuades her lover Bod to bump off Farmer Barleymow over a game of Bod snap. But which flavour milkshake will Alberto Frog choose?

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                                  Das Booty. Underwater arses. In uniforms.

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                                    Psychlo
                                    A lone woman, on the run with stolen mob money, takes shelter at a forbidding motel run by a 7 foot tall John Travolta with a prosthetic forehead. She is then brainwashed into becoming s scientologist and forced to marry a wizened, shrunken corpse the psychlo keeps in his closet. Tom Cruise co-stars as the misshapen closeted dwarf.

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                                      Farce Off: John Travolta begins a run of What The Butler Saw just as Nicholas Cage's presentation of No Sex Please, We're British has it's opening night at the theatre next door...what a calamity.

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                                        Carface.

                                        5 years after the events of the last Transformers movie, the Transformers have trouble integrating themselves into normal society. Narrated by Werner Herzog.

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                                          Lord Of The Lies
                                          A documentary on the life and times of Jeffrey Archer.

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                                            T - Closer to the Edge. A documentary following the A Team and Rocky III star as he finds work hard to come by and starts receiving therapy.

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                                              Arthur 2: On the Rock

                                              Dudley Moore returns as loveable playboy millionaire Arthur, whose alcoholism from the first film has descended into a hopeless addiction to crack cocaine. Sir John Gielgud reprises his Academy-Award winning role as butler Hobson, this time helping Moore inject drugs directly into his penis.

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                                                Ineption

                                                Documentary, compulsory viewing for neurology students, detailing what happens in the brain of Arjen Robben whenever he goes one-on-one with a Spanish goalkeeper in a World Cup final.

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                                                  Where Beagles Dare - a charming retelling of the classic war tale, Snoopy, Charlie Brown and Pigpen lead a daring rescue operation in Nazi-occupied Europe, only to find their mission and superiors are not what they seem.

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