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    #51
    The appalling punditry thread

    During the England/Ukraine goalline controversy, Andy Townsend said: "He's standing in the wrong place, the post is in the way of the line". The post isn't in the way of the line, it's level with it. If you're level with the post, and you can't see the ball, it hasn't crossed the line.

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      #52
      The appalling punditry thread

      Yes, I also suspect Townsend didn't think about the fact that if the official stood to one side, slightly on the pitch, it would make the ball look 'more out' than it actually was (and 'more in' if he stood slightly behind the line).

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        #53
        The appalling punditry thread

        Why don't those lunatics let Klinsmann speak?

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          #54
          The appalling punditry thread

          Martin Keown on Ronaldo's jumping ability tonight:
          'he's like an NFL basketball player'

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            #55
            The appalling punditry thread

            I was going to post that, but then I thought "No, I must have misheard. Surely."

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              #56
              The appalling punditry thread

              In fairness, there was an awkward silence for a second or two afterwards. I'm hoping he was thinking that he'd just ballsed it up but didn't want to go on about it.

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                #57
                The appalling punditry thread

                i also liked how Keown said "Superman wouldnt have been able to reach that cross."

                well Martin i am pretty sure Superman could reach any cross.

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                  #58
                  The appalling punditry thread

                  Here in Australia, most matches are being screened by Setanta. OTF’s Irish contingent will no doubt be familiar with the Partridgeesque presentation style of Paul Dempsy, with his fibre optic lamp hair and ability to break up a discussion with a well-timed cliché. Studio guests have included Dennis Wise, Gary McAllister, and David O’Leary. Dietmar Hamman blinks a lot, but I’m yet to work out whether he suffers from a mild facial tick or is just expressing his bewilderment at Dempsey’s interjections. Of course, these uncomfortable studio exchanges can easily be ignored by either pressing the mute button or making a cuppa. The in-game punditry is less easy to avoid.

                  For reasons best know to themselves, Setanta have opted for a co-commentary team of Brian Little and Gary Breen. Little seems like a nice enough chap, but someone who exists in a permanent state of confusion (I can kind of relate).

                  I can tolerate his inability to identify a team’s formation and lack of insight into why a manager has made a substitution. I don’t even mind that he takes an age to make a point; padding out sentences unnecessarily as if he’s being paid by the word (e.g. “looking at this game, and in my opinion of the game, I’d have to say that the team who scores the first goal will probably be the most likely to go on to win the game, in this instance, if you were to ask my opinion”). He has a gentle, avuncular, north eastern accent, which seems appropriate for the early morning winter kick-offs. Breen, however, is just useless and makes you crave for the early group matches when commentators were broadcasting solo.

                  I suppose Breen deserves some credit for his economy of vocabulary; managing, as he has, to get through most of the tournament using just two phrases:

                  1. “ have gotta be SO careful”
                  2. “ have done SO well”

                  Painful stuff. However I did quite enjoy the moment during the Spain v Ireland game when he was wittering on about someone having to do something SO well/carefully and managed to talk over the commentary for the Fabregas goal. It seemed that Ireland’s inability to concentrate at corners went so deep that even their retired defenders were switching off.

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                    #59
                    The appalling punditry thread

                    Jonathan Pearce tried some sort of American football metaphor in last night's game as Portugal won a couple of freekicks ever closer to the Czech goal which was spoilt by the fact that he seemed to think that a "down" was called a "go", so his commentary went "and it's 2nd go and 30 yards".

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                      #60
                      The appalling punditry thread

                      tratorello wrote: Jonathan Pearce tried some sort of American football metaphor in last night's game as Portugal won a couple of freekicks ever closer to the Czech goal which was spoilt by the fact that he seemed to think that a "down" was called a "go", so his commentary went "and it's 2nd go and 30 yards".
                      That was the free kick Portugal won for someone in the Czech wall handling the ball. He said that Ronaldo had gained an extra five yards, ignoring the fact that the wall was, er, clearly ten yards away.

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                        #61
                        The appalling punditry thread

                        "Fortuna Favet Felix"

                        Should be our new national motto.

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                          #62
                          The appalling punditry thread

                          It would appear that blues music is crucial to England's progress in the tournament according to Roy Keane and Jamie Caaarrrggghhhhaaaaarrrrggghhhher, as they keep going on about someone called B Diddley when they talk about the quarter final.

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                            #63
                            The appalling punditry thread

                            I'm pretty sure I heard Mowbray and Lawrenson wish a hamstring injury on Abate tonight during the game.

                            I'm sure it was all in the spirit of banter, but, y'know, like, fuck off.

                            I'm gutted that on SkyPlus RTE goes off the air as soon as a match starts on BBC or ITV.

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                              #64
                              The appalling punditry thread

                              McManaman said something tonight along the lines of "yes, as fatigue sets in players tend to slow down."

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                                #65
                                The appalling punditry thread

                                Yes they did wish injury on Abate - but that's just Ingurland fans in 'fair-play' mode, yes?

                                And isn't Lawrenson 'Irish'? I don't think Roy Keane says 'we' when discussing England unlike the cringeworthy Paddy Barclay, Alan Hansen or Alan Green - the damn Uncle Toms.

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                                  #66
                                  The appalling punditry thread

                                  Incandenza wrote: McManaman said something tonight along the lines of "yes, as fatigue sets in players tend to slow down."
                                  My memory is that he was saying that substitutes slow the game down, presumably because they have to adjust to the pace of the game.

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                                    #67
                                    The appalling punditry thread

                                    Evan Evian wrote: Yes they did wish injury on Abate - but that's just Ingurland fans in 'fair-play' mode, yes?
                                    Not really, no.

                                    And isn't Lawrenson 'Irish'? I don't think Roy Keane says 'we' when discussing England unlike the cringeworthy Paddy Barclay, Alan Hansen or Alan Green - the damn Uncle Toms.
                                    I've never heard Hansen use the Royal 'We'.

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                                      #68
                                      The appalling punditry thread

                                      Trust me Hansen has used the term - not recently but he has form on this.

                                      I was being ironic with my 'fair play' comment...

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                                        #69
                                        The appalling punditry thread

                                        Ah, Uncle Toni. A Doctor Speaks?

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                                          #70
                                          The appalling punditry thread

                                          And isn't Lawrenson 'Irish'? I don't think Roy Keane says 'we' when discussing England unlike the cringeworthy Paddy Barclay, Alan Hansen or Alan Green - the damn Uncle Toms.

                                          He certainly is a cunt. That's common knowledge by now anyway, but only Lawrenson can have the gall to put on two hours of sonic shit and then have the nerve to say 'this Is purgatory'. There's another little verbal tic he demonstrated last night which got me, his penchant for delivering cold, sharp little rejoinders which aren't humourous at all but just sound mean and spiteful. Out of context they'd mean nothing, but on the night just rankle. There was a tweet last night by one Gareth Aveyard which had me chuckling like mad and it's my pleasure to add it here:

                                          Mark Lawrenson commentates like a drunk cartoon tortoise being forced to give a eulogy for someone he always secretly hated.

                                          It's a lovely alternative, because all I can think of are swear words.

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                                            #71
                                            The appalling punditry thread

                                            During the England/Ukraine goalline controversy, Andy Townsend said: "He's standing in the wrong place, the post is in the way of the line". The post isn't in the way of the line, it's level with it. If you're level with the post, and you can't see the ball, it hasn't crossed the line.


                                            There's a lovely letter in the last WSC which has its correspondent hope that in the event of him being brought up in court on a criminal charge, he would have Andy Townsend thrown out of the jury on the grounds that he's an idiot. The elevation of arseholes to positions of chief punditry is a process ITV and BBC overcome their rivalry to share, it seems.

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                                              #72
                                              The appalling punditry thread

                                              A bit late, I know, but late on during the Germany - Greece match the director cut to a Greek fan in the obligatory face paint clutching a crucifix, apparently praying for some sort of divine inspiration. The ITV commentator (Drury?) sneered that 'no amount of superstition' would help Greece at this stage. I'm not a believer myself, but it struck me as a 'brave' (in the Yes Minister sense) piece of commentary to write off Christianity as superstition on primitive TV?
                                              Maybe we could have a commentary team of Richard Dawkins and Stephen Fry for 2014? At least it would spare us Lawro and Beglin.

                                              (edit: oops, primetime TV. On this occasion maybe my predictive text knew what it was doing, though?

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                                                #73
                                                The appalling punditry thread

                                                Talking of awful things in the media did anyone else see 'The Ladyboy' (Gabby Logan) provide embarrassing session of hagiography with Cashley?

                                                Talk about a soft interview - "so Cashly why are so generally yummy and wonderful" asked the tranny as 'her' first question.

                                                I know standards are not high in the UK media but really how much worse can the BBC coverage become?

                                                Why not bring back Ian Wright - at least the reacts like an average typical Ingurland fan, yes?

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                                                  #74
                                                  The appalling punditry thread

                                                  'The Ladyboy' (Gabby Logan)
                                                  Stay classy there, Evan.

                                                  Otherwise, you're like a stuck record. Killing every thread with the same monotonous whine.

                                                  How long are we going to have to put up with this before you bugger off? Because I'm off now until you've gone, and I'd be unsurprised if others follow.

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                                                    #75
                                                    The appalling punditry thread

                                                    England are out now so I trust that trollboy will be gone when their plane touches down. If not, where are the mods? The misogyny and homophobia of that last post are enough for the boot IMHO.

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