A couple of films that come to mind that caused me to leave the cinema in under half an hour. Jaws 4 - The Revenge. The shark is singling out members of Roy Scheider's family in that one. Yes, The Witches Of Eastwick was sold out that night.
I watched Jaws III on TV recently and it was awful. It is basically an extended advertisement for Seaworld in Florida - one of Roy Scheider's kids works there, in a happy coincidence. He is now Dennis Quaid, having been dramatically aged by this whole shark thing.
What adds to the utter hopelessness is the 3D. Or rather the 3D effects rendered back to 2D for television. It's like watching one of those souvenir pens where the top half is full of fluid and a bit of plastic with a picture of the local funicular railway or Our Lady of Fatima slides up and down inside it. But less convincing.
There is a slight niggling doubt though that, awful as it is, it may not even be the worst film starring Lou Gossett Jr...
I watched Jaws III on TV recently and it was awful. It is basically an extended advertisement for Seaworld in Florida - one of Roy Scheider's kids works there, in a happy coincidence.
This seems a bit like saying Die Hard 2 is one big advert for Dulles. I mean, loads of people die in Seaworld in the film.
GY, it is very odd. The number of scenes which basically just show off Seaworld's main attractions strongly suggests some kind of advertorial deal with the park.
But, as you say, would you want to set up that association between your water park and being eaten alive? I suppose the idea is that you're close to dangerous animals but reassured that everything is safely under control. A bit like the Latitude festival but with fish instead of a poetry arena.
At least it wasn't a fire. That would have been ridiculous.
On the subject of Melanie Griffiths. Back in the late 1980s, a girlfriend of a friend offered to set me up on a date with one of her single friends.
I was assured she was attractive, funny and like myself was really into cinema. Sounded perfect.
So we got each other's phone numbers, spoke on the phone and arranged to meet. She did initially seem attractive and good fun too, I was pretty encouraged. Then we started talking about cinema, I started with the obvious question:
"So what's your favourite film then?"
"Oh, that would definitely be Working Girl"
Long pause while I try and think of other films called Working Girl.....
"Umm, a different Working Girl from that Melanie Griffiths, Harrison Ford thingie?"
"No, that's the one"
"Umm, the one with that I've got a head for business and a body for sex line?"
"Yes, that's right"
"Umm...that horrid, formulaic, screwball excuse of a comedy starring that fetid swamp of an actress who only gets gigs because she had a famous mother?"
Probably worth mentioning that by the above stage I was internalising this conversation. We didn't go out again.
Pfft.
I married a woman who likes Friends, and I fucking love her.
Apologies if A Clockwork Orange has already been mentioned, but it's a pile of steaming toss.
Ooh, ooh, and anything with Whoopi Cunting Goldberg in it.
Buellar!
Have to say I'm quite surprised at MsD's tolerance of Pretty Woman
Hideous premise, plot and acting aside, I don't think yer woman's actually pretty at all.
Mrs. Calvert quite fancies her though.
I used to like 'Friends', but now I hate it. I hate what it's led to not just in comedy but in mainstream drama too. Limited to no character development, a constant need for a wisecrack every twenty seconds and everything, every word spoken, every emotion expressed, every crisis alluded to in endless inverted commas. I fucking hate it.
On the other hand, it gave rise to one of the great series of culturtal references in Skins, when the Russian woman who learnt English from "Great American TV Show" spoke in Friends terms, culminating in "we were on a break".
I used to like 'Friends', but now I hate it. I hate what it's led to not just in comedy but in mainstream drama too. Limited to no character development, a constant need for a wisecrack every twenty seconds and everything, every word spoken, every emotion expressed, every crisis alluded to in endless inverted commas. I fucking hate it.
That's a rubbish argument though, it's like the " 'Fever Pitch' is crap because it led to lots of poor fans books" or " 'Jaws' is crap because it led to lost of event movies" lines.
No though, it's more like the ubiquity of the style has led me to see the deficiencies in the original model. It's strengths were some of the lines were quite funny, it was fast-paced and slick. It's weaknesses are none of the characters develop at all, they never develop a passion for anything, they never fall out, they never tell one another to fuck off, they never leave the same flat they've lived in for over a decade, there's nothing remotely interesting about their world and there's nothing remotely interesting about them, identikit souls designed by commitee.
Basically, I don't think it was that much cop in the first place. The only complimentary thing I can say about it is that it is competently made.
I disagree about Friends, but I like Mat's line of reasoning. I don't hate Arrested Development for itself. I hate it for the fact that every other 'comedy' now uses the herky-jerky camera techniques and long, awkward pauses in place of actually funny lines and scenarios. ie, it's not funny if it makes you laugh; it's funny if it looks like it was meant to be funny.
It's weaknesses are none of the characters develop at all, they never develop a passion for anything, they never fall out, they never tell one another to fuck off, they never leave the same flat they've lived in for over a decade
Haha, I knew someone who knows the show better than me would pick holes in that. What happened then? Did one of them develop a sudden passion for the inate beauty of the mundane, leave the flat, and spend their life under a bridge by the River Hudson, sketching the constant ebb and flow of the currents in charcoal, not washing or changing their clothes and telling passing strangers to 'fuck off, you bastards'? Or did they move out for a bit, a couple of episodes, before eventually moving back in again to the same flat, same conversations, same life.
'Terry & June' with slightly better lines man. That's all 'Friends' ever was or ever could be.
It's just this that I can't stand about American sitcoms.
Facile shite at terminal velocity is still facile shite and machine-gunning out inanity after inanity can't cover up its awfulness.
Sometimes when watching this you're actually asking yourself 'what the fuck are these audience people laughing at?' Is that woman strumming a guitar and warbling about a smelly cat actually, funny, or is it a comfort blanket for a lot of people who just want to identify with good-looking people in a safe comedy always with the happy ending.
There are loads of them not just Friends but Friends is the template of that horrible style of Diet Coke commitee writing.
In terms of films I expected to enjoy on the basis of recommendation, reputation, pedigree and whatnot, the ones that have most utterly disappointed me have been
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