Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

21 is
Ireland

Without hearing, I will guess for the plaintiff lullaby bollix which never wins, but always gets into the final.

oh, its fucking Jedward... nobody warned me about this. YOU BASTARDS.

(For the art):

OK: Can I just ask? WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26133

The problem I can see, as a 44 year old, is that this will go down a storm in somewhere like G A Y, and it must be stopped. Permanently.

O M F G.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

And, just to up the ante, here comes 22
Israel

I hear this is Dana International again... are all these ex Eurovisioners, apart from Cliff, Johnny Logan, Lulu and zillions of other old timers, skint? Oh well, I shall refresh my liquids, and see how this one goes...

I thought this was going to be 'Spacer'...

but it ends up as a run of the mill electrobop, with not much to show... other than the piano riff, which is very catchy.

Ms 'One trick pony' is bout to be re-shod.

Wont win, and really shouldnt get anywhere near the final.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26123

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

23 is
Italy.

I have no expectations of this one.

Italian Jamie Cullum (with height and looks), who thinks he is Harry Connick Jr, and aims well.

If its not part of a soundtrack, it will do very well there.

(I quite like it, wont win, but that means nothing)

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25643

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

24 is
Latvia

They have good form (Brainstorm were class on the pseudo-pulp thing), so expectations have risen...

Although its a 'no'.

Nondescript two-some.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26113

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

25 is
Lithuania

its a slow one with MEANING... she has a see through dress, lovely legs, and a voice that can etch glass.

I hate it. And nip into French, pourquois pas?

Its ok. She can sing, but it reminds me of a 'Chorus Line', (with minor Streisand tendencies) and its about songs.

Good luck, and bye.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25933

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

26 is
Malta

and is very, VERY , VERY gay.

VERY gay.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25923

Its quite gay. I give it about 14 seconds. Good luck to him.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

27 is
Moldova I think...

yes, I am looking at the preview picture, and no-one is wearing a shirt, so this could be a RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK song.

Oh, and there is a bandana...so GUNS N ROSES or else, then....

well. I am nonplussed.

That was absolutely what it was. I cant possibly comment, because I am not sure if that was utter shite, or a magnificent piece of art-school pluralism, which reaches the sky...

ok, it was shite. Trying to sound like Franz Ferdinand with amillion more watts, and failing miserably (and the singer reminded me of julian Casablancas, which didnt help).

Again, however, it will be in the final.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26233

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

I am on my last legs, and this is 28
Norway.

Ah well, beautiful lady, cant hold a tune in a bucket, and its not a bad tune.

However, she wont make the final.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26043

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

29 is
Poland

and she thinks she is Cheryl Cole. And with the 4 backing singers at an angle, they again, think they are Girls Aloud.

Well, I suppose they are, because GA are not in Eurovision, and in about 5 days time, neither is she.

She is very, very pretty. Shit song, though.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26033

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

30 is
Portugal

Now, before I do this, Portugal have a natural affinity with Fado (I understand), but when it comes to Eurovision, Fado doesnt work, because, it means singing out of tune, and Eurovision wants songs, which Fado cannot deliver.

Anyway, I dont believe a word that I have just said, except to say, I have yet to hear a Portuguese singer on Eurovision, sing in tune for the whole song, notwithstanding becoming a republic.

This is about to be a 6 piece, who, unfortunately, are all dressed in Timmy Mallett colours, and bouncing up and down, if that is possible in a still picture.

And they have ripped off U2 - Desire (first 4 bars)

Its looking like a political song, so, fair play, but they look a little strange, with pretty bright colours.

See for yourself (I think they are singing about the debt, but I dont speak any Portuguese)

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25913

If this gets anywhere near Germany, I will be thoroughly pissed off.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

31 is
Romania

Boyband, and not too bad at all.

Too much finger work (pointing out a point)

Good song, in English, and they look good... however, doing this live, is not going to happen without 16 backing singers, as their tracks are so layered, they sound like an aural Vienetta.

They will be in the final...

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26103

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

32 is
Russia

Russia has a version of Ricky Martin, and whether or not it is good (not bad at all, shitty song), its not going to win...

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26023

Except, it just might.

Slightly above average.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

33 is
who the fuck invited, SAN MARINO

OK, here goes...

Not going to win, but it has a shedload going for it.

Good, but not great.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25903

Middle paced, lady angst, in case you were asking (not tru at all, but you know, I can basically say what I want, as no fucker is listening/reading)

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

33 is
Serbia

I hate this.

Sorry, not good for reviewing. I hate this with a passion.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26013

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

Without hearing, I will guess for the plaintiff lullaby bollix which never wins, but always gets into the final.

oh, its fucking Jedward... nobody warned me about this. YOU BASTARDS.

(For the art):

OK: Can I just ask? WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?

www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/part...-profile/?song=26133

The problem I can see, as a 44 year old, is that this will go down a storm in somewhere like G A Y, and it must be stopped. Permanently.

O M F G.

hahahaha. Apart from the opening post, and the third and fourth reply. Jedward are truly truly astonishing. They are a force of nature. A friend of mine was flying to dusseldorf to visit her family, and she got her photograph taken, and I honestly wish that I could link to it so i could show you what they were wearing on the plane.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

Next is 34, and
Slovakia and (glod help us all) are called TWiNs or something like that. (sorry, it is TWiiNS, for FUCK SaKe)

ok, clear the mind...

Think two of a blonde Martine McCutcheon... one of whom, is unfeasibly symmetrical, facially. And there is football in their video.

I suspect this means something, but I know absolutely sod all about Slovenia, perhaps someone who dares to watch this can enlighten me (remembering that it isnt this that is at fault, its the cumulative effect of so many.)

The song is shite. Celine Dion would sing it.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26223

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

The home straight and number 35 is
Slovenia who have a dark sultry temptress. to do their bidding. Back in a tick...

I will survive, in Slovenian... plodding, but fully expect her to hit a note.

Its not the best...

and is staying that way. Shame. (oh she got there. still an average song.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26093

Wont win, but will look FANTASTIC in doing so.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

36 is
Spain (yay)

No bias whatsoever... here goes:

Spanish, beautiful, a mouth that can put 4 wagon wheels in without touching the sides, the song is a playful little ditty, with serious holiday singalong nonsense.

or

Think the one on the left of Las Ketchup. No, the other one, yes her. Right...

In other words, fuck the song. (which isnt that bad, there have been an awful lot worse.) Finalist, non-winner.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25673

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

37 is
Sweden

Its pissing down outside, and someone upthread that this is one to watch (I will be the fucking judge of that, bitch!) so I have calmed and centred myself, with a glass of aquavit, and I listen to:

a perfectly formed, brilliantly performed, Boystown song.

If he can do that live, then it will be close.

Its a very good song. (At the opening to the video, I thought his fringe was trying to be Billy Mackenzie).

Let the contest commence.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26213

Incidentally, if your PC slows down, if you dare watch any of these videos, double click them to get the YouoTube version (with bigger bandwidth, so that you dont slow your computer down... unless you are listening to... oh, anyway...)

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

38 is
Switzerland.

aarrrgh female Jack Johnson.

auto-annoying. I can only think of hidden bars of Galaxy.

Oh, I turned the video off, and it is pretty fucking good.

Actually, Gwynetth Paltrow has a song out with some guy, and SHE can sing, and this is what it reminds me of.

Like the singer (not really), like the song (no, not really).

Cos, everyone has a mic and sound system at their christmas party, just in case.

Fuck off.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26003

Again, however, its actually very good, and my critical faculties are out of the window (fortunately its Eurovision).

Jeeves, NEXT:

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

39 is
Netherlands.

Now recently, they have been trying too hard, so lets see what they have in store...

oops, boy band alert. Except one of the band was at least 50.

In a totally biaised way, I fucking loved that. It started off slowly, and I didnt/dont like the lead singer, but nice vocal, and nice song.

It wont win, but would be nice to see them in the final. I am not sure they will get there.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26203

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

40 is
Turkiye

Last year was pretty damned good, so lets see: it looks like a five piece rock group (with sould patches, and beards and no taches, always a bad sign).

WOW, Turkey, goes Rainbow-lite, and its bloody good if you like that sort of thing.

And I do... just not this one. (excellent start to the video though)

Finalist, just.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25993

(Dont forget to click on the link for a better connection... if you dare to watch any of these)

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

41, the penultimate is
Ukraine

really doesnt matter. If she can sing, she has a shot, because she is off the planet, as far as looks are concerned.

(Again, mid-paced plodder, but it really doesnt matter, because if any straight men are watching this next Saturday, they will be voting Ukraine)

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26193

Yeah, that shallow.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

42 is the life the universe and everything, and strangely, its Blue, and the
United Kingdom

Now, I have heard this before, but will give it another chance for a bit, and see, if it has what it takes (dont, I have only begun):

OK, that was Blue (whom I really quite liked... a few good hits, certainly better than this (the song isnt that bad, however the video is fucking nauseous)).

If they get to the final, and if the UK have to qualify (cant remember the rules), I hope they get soundly thrashed. Not by the good songs, because that will happen, but just for the idea that they could turn up with a piece of crap, spew out a video and expect t turn Europe (or at least northern Europe, again) into their fanbase, when this is not what the competition is about anymore.

If they can turn round and say, they were doing it for fun, fair play (and not true).

If they can turn round and say they believed in the song, fair play (and not true).

If they can turn round and say they wanted their careers kick started, fair play.

But, Eurovision will suck you dry. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=25653

And that concludes the judging (until later this week) of the totally critical jury.

France to beat Sweden to beat Estonia.

[Gerontophile]

Tantrums, tiaras and televoting - Eurovision 2011

and to The Awesome: Sorry man, I was on a roll, and missed your comment.

What happened? Was every person in Ireland drug induced into voting for that pair of cunts?