I feel like an astronaut thrown into a space......

[Pietro Paolo Virdis]

into a space not yet there

Everything is so weird, everything feels strange. I wide wake at least twice and in the morning, early, like 4AM, I can not be sure whether it is reality or a view of a vivid past or a future to come. What was that line of Bono? Oh, yeah: “I’m stuck in a moment I can’t get out of”

I turned 40 the other day, I feel 20. I'm a fool. My often walks and everything in this world feels surreal, truly surreal.

[ian.64]

I feel like an astronaut thrown into a space......

I am here yet everywhere. Where is time? Come time, do not escape me! There it is, by the fridge! It's going up the stairs now, towards the linen cupboard!

Where is youth, the lined road map of mortality's raspberry ripple? I am 45, yet feel 46. Here is a gerbil of old age, running inside the exercise wheel of fate, its small legs pumping away, reminding us that time is running out. Or in an exercise wheel, fighting for space with the gerbil, who doesn't like the competition and so belts time across the chops and tells it to get its own exercise wheel.

The sky is beige, and so I must be beige while my trousers ring with the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber, its notes wafting up around my groin, while Ben Elton's libretto purrs indignantly against my scrotum. Why, I ask God, why is life such a conundrum that I have Ben Elton nestling up against my testes? God does not answer and so I must leave the lyrics of said Cockney geezer chafing at my charlies. I am a kaleidoscope. See my colours change and fall into geometric spasm.

Moist with cloud, especially over the South of England. Bring out the Catholic equpiment, Mrs. Fortescue, for there'll be an abundance of masturbation in Cleethorpes tonight.

Be of good cheer for the milkmen of eroticism will pour cream over sodden goats.

[Cavalry Trouser Tips]

I feel like an astronaut thrown into a space......

So! it was you who sent me that spam email the other day?