If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

[Hofzinser]

Ziggy Stardust,
Played in a band but became consumed with self-lust,
When it all went awry in a hedonistic blaze,
The band went their separate ways

[Andy C]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Meg Matthews
When not modelling frocks, hats and shoes
May have come across as a bit of a thickie
But was really a wonderful brickie.

[Andy C]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Johnny B. Goode
Could really spank that plank of wood
In fact, so fine was his guitar playing that it produced a sensation
Not unlike tintinnabulation.

[Alderman Barnes]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Arnold Layne
Wasn't entirely sane
His habit of collecting underthings
Ultimately landed him in the Special Wing

[evilC]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Stagger Lee
When drunk would become quite angry
But despite possessing a temper so hot
It couldn't be denied he was rather a good shot

[beak]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Stagger Lee
When drunk would become quite angry
But despite getting the ladies all hot
He'd ignore them all for a chubby boy's bot

[Andy C]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

The Urban Spaceman
In every sphere of human or, indeed, superhuman endeavour is absolutely ace, man.
Stronger than Superman, sexier than Valentino, brainier than Einstein (Albert) or Freud (Sigmund)
The only drawback is that he's an imaginary figmund.

[evilC]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Myra Hindley
Liked her children spindly
Oh-woh-oh-oh-(formica)-oh-oh-oh-woh
Oh-oh-woh-(ration books)-oh-woh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhh

[Hofzinser]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Sting
Once told a girl that he'd be watching her while she was doing everything
Actions that are consistent with the man's outrageous front
Stalking cunt

[Wyatt Earp]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Ira Hayes
After his wartime heroism, fell on hard days
And ended up dying of exposure in a ditch
Which is a bit rich.

[evilC]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Doctor Buck-ahhh
Was a meddling fucker
Now my life has gone wrong
Oh so very fucking Pete Tong

[Wyatt Earp]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Billie Joe MacAllister
Decided, in a fit of self-directed malice, ter
Jump off a bridge, getting
Killed; I find this very upsetting.

[evilC]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Major Tom
Were was he from?
Some might say North Korea
But I swear I once saw him in the Croydon Ikea

[Wyatt Earp]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Bill Bailey
Since your departure things have passed not altogether gaily
And should you return, I shall cook and clean as a matter of course
Such is my remorse.

[Mumpo]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Frankie Teardrop
Just did not know when to stop
Shot his wife and kid because things were getting a bit tough at work
The berk.

[Hofzinser]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Major Tom
Were was he from?
Some might say North Korea
But I swear I once saw him in the Croydon Ikea

I don't think I've heard that version.

[Andy C]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Val
Is a most amusing gal
And though not conforming to the standards of beauty commonly ascribed to a film star or deb
She makes every day seem like the Fourteenth of Feb.

[Andy C]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Adolf Hitler
Had an endowment in the lederhosen department that was fifty percent littler
Than that of any other male in any of the Deutsches Länder
With the notable exception of his Minister for Propaganda.

[adams house cat]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

I'm feeling symptoms of mental distress
The cause of this instability is you left me in a mess
My insanity is manifested by my perseverative behavior, I guess
And you, you shit, couldn't care less

[Alderman Barnes]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

[erwin]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

.

Oh Rhonda Rhonda Rhonda
You shoulda helped me but you were fonder
Of that guy with the bigger surfboard
And now I'm bluer than the bluest Smurf, gawd.

.

[ad hoc]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Anonymous lucky bloke
Wearing a lord's cloak?
The traffic lights turned green from amber
But he didn't notice, comatose on the camber

[evilC]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

(Btw - I knew that once Wyatt joined this thread he would totally 'boss it' and it would be game over. You can tell which one of us listens to Radio 4 and which has his worldview largely informed by Myspace and The Simpsons!)

[Wyatt Earp]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Long Tall Sally
Has been getting excessively pally
With my Uncle John
If you ask me, something's going on.

[Wyatt Earp]

If the great songwriters only wrote clerihews

Thanks, by the way--though I think it's Andy C that's been playing the blinder here.