I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

[Guest]

She's away on a trip so I'm taking advantage of it by doing all sorts of very manly things. I went into a store and saw these ciggy lighters at the counter with nothing but pictures of women and tits on display, so I bought one.

We spoke the other day and I told her I got meself one. She knows I don't smoke or shoot off firecrackers on a daily basis so I was a tad questioned why, and I lied, I told her I needed with them kind being the only one available.

I didn’t need one, and there were plenty without tits available, so I made a good bullshit about it.
It was a good bullshit story because she bought it.

It was all, and has been since, a very manly experience.

Now I think I’ll go and have a piss with the door open…. in the bathtub.... while wielding a stolen chainsaw above my head and shout Yee-Haa!

[DCI Harry Batt]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

I thought you were going to say you'd bought an actual titty lighter, to use in some hardcore sex play.

[WOM]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

98% of men who buy titty lighters are gay, ganja. True statistic.

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

WornOldMotorbike wrote:

98% of men who buy titty lighters are gay, ganja. True statistic.

I must admit that I'm a little bit gay, about 2%.

I wank, therefore I have sex with someone of the same sex... etc

[DCI Harry Batt]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

ganja, did you grow up in an incredibly sheltered environment?

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

HOLY VAMPIRE KILLING FUCKING CHRIST!

I was taking a closer on the lighter, and upon inspection there was this switch, which I switched, and guess what.... It turns on a blue light on the bottom of the lighter.

I got meself one of those CSI sperm lamps built into my titty lighter!

By fuck do I feel more cool then ever!

WOO-HOO, I got a sperm lamp!

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

TonTon wrote:

ganja, did you grow up in an incredibly sheltered environment?

Yes. I grew up Tuareg.

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Would it be a very manly thing to go have a bit of sexing with myself as to try out the sperm lamp function, or would it be a very repulsive one?
Maybe I should have a poll about it to make sure?

[DCI Harry Batt]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

And so now, having reached the age of, what, 19 or so, you are trying to work out what it means to be a man, with reference to a bunch of stereotypes gleaned from watching Hollywood films?

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

And you think that any of this is true?
You honestly think that I actually went and bought a lighter with some woman sporting nipples?

Not for a second did you think that it was simply a thread about the weird of them lighters being about, at all, and that I saw one, and found it strange who the hell would buy them?

And you seriously think that every single thread I've posted about women, it's been I viewing them as objects and all?

Good luck being someone responsible to do interview sessions for work applicants.

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

I bet you watch comedy shows and think it's all meant to be drama.

(I admit, obviously, I'm shite at comedy)

[DCI Harry Batt]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

I haven't a clue what goes on with you, ganja, not a clue.

[Guest]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

TonTon wrote:

I haven't a clue what goes on with you, ganja, not a clue.

It's a Croatian thing

I don't hold anything against you, I only hope you do not against me.

Sincerily, it is a Croatian humour thing which most likely does not get across.
Please try to remember that I am not from your shores.
That is not an excuse that I can get away with any shite, but some of it is not as terrible as it seems, OK?

[DCI Harry Batt]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

I'm sure some of it isn't as terrible as it seems. It can't be.

More seriously - everything you do on here seems to be wrapped up in some identity thing - it's men, it's women, it's Coatian, it's gay, it's...whatever.

It's not an approach to life that makes any sense to me.

[Wyatt Earp]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day...

Opened it up and read it, it said they were suckers.

[Crusoe]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Applause.

[Incandenza]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Why on Earth... wrote:

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day...

Opened it up and read it, it said they were suckers.

Here is a lighter that never gave a damn
About a brother like me and myself
Because they never did
I wasn't wit' it, but just that very minute...
It occurred to me
The titties had authority

[Wyatt Earp]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Blue Flame In The Hour Of Chaos.

[Taylor]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

At least no one here has accused ganja of blasphemy.

[Taylor]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Not stalking by the way, I was just Googling to find out what the hell a sperm lamp is. All I could find was that and this:

[Lucia Lanigan]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

!

[Edie St Pierre]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Yes - seriously!

No - YOU get a grip........you went over the top!

I make fun of religion myself but I do not gratuitously blaspheme - and if you don't understand the word 'blaspheme' go look it up - ok, 'pal'

Ha ha. The guy accusing ganga of blasphemy on that thread is quality. He looks like Ernie Wise playing Jack Palance.

"Hey mister! You pick it up!"

[WOM]

I bought myself a titty lighter the other day

Re: sperm lamps: the oil they used to use in old-tyme lamps was from sperm whales. Mariners would harpoon the whale, kill it, cut a hole in the whale's skull and lower in two men with buckets to empty the head of oil. It was an entire industry for centuries.

This I know from reading In The Heart of The Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex by Nathaniel Philbrick. You should do yourself a massive favour and read it. The actual incident the book is about is the story that inspired Moby Dick.