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    Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

    As the interview draws to its close, they always ask you "Is there anything you'd like to ask us?"

    Well of course there is:
    1. Will I be working with any hot single women?
    2. Is there a drinking culture?
    3. Does the company pay for any of said drinking?
    4. How much time will I tacitly be allowed to go on the internet?
    5. How hard am I going to have to work?
    6. Will my boss blame me when it all goes Pete Tong?

    #2
    Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

    What does the job really entail? Like, beneath all the stuff you have written to make it seem great, in the same way I have made all my old jobs seem great.

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      #3
      Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

      1. If this place is as shit-hot as you say, why'd the last guy leave?
      2. What's the company's ratio of pointless bullshit to actual work?
      3. Are timesheets meant to be accurate or more of a vague representation of how I actually spend my day?

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        #4
        Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

        WOM - surely anyone would actually ask that first question? Maybe not in those words, but you have to ask at lest.

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          #5
          Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

          1. Who's likely to bore me to tears on work socials?
          2. When I make myself a cup of tea, how many people am I expected to ask if they'd like one too?
          3. In what circumstances can I swear in the workplace? What words are totally banned?

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            #6
            Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

            46. I've had job offers from a number of different companies. Why should I come work for you?

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              #7
              Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

              1. will i have to sit opposite some fat knacker who eats and eats all day and doesn't seem able to chew with their mouth shut?

              2. how badly does this place stink in summer?

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                #8
                Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                Who gets on best in the organisation - people who are good at their jobs, or game-playing sociopaths?

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                  #9
                  Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                  Will I be looked upon as a slackass for arriving on time and leaving on time?

                  What kind of pressure is there to attend after-hours forced socializing?

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                    #10
                    Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                    Could you tell that I was high during the interview?

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                      #11
                      Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                      I take it nobody minds me regarding Mondays & Fridays as optional.

                      Texting during meetings is ok?

                      Is it ok if my mate Charles comes along on nights out?

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                        #12
                        Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                        1. What's your favourite chemical element?
                        2. What's the smallest thing you've ever eaten?
                        3. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? If so, why?
                        4. Any more fares?

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                          #13
                          Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                          1. What's your favourite chemical element?
                          Number 112, of course.

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                            #14
                            Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                            Kid A wrote:
                            As the interview draws to its close, they always ask you "Is there anything you'd like to ask us?"
                            "Ummm... had you noticed that I'd shat myself? I don't normally do that, but y'see... well, I stayed at my sister's place, last night, and..."

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                              #15
                              Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                              Whatever happened to the good Lieutenant?

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                                #16
                                Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                Why won't you give me a job you cunts.

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                                  #17
                                  Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                  In case anyone hasn't seen Lt Dub's story from the old board, it's here.

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                                    #18
                                    Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                    I quite liked The Liquidator's flippant response to this very question:

                                    'Why do I have to ask a stupid expletiveing question?'

                                    'You giving me the job or not?'

                                    'Why are you such a cunt?'

                                    I really don't know why but I can't read the last one and not giggle.

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                                      #19
                                      Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                      Will there be hour upon relentless hour of fucking awful landfill indie dirges played in the office at intrusive volume, whether I agree to having them played or not? And if so, will I have the right to redress the balance occasionally by playing an album by someone marginally more enjoyable such as The Animal Collective without having everyone stare at me like I've stood up and shat my pants in the middle of the room?

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                                        #20
                                        Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                        Did my snoring put you off?

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                                          #21
                                          Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                          Having conducted a fair few interviews over the last 5 years, I can tell you that some candidates have even used variations on these. The best questions:

                                          1. What does (initials of our company) stand for?
                                          2. Who will I be working with? Are there any women and what ages are they?
                                          3. Can I work from home? (the job advertised was shift work to man a helpline)

                                          And the best answers:

                                          1. In answer to the question "what would you bring to the job" -

                                          "I'll turn up every day"

                                          2. In answer to the question "what do you like about the job"

                                          "the money is good"

                                          Oh and 3/5 of the above came from one candidate who arrived tie-less, swung back on his chair and brought in a rolled up copy of the Sun newspaper.

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                                            #22
                                            Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                            How long will it take me to replace you?

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                                              #23
                                              Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                              Do you already have somebody you want to give the job to, so this selection procedure is just to tick the HR boxes and I'm wasting my time?

                                              Are you actually going to bother ringing me up afterwards to say I haven't got it, or will I have to chase you up for "confirmation"?

                                              Comment


                                                #24
                                                Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                                2. In answer to the question "what do you like about the job"

                                                "the money is good"
                                                That guy deserves the job for giving you probably the most honest answer you got in the whole interview process.

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                                                  #25
                                                  Questions you would like to ask at job interviews

                                                  Are these my feet?

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