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    Oh jesus, this is fantastic

    Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault

    A man posing as Darth Vader attacked a Star Wars fan, who had founded a Jedi Church, a court has heard.

    Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, from Holyhead, Anglesey, admitted assaulting Barney Jones and cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They suffered minor injuries.

    Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black bin bag, shouted "Darth Vader!"

    Earlier, when Hughes failed to arrive on time, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: "I hope the force will soon be with him."

    In the event, Hughes turned up and the case at Holyhead magistrates court resumed.

    The court heard he had jumped over a garden wall wearing the bin bag before the attack.

    Outlining the case againt Hughes, prosectutor Nia Lloyd said Barney Jones had recently started the Jedi church in Holyhead - in honour of the Star Wars' good knights.

    It had about 30 members locally and "thousands worldwide".

    The cousins had been filming themselves playing with light sabres in the garden before the attack.

    Hughes admitted two charges of common assault.

    The court heard he has a "chronic alcohol problem" and had drunk the best part of a 10 litre box of wine.

    Mrs Lloyd said: "He was wearing a black bin bag and a cape and had a metal crutch in his hand."

    Mrs Lloyd said he was shouting "Darth Vader".

    She added that Hughes hit Barney Jones over the head with the crutch, leaving him with a headache.

    He then laughed and hit Michael Jones in the thigh, causing bruising.

    Both men were left upset by the incident and they believed it was pre-planned.

    She added that the pair believe "very strongly in the church and their religion".

    Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told.

    Defending, Frances Jones said alcohol was "ruining his life" and he had no idea where he got the crutch from.

    The court head Hughes had previous convictions, including affray, assault and disorderly behaviour.

    The judge warned Hughes that jail remained a possibility before adjourning for pre-sentence reports until 13 May.
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/north_west/7360871.stm

    #2
    Oh jesus, this is fantastic

    The court heard he has a "chronic alcohol problem" and had drunk the best part of a 10 litre box of wine.
    Jesus. The force *must* be strong with this one if he was still able to stand up, let alone assault anyone.

    Comment


      #3
      Oh jesus, this is fantastic

      Gramcsi beat me to it.

      Are 10 litre boxes of "wine" readily available in the UK?

      Comment


        #4
        Oh jesus, this is fantastic

        Fairly, yeah.

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          #5
          Oh jesus, this is fantastic

          Something about the term 'box of wine' makes me cringe.

          Comment


            #6
            Oh jesus, this is fantastic

            Just think of the involuntary reaction you would have if you had to drink it . . .

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              #7
              Oh jesus, this is fantastic

              I once bought a two litre plastic bottle of red wine. My God, the hangover.

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                #8
                Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                I'm not sure under what circumstances I would have to drink it. Maybe if I had a gun pointed at my head.

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                  #9
                  Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                  Plastic? PLASTIC?? That's probably worse than a box. Or maybe not. I don't know. This is giving me a headache.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                    Earlier, when Hughes failed to arrive on time, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: "I hope the force will soon be with him."


                    hahahaha

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                      An OTFer bought me a plastic bottle of wine for my birthday. This Darth Vader guy is my new hero. There must be video of this incident on YouTube.

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                        #12
                        Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                        Did you ever drink it?

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                          #13
                          Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                          Some of it. It was pretty rank.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                            Did it lead to any amusing Star Wars-inspired public order offences?

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                              Box wine is scary stuff. It's actually not as awful tasting as it sounds, as much of it tastes of fruit punch (Hi-C style). You can drink a lot of it really, really fast if you want to. It's more sugar than alcohol, and probably has a lower actualy alcohol content than the California Cabs that are hitting 15-16% these days.

                              In fact, the most common box wine in the US, Franzia, is made by the same folks that brought the world 2 buck chuck.

                              10 liters, though? We're only lucky enough to get 3 and 5 liter boxes. At a party I attended in college (before I learned that wine can be, you know, good) there was a whole table of boxes of wine. They went really fast. They also were re-visited by many party goers really fast.

                              Comment


                                #16
                                Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                The cousins had been filming themselves playing with light sabres in the garden before the attack.

                                She added that the pair believe "very strongly in the church and their religion".


                                Two reasons why the accused must be let off with a free pardon, given £200's worth of Oddbins vouchers and a chance to have another go.

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                  Although I do say that with tongue firmly in cheek seeing as the bloke's had previous.

                                  Comment


                                    #18
                                    Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                    Given that 5l boxes are readily available in the US, 10l doesn't seem that outrageous.

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                                      #19
                                      Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                      This is magnificent. It's like a Jedi version of The Amazing Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar.

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                        I don't condone violence among sporting rival fans but I understand the rivalry. This, though, over fictional characters from a one-off story from 30yrs. ago ?
                                        Send this guy down if only to give him more in his life.

                                        Comment


                                          #21
                                          Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                          If he was that drunk, I'm surprised he didn;t yell "I am Dewet Barry!"

                                          Comment


                                            #22
                                            Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                            Affray is quite a serious offence. I think it is rioting with a group of less than 10 people.

                                            A mate of mine got 2 years for that back in the day on his first offence.

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                                              #23
                                              Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                              "It had about 30 members locally and "thousands worldwide".
                                              The real "dark side" here is that there are many people who are stupid enough to start a comically bogus religion. The silver lining is that they could have joined a less benign cult, but still...

                                              Comment


                                                #24
                                                Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                                In the 2001 NPS census, 20,000 people reported their religion as Jedi.

                                                This was, I beleive, a mass prank as opposed to a coding error. though we've had those, too. The 1971 census suggested that there were nearly 1000 Yiddish-speaking Eskimos (as they were then called).

                                                Comment


                                                  #25
                                                  Oh jesus, this is fantastic

                                                  In the last census, I legitimately put my profession down as 'Male Stripper'. I'm going to have to come out of retirement in 3 years time...

                                                  Comment

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