Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

[evilC]

...are BOTH on the cover of the Telegraph, this morning!

They're going to be up there all day on the newspaper rack, drooling and leering down at me, with their jowls and their mean little eyes. It's horrible!

God, I hope this doesn't put me off my lunch! I feel quite queasy already.

[Bored Of Education]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Kirsty Allsop, you say? I happened across last week's "Location, Location, Location" and she looked super-hot

Boris Johnson, not so much.

[blameless]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Christ, what a pairing. One who thinks the world outside the home counties exists only for burned-out yuppies to retire to, and one who doesn't even realise there is a world outside the home counties.

[Stumpy Pepys]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Oh yeah, I'd definitely do Kirsty Allsop. And Sarah Beeny in a property-threesome.

[Toby Gymshorts]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Stumpy Pepys wrote:

Oh yeah, I'd definitely do Kirsty Allsop. And Sarah Beeny in a property-threesome.

This. With Nigella for dessert.

[Wyatt Earp]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Is it that you don't find these people intensely irritating, or that you do but you don't care?

[Toby Gymshorts]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Oh, they annoy the piss out of me. I still would though, all of them. More than once.

[Bill Poster]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

To quote Frank Skinner, "I would, but only as an act of Class Warfare".

[The Awesome Berbaslug!!!]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

There is also the possibility that them being annoying may be the point. Think of Jason voorhees' inexplicable lust for that mad bitch ( you know the blonde psychopath on fox news who is completely insane)

[evilC]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Toby Gymshorts wrote:

Stumpy Pepys wrote:

Oh yeah, I'd definitely do Kirsty Allsop. And Sarah Beeny in a property-threesome.

This. With Nigella for dessert.

You lot are only doing this in an effort to make me throw up before lunch, aren't you?

This country...!

[Evariste Euler Gauss]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

I think I can hazard a wild guess at which features of those three ladies some on this thread find so enticing.

[Tubby Isaacs]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Politics has no place in the bedroom. Imagine politically correct sex?

Actually, I shouldn't have written that in case someone from a BBC3 sketch show is reading.

[Wyatt Earp]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Bill Poster wrote:

To quote Frank Skinner, "I would, but only as an act of Class Warfare".

Yeah, I hate that line.

[Wyatt Earp]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Tubby Isaacs wrote:

Politics has no place in the bedroom.

Hang on; far be it from me to derail this thread with Serious Stuff, but are you really dismissing every aspect of everything associated with the phrase "sexual politics"? Or are you just saying I shouldn't mind the idea of sex with a Tory?

I think you're wrong either way, like, but if you mean the former, you're even wronger.

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

I'd definitely do Kirsty Allsop. And Sarah Beeny in a property-threesome.

I think they call that "link detached".

[Toby Gymshorts]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Lord Mauleverer wrote:

I think I can hazard a wild guess at which features of those three ladies some on this thread find so enticing.

It's either the money, or the huge......tracts of land.

[Rogin the Armchair fan]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

The normal pub conversation on Kirsty goes along the lines of "you wouldn't want to listen to that voice for too long" - "oh don't worry, I could think of a way to shut her up".

She's every builder's fantasy bit of class.

[Wyatt Earp]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

She's an actual toff; titled and everything, according to the Internet. (Unlike Nigella Lawson, who between you and me, I think may even be a bit J*w*sh...)

See, I find NL really irritating, but she can cook food, after a fashion, and she can certainly eat food; she appreciates a good dish. So I can see the point of her.

Your Allsopps and Beenies, on the other hand, are part of the project of normalising the attitudes and vocabulary of Capital, and making faux entrepreneurs of us all. They deserve nothing but our contempt, and our refusal to cooperate.

Though her indoors always rolls her eyes when I say that kind of thing.

[Ray de Galles]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

One of the few parts of Stewart Lee's show that connected last night was about (and I paraphrase) "property shows presented by shrill women that somehow, despite yourself, you find attractive".

I thought of Allsopp immeadiately, I've always found her extremely hot.

[Lucia Lanigan]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

I find them all tremendously slimy, myself.

And I've always been a bit baffled by the "wanting to fuck a public figure you dislike" thing seen here.

Is it some kind of sub-dom, power-based thing, like people who apparently fantasised about Margaret Thatcher in the 80s?

Is wanting to be stuck in a chain with a couple of property magnates some strange conflation of sexual attraction and easy wealth, and perhaps "home-making" to boot? (The last point applying to the seemingly perpetually pregnant Beenie in particular.)

Or is it just that if you stick a buxom woman on prime-time telly men of a certain age gurgle internally like Beavis and Butthead?

I don't know.

[Wyatt Earp]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Lucia Lanigan wrote:

And I've always been a bit baffled by the "wanting to fuck a public figure you dislike" thing seen here.

Yeah. Can someone explain that?

[Toby Gymshorts]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

I can't. Whilst I said that the women mentioned irritate me, being irritated by something is not the same as disliking it.

[Wyatt Earp]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Well, no-one's said those women dislike you.

[evilC]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

Why on Earth... wrote:

Lucia Lanigan wrote:

And I've always been a bit baffled by the "wanting to fuck a public figure you dislike" thing seen here.

Yeah. Can someone explain that?

It's a rape thing, innit? The implication being that it would be, to some extent or other, non-consensual.

[Lucia Lanigan]

Kirsty Allsop and Boris Johnson...

I hope not, and I very much doubt it.