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**My Name Is Ian** · 28-03-2009, 13:10

Are you safe from zombies?

Terrible. We live in a basement flat and the zombie protection is poor - no guns and no bars across the windows. It was an issue of mine when we moved last October, but I was over-ruled. On the upside, our garden has no access points and very high walls covered with ivy on two sides, so we'd only have to deal with them coming in through the front door.

**Guest** · 28-03-2009, 13:16

Are you safe from zombies?

You'd be gone in the first five minutes.

I have often found that women don't worry about safety from zombie attack when buying houses.

Come the day it'll be source of great satisfaction to be able say I told you so to my ex. I may even leave her to her fate after i've rescued the kids.

**My Name Is Ian** · 28-03-2009, 13:22

Are you safe from zombies?

We live near the centre of town too, which wouldn't help. How are zombies on walking uphill? They didn't have any difficulty going downhill in the "Living Dead" series, but I wonder if they might struggle with the incline of Dyke Road.

**hissing fauna** · 28-03-2009, 13:56

Are you safe from zombies?

Everyone struggles with Dyke Road

**Bruno** · 28-03-2009, 14:07

Are you safe from zombies?

Allez Fritz wrote:

Personally I think I'll be OK because i live on a canal boat and zombies aren't too good with water.

Water zombies.

**Guest** · 28-03-2009, 14:29

Are you safe from zombies?

Now I'm nervous.

Will check with the british waterways board on instances of wqater zombies in the grand union canal.

if they have had even one I will have to re-think my whole lifestyle.

**My Name Is Ian** · 28-03-2009, 14:33

Are you safe from zombies?

The good news is that I will be okay in the event of an all-out nuclear war. According to a 1980 map of likely Soviet targets in the UK, Brighton is about as far away from any as it's possible to be (Gatwick Airport). Also, someone got me a copy of "Protect & Survive" for my 20th birthday, and I've still got that.

Obviously, radioactive fallout could be an issue, but I'd have to take my chances on all the bombs falling Britain being air-burst (there is, comparatively, very little fallout if nuclear bombs are primed to burst in the air rather than on the ground) or, failing that, keeping my fingers crossed that the wind is blowing in the right direction.

**Central Rain** · 28-03-2009, 15:00

Are you safe from zombies?

But won't all the radioactive mutants from London be heading to Brighton the first chance they get?

**hobbes** · 28-03-2009, 18:25

Are you safe from zombies?

They moved down there ages ago.

**Lucia Lanigan** · 28-03-2009, 18:54

Are you safe from zombies?

I've just got that look. They either won't fuck with me, or they'll think I'm one of them. I'm safe from Draculas for similar reasons.

**Wolf2** · 28-03-2009, 21:14

Are you safe from zombies?

The majority of our neighbours are fairly elderly, as zombies they probably won't be much threat. Is a bite from zombies with dentures still dangerous?

**JtS** · 28-03-2009, 23:01

Are you safe from zombies?

We're in a maisonette on the upper floor. To get to us from the road they have to either go through one of the other blocks or get past the anticlimb painted gates unless they have a key fob.

Once into "the compound" they'd have to gey past a pretty sturdy security door (with a different key fob) then they'd have to get through our front door or double glazed kitchen window.

There are plenty of distractions before they get to us.

There is also plenty of cover (I'd have to get across two roads) to get to Tescos, and being close to the Heath we'd be able to get to the rescue helicoptors pretty quickly. I have a kitesurf kite to use as a signal.

**caja-dglh** · 29-03-2009, 00:13

Are you safe from zombies?

Aye, Zombies hate climb paint. Can't be letting their zombie mothers know they have been up to no good.

I would be screwed. But then, half my neighbours are zombies so I already know that.

**EIM** · 29-03-2009, 03:15

Are you safe from zombies?

ISs this the most webgeek thread OTF have had since that Star Trek abomination?

Anyway, I'd be ok unless they knew the combinations for the three security doors they'd have to get through before they could get at me.

**Wolf2** · 29-03-2009, 10:27

Are you safe from zombies?

What if there was a city-wide powercut, huh? Either the doors go into lockdown and you have trouble escaping, or the horde have their way with you, while you scream for the better-prepared 'webgeeks' to save you.

While we whisper...."no."

**WOM** · 29-03-2009, 11:28

Are you safe from zombies?

My level of understanding of zombies isn't really adequate to assess my situation. But I'd hazard, perhaps ignorantly, that being out in the 'burbs - where people have to drive to get to the corner store for a quart of milk -the zombies couldn't be arsed with all the necessary walking to get us. They seem to like a more dense urban area, where their shuffling, plodding progress isn't as much of a liability.

Mind you, if they make good progress downtown, or somehow acquire a car, we're fucked. We've got a corner house, so we're exposed on two large flanks. The fences are old, so they'd fall quickly, and I've been paring back the main hedge because it's scratching the Mrs' passenger-side door when she pulls in.

Perhaps I should think about getting one of those metal ADT Security signs that lets people know I've shelled out for a sign implying I have an ADT Security system.

Cheers for bringing this worry to the forefront of my consciousness.

**Heliotrope** · 29-03-2009, 22:27

Are you safe from zombies?

Stock up on salt--it's the antidote.

**EIM** · 29-03-2009, 23:24

Are you safe from zombies?

Wolf2 wrote:

What if there was a city-wide powercut, huh? Either the doors go into lockdown and you have trouble escaping, or the horde have their way with you, while you scream for the better-prepared 'webgeeks' to save you.

While we whisper...."no."

They aren't electronic. They're those little push button ones. Power cut or otherwise, I'm fine. And if they get through them, I'll retract the ladder to the loft room, shut the hatch, and Anne Frank it out in relative luxury.

**jason voorhees** · 30-03-2009, 02:45

Are you safe from zombies?

Maxim or some ladgazine had 10 plausible ways that zombies could happen. Apparently nanotechnology was the #1 culprit.

I avoid the crackheads pretty well, so I guess I'd be okay for a few days. However, if I have to cross the bridge to the West Bank, the cops of Gretna may shoot at me like they did the people escaping the floods of Katrina.

**jason voorhees** · 30-03-2009, 02:51

Are you safe from zombies?

It was actually Crack'd Magazines "5 Plausible Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Happen."

**ian.64** · 30-03-2009, 07:54

Are you safe from zombies?

Aren't we all getting ahead of ourselves a bit? First, we're assuming that zombies will want to hunt the living the first chance they get. This may turn out to be fallacy, as zombies are generally known to remember what they were up to when they were alive, so the first item on the agenda may be to re-enact their previous lives.

Put it like this, if your home was attacked by a bunch of zombies who used to be carpenters, decoraters and joiners, you could get your house renovated free of charge. Yes, they may look at you in a funny way while painting the living room and the thought of eating your brains may flicker across the corrupted ether of their minds, but you'll get a house makeover free of charge, so you make the most of your cadaverous help while the situation avails itself.

Secondly, the problem of obesity will be solved almost in a matter of months. Well, you have your zombie members of society, whose ever fragmenting, decomposing physiques is an answer in itself, but, moreover, the overweight, bearing in mind that they'll be spending most of their time being chased by hordes of the ambulent dead, will have the benefit of running for their lives and thus losing body weight in the act of escaping. They'll have the terror of being pursued, admittedly, but they'll be pleasantly surprised at the loss of girth and healthy physique that results in having several murderous zombies chasing them.

Thirdly, our chances of survival in the Zombie Apocalypse may be improved if the walking dead were from the George A. Romero era, where the lurching, flesh-eating beasts are slow, lumbering buggers who could be outrun by a host of old ladies on Zimmer frames. You could nip down to the shop, get the papers and be back for tea before any of the marauding dead knew you popped out. Take the dog out for a walk and give the finger to a bunch of zombie planks who'd probably need tips on how to even walk in a straight line, the dopey fuckers. You could confuse them even further by sticking a shop-window dummy in a park and letting them attack that while you popped off to the Asda for a bit of shopping.

Clouds, silver linings and all that. Cheer up. There's plenty to be optimistic about when the dead hit town.

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Are you safe from zombies?

Are you safe from zombies?

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