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    #26
    Roasting

    "Well, I've seen Ganja's work on here a lot, and I gotta say, he's some kinda guy. He does a lot for charity. Have you seen her? I won't mention the leash, collar and chocolate sauce...but hey..

    (loud laughs, thigh slapping)

    ..he's well-educated, y'know? He reads a lot. He likes that speed-reading. He speed reads. Gets into a car, revs up to 100mph and goes down the freeway leafing through 'Great Expectations'..

    (guffaws, shouts of 'get that guy!')

    ...he ain't finished the book, though. He's got one chapter left. And one arm, and one leg...but, hey, he pays for the drinks. What a guy. I recall that night in Louie's. We'd all had our rounds and it was Ganja's turn. He says 'who wants a round?' and we all put our hands up. He gets a gun and shoots us...

    (Loud shrieks of pant-wetting laughter)

    ...no, no. He turns to one guy and says 'okay, so..?' and the guy goes 'Harvey Wallbanger'. He says 'I don't wanna know your name, what the hell drink you want, putz?'...but he's generous to his pals, I kid you not. There's nothing he wouldn't do. I got shot last year and he helped me get first aid.

    (pause)

    Mind you, he was the sonofabitch who shot me.

    (explosion of gin-soaked laughter)

    But no, no, wait. Wait. He's a very fastidious and careful, clean-living guy. When he burgled my home last month, he didn't leave a mark...and is this guy well dressed? He came to a party a few weeks ago and had this great suit on. I go, Ganja, where'd you get those threads? He says, it's my friend's suit and I had a difficult time gettin' it. I say, your friend object? An' he replies, nah, rigor mortis had set in!

    (convulsions of laughter)

    He couldn't get outta that funeral home fast enough! Hey, he's also an athlete. That's right. You ask him to lend you fifty dollars, he covers a mile in fifteen seconds!

    (thumps of bodies as guests die of excess hilarity)

    But, y'know, Ganja's one hell of a great guy, and we're here to celebrate just how good and loyal and funny and warm a guy this guy is. He's a swell guy. I've known him for years, since his start in life as junior waiter at Barzini's, to his career as a television performer, namely, his job as a host on 'Shut Up!', the world's first game show for claustrophobics - you remember that, don't ya? Where contestants get to win $50,000 if they stay locked in a cupboard for ten minutes? And that's where Ganja formed a great relationship with that masterful entertainer, Tony Bennett, who sang some beautiful songs on those episodes to hide the sounds of screams and scratching.

    And, y'know, guys, Ganja really does his bit to help the disadvantaged. He steals the wheelchairs of paraplegics to encourage them to walk. Many's the time he and I would enjoy watching those courageous guys as they crawled along the freeway moaning 'help me someone!' Some would call it 'cruelty'. We called it 'compassion'. And it worked, truly. Those who weren't run over and killed went on to live full and happy lives.

    Yeah, some of them really became erect.

    And he's become a writer, too. He went on a book signing last week. They stopped him before he got to the cook books. Caused thousands of dollars of damage. But that's our Ganja, hey, you'll never know what he'll get up to next, right guys?

    So let's drink a toast to Ganja. Man, humanitarian, ex-waiter, showman and now head of one of this country's biggest crime families. Raise a glass, my friends...

    Salut!"

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      #27
      Roasting

      Reed of the Valley People wrote:
      Maybe I'm too much a prude, but I can't work out how the version of "roasting" that WE mentions would work.
      Two gentlemen, one lady.

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        #28
        Roasting

        Reed: if you've seen "Chasing Amy," it's how Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams) got the nickname "fingercuffs."

        Comment


          #29
          Roasting

          Oh ok. I was infering it was only two people.

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