I need a metaphor

[Anton Gramscescu]

I'm in the midst of writing a report. The gist of the report is that a crisis is approaching, it is possible to avert the worst effects of the crisis, but certain people need to take certain courses of action in reasonably short order if the crisis is to ba averted.

I need a title for the report. A metaphor that conveys the above, preferably. "Two minutes to midnight" is inappropriately grave. "Fourth and long" is too sports-y. But that's the kind of message I need to convey.

Can the OTF legions of writers, journos and sub-editors help?

[EIM]

I need a metaphor

You need to drink your flirtini before the barman yells time.

[Guest]

I need a metaphor

An Inconvenient Truth

[Guest]

I need a metaphor

Do The Right Thing

[EIM]

I need a metaphor

I think what we're all trying to say is, no, we can't help.

[WOM]

I need a metaphor

Midstream: but still time to change horses.

[EIM]

I need a metaphor

If that's too equine, run with 'midstream: but still time to change urinal'.

[WOM]

I need a metaphor

Stop Digging.

[WOM]

I need a metaphor

Actually, the title means nothing. That's that attention getter. The subtitle does all the heavy lifting.

Like, "Tits: how Ontario's shortage of medical school spots..."

Or, "Fucknuts: why chronic underfunding of the healthcare system will..."

You get the idea.

[nefertiti]

I need a metaphor

The fat lady's tuning up.

[West End Zuma]

I need a metaphor

Is the crisis medical related?

The patient's breathing but he's on life support

[WOM]

I need a metaphor

Is it stripper related?

Let's Have A Big Hand: Canada's Adult Entertainment in Crisis

[WOM]

I need a metaphor

Is it metaphor-related?

"Third and ten, two outs, and the goalie's been pulled: How poorly-crafted sports metaphors are ruining our children's...."

[ad hoc]

I need a metaphor

I think in these situations one should always resort to Shakespeare. Something like "Make sure Romeo knows about the potion trick" or more simply "Burnham Wood is on the march"

If your target audience is a little more populist, you could go with Hollywood blockbusters - "It's time to send Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith off to upload the virus" or similar.

[evilC]

I need a metaphor

"Oh my god! We're all going to DIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

That should get their attention, at least.

[ian.64]

I need a metaphor

Yes, I was a bit unnerved by the gist of the report. Hmm, a snappy title for an oncoming apocalyptic event which we may or may not be prepared for. Lemme think....

[hobbes]

I need a metaphor

"Duck"

[ian.64]

I need a metaphor

"The Day Of The Clean Underwear"

[ian.64]

I need a metaphor

"The Day Ex-Lax Went Out Of Business"

[ad hoc]

I need a metaphor

. "Two minutes to midnight" is inappropriately grave.

Three minutes to midnight?

[ian.64]

I need a metaphor

"Running Away: 10 Reasons Why You'll Need To"

[ian.64]

I need a metaphor

"Why Mad Max Was A Documentary All Along"

[Stumpy Pepys]

I need a metaphor

PULL YOUR FINGER OUT OR WE'RE ALL FUCKED!

[dances with sheep]

I need a metaphor

Nearing the vinegar strokes without a condom.

[hobbes]

I need a metaphor

Doing it My Way