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    Googling hits

    For those who run a website or blog, looking at search terms that brought traffic to the site is an occasionally amusing past-time.

    Waiting for a phonecall with nothing to do, I checked the search words that brought people to my blog. Nothing very funny, I'm afraid, though I don't think this intrepid web surfer got what he wanted at my blog:

    "black dudes pissing"

    The page he arrived at was about Lionel Richie. Which must have put the poor guy off his all night long wank fantasy (I'll presume it was a guy; could've been a gal). Lionel was on page 2 of black dudes pissing, by the way.

    This one I found vaguely sad:

    "do you know any songs of a boy who has a girlfriend but you love him?"

    It would be sadder even if the googler was the same guy who was hoping to find pissing black dudes. Anyway, the person arrived at my post of songs about unrequited love, also on page 2.

    "a child with only half a heart working"

    Ah yes, halfhearteddude etc. But how does the rest fit? Top of page 1; a post featuring the Style Council's Speak Like A Child.

    This one, however, really puzzled me:

    "bay the riwer of babilon boney m giutar tab"

    How did Google work ou what that person wanted?

    And I hope the person who was looking for the guitar tabs of the theme of Skippy the Bush Kangaroo finally found what they were looking for.

    #2
    Googling hits

    Just when are we going to ask The Guardian for royalties?

    Comment


      #3
      Googling hits

      Pan Tau wrote:
      This one, however, really puzzled me:

      "bay the riwer of babilon boney m giutar tab"

      How did Google work ou what that person wanted?
      Maybe there's a parallel search engine called...

      Comment


        #4
        Googling hits

        I think I mentioned on here before that I nearly changed my OTF name to "How Bent Is Ken Bates?", based on a search engine result that found its way to me. Mostly, though, it's less impressive stuff than that, though I do get a reasonable amount of traffic from "Helen Chamberlain's arse" (after I made a passing mention of the fact that a Torquay United club badge tattoo resides thereon), and I am inclined to wonder what the individual that, just this afternoon, got there by googling "footballers bulging" was expecting to find. Actually, I could hazard a guess at what they were hoping to find.

        Comment


          #5
          Googling hits

          I too suffer from terrible sitemeteritis.

          Mostly my google derived hits are from people searching for, er, me... others tend to be from "Curva Sud" or "CUCS" or "Gabriele Sandri" or most recently "Matteo Bagnaresi". Today & yesterday lots of incomprehensible hits from people searching for "What happened in Piedmont" which I can't explain.

          Yesterday though someone in California stumbled upon my page while searching for "rate my cunt". I imagine they must have been both surprised and perhaps disappointed.

          Comment


            #6
            Googling hits

            There's at least one Totti joke in there; probably two.

            Comment


              #7
              Googling hits

              I'm getting pissed off with this Guardian poaching. They've been at it for a couple of years now - the football forum is the usual victim, but they stray into World and Music sometimes, as well. Getting paid for it, too. Fucking lazy cunts.

              Give us jobs or fuck off.

              Comment


                #8
                Googling hits

                Mostly my google derived hits are from people searching for, er, me...
                Yeah, every week there are loads of variations on my blog's name or address, of which few are new traffic. Are bookmarks banned in some countries? And why would one try to find my blog with its URL as a search term? Are they trying to locate a secret passage?

                Comment


                  #9
                  Googling hits

                  My girlfriend has a strange habit of typing URLs into Google rather than into the address bar. Then generally clicking on the first match. Maybe there's more of them about.

                  Getting a hit from "bay the riwer of babilon boney m giutar tab" is probably Google's built-in spell checker.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Googling hits

                    Stumpy Pepys wrote:
                    My girlfriend has a strange habit of typing URLs into Google rather than into the address bar. Then generally clicking on the first match. Maybe there's more of them about.
                    My Girlfriend does exactly the same. It annoys me unduly.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Googling hits

                      Thank your girlfriends for visiting my blog though.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Googling hits

                        Some people don't like to leave a url in the address bar dropdown menu so will google the site to prevent that.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Googling hits

                          So the girlfriends are actually being devious, not dim, then?

                          I, errr... don't know which bit to feign surprise about.

                          (winkysmileything, of course)

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Googling hits

                            No, because my girlfriend also double-clicks on hyperlinks, no matter how many times I tell her she doesn't need to.

                            Setting Firefox's 'clear private data' (aka 'clear all smut') to automatic is the best way to clean out the pipes.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Googling hits

                              Unfogged's recent searches:
                              when did rape become funny?
                              kim tran
                              malcolm gladwell "jewish girls"
                              nazi haircut
                              middle age cunnilingus
                              "law firm" and "caste system"
                              i will not suck dick in class
                              obama is the antichrist
                              boys wore unionsuits
                              pictures of boys with erections in public
                              love is patient, etc.
                              "woman fucking man"
                              pugs goblins
                              how do you take meth
                              free chinese cumshot gallery
                              st. grottlesex
                              i want ot get someone deported
                              jason segel's cock
                              searchlores fravia
                              wemon in barnyard sex
                              who is the antichrist
                              vary bad girls gone wild
                              prison rape white ass
                              peter plaut
                              "shaved japanese"
                              tina fey and representation
                              short poems of labor for christ
                              "and the tree was happy"
                              "girthiest"
                              did bill clinton ejaculated inside monic ?
                              he didnt orgasm during sex does this mean i am bad

                              Comment


                                #16
                                Googling hits

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  Googling hits

                                  Setting Firefox's 'clear private data' (aka 'clear all smut') to automatic is the best way to clean out the pipes.
                                  I would have thought the smut was the best way to clean out one's pipes.

                                  st. grottlesex
                                  What was he patron saint of?

                                  Comment


                                    #18
                                    Googling hits

                                    Don't ask, eggchaser. We'll just end up having a long thread about the Catholic Church.

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      Googling hits

                                      Re: the Google dropdown. Does anyone know how I can get access to everything contained in mine (on Firefox)?

                                      I occasionally get my mind-boggled by some of the things that pop up there, and it'd be pretty cool to see a list of everything I'd ever searched for.

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        Googling hits

                                        The "bay the riwer of babilon boney m giutar tab" person has been back to visit my blog. I imagine my creatively spelling friend has taken to bookmark me by re-using the same search string. I think a lot of people do that, because several distinct search strings tend to recur. What's wrong with bookmarking a site.

                                        And what exactly was "black singer with huge afro 70's" looking for. I mean, obviously a black 70s singer with a huge afro, but the number of possibilities are almost endless. If the person was just looking for a generic pic of an afroed, black 70s singer, Image Google is their friend.

                                        "classic porn videos from the 80s and 90s rapidshare site:blogspot.com" -- how the fuck did that happen? Well, fourth hit on Google. The line "I don't begrudge Tina [Turner] her success after leaving the awful Ike, but I regret that the sexless MOR rubbish she churned out in the '80s and '90s will define..." must have persuaded semi-vintage porn fan that he might have hit a goldmine to satisfy his perverted desires (perverted because everybody knows '70s porn is where it's at in the retro stakes)

                                        "dude so half half or you first?" Is that a lyric? Anyway, first three hits on Google were to me.

                                        "jermaine jackson killed in west philly of 2007" Eh, WTF? And I've looked at 8 pages of Google, without my blog coming up. Here must have been somebody who entered into a bet based on information obtained in a bad dream, and now desperately needed proof that Jermaine Jackson had indeed been offed in Philadelphia last year.

                                        This one I find flattering: "perfect backgroundmusic for intercourse", because that happy Googler stuck around my blog for a long while, presumably finding a lot of music conducive to sex (or found my incisive wit and elegant prose so captivating, he or she just abandoned the idea of having a shag).

                                        However, the person looking for "perfect pop songs" didn't hang around at all, which dents my confidence a little.

                                        Comment

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