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**EIM** · 14-04-2008, 01:52

Berlin

EIM's phonetic guide to German:

I am very well travelled. I went to Germany to watch Manchester United lose to Bayern Munich. I got by on the following German, and you can too! Just use my three easy to remember steps to become nearly fluent in a matter of minutes.

READ - REPEAT - REMEMBER

It's as easy as that.

1. Miner schlanger ist dick! - My snake is fat.

2. Zite dee Bayern dee laider hosen ouse. - Bavarians, remove your leather pants.

3. Ein curry vurst mit zenf. - a curried sausage with mustard.

4. An der ample. - At the traffic lights.

5. Um dee ecker - Round the corner

6. FUCK OFF ELBER YOU CUNT. YOU HEAR ME? FUCK OFF I SAID. YOU WEREN'T LAUGHING IN '99 WERE YOU? YOU CUNT. - Fuck off Elber you cunt. You hear me? Fuck off I said. You weren't laughing in '99 were you? You cunt.

That should just about get you through, but should you be ready for EIM's phonetic guide to German 2.0, I shall post it up for you. But to be honest, yopu shouldn't need it.

**San Bernardhinault** · 14-04-2008, 08:33

Berlin

I spent a very quick weekend there a couple of weeks ago. You'll have no problems at all speaking very little German.

We didn't do a great deal touristy. Just milled about, really. It's a nice city to be in. Very spacious, very fast to get around. There's lots of fairly cool modern architecture, and a fair amount of rather triumphal looking classical-styled stuff, as if the Prussians had a tendency to want to emulate Rome when they were building. And there's also a fair amount of hideous Soviet monstrosities. It's an interesting mix.

The views from up in the parliament building are great, and it's free to get up there - which means queues are long.

The food is generally good, if you like eating German food. It's not for vegetarians.

The museums we didn't make it to, but any normal person must, are the Altes Museum for the Nefertiti stuff, and the Pergamon Museum for things like the Ishtar Gate.

I'm pretty sure there's a ton of art worth seeing in the national galleries, too, but I suspect others are better qualified to tell you what's there and what's worth seeing, as I'm pretty heathen on the subject.

**dalliance** · 14-04-2008, 08:37

Berlin

I was in Berlin in 2004 for 2 or 3 days and absolutely loved it. It was one of the few places I felt that just a couple of days there didn't really break the back of the place, I got a flavour of it but will be very happy to go back.

**Guest** · 14-04-2008, 08:40

Berlin

Take my breath awaaaaay...

**gt3** · 14-04-2008, 09:17

Berlin

Most people in Berlin speak better English than the residents of this country Nm. It's a lovely place. The Bauhaus is well worth a visit. I spent two days, one night there. Just wondering the streets is a pleasure. The architechure of the Holocaust Museum is breathtaking. Walking down to Checkpoint Charlie is a bit cheesy but informative. You'll have a great time.

**Lucia Lanigan** · 14-04-2008, 10:40

Berlin

Thanks all. I'm really looking forward to this (I've got a bad feeling I'm going to end up wanting to move out there).

EIM - what's Germish for "too much fucking perspective"? We might need that one in the Holocaust Museum.

I'm vegetarian, but my friend's only vice is pork. This is going to be disgusting.

**Tubby Isaacs** · 14-04-2008, 10:51

Berlin

Brilliant place.

I only did the touring MOMA show when I was there but I've come across lots of great stuff in books that seems to be in the National Gallery. This Cranach (which hasn't come to London, so should be around) is my favourite:

**ursus arctos** · 14-04-2008, 10:56

Berlin

I wouldn't worry too much about the food, there are a good number of ethnic (especially Indian and Turkish (assuming you stick to mezes)) and "hip" restaurants in Berlin where you will be able to eat more than decently.

Absolutely fascinating place.

**nefertiti** · 14-04-2008, 11:10

Berlin

One fascinating thing about Berlin is there's a kind of International Architecture world Cup which took place since it became the capital again. Every country built a new embassy. the Scandinavian Cluster is particularly impressive. then there's the rebuilt Reichstag by Foster, in which you can go up and see the process of democracy through a glass roof- symbolic that democracy should be visible and open. You can also see the graffitti of the Soviet soldiers.

**Tubby Isaacs** · 14-04-2008, 11:19

Berlin

Here's another tip. Don't take any notice of travel guides:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7346101.stm

In fact I'm only praising that Cranach painting because I had a rather good sexual experience with a museum security lady in front of it.

**loose cannon** · 14-04-2008, 13:06

Berlin

I recommend the jewish holocaust memorial museum - it's quite near the Potsdamer Tor.
The Potsdamer Tor seems to have shrunk since they rebuilt all the buildings around it. It used to look very impressive when it stood in no-mans land the 'wrong' side of the wall now it looks like an alley entrance. Silly Germans should have copied the French and left their triumphal arch free standing.

It's a massive city, an inch on the map seems to translate to 5 miles no matter what scale you use. Very good public transport fortunately.

**gt3** · 14-04-2008, 13:16

Berlin

It is a big city, yes. Nevertheless, the tourist bits are fairly compact. I spent a day walking around it. I'd picked up a tourist map which showed the route an open top bus would take, and then simply walked the route. It was fabulous. It's also flat enough to make cycling a possibility, though I wouldn't know about how easy it is to hire a bike.

**ursus arctos** · 14-04-2008, 13:36

Berlin

Very easy.

Call a Bike (operated by the railway and very well organised, but not the only option).

The point about the new embassies and ministries is an excellent one. You could easily spend a day just looking at them and the new railway station.

**caja-dglh** · 14-04-2008, 15:31

Berlin

Berghain / Panoramabar for clubbing. Unless it is a Snax night, which I would advise you to avoid at all costs. The parties at Berghain pick up really late (like early am) and go on till about noon.

And Hardwax records. There are quite a few good record stores out Eastwards actually.

**garcia** · 14-04-2008, 15:44

Berlin

Every country built a new embassy. the Scandinavian Cluster is particularly impressive. then there's the rebuilt Reichstag by Foster, in which you can go up and see the process of democracy through a glass roof- symbolic that democracy should be visible and open. You can also see the graffitti of the Soviet soldiers.

but my advice is not to stray too close to the massive fortifications surrounding the US embassy.

**ursus arctos** · 14-04-2008, 15:53

Berlin

Very wise advice for travellers anywhere . . .

**Logan Mountstuart** · 14-04-2008, 17:30

Berlin

It's a brilliant city. And getting a bike is a really good idea.

If you do, there's some really good bike tours organised by some American blokes in a shop at the foot of the TV mast. The wall tour was reaaly good. They take you out to a staggering Soviet war memorial to the east of the city, and you get a beery lunch in a fantastic old pub in the middle of some wasteland.

Cycling along the canal paths and through the parks is prettycool as well.

There's a really nice beer garden near Bahnhof Zoo in the old West. Ideal for an early evening beer and a bite, before cycling back to the centre ,lightly pissed, along the canal paths.

Follow along the right hand edge of the station (the one where you can see the fantastic bombed out church) and then carry on up the promenade/ cycle path for about 500 yards - you can't miss it.

The Olympic stadium is worth a visit too. They give you an audio headset and you are free to walk around as much as you like.

Finally, it sounds corny, but I went a circular boat trip on my first day, and it's a really relaxing way to get orientated.

**Aldo Simoncini** · 14-04-2008, 17:45

Berlin

The GDR/DDR museum is supposed to be good. I'm hoping to go along there pretty soon.

**gt3** · 14-04-2008, 20:03

Berlin

"...the fantastic bombed out church..."

http://www.der-berliner.com/berlin/church.htm

Also, Schloss Chalottenburg is lovely.

**Alderman Barnes** · 14-04-2008, 20:14

Berlin

I live here, so I'm the last person to ask about touristy stuff, because that's exactly the sort of thing I never get around to doing. But rest assured, you'll find plenty to keep you amused for a week.

As for music, the two main listings magazines are Zitty and Tip, and there's also an English language one called ExBerliner. Here's their city guide, which looks quite useful.

And let us know if you fancy a pint while you're here.

**Reed John** · 14-04-2008, 20:33

Berlin

Damn, Lyra stole my Berlin comment.

**Lucia Lanigan** · 14-04-2008, 21:14

Berlin

I've had the bastard bassline blobbing around in my head since I started this thread.

I thought using a lyric from Lou Reed's Berlin for the thread title, but I looked them up and they fucking sucked. What was he thinking?

Thanks for all the advice everyone (that site looks really handy, Alderman).

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