I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

[Wyatt Earp]

I ran into an ex-girlfriend at an event in Cambridge on Saturday, not having seen her for 25 years. Those years have been far kinder to her, it must be said...

Anyway, the thing is, she was with her husband, and although we all got on very well, she maintained an absolute silence, in front of this guy, over the course of an entire evening, about the fact that she and I went out for about a month and a half in late 1981. Which I thought was a little odd. What do you reckon?

[JtS]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Maybe she forgot.

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Ah, yeah, one of those. "How was it for you?" "How was what?"

[JtS]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Maybe she was embarrassed?
Maybe she still has an unresolved bit of unrequited love?
Maybe she had a sexual infection?
Maybe you knocked he up and her 27 year old is yours not his?
Maybe 6 weeks 1404 weeks ago is unimportant?

[ad hoc]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Maybe her husband is a jealous nutter behind closed doors
Maybe she didn't think it was important
Maybe she couldn't easily see a way to bring it into the conversation ("I'll have a coffee please. Just like I had you all those years ago, hey Phil?!"

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

JtS: well, the last one's obviously true, but I would have thought for that very reason it would have come up naturally in conversation (as it were), in what was in every other respect a bit of a reminisce-a-thon.

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

ad hoc wrote:

Maybe she couldn't easily see a way to bring it into the conversation ("I'll have a coffee please. Just like I had you all those years ago, hey Phil?!"

That would have been... grounds for divorce!

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

ad hoc wrote:

Maybe her husband is a jealous nutter behind closed doors

Yeah, that's the one I'm worried about, to be honest. I really really hope it wasn't that. I mean, he got the girl, right? He wins.

[ad hoc]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Given that this is the UK we're talking about, a land which tends to skip second base and all that, I'm guessing that "once" may be an underestimate.

[ad hoc]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

But I think broadly you're right. It was only 6 weeks. If it had been 6 months+ and she hadn't mentioned it I think it would be weird.

[Hofzinser]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

I don't think everyone's necessarily comfortable with talking about a past relationship with an ex, to that ex, in front of their current partner, regardless of whether their partner is the jealous type or whatever.

Other factors that may also come into it include:

1) Was that six-week relationship your only contact with each other, or did you have a considerably longer friendship either side of it? If the latter, then it's very possible that she may not have seen that six-week thing as especially significant, and thus not really worth mentioning, compared to the much longer time you spent as mates.

2) Was your other half there too? If so, she may not have thought it appropriate to bring up the subject of your old relationship with each other in front of your current partner who she's only just met.

3) Is it possible that she would have been entirely comfortable with the subject but wasn't sure if you would be, and thus decided not to mention it unless you did first? (And is there any reason why you didn't mention it if you thought it something that was relevant to the situation?)

[Caliban]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

What is second base, exactly?

[Femme Folle]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

What ad hoc said. My ex was a jealous nutter behind closed doors, so if we ever ran into anyone I had been even remotely involved with before I met him, I would usually go for avoidance altogether. But if that didn't work, I knew what was coming later. He would be polite and even friendly to the guy, but as soon as we were back home, he would start. "You want to fuck him, don't you?" And the more I denied, the more angry he became. I don't know, it's not like if I had just said, "yeah, that's right, I want to", he would have calmed down and stopped yelling profanities at me.

Of course, it could also mean that her previous partner (if there was one) was like that and she's just become conditioned--like I have.

[Femme Folle]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Wa ayat al Urbi wrote:

Yeah, that's the one I'm worried about, to be honest. I really really hope it wasn't that. I mean, he got the girl, right? He wins.

It's not about winning her; it's about keeping her. Forever.

[Femme Folle]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

I didn't mean to kill the conversation. I'm not saying that this is the only option; just that it is the first thing that comes to my (admittedly damaged) mind when I hear something like this.

I could well be that she just didn't say anything because it might have been awkward.

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

ad hoc wrote:

Given that this is the UK we're talking about, a land which tends to skip second base and all that, I'm guessing that "once" may be an underestimate.

It probably added up to about once, cumulatively. I was pretty inexperienced.

Anyway, the bit I missed out was that I did, at one stage, find myself talking to her without her husband there, and I said "So, er, I wasn't sure how candid to be about the extent of our acquaintance, so I've erred on the side of caution", and she said "Yes; thanks!" So I reckon that narrows it down to (a) a slight sense of awkwardness or (b) worry about jealousy, and I just hope it's not (b), because that would really suck. He seemed like a nice bloke though.

[WOM]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Speaking of that sort of thing, about a year into our relationship, Mrs WOM made an offhand comment regarding my 'number'. I made an incredibly obviously-sarcastic remark about 'of course there's just you and one before you' [my crazy ex, whom she knows] and carried on with my business of making tea or whatever. I mean, it wasn't one of those discussions where she says 'How many women have you been with?' or owt, so I wasn't being evasive.

Anyhoo, about six months later, she actually says 'Well, there was just me, and X before me.' And I sort of look at her and say 'Uh...you didn't take that seriously, did you?' Apparently, she had. So I try to explain away the actual number by saying 'But I was 29 when we met, and I'd gone away to university and I travelled around Europe a bit, and I used to drink pretty heavily...' and a lot of other stuff that didn't much explain why I'd 'lied' to her about 'the number'.

Anyway, we didn't end up watching whatever it was we'd rented, and the remainder of the evening was pretty foul.

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Her indoors has always been great about that sort of thing. So have I, to be fair.

[hobbes]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Why do people always ask the number of partners question if they don't want to know the answer?
P was great. She just laughed and called me a slut.

[WOM]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Well, that's the thing. She never actually asked and I never actually answered. She took a throwaway comment as fact, and I felt the need to put the record straight. It really was a romantic comedy that turned into a horror film because of a bad bid of script writing. Like.

[evilC]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Maybe he's never got over the fact that the first time he gave her an orgasm, it was your name she shouted?

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

evilC wrote:

Maybe he's never got over the fact that the first time he gave her an orgasm, it was your name she shouted?

He gave her an orgasm? Respect.

[meregreen]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

I think it's quite sensitive of her, but no necessarilly because the revelation would have made her husband jealous. Given that she was the common link it seems more likely that she was conscious of making her husband feel even more of an outsider in what by your own admission was a 'reminisce-a-thon'.

[Wyatt Earp]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

Yeah, there's a lot in that.

[WOM]

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll

You never know. He may have been the seventh guy that evening who'd been introduced as "a bloke I went out with for 6 weeks in '81".