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    Chinese food

    Why is it generally so shit in Britain? I've got a feeling that if it weren't, it'd be my favourite cuisine, but it is. Bog-standard Chinese is so much worse than bog-standard Indian, Thai or Italian. Are there really so many people out there who think this slimy chemical rubbish is nice? Does the awful-quality meat/MSG formula bear any relation to any region's cuisine in China? Is it any better in the States, where according to the movies people eat Chinese out of cardboard boxes (impossible here; the disturbingly coloured sauce would ooze out of the corners)?

    There's a Chinese restaurant near me that serves some north-eastern Chinese dishes, but also feels obliged to dole out the normal radioactive sludge as well. The north-eastern stuff is really good and is asterisked on the menu, as if they'd really rather you didn't order the other crap.

    Then there's Royal China in Queensway/Baker St/Canary Wharf, whose dim sum has provided two of the best meals I've ever eaten. If they can do it, what's wrong with everyone else? (Most of the restaurants I've been to in Chinatown have been of the usual poor standard, if not worse. I'm not sure if that should be a surprise or not.)

    #2
    Chinese food

    I love it, mne. The worst Chinese takeaway is a wonder of culinary delight.

    Nice stuff is much nicer, though.

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      #3
      Chinese food

      This is topical for me - I got home late last night after a week away, and had no food, so I tried out a new Chinese take-away. It was terrible, truly appalling stuff, worse than the last one. And yes, a few weeks ago I had a Chinese in Chinatown and it was similarly appalling (just twice the price). I could go to Sainsbury's right now and buy some chicken, onions, mushrooms, cashew nuts and a jar of Sharwood's Kung Po sauce and make a delicious Chinese meal for about four quid. What the hell is wrong with these people?

      Intriguingly, every Chinese takeaway I've had in London in the last few years has looked identical, and come in the same plastic boxes. Do they all get the stuff from the same wholesaler, maybe the same place they get the boxes?

      And might this be a London problem? I was in Leeds, and ordered a takeaway from the local place - not only was it two thirds the price of a London Chinese, it was thirty times better.

      Anyway, thai food is the way forward. Not only is it much nicer anyway, there's an above average chance of it actually being edible when you get it.

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        #4
        Chinese food

        The whole "Thai banquet" thing works well for me - I want a bit of everything, as a rule.

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          #5
          Chinese food

          For a start, I suppose, we call it "Chinese", when the vast majority of the favourite dishes people in England recognise as "Chinese" are actually variants just on the Cantonese dishes that would be traditional to that area, I suppose because the UK used to own Hong Kong, and Singapore, whose cuisine was similar.

          The chow mein based meals, and sweet and sour dishes, are from that region, and we've kind of taken them and done to them what we did with Tandoor cooked meat dishes from India - ie added more gravy or sauce, because us westerners, we love our gravy.

          Our "Crispy Aromatic Duck" pancakes are about the only dish that appears on most Western Chinese takeaway menus that isn't purely Cantonese, it's based on Beijing Duck (but the idea of wrapping it up in a spring roll sort of thing is another East-meets-west crossover that actually started over here, Beijing Duck would simply be roast duck and vegetables served in a bowl with rice).

          To be fair, a lot of of the truly traditional dishes of other regional Chinese cuisines seem either too bland (kidney bean patty soup with dumplings) or too esoteric or unpalatable (things like boiled eel in egg and sweetcorn soup) to make much of a hit in the West. Certainly to put on a takeaway menu.

          While we're on the subject of what the Brits (and the US) have done to world cuisine, Italians wouldn't be seen dead chewing through the 5mm-thick layers of cheese that have become the staple base of the American-Italian Domino's "pizza", either.

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            #6
            Chinese food

            US Chinese food transitioned from a grounding in Cantonese cuisine to a grounding in Hunan/Szechuan cuisine about 25 years ago.

            So much so that there was a Cantonese revival in the mid-90s that was itself grounded in the immigration of large numbers of serious Cantonese cooks (and non-cooks) around the handover of Hong Kong.

            A certain basic competence in, and the omnipresent availability of, Chinese Food is one of the things that I miss most about the US. The tofu in Hot and Sour Soup was the first sold food that ursus minor ever ate.

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              #7
              Chinese food

              I think that the taste of the food is worse from the plastic containers than it is from the foil ones.

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                #8
                Chinese food

                I've had Chinese food over there and I didn't think it was that bad. Actually, it isn't that much different from what we get here, which, according to the Chinese lady who lives across the street and who works in Chinatown, isn't really like real Chinese food (which you can get in Chinatown, as you would imagine).

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                  #9
                  Chinese food

                  Oh good point Horse, it can be rather depressing unless it's some fried rice you need after a night on the lash. I went for a chinese with work the other day, sadly we ended up ordering those bloody awful banquets made of utterly predictable and uninteresting stuff. Shame as I know it's a pretty good place which has some lovely dishes (excellent fried squid!).

                  I have a similar problem with Indian, my favourite place was fully booked a couple of weeks ago and I ended going to a pretend flash indian in Sale, aside from one dish which was really nice (curry with mustard seeds) the rest was uninspiring. Two of the dishes were just sweet glop, nothing like my favourite Achari dish I get from my usual place, a superby sharp concoction which I have tried in other places but without ever finding it as good. They have other sharp dishes, with pickles and that's very much my favourite type of curry.

                  Let's not get into discussing Italian food eh...

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                    #10
                    Chinese food

                    There was a really nice Italian place in Ewell called Topo Gigio which I used to eat in a fair amount that was top notch. The local Sicilian/southern Italian families used to eat there and say it was better than anywhere flash in London. It was great until the old fella that used to run it retired, leaving it pretty boring and uninspired.

                    Erm anyway, yes. Grrrrrr at my favourite restaurant for going shit.

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                      #11
                      Chinese food

                      From visiting Ms. Nafa's family in Shanghai and going on a Mandarin tour coach of Beijing with 38 Shanghai people I can safely say that all would be repulsed by what the average Dublin takeaway would serve.

                      Most of the Chinese people I've met are from Shanghai but I do know a few from Beijing and further North. All eat rice on it's own or with a little bit of soup for flavouring. The usual way a meal is ordered is to have a certain number of meat, seafood and vegetable dishes and then rice after these are almost finished.

                      The restaurants around Capel Street and Parnell Street in Dublin serve authentic Chinese dishes. Unfortunately unless you're dining with Chinese people you'll just get served what every other Chinese restaurant will give you (unless you tell them beforehand obviously). The other thing to note is that the prices in the Mandarin menu will be up to 30% cheaper than the English menu in some restaurants.

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                        #12
                        Chinese food

                        Taylor, have you tried the chinese (if it's still there) on Archway roundabout?

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                          #13
                          Chinese food

                          I can only assume that Horse hasn't struck lucky.

                          Everywhere I've lived, there's been a brilliant Chinese take-away very nearby. In Barry there was Chan's, in Camden there was Swallow House, in Holloway there was Holy, and in Brighton there's Tong's.

                          Sit-in Chinese restaurants are a different matter, though. The noodles tend to be those thin, stringy ones, they usually don't do chips, and the curry sauce doesn't have that ultra-addictive aniseedy taste. Every few years I do what Taylor did and give Chinatown a chance, but every time I regret it. I've tried god knows how many restaurants there and the food is always the same. In fact I suspect there's one underground mega-kitchen beneath Gerrard St which serves them all, and the only thing that varies is the poshness of the serviettes.

                          But Chinese takeaways are among mankind's top ten best inventions. When me and Mrs Rhino are having a lazy night in with a DVD and a bottle of wine, a Chinese is always my first choice of delivery (ahead of Indian or pizza).

                          There's one in town which I must try soon, just because I like the name. It's called Brighton Wok.

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                            #14
                            Chinese food

                            There's one in Hartley Wintney called Wok This Way, but my favourite name is in the Birmingham suburb of Shirley. It's called the Shirley Temple.

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                              #15
                              Chinese food

                              The Shirley Temple is the best Chinese Restaurant I've been to in Birmingham, even better than the places I've been to in the Chinese Quarter.

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                                #16
                                Chinese food

                                Spearmint Rhino wrote:
                                Sit-in Chinese restaurants are a different matter, though. they usually don't do chips
                                And so they shouldn't.

                                There are two huge Chinese restaurants about a hundred yards from where I live. They both have a large Chinese clientèle, but I've often wondered if they have a different menu, 'cos the food is usually the standard MSG gloop.

                                The Youngs not on Upper Street used to be the best, but that closed down years ago. After we'd booked it for our wedding meal, the bastards...

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                                  #17
                                  Chinese food

                                  I get the impression that Chinese food makes for a bad takeaway because by its very nature it is generally a light, delicate and subtle cuisine that doesn't lend itself to the slop it inna pan production method of most fast food restaurants. Which is unfortunate, because the stir fry is surely the ultimate quality fast food.

                                  My first Chinese takeaway was a chicken chow mein my grandad bought for me when I was about seven and I enjoyed every mouthful as if I'd been transported to ancient Cathay eat it (whereas I was in fact on the outskirts of Luton). For years after that, chicken chow meinchow mein was the only thing I would ever order from a Chinese takeaway.

                                  It wasn't until I was about fourteen and was taken to a curry house after an afternoon's entertainment at Carrow Road that I discovered the delights of Indian food. Les Dawson's fat dance troupe The Roly Poly's were sat at the table next to us, and to this day, every time I eat a Korma I can't help but picture a row of plump elderly women performing undemanding high-kicking routines. Which surprisingly, doesn't put me off the food.

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                                    #18
                                    Chinese food

                                    Some very evocative names


                                    Swansea


                                    Graz

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                                      #19
                                      Chinese food

                                      JtS wrote:
                                      Taylor, have you tried the chinese (if it's still there) on Archway roundabout?
                                      No. Is it any good then?

                                      Spearmint Rhino wrote:
                                      Everywhere I've lived, there's been a brilliant Chinese take-away very nearby... in Holloway there was Holy
                                      Ah man, Holy was the ultimate cheapo Chinese. Sweet and sour king prawn consisted of some crappy frozen prawns fried in three inches of batter, served in a brown paper bag, with a styrofoam cup of vinegary sauce on the side. It was fine if you like that kind of thing, but if you like that kind of thing then any old Chinese will be just peachy. I was about 23 before I realised that Chinese food sometimes has vegetables in it.

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                                        #20
                                        Chinese food

                                        When I was in China the food was awful.

                                        Okay, I might have just had several bad experiences (which isn't that unlikely given the size of the place [and bearing in mind at no stage was I dining with anyone who could speak Chinese]), but all the dishes consisted of an entire cooked chicken, sliced and then smashed into pieces, and swept (shattered bones, beak, feet and all) into a totally flavourless stew.

                                        Chickens are served whole (ie with the head still on, and flopped to one side where its neck had been snapped), something I think they do so you know it's chicken and not, say, pigeon or something.

                                        It was even worse for Mrs Mighty, being a vegetarian. Bowls of rice 'flavoured' solely with soy sauce get a bit boring after a while. Luckily the supermarkets sell thousands of different 'pot noodle' type things for about 4p each.

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                                          #21
                                          Chinese food

                                          Ah man, Holy was the ultimate cheapo Chinese. Sweet and sour king prawn consisted of some crappy frozen prawns fried in three inches of batter, served in a brown paper bag, with a styrofoam cup of vinegary sauce on the side. It was fine if you like that kind of thing, but if you like that kind of thing then any old Chinese will be just peachy. I was about 23 before I realised that Chinese food sometimes has vegetables in it.
                                          Yeah, the whole Deep Fried Balls thing is another level. Cornwall wasn't very cosmopolitan in the 80s and 90s, so I'd never had a Chinese take-away when I went/was sent to Coventry to be a student. Within a few weeks someone suggested getting Chinese food delivered to the hall of residence to general excitement, and I was advised to order the sweet and sour pork. When it arrived it was a paper bag full of very small pieces of very questionable meat, in batter so thick and old it was like unleavened bread, with a cup of bright pink ectoplasm. Deep fried reject scotch egg with a side order of chemical waste, basically. Lots of other people had ordered the same and were gleefully tucking in. I just sat there thinking, what the fuck is going on here? It's not as if it was even cheap: people viewed it as a thrilling treat.

                                          Incidentally, I think the chicken comes from the same evil warehouse as the plastic containers. The chicken chow mein I reluctantly ate last week contained "meat" that was way, way below the worst reconstituted supermarket "value" stuff. 40% chicken, max.

                                          Prawn crackers, that's another one. Thai prawn crackers: tasty, crispy, seem to contain prawn. "Chinese" prawn crackers . . . again, what the fuck are they?

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                                            #22
                                            Chinese food

                                            When people stopped ordering deep fried balls, they had to do something with the left-over styrofoam cups, I suppose.

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                                              #23
                                              Chinese food

                                              I had a fantastic Chinese meal the other day, at a place called Hunan, on Pimlico Road. It's not cheap, certainly not by the standards of Chinese food, but the owner comes out and merely asks if there's anything you don't eat, and from then on keeps bringing more and more food, fantastically cooked, until you are full. It's the only time I've ever eaten fish at a Chinese restaurant and not felt scared.

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                                                #24
                                                Chinese food

                                                As long as you can get over the fact you're eating in Elephant and Castle (not that hard), Dragon Castle, a big, long red and gold barn of a place at the top of the Walworth Road, is excellent and not expensive. When they opened a few years ago they had seperate menus for English and Chinese customers but that appears to have changed: they've got all sorts of interesting hot-pots and fish dishes, plus about the best wine list I've seen in a Chinese restaurant (not an overly impressive boast, admittedly). The dim sum at lunch is also very good, I'm told. Dragon Castle also has the most multiethnic clientele I have ever seen.

                                                In my experience, takeaway Chinese food in the US varies from as bad as in the UK but greasier (Orange County) to much better (San Francisco).

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                                                  #25
                                                  Chinese food

                                                  That's the second recommendation I've heard in two weeks for Dragon Castle.

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