2019. A second referendum is relectuctantly held, resulting in a resounding 60-40 vote to stay in the European Union. There is, inevitably, a violent right wing backlash - ten old men try to smash up a tap room in Stoke and a 55 year old skinhead kicks over a table in Doncaster. The vote is only secured, however, with promises to lobby hard for EU reform and that institution, secretly nervous that Brexit could have had a domino effect across Europe, listens. An outbreak of a mysterious new strain of influenza causes widespread fatalities but nearly all of them old, red-faced men who prove especially vulnerable to its effects.
Theresa May resigns, and the nation is entertained for three months by a Jeremy Hunt premiership before a general election is called. With Jeremy Corbyn having stepped down following the referendum result and with him his immediate entourage, Labour sweep to victory under a new leader, a 45 year old black woman whose name was barely known outside Westminster circles six months earlier. She sets in train the short of radical domestic reforms to which Labour have committed over the last 12 months and these prove remarkably popular among a new, demographically shifted, younger electorate stirred to change when they find themselves having to rent garden sheds to live in at £2000 a month in London. All foreign arms sales are cancelled but a "swords to ploughshares" scheme cancels out any job losses and indeed helps galvanise the British manufacturing industry.
Prince Charles accedes to the throne and immediately makes such an interfering, charmless cunt of himself that a Republican movement grows up overnight. His complaints about land tax reform prove especially unpopular.
In America, Trump strikes a deal where he will only spend five years in prison having stepped down from the Presidency, as opposed to the 50 years for which prosecutors were calling on the basis of his crimes. A lame duck Republican administration limps apologetically towards 2020.
Meanwhile, in the world of sports, Arsenal win all their remaining 18 games, improbably pipping Liverpool to the league title in May, just as they did 30 years earlier. Even supporters of rival teams cannot but applaud their pluck and determination and sense of fair play, having looked down and out at one stage, and find themselves secretly enjoying Arsenal's success, contrasting them with their own over monied/mediocre/cheating and diving outfits.
Boris Johnson is afflicted by the tertiary symptoms of syphilis but his body refuses to let him die and he lives on in months of wailing agony. Jacob Rees-Mogg is bankrupt after investing all of his money on the assumption of a Hard Brexit. Nigel Farage, meanwhile, goes off an a long plane ride and is never seen again. Police call off the search once they learn it was him.
Happy 2019, everybody.
Theresa May resigns, and the nation is entertained for three months by a Jeremy Hunt premiership before a general election is called. With Jeremy Corbyn having stepped down following the referendum result and with him his immediate entourage, Labour sweep to victory under a new leader, a 45 year old black woman whose name was barely known outside Westminster circles six months earlier. She sets in train the short of radical domestic reforms to which Labour have committed over the last 12 months and these prove remarkably popular among a new, demographically shifted, younger electorate stirred to change when they find themselves having to rent garden sheds to live in at £2000 a month in London. All foreign arms sales are cancelled but a "swords to ploughshares" scheme cancels out any job losses and indeed helps galvanise the British manufacturing industry.
Prince Charles accedes to the throne and immediately makes such an interfering, charmless cunt of himself that a Republican movement grows up overnight. His complaints about land tax reform prove especially unpopular.
In America, Trump strikes a deal where he will only spend five years in prison having stepped down from the Presidency, as opposed to the 50 years for which prosecutors were calling on the basis of his crimes. A lame duck Republican administration limps apologetically towards 2020.
Meanwhile, in the world of sports, Arsenal win all their remaining 18 games, improbably pipping Liverpool to the league title in May, just as they did 30 years earlier. Even supporters of rival teams cannot but applaud their pluck and determination and sense of fair play, having looked down and out at one stage, and find themselves secretly enjoying Arsenal's success, contrasting them with their own over monied/mediocre/cheating and diving outfits.
Boris Johnson is afflicted by the tertiary symptoms of syphilis but his body refuses to let him die and he lives on in months of wailing agony. Jacob Rees-Mogg is bankrupt after investing all of his money on the assumption of a Hard Brexit. Nigel Farage, meanwhile, goes off an a long plane ride and is never seen again. Police call off the search once they learn it was him.
Happy 2019, everybody.
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